InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "They come to get the dead."

bleached_wonder (bleached_wonder) wrote in mirage_rpg,
@ 2009-02-08 18:33:00

Entry tags:

astor bennett, complete, day 31, spike

Who: Spike and Open :)
When: Day 31 morning
What: Spike gets a snack..
Rating: PG or lower so far.
Status: Incomplete

Spike grumbled, sniffing the air around him, he was hungry enough to eat a whole restaurant full of people. Of course his soul wouldn't let him do that, so he'd have to settle for blood from a fridge or something. If he could find where the damn kitchens in this place were. He'd had a rough night, he normally slept in the day, but hadn't really had a chance, so he'd decided to catch up in the night, so he'd be fresh for whatever was thrown at him next. Stupid soul seemed intent on sending him insane. Again.

All he ever dreamt about was blood, killing,. the chase, his prey, the pounding of all the blood around him, then he'd dream of sceams, and pleads that he'd ignored. A million faces in terror, all the people he'd kill. He felt guility. But he didn't feel as bad as he should, it just annoyed him. Everyone expected him to feel so bad, to want to repent. He did feel bad, he wouldn't do it again. But he couldn't have helped it. He didn't have a soul then. They were his natraul prey. Did they feel bad about the animals they mass killed for their substance? He doubted it. Did lions feel bad when they ate gazelles? Nope, so he didn't dwell on it. Didn't stop the dreams and the nagging guilty feeling though.

He made it across to the main building as the first rays of light came up. So he'd be hanging round here for the day then. He found the big kitchens. Ignoring all the smells of humans, amongst other things, the heartbeats, voices he could hear, the emotions he could smell and hear, walking to the counter. "Now planet, if I get this straight I just ask for what I want right now." he remembered that mercy chick the day before asking for the sun to be blocked so he could walk around in daylight. He ignored anyone who could have been in there, not really caring if they thought he was crazy.

"Now some O-negative, at body temperature would be bloody beautiful.." He thought about two steaming bags of blood, and could feel himself salivating. Looking around, before starting as he saw his mental picture become reality on the counter before him. He vamped out, smelling the rich scent of blood. Moaning as he found a mug and using a fang to break a whole in the bag and pouring the steaming bag half in. Taking sip, game face still he moaned loudly. Perfect. A little artificial tasting, not real genuine, fresh out of the human, but pretty close, and in a whole different league to pigs blood.

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bleached_wonder
2009-02-08 03:14 pm UTC (link)

"Well most people think I'm kinda of scary when they see that face, even though I won't scare 'em.." He smiled, he liked this kid, she had a bit of fire somewhere.

"Well I'm not so good with manners, so I shouldn't worry.. not like I'm your mum." he smiled to her. "So no worries.. not like you spat in my food or anything.." He laughed lightly, picking the mug up, and sipping the blood in human face.

"I think I know what you mean.. never tried 'em though.. ask the planet for the ones you can make, maybe give me a bite?" He smiled to her kindly. "I like cinnamon.." He decided to try some cinnamon in his blood later, just for some variety.

"Well yeah.. 'cept it's not like real blood.. the planet made it for me.." He couldn't think of anyway to explain it to her. "See I'm a vampire.. so it's what I eat.. so gross for you, nummy for me.." He smiled to her, looking over her with an amused expression, knowing she was denying her own specialness to hide it.

"I'm cool with that.. so what's just you's name then pet?" He smiled with a wink, but not pressing the girl any further, what she wanted to say, or not to say was her choice.

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miami_angel97
2009-02-08 03:31 pm UTC (link)

"Well, yeah, that face is pretty scary," she agreed. "But there's nothing to really be afraid of if you won't hurt me, so...I'm not afraid." Actually, she was terrified, but she'd been scared with the weird guy and Moloch, too, and still had managed to keep up her smart alec attitude and keep the weird guy distracted from hurting Cody. So, Astor was a pretty good faker, she thought, anyway.

He was making conversation with her and he seemed nice enough... Before she could even actually vocally ask for it, the canned dough appeared on the counter along with a cookie sheet. "Oh, awesome!" she squealed, distracted from him for a moment as she picked up the can and turned it over in her hand to read the directions. "Oh..." she said, frowning. "I'm not allowed to use the stove or the oven at home..." she murmured, frowning. "This place sucks."

She looked back over at him as he started to reply about the blood and said he was a vampire. "Ohhh...Sam, Sam Winchester was right..." she breathed in awe. There really was such a thing as vampires... But, wait. "Is that animal blood, then?" she asked, raising her eyebrows. Because, well, if not, she hoped that this guy stayed far away from Sam...

He looked back at her with some amusement, the way that Dexter did when she had said that tying up the cat and stealing Dex's chain saw was an accident. Like he knew she was lying. God, why did grown ups always seem to know when she wasn't telling the truth? At least he didn't push it...

"Astor," she answered. "What's yours...?"

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bleached_wonder
2009-02-08 03:46 pm UTC (link)

He smiled to the girl. He could hear her heart beat racing, it amused him a bit, she was a brave little girl he decided. "You pretty brave then.. but a vampire can always tell when your afraid even if you don't realize.. so don't worry I won't hurt you." He smiled. "And it's not too bad is it?" He laughed. He'd never seen his own game face. "I've always thought I was quite god looking."

Ge laughed as she frowned about the oven. "Well if you tell me to do I can turn the oven and stuff on and make sure you don't get hurt?" He smiled deciding to be nice to her. He didn't know anyone round here, and it must be scary enough for her here.

He cocked his eyebrow. "Haven't met a Sam round here yet.." he smiled, before looking at the cooling blood swirling it round the mug and downing it. "Not really." He looked at the empty mug. "But it's not from a human.. it's like the planet has made the blood.. but it's not right.. it's fake, doesn't taste as nice.. no real different flavors.." He frowned a little. "But no one got hurt for it.. not even a pig.."

He winked to her before she gave him her name, knowing she knew he knew. "t's Spike." He grinned to her. "Now you making those rolls or not?" he laughed, putting rest of the blood bag and the other one in a large bowl and putting it in the microwave. It had cooled off when they'd be talking.

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miami_angel97
2009-02-08 03:58 pm UTC (link)

"I'm not afraid," she insisted, frowning. "How would you know, anyway? Even if you are a vampire?" she asked, challenging, even if she thought it might not be wise to bait him, especially when he was being nice. "I said I'm not scared, so I'm not scared," she finished. Pausing, Astor smirked at him. "Well, yeah...the other face is pretty scary but, yeah, this one's kind of nice..." she giggled.

"Really?" she asked, beaming at him. "Yeah, okay, it's really easy, I'm just not supposed to 'cause I could burn myself," she replied and twisted the can in her hands so that it popped open, dough spilling out the sides. She went straight to work separating the buns and putting them on the cookie sheet. "You just turn it on...350 degrees," she said. "There's knobs on the front if it's like my mom's oven at home."

"Sam, Sam Winchester hunts things," Astor said, deciding it would be in bad taste to tell him that Sam hunted vampires, among other things. It wasn't her place anyway. "Well, that's good, at least you're not hurting anybody." She paused and looked up from the cinnamon rolls, looking him in the eye. Her face grew serious. "Spike? Do you ever want to? Hurt people, I mean?"

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bleached_wonder
2009-02-08 04:41 pm UTC (link)

He looked at her with a smile. "122 years of know how.. your heart rate has increased, your breathing too I can hear that, your body has been producing more adrenaline. Which I can smell, that and your sweating more, your body language keeps changing depending on your fear levels.. all classic signs of being afraid pet.." He smiled gently. "But your not scared now.. cos it's all going back to normal.." He smiled to her. Laughing as she said his face was nice. "Thank you pet." He winked to her as she giggled.

"I hope it easy, I've never had to use one before.." He studied the knobs before turning it up. Smiling to her, "Sorted." Watching her get the tray ready.

"Sam your friend then?" He looked at the little girl interestedly. Looking at the serious little girl before him. Leaning down on the counter and keeping eye contact with her, eyes softening.

"Yes Astor, I do. There's a part of me screaming to be let loose, it's my nature. Every-time I walk past someone I can hear there heart beat, smell their blood, feel the life radiating from them, I can smell how good they taste, how sweet their screams would be." He said softly, guessing she was looking for her own answers in him. "Inside me, my demon, it's part of who I am, and it wants to drink real blood from people, to hurt people, and do bad things.. every second of every day." He smiled sadly.

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miami_angel97
2009-02-08 04:54 pm UTC (link)

Astor gave him an incredulous look. "You don't look a hundred twenty-two years old," she said doubtfully. "My grandma's only half that old and she looks way older than you. You look like Dexter's age and that's not anywhere near that old," she added. But, in any case, she listened to his reasons and he wasn't wrong about any of it, so she was inclined to believe him.

"You're welcome," she giggled. "Why do you keep calling me pet?" She'd been called honey, sweetheart, kiddo, and kid, amongst a few more embarrassing others from Cody and Mom, but 'pet' had never been one of them...

When Spike said that the oven was sorted - which Astor assumed meant 'ready' - Astor held up the cookie tray. "Gotta open it up for me," she said with a sheepish smile. "So I can put them in."

"Sort of, yeah, but he's a grown up and grown ups don't want to really be friends with kids," she sighed. "So...he's only kind of my friend, I think."

Spike's eyes softened as he leaned down and looked her in the eye, answering her question. She stared back at him as he spoke, taking it all in, soaking it up like a sponge. "Me too," she whispered. "I can't smell 'em and I don't want to taste anybody...but I want to hurt people and do bad things all the time, too..." She paused. "You have an Inside Shadow like me. Yours sounds hungrier than mine, but I'm still little..."

Licking her lips, she looked back up at him. "Have you ever done it? Killed somebody?" she asked and, before he could reply, because she had the sinking feeling that he had, she went on, "what does it feel like?" A small grin crossed her lips. "Do they beg for their lives?" Her eyes lit up with macabre fascination. Forget Sam, Sam Winchester... Astor found herself a soulmate. ...if she knew what that meant, anyway.

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bleached_wonder
2009-02-09 10:23 am UTC (link)

He laughed lightly to her. "What can I say. I moisturize." He winked. "Nah, vampires don't age, I'll be like this until I'm dusted, no scars, no aging, wrinkles or grey hairs.." He smiled. "I don't know who dexter is, but I died when I was 24 or 26.. that was 120 years ago.. so really I'm about 144.." He poked his tongue out to her.

When she proved to have very good manners he smiled approvingly. "Well pet you remind me of someone I used to know, so I call you pet, it's just a nickname. It's a British thing.." He laughed. He looked down at the tray and up an the oven, which was a fancy catering number, raised off the floor about a foot and a half. Deciding she wouldn't reach to easily he smiled to her.

"Hold on tight to that tray pet." He bent down and picked her up, one arm under her thighs, lifting her off the ground to the right level to put the tray on the top oven shelf when he'd opened it, gently popping her down once she was done whatever she had in her mind to do with the oven.

He looked down at her, head cocked to the side. "Why shouldn't grown ups want to be friends with kids?" He quizzed her teasingly, "I bet he is a real friend.. loads of the people I was friends with aren't even a quarter of my age.. so I shouldn't worry about it pet."

He nodded blinking sadly. "No don't expect you'd want to taste someone's blood.. that's a vampire thing.. to be you lot are food.. but not anymore for me." He cocked his head to her, stroking down her hair lightly, his fingertips cool like the room around them. "Yeah s'pose I do.. mine's my Demon, what took over my body when I died, made me a vamp.."

He frowned to her. Looking to the floor with a fair amount of embarrassment, usually he was quite proud, like telling all those stories to Dawn, but this was a little girl alone, with the desire to make things hurt, wanting answers. "Yes. I've killed many people. Thousands." He said the last word quietly, how could he describe this all to such a young girl.

"But it's not the same as if a human had done it." He explain carefully. "Like when people eat meat and burgers. People ar--were my prey, a food source. I didn't have a soul, or a conscience to tell me what I was doing was wrong.. I was always hungry, always wanted more, killed for fun to." He watched her morbid fascination, deciding that maybe this girl needed a guiding hand here.

"When I didn't have a soul it felt good. Really good, watching people scream, cry and die, seducing them, luring them, trapping them, hunting them. 's how I got my kicks back in the day. Their blood always tasted better when they'd been crying. I was the Big Bad. Killed two slayers. I was evil though. Got my soul back."

He smiled sweetly to her looking back up at her. "Learnt that I'd been wrong. Did the right thing more often, it felt better then killing people, even if pigs blood tastes bad.. you just got to find away to control your demon, your shadow." He smiled to her again, hoping she wasn't to shocked, or scared. "Killing doesn't feel good now I've got the soul. It makes me want to kill me. Makes my demon angry, tears me up inside, like the two sides of me are fighting."

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miami_angel97
2009-02-09 12:22 pm UTC (link)

As he spoke, Astor looked back at him, blinking with disbelief. "You mean you're not even alive?" she breathed. "How are you walking and talking?" she asked. Astor couldn't grasp the concept of the living dead or more confusing, still, the undead. "Dexter's my mom's boyfriend," she went on. "They're getting married and I have to miss it," she added sadly. But, when he stuck his tongue out at her, she couldn't help giggling a little.

She smiled back up at him. No one here had given her a nickname yet, unless she counted 'kid' or 'kiddo' and she hated those, anyway. Spike reminded her of Dexter, she realized. He talked to her like she was a grown up even though he knew she wasn't. It made her very happy to be addressed that way. "Okay, I guess that's all right," she said with a little smirk. If 'pet' wasn't condescending (and Astor didn't think it was), she definitely didn't mind it.

He told her to hold onto the tray tightly and so she did and let out a squeal of surprise and amusement when he lifted her up so she could reach to put the tray in the oven. "Okay, all set," she said with a grin. "Now we just have to wait until they're done," she told him.

"I don't know, just most grown ups don't want a little kid hanging around," she said with a shrug. She gave him a small smile when he declared that he thought Sam was a friend. Astor made a mental note to keep Spike a very special secret so that Sam, Sam Winchester wouldn't ever hunt him.

Spiked sounded sad when he said that people weren't his food anymore. She closed her eyes and leaned against his hand when he stroked her hair. The last time someone had done that, it had been Mom before bed the night before she'd ended up here. She missed that sort of a reassuring touch. It made her feel safe, even if his fingers were cold. He called his 'his Demon.' Dark Passenger, Inside Shadow, Demon. At this rate, she'd never keep all the names straight... But what Astor didn't understand was that Spike hadn't had one until he died, he said.

He answered her question saying that he'd killed thousands and Astor looked back at him with awestruck amazement, until she realized that he looked ashamed. Dexter wasn't ashamed and Astor couldn't understand why Spike was. Especially if he lived by Dexter's Code - if the people had been bad people, Spike had done the world a favor. Why didn't he see that?

Astor listened intently to him and her grin fell away. He didn't like it anymore. It didn't feel good to him. She'd chosen wrong again. "Does that mean I don't have a soul?" she asked quietly; ashamed. "Because sometimes I want to hurt somebody so much it aches in my stomach and gives me headaches. Sometimes I want to put my hands around somebody's neck and squeeze until their eyes pop out and I want it so much it makes me antsy and wiggly. And one time, my brother and I tied up the neighbor's cat and I stole Dexter's chainsaw and I wanted to rip that cat to shreds. I wanted to cut it up into a million little pieces and when my mom caught me and punished me before I could it made me so angry," she said, her soft voice harshening as she gritted her teeth. It was as if she was feeling the anger wash over her all over again. In a way, she was.

She paused. "Does that make me bad...?" she asked him, furrowing her brow and putting on the brave face again, because the thought that she was bad and that Dexter had been lying when he told her she wasn't made her want to cry.

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bleached_wonder
2009-02-09 01:11 pm UTC (link)

He smiled at her as she breathed, reaching for her hand and putting it where his pulse should be on his wrist. "I'll have to explain that one some time when we're sat down and I can draw diagrams or something.. I don't really understand that one that well." he cocked an eyebrow, smiling at her giggling, sticking his tongue back out at her for revenge for laughing at him. "I'm sure we'll go back sometime.. this hunk o' rock will get bored sooner or later pet.." Rolling his eyes at her picking over his naming choice.

He peered in the oven before grabbing the bowl out the microwave and sipping his blood from the rim in human face, even if it was awkward to keep the mask on whilst eating he didn't want to scare her. "Can't wait.." he smiled to her, "I would offer you some blood, but I don't think it's good for humans.." He cocked his head, amused by the idea of people adding shots of blood to their starbucks.

He watched her reactions to his admission, she seemed awestruck. "Pet.. I did bad wrong things.. I hurt good people, priests, nuns, mums, kids.. cos it was fun for me.. because I didn't have a soul. Now sometimes I want to just grab someone and snap them, because they annoy me and I know that I can.. and I have hurt people since the soul.. but know I know it's wrong.." He smiled weakly. "You have a soul.. you just have another side to you pet, a strong side that wants you to do bad things.. it uses your emotions and your anger as fuel.." He said simply.

He smiled to her. "Doesn't make you bad, makes you more interesting.." He said with a cheeky grin and a gulp of blood. "Just gotta find yourself somewhere to release all those emotions, like that anger at the cat.." He said understandingly. "and then at your mum.. and use 'em to do something.. it gets easier as you get older pet.." He patter her on her shoulder comfortingly as he could. "You've fought hard I bet to stay in control of who you are and what you do.. and your a good girl from what I've seen.. and I've seen a whole load 'a brats who 'ent got no shadow as an excuse" He smiled to her. "Now how long until those cinnamon things are done?"

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miami_angel97
2009-02-09 01:47 pm UTC (link)

When Spike took her hand, she froze instinctively, her breath catching in her throat. He'd said he wouldn't hurt her, but she hadn't been expecting that. She relaxed again when he simply put her hand on his wrist where his pulse should be. Astor couldn't feel anything, but she'd always been bad at checking wrist pulses, so she pulled her hand away and pressed two fingers against the pulse point on his neck. And waited. She felt nothing. Astor blinked and tipped her head to the side slightly, pushing her fingers a little harder against his skin, because maybe she was doing it wrong. He said he'd explain sometime when they were sitting and he could draw diagrams; Astor took her hand away. Did that mean he would spend time with her again? "I hope it happens in time for me to go to Mom's wedding," she said quietly. "I'm supposed to be the flower girl."

Spike said he'd offer her some blood except that it wasn't good for humans and Astor wrinkled her nose in disgust. "That's okay, Spike," she said slowly, "I don't want any anyway." She stuck her tongue out at him, this time.

When he went on Astor's excitement deflated further. He was sorry. Suddenly, he seemed far less Dexter-like to her and in a place where she was groping at nothing to find someone to take her under their wing, the idea that Spike wasn't it, either, made her sad. Would she ever find someone?

To be fair, though, Spike was doing one thing Dexter hadn't ever even tried to do. Spike was telling her what the Inside Shadow really was and how it worked. But, he said she wasn't bad and took another gulp of the blood, making Astor pull a face a shudder a little, and then said that she just needed to find somewhere to release all the anger. Like...an outlet? she wondered to herself. She felt a little relieved that he said it would get easier when she got older, but then she thought of Dexter again and furrowed her brow with thoughtful confusion. Maybe Dexter's control was the way he seemed to be fooling everyone into thinking he was normal. Maybe his outlet was the bad people. Maybe Astor was completely off and she'd never understand or maybe Spike was mistaken.

She took a deep breath and looked back at him. "It's okay if you say no, but..." she let her voice trail off and fidgetted nervously. Sam, Sam Winchester had said he would try to help her, but Sam had also said that he didn't understand. Spike clearly did. But, she'd just met him and he was a grown up with probably better things to do... "Can you help me?" she practically whispered, cheeks burning with shame. She cleared her throat and tried to speak louder. "Will you show me how?"

Astor shifted herself from one foot to the other awkwardly and looked down. He could say no and she'd just keep asking Sam, but Sam would never understand; couldn't ever understand. A small part of her, hidden deep beneath the awakened Inside Shadow, wanted to ask him to take care of her. Nobody else would ever get it and she'd never be able to tell anyone else. Dexter had said not to and so had Sam. People would be afraid of her and Astor was already lonely enough without Cody.

She'd never ask Spike, though. Not out loud. Partially because she didn't want to be rude but mostly because she thought if she really did ask him and he said no, she'd be too embarrassed to talk to him anymore and Astor needed someone like Spike. If only to feel like less of a freakish version of what a little girl her age should be. Sidney hadn't seemed comfortable with Astor asking about when she'd killed Ghostface. Sam had looked at her with something akin to fear in his eyes when she'd started asking so many questions about the things he killed. Rose had chastised her for her opinion that bad people deserved to die. How many more people would she end up unintentionally alienating or very intentionally shutting out?

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miami_angel97
2009-02-09 01:47 pm UTC (link)

"Fifteen minutes," she replied at his question of how much longer until the cinnamon rolls were done. Her eyes were still on her feet, because she was still uncomfortable with herself. Even if Spike seemed to understand exactly who she was and how she worked, he wasn't like her anymore, he'd said. Astor was alone. Without Dexter, no one would ever be just like her, she was coming to realize, and it was a very, very lonesome and sad feeling that was overcoming her at the thought. She sighed. The cinnamon rolls had seemed like a really good idea at the time, but with every minute that went by, Astor had less and less of an appetite. The cinnamon rolls didn't sound so good, anymore.

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