InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "I am a rock, I am an island!"

Spike (chipswiththat) wrote in marinanova,
@ 2017-01-30 21:25:00

Entry tags:

jack harkness, kitty pryde (aoa), spike

413 - action, open and closed
[ OPEN ACTION - AROUND THE DOME ]

[ It's an errand day. Nothing special, really, expect that today Spike's loading up on more than the usual cigarettes-whiskey-bloodbags that have become his usual shopping list. He can also be found at Bull's Eye, picking up extra linen and towels, stopping by the actual frozen food section of the grocery store where they keep the frozen food that isn't blood, adds a pack of coffee to the pile. Almost like he's preparing for less an overnight guest and more something permanent. Shit hit the fan and for once he's not the one to blame.

He'll take his time, so there's plenty of chances for people to stop and say hi. ]

[ CLOSED TO JACK ]

[ It's later that evening when he tracks down Jack at some bar. Maybe it's the first bar he checked, or the third, but there's an unmistakeable determination in this search. Almost like he's looking for someone to punch some sense into. ]

Figures I'd find you here.

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chipswiththat
2017-02-03 09:14 am UTC (link)

Spike has an obligation to protect his partner tooth and nail, and that's all this is about whether that means talking to Jack about what a moron he is or beat the crap out of him when that doesn't work. Whatever it takes. It's the one thing that's always given him some sense of worth in his life, the main reason why he stayed with Dru for so long.

He motions for Jack to hand the bottle over, unscrewing the cork and taking a long pull from it. Fuck. That's better.

"Let's hear it, then."

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foreverjack
2017-02-03 05:43 pm UTC (link)

He hands it over and then comes round the front of the bar again, leaning against it as he takes a long swig of the water, mostly to give himself time to decide how to respond.

In the end, he groans, spreading his hands helplessly. "Where do I even start? He hates me sleeping with other people, I hate the idea of nothing ever changing, and apparently I'm too scary to talk to and never seem interested. I have no fucking idea how to sort this one!"

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chipswiththat
2017-02-05 11:08 am UTC (link)

"Didn't seem too upset about you sleeping with other people a couple of days ago."

He quirks a brow - remember the threesome? The really new and exciting thing that happened five days ago? Yeah, Spike's pretty sure sex has nothing to do with this when it comes down to it.

"Only thing he said to me is that he feels like you're not listening. Doesn't matter if that's true or not either, for the record. If that's the way he feels, you have to try something else to fix it."

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foreverjack
2017-02-05 11:59 am UTC (link)

He gives Spike a weary look. "Sleeping with other people - people who aren't you. You're the exception to every rule, apparently." Little bit bitter there.

"And yeah, he said that to me over and over again." Because yes, he was listening! "And I want to fix it! I just don't know what to try. I kept asking him what I could do and he just kept saying I didn't get it and wouldn't give me anything useful to go on. I want to 'do the work', I want to fix this, but I don't fucking know how! And neither does he, by the sound of it!"

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chipswiththat
2017-02-05 12:10 pm UTC (link)

"And not too long ago, he said he'd rather die than kiss me. Things change, Jack, even if they're not big enough for you to notice them."

He takes another swig of whiskey, followed by a pointed look.

"What's going on between the two of you is none of my business, but considering this arrangement we got... you mess with that, it becomes my business. From the sound of it, neither of you have the faintest on how to act in a real, committed relationship."

He turns to Jack, locking eyes with him and you bet there's a self-satisfied smirk there. Jack wasn't wrong when he said Spike has the answer to everything, because in this case he kind of does.

"As it happens, I'm an expert on the subject."

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foreverjack
2017-02-05 12:20 pm UTC (link)

"I'm noticing now," he growls, glowering at that smug face. But calmer than he was, and able to resist the urge to plant his fist in the middle of it this time. Mostly because most of his frustration and despair is coming less from not wanting to fix this but not knowing how, and thus feeling it's impossible. But if Spike has the answers, he's prepared to suck it up and grovel. For a bit, at least.

"All right, so tell me," he demands, folding his arms across his chest rather defensively. "Tell me how I can make it easier for him to talk to me!"

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chipswiththat
2017-02-05 12:32 pm UTC (link)

"You can start by swallowing your pride and quit the defensive act."

Another pointed look. You have to swallow your pride and be humble in a relationship, no matter the indignity. At least, that's what he believes. Take the punches without hitting back.

"Right now, I don't think the two of you should talk alone. You're clearly crap at it." Both of them, that is. Ianto is no better, Spike's not taking sides in this matter. "So let me help. I could at least try to diffuse the situation when it gets too heated."

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foreverjack
2017-02-05 03:52 pm UTC (link)

For a moment he just stares in bewilderment, before he realises what Spike means and drops his arms with a sigh. "That's more a reaction to you and your smugness than to him," he points out, although he suspects it wasn't exactly absent when he was talking to Ianto yesterday.

His eyebrows go up at Spike's suggestion, partly because he wouldn't have expected Spike to want to be involved so directly, partly because he's not sure it would help. "I don't know," he says doubtfully. "I mean, I guess you might be able to help translate, so to speak, but... I think it might make things more awkward rather than less."

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	chipswiththat 2017-02-05 03:57 pm UTC (link)
	"We're in this together, aren't we? The three of us." And although he doesn't feel the way about Jack that he does about Ianto, they're still stuck together. If the two of them can't work out their differences, then what choice does he have? "Just an offer. Could just be in the next room, for when you need it." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	foreverjack 2017-02-05 04:06 pm UTC (link)
	"We are," he nods. "And I don't want to make you feel excluded or whatever, but this is completely about us. About us needing to be able to communicate, and if we can't do that on our own then what hope do we have?" He shrugs a shoulder, with a little twist of his lips. "Next room might be an idea, though. Or a few doors down, given your extra-good hearing!" (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

chipswiththat
2017-02-05 04:09 pm UTC (link)

Yeah, he's rolling his eyes so loud at that.

"Can't believe I'm saying this, but... you do realise that not being good at something isn't set in stone, right? Normal human beings ask for help when they can't cope. They talk to friends. They go to therapy. You don't have to handle every lit'le thing on your own just because you're Jack bloody Harkness."

Idiot.

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foreverjack
2017-02-05 04:20 pm UTC (link)

He gives Spike a blunt look. "And you do realise that I've just spent a century and a half trying to distance myself from people? Change is possible, I guess, but it's not going to happen overnight! And I didn't even know it was a problem until a couple of days ago!

"And I have been talking to people." Well, Kitty. Because she called right after the fight, before he'd had time to sink into mope mood and drink himself stupid. "And apparently, yeah, I'm not that easy to talk to, but still no-one really seems to be able to tell me how to change that! That's what I need, Spike. I need to know whatever the hell it is that I do that makes me so fucking terrifying that he feels he can't talk to me!"

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chipswiththat
2017-02-05 04:55 pm UTC (link)

There's something here about Jack having a funny way of distancing himself from people if he keeps putting his dick in them, but Spike decides that's probably best left alone for right now. They have bigger riddles to solve.

"Alright. Let's start from the top, then. Do you listen to him? Because there's a difference between listening and actually hearing what he's saying."

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foreverjack
2017-02-05 06:05 pm UTC (link)

Actually it makes perfect sense, if you look at it as him faking intimacy by getting it physically without having to commit too much emotionally, but even Jack himself isn't really aware of it quite that explicitly.

A good portion of the tension goes out of him at Spike's response, because here, at last, is a specific problem he can actually attack.

Even if he doesn't really know the answer. "I don't know," he admits, spreading his hands. "I guess not, if he feels I don't. It's hard to know, without a specific example, you know?" He pauses, trying to be really honest, because this is important, and after a moment he admits, rather weakly, "Perhaps I do tend to assume things. Like that the fact he doesn't talk about things means he doesn't want to."

A reasonable enough assumption, he still feels, but apparently not the right one.

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chipswiththat
2017-02-05 06:35 pm UTC (link)

"He talks to other people, so that's obviously not true."

Just stating facts here, even if it might sound like he's rubbing it in. He pats himself down for a cigarette, deciding that he's done with the whiskey for now.

"Talking doesn't come easy to some people. Ianto is an anxious bloke, you probably know as much already. And you... hell, if I was half the man I am, I'd piss my pants just talking to you. You're an imposing man, Jack. Overwhelming. Not saying this is all your fault, of course, but both of you need to learn to compromise. Meet in the middle, you know?"

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foreverjack
2017-02-05 09:13 pm UTC (link)

"I didn't know that. I never really thought about it."

Also just stating facts, as if he's just discovering them, because he is. And listening, really listening, to what Spike's saying. He's the third person in two days to tell him this and it does seem to be about time he tried to address it.

"I'm sorry," he says softly. "I really hadn't thought about how I might come over like that. It's a persona I built up, so long ago - to protect myself, I guess, when I was a Time Agent and a con-man, to manipulate people and stop them asking too many awkward questions and fuck." There's his answer, isn't it? This is something he did deliberately, and it's so long ago and such a part of him now that he never even thought about how it might also keep away those he actually wants to be close to.

Rather blankly, he gropes behind him for the nearest bar stool and sinks down onto it. "Fuck."

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chipswiththat
2017-02-05 09:50 pm UTC (link)

Spike is just going to take a moment to light up and smoke and allow Jack some time to work through this existential crisis. Spike would never have gotten this far in life if he had any doubts about who he is when it comes down to it and so he can in some ways understand what's happening here. It's easy to get lost.

"Probably talked about this before, but..." he pauses, takes a drag. "...in my world, humanity gets you killed. As a vampire you can't show that you care, can't be soft, so if you still have all those human emotions you have to put up a front. Get hard, while remembering to turn that off around the people you really care about."

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foreverjack
2017-02-05 10:06 pm UTC (link)

"Yeah," he whispers, shivering a bit because this really is his fault, isn't it? He knew he'd become closed off over the years, but he hadn't realised that that and the too intimidating to talk to thing were part and parcel of the same thing, that he'd been giving off signals because of it that were in direct contradiction to what he'd wanted. Ever since they'd got here, since he gave himself to Ianto, exclusively, in return for Ianto just being alive and here to give himself too, he'd wanted that closeness and because he'd started to talk more about himself, his past, the things that mattered, he'd never realised how little Ianto was still giving away, how the signals he was sending were preventing that.

"Yeah," he says again, on a long exhale, because things are finally starting to make sense now. He knew this stuff about body language and putting on a front once upon a time. He'd just forgotten he was doing it, hadn't realised how it might seem to someone like Ianto.

He lifts his head and gives Spike a weak smile. "You're right, I am an idiot."

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chipswiththat
2017-02-05 10:15 pm UTC (link)

"Could've told you that from the start — oh wait. I did."

He smiles, not smirks, quite relieved that Jack seems to be getting it now. At least this way there's some hope of solving this in a long term kind of way instead of just making up, shagging and then starting the whole spiral over again.

"You're a good guy, Jack. Even if you're a bit daft." He clasps a hand on Jack's shoulder in support. "I don't doubt that you'll work this through and if you need me to, uh... keep a crucifix on hand, as it were, I'll do it."

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	foreverjack 2017-02-05 11:24 pm UTC (link)
	He smiles back, mainly in relief, and reaches up to squeeze Spike's on his shoulder. "Well, at least I know what I need to do now, even if I still don't really know how to do it." He shakes his head, still somewhat bewildered. "I really don't know where this inferiority complex of his comes from. How can he not see how much he's given me?" (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	chipswiththat 2017-02-06 10:13 am UTC (link)
	As far as Spike's concerned, this may be another problem stemming from Jack's overwhelming persona. People this confident rarely seem to be able to understand that other people might not be. "Some of us always find ourselves reaching up. It's hard to see that we have anything to give." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

foreverjack
2017-02-06 11:04 am UTC (link)

That probably does have a fair bit to do with it. It probably also doesn't help that Ianto's always seemed pretty confident to him, and it's easy to forget that all the smirking and smart remarks are a front to mask the lack of confidence that lies beneath.

He ducks his head, his mouth curling into a rueful smile. "I guess I just need to tell him that more, yeah? Encourage him to open up to me if he wants to?"

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chipswiththat
2017-02-06 11:17 am UTC (link)

"As long as you follow that up with actually listening, yeah."

Kind of glad Jack didn't seem to pick up on how he included himself in that group of reachers. Kind of regretted phrasing it that way from the very beginning.

"Half the time, you don't even need to come up with a solution to his problems. Just listen and think about what he's saying. Take your time."

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foreverjack
2017-02-06 12:08 pm UTC (link)

Oh, he caught it. It just wasn't new so he didn't remark on it. Perhaps because he has actually had more in-depth conversations recently with Spike than he has with Ianto (now that he thinks about it), he has actually caught on to this fact about Spike already. He just never realised it applied to Ianto too!

He nods. "Okay. I'll try, at least." A little grimace. "I've never really known what to say to people when they're having problems. I know sometime it does help just getting it off your chest, but after that... I never know how to follow it up. I guess perhaps I do try to avoid bringing things up again because I don't know how to help them."

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chipswiththat
2017-02-06 12:14 pm UTC (link)

"Never pegged you as someone who's scared, Jack." Yeah, he's goading a little bit. He got the shit beat out of him for you, you can let him have this at least.

"Like I said, you don't have to solve his problems. Be there for him. Make him feel less alone and if you really want to do something to help him? Ask him what you can do to make him feel better. You don't have to take the world on your shoulders every single time, you big dumb hero."