InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "I may not be human"

Spike (chipswiththat) wrote in marinanova,
@ 2017-01-30 21:25:00

Entry tags:

jack harkness, kitty pryde (aoa), spike

413 - action, open and closed
[ OPEN ACTION - AROUND THE DOME ]

[ It's an errand day. Nothing special, really, expect that today Spike's loading up on more than the usual cigarettes-whiskey-bloodbags that have become his usual shopping list. He can also be found at Bull's Eye, picking up extra linen and towels, stopping by the actual frozen food section of the grocery store where they keep the frozen food that isn't blood, adds a pack of coffee to the pile. Almost like he's preparing for less an overnight guest and more something permanent. Shit hit the fan and for once he's not the one to blame.

He'll take his time, so there's plenty of chances for people to stop and say hi. ]

[ CLOSED TO JACK ]

[ It's later that evening when he tracks down Jack at some bar. Maybe it's the first bar he checked, or the third, but there's an unmistakeable determination in this search. Almost like he's looking for someone to punch some sense into. ]

Figures I'd find you here.

(Read comments) - (Post a new comment)

foreverjack
2017-02-05 03:52 pm UTC (link)

For a moment he just stares in bewilderment, before he realises what Spike means and drops his arms with a sigh. "That's more a reaction to you and your smugness than to him," he points out, although he suspects it wasn't exactly absent when he was talking to Ianto yesterday.

His eyebrows go up at Spike's suggestion, partly because he wouldn't have expected Spike to want to be involved so directly, partly because he's not sure it would help. "I don't know," he says doubtfully. "I mean, I guess you might be able to help translate, so to speak, but... I think it might make things more awkward rather than less."

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	chipswiththat 2017-02-05 03:57 pm UTC (link)
	"We're in this together, aren't we? The three of us." And although he doesn't feel the way about Jack that he does about Ianto, they're still stuck together. If the two of them can't work out their differences, then what choice does he have? "Just an offer. Could just be in the next room, for when you need it." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	foreverjack 2017-02-05 04:06 pm UTC (link)
	"We are," he nods. "And I don't want to make you feel excluded or whatever, but this is completely about us. About us needing to be able to communicate, and if we can't do that on our own then what hope do we have?" He shrugs a shoulder, with a little twist of his lips. "Next room might be an idea, though. Or a few doors down, given your extra-good hearing!" (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

chipswiththat
2017-02-05 04:09 pm UTC (link)

Yeah, he's rolling his eyes so loud at that.

"Can't believe I'm saying this, but... you do realise that not being good at something isn't set in stone, right? Normal human beings ask for help when they can't cope. They talk to friends. They go to therapy. You don't have to handle every lit'le thing on your own just because you're Jack bloody Harkness."

Idiot.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

foreverjack
2017-02-05 04:20 pm UTC (link)

He gives Spike a blunt look. "And you do realise that I've just spent a century and a half trying to distance myself from people? Change is possible, I guess, but it's not going to happen overnight! And I didn't even know it was a problem until a couple of days ago!

"And I have been talking to people." Well, Kitty. Because she called right after the fight, before he'd had time to sink into mope mood and drink himself stupid. "And apparently, yeah, I'm not that easy to talk to, but still no-one really seems to be able to tell me how to change that! That's what I need, Spike. I need to know whatever the hell it is that I do that makes me so fucking terrifying that he feels he can't talk to me!"

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

chipswiththat
2017-02-05 04:55 pm UTC (link)

There's something here about Jack having a funny way of distancing himself from people if he keeps putting his dick in them, but Spike decides that's probably best left alone for right now. They have bigger riddles to solve.

"Alright. Let's start from the top, then. Do you listen to him? Because there's a difference between listening and actually hearing what he's saying."

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

foreverjack
2017-02-05 06:05 pm UTC (link)

Actually it makes perfect sense, if you look at it as him faking intimacy by getting it physically without having to commit too much emotionally, but even Jack himself isn't really aware of it quite that explicitly.

A good portion of the tension goes out of him at Spike's response, because here, at last, is a specific problem he can actually attack.

Even if he doesn't really know the answer. "I don't know," he admits, spreading his hands. "I guess not, if he feels I don't. It's hard to know, without a specific example, you know?" He pauses, trying to be really honest, because this is important, and after a moment he admits, rather weakly, "Perhaps I do tend to assume things. Like that the fact he doesn't talk about things means he doesn't want to."

A reasonable enough assumption, he still feels, but apparently not the right one.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

chipswiththat
2017-02-05 06:35 pm UTC (link)

"He talks to other people, so that's obviously not true."

Just stating facts here, even if it might sound like he's rubbing it in. He pats himself down for a cigarette, deciding that he's done with the whiskey for now.

"Talking doesn't come easy to some people. Ianto is an anxious bloke, you probably know as much already. And you... hell, if I was half the man I am, I'd piss my pants just talking to you. You're an imposing man, Jack. Overwhelming. Not saying this is all your fault, of course, but both of you need to learn to compromise. Meet in the middle, you know?"

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

foreverjack
2017-02-05 09:13 pm UTC (link)

"I didn't know that. I never really thought about it."

Also just stating facts, as if he's just discovering them, because he is. And listening, really listening, to what Spike's saying. He's the third person in two days to tell him this and it does seem to be about time he tried to address it.

"I'm sorry," he says softly. "I really hadn't thought about how I might come over like that. It's a persona I built up, so long ago - to protect myself, I guess, when I was a Time Agent and a con-man, to manipulate people and stop them asking too many awkward questions and fuck." There's his answer, isn't it? This is something he did deliberately, and it's so long ago and such a part of him now that he never even thought about how it might also keep away those he actually wants to be close to.

Rather blankly, he gropes behind him for the nearest bar stool and sinks down onto it. "Fuck."

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

chipswiththat
2017-02-05 09:50 pm UTC (link)

Spike is just going to take a moment to light up and smoke and allow Jack some time to work through this existential crisis. Spike would never have gotten this far in life if he had any doubts about who he is when it comes down to it and so he can in some ways understand what's happening here. It's easy to get lost.

"Probably talked about this before, but..." he pauses, takes a drag. "...in my world, humanity gets you killed. As a vampire you can't show that you care, can't be soft, so if you still have all those human emotions you have to put up a front. Get hard, while remembering to turn that off around the people you really care about."

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

foreverjack
2017-02-05 10:06 pm UTC (link)

"Yeah," he whispers, shivering a bit because this really is his fault, isn't it? He knew he'd become closed off over the years, but he hadn't realised that that and the too intimidating to talk to thing were part and parcel of the same thing, that he'd been giving off signals because of it that were in direct contradiction to what he'd wanted. Ever since they'd got here, since he gave himself to Ianto, exclusively, in return for Ianto just being alive and here to give himself too, he'd wanted that closeness and because he'd started to talk more about himself, his past, the things that mattered, he'd never realised how little Ianto was still giving away, how the signals he was sending were preventing that.

"Yeah," he says again, on a long exhale, because things are finally starting to make sense now. He knew this stuff about body language and putting on a front once upon a time. He'd just forgotten he was doing it, hadn't realised how it might seem to someone like Ianto.

He lifts his head and gives Spike a weak smile. "You're right, I am an idiot."

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

chipswiththat
2017-02-05 10:15 pm UTC (link)

"Could've told you that from the start — oh wait. I did."

He smiles, not smirks, quite relieved that Jack seems to be getting it now. At least this way there's some hope of solving this in a long term kind of way instead of just making up, shagging and then starting the whole spiral over again.

"You're a good guy, Jack. Even if you're a bit daft." He clasps a hand on Jack's shoulder in support. "I don't doubt that you'll work this through and if you need me to, uh... keep a crucifix on hand, as it were, I'll do it."

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	foreverjack 2017-02-05 11:24 pm UTC (link)
	He smiles back, mainly in relief, and reaches up to squeeze Spike's on his shoulder. "Well, at least I know what I need to do now, even if I still don't really know how to do it." He shakes his head, still somewhat bewildered. "I really don't know where this inferiority complex of his comes from. How can he not see how much he's given me?" (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	chipswiththat 2017-02-06 10:13 am UTC (link)
	As far as Spike's concerned, this may be another problem stemming from Jack's overwhelming persona. People this confident rarely seem to be able to understand that other people might not be. "Some of us always find ourselves reaching up. It's hard to see that we have anything to give." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

foreverjack
2017-02-06 11:04 am UTC (link)

That probably does have a fair bit to do with it. It probably also doesn't help that Ianto's always seemed pretty confident to him, and it's easy to forget that all the smirking and smart remarks are a front to mask the lack of confidence that lies beneath.

He ducks his head, his mouth curling into a rueful smile. "I guess I just need to tell him that more, yeah? Encourage him to open up to me if he wants to?"

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

chipswiththat
2017-02-06 11:17 am UTC (link)

"As long as you follow that up with actually listening, yeah."

Kind of glad Jack didn't seem to pick up on how he included himself in that group of reachers. Kind of regretted phrasing it that way from the very beginning.

"Half the time, you don't even need to come up with a solution to his problems. Just listen and think about what he's saying. Take your time."

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

foreverjack
2017-02-06 12:08 pm UTC (link)

Oh, he caught it. It just wasn't new so he didn't remark on it. Perhaps because he has actually had more in-depth conversations recently with Spike than he has with Ianto (now that he thinks about it), he has actually caught on to this fact about Spike already. He just never realised it applied to Ianto too!

He nods. "Okay. I'll try, at least." A little grimace. "I've never really known what to say to people when they're having problems. I know sometime it does help just getting it off your chest, but after that... I never know how to follow it up. I guess perhaps I do try to avoid bringing things up again because I don't know how to help them."

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

chipswiththat
2017-02-06 12:14 pm UTC (link)

"Never pegged you as someone who's scared, Jack." Yeah, he's goading a little bit. He got the shit beat out of him for you, you can let him have this at least.

"Like I said, you don't have to solve his problems. Be there for him. Make him feel less alone and if you really want to do something to help him? Ask him what you can do to make him feel better. You don't have to take the world on your shoulders every single time, you big dumb hero."

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

foreverjack
2017-02-07 08:14 am UTC (link)

You really want to goad the guy who just beat the shit out of you, Spike? Who's still very on edge and easy to provoke? Lucky for you he's really, really trying here, and wants your help more than he wants to punch you!

So he just lifts an eyebrow and says dryly, "Scared of emotional commitment? Me? Never!"

He takes a drink of water while he thinks about what Spike's said, and then makes another face. "Thing is, I kept asking him what I could do yesterday and he couldn't give me any straight answers. I'm not sure he really knows!"

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

chipswiththat
2017-02-07 10:32 am UTC (link)

You have to remember, Jack, that he's going home to your boyfriend. The more bruised and battered he is, the more sympathy he'll get. He may be invested in working this out but that doesn't mean he won't put himself first when it really counts.

"You're both terrible at this." He did talk to Ianto yesterday and gave him a similar speech to this one. "It'll take time. Chances are he doesn't know what you can do because he doesn't feel like he deserves the help."

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

foreverjack
2017-02-07 05:35 pm UTC (link)

Oh, Spike, really - you wouldn't stoop so low, would you????

Besides, you're not getting hit again, at least for the moment.

"Yeah, I'll give you that one," he agrees wryly, and sighs heavily. "I guess at least here time is the one thing we have a lot of." And he can't help thinking of the day before yesterday and just how much time they had. He's not absolutely sure it's entirely a good thing.

Which reminds him. "The whole vampire thing," he says, looking up at Spike to gauge his stance on this. "He said he'd do it for real, given the chance." Which really scares him. It makes all the reasons their relationship went wrong in those twenty years seem far more likely to come true.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

chipswiththat
2017-02-07 05:40 pm UTC (link)

Oh, he'd stoop even lower.

The vampire thing draws his attention from all that though. It's... tricky, as far as he's concerned and he's already made some promises he's not too hot on. Maybe talking it through with Jack will make it seem easier. Maybe not.

"I don't blame him. It's not like we're getting any older." While Ianto would age and grow weak and sickly. That's the downside with mortals and with the three of them stuck here indefinitely, turning him would be the least heartbreaking solution as far as Spike's concerned.

"Said I'd do it if he's serious, but it's tricky and he knows it. Not something we should even think of attempting anytime soon, if at all."

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

foreverjack
2017-02-08 08:11 am UTC (link)

He nods, because of course he understands Ianto's reasoning on this. Half of him shares them, the half of him that in that 'future' leapt at the idea of not losing the person he loves to old age for once.

But the other half remembers the new issues that brought up and isn't so sure.

"It's not like we're even in a position where we could do it for real at the moment anyway," he agrees, with a gesture round at their virtual prison. "And just turning him virtually in here would come with its own set of problems." It wouldn't be true immortality, just a virtual body that didn't age until the real body lying in a pod somewhere did die of old age. It might be easier to live with for all of them than experiencing him getting old, but it wouldn't actually prolong his life, and they wouldn't have any way of knowing when it might end.

He looks at Spike. "If we could do it, though, eventually - if we did manage to break free like we did in that future, and we managed to find the right spell and the right people to perform it - and obviously we'd need one for you as well... You'd do it?"

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

chipswiththat
2017-02-08 09:20 am UTC (link)

"If he wanted me to."

It's said without hesitation but with a lot of thought, because he has been mulling this over. He discussed it with Ianto last night and came to much the same conclusion - no point in thinking about it too much right now because there's nothing they can do, but when the time comes there's a lot of preparations that need to be done.

"It's complicated. I've never sired anyone other than my mum — hell, I don't turn people if I can help it. It's too messy, too much can go wrong. If we're doing this, we're doing this with as many safety measures put in place as possible. Souls at the ready. I'd need the chip out too, or I won't be able to do anything."

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

foreverjack
2017-02-09 05:53 pm UTC (link)

He watches Spike closely, noting the obvious fact that he has thought about this a lot. Which shouldn't really be unexpected except that turning Ianto is not really something that had occurred to him until it cropped up in that imaginary future, and so he hasn't thought about Spike preparing for it much either.

"If it ever does come down to it, experience or not, I'd trust you to make sure everything's in place," he says, because if there's one thing he's learned it's that Spike would do anything for Ianto and make sure it's done right.

He pauses, and decides he needs to come clean. "I never really thought about the idea of you turning him before," he admits, with a helpless little shrug. "Perhaps that's why I didn't deal with it very well in that future - because it was all dumped on my in one day and the real me never got a chance to really process it all. To be honest, I'm still kind of reeling at the idea of it."