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Tweak says, "JUSTIN IS MOONLIGHT LOVE."

Pavel Chekov (candothat) wrote in marinanova,
@ 2016-12-05 21:11:00

Entry tags:

aidan reilly, jack harkness, jim kirk, john constatine, kitty pryde (aoa), pavel chekov (au)

Day 405 [closed action | open action]
[action | closed to Kitty]

[As it happens, waking up three years older than you were when you went to sleep is mildly disorienting. Waking up in bed next to someone who wasn't present in any of those three years compounds the effect. Chekov--newly twenty-four and, as far as he can remember, fresh from yet another near-death experience--sits up with a start. This is definitely not his room at Yorktown Starbase. This is...

MarinaNova. He's in bed with Kitty. He has been here for one-hundred twelve days.

Chekov lowers his head to his hands and groans. There are two different yesterdays in his mind, both equally vivid and real, and it's way too early to deal with that.]

[action | open]

[Chekov, three years older than he was yesterday and considerably more dazed than usual, does a circuit of the dome. Everything has a not-quite-rightness to it that he can't put his finger on and he feels oddly out of place. He isn't, of course. He was here yesterday, and he remembers that yesterday like it was... yesterday, which it was. But he also remembers a yesterday where he was a universe away and waiting for the Enterprise to be rebuilt. In that universe, he was on year three of a five-year mission.

He's looking for Kirk, specifically. It would be easiest to call him up, but Chekov would much rather talk in person.]

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	candothat 2016-12-06 12:58 am UTC (link)
	Leaving here, staying here... losing you. [Those are the three most immediately relevant fears, although he has realized in the last couple of years that he's afraid of far more things than he'd ever thought. He was less frightened when he was with Lucy. If fear is a side effect of getting older, then he would like to stop.] And you? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	kitty_has_claws 2016-12-06 01:03 am UTC (link)
	[She remembers a time when it seemed like nothing scared her. She expected death for herself and those around her. She went into battle unflinching no matter the enemy. It feels like she has more to lose now and she doesn't want that ending. She wants a life, not a death.] Losing you. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	candothat 2016-12-06 10:33 pm UTC (link)
	[It takes him a moment to reply and, when he does, he's getting into crying territory, too. Her response isn't unexpected, but it still makes him feel things and there is a lot going on right now.] Fortunately, I'm a brilliant navigator and am never lost for long. [Sniffle.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	kitty_has_claws 2016-12-06 10:45 pm UTC (link)
	[She shifts to kiss him. It's not the sexiest sort of kiss with them both so emotional, but it's a kiss that needs to happen. One where she demonstrates her feelings because they are too hard to talk about.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	candothat 2016-12-06 10:54 pm UTC (link)
	[This is exactly the sort of kiss that a day like this needs. He's slightly awkward initially--it's been years since they did this even if it happened yesterday--but he's quick to remember and kiss her back softly. Even though it's gentle, there's nothing there that could be mistaken for reluctance or hesitance.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	kitty_has_claws 2016-12-06 11:11 pm UTC (link)
	[She presses into the kiss more intently after a beat—deep and lingering. Her hands fingers tighten into his clothes. They were having a beginning. She's not ready for an ending. They didn't even get their middle. They deserve a middle.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	candothat 2016-12-06 11:25 pm UTC (link)
	[His intensity matches hers for a long moment, but it's too much physical stimulation on top of too many thoughts. He pulls back reluctantly and puts his hands on hers.] Kitty, I promise that I will do everything I can to not get lost. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	kitty_has_claws 2016-12-06 11:32 pm UTC (link)
	Do you feel lost? [She tries to reinforce herself to be prepared for any answer.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	candothat 2016-12-06 11:42 pm UTC (link)
	[He considers the question. Better to give her a less than ideal (and slow) answer than lie.] No. Disoriented, yes, but I know where I am. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	kitty_has_claws 2016-12-06 11:46 pm UTC (link)
	Do you know who you are? [She's not asking for name, rank, and serial number.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	candothat 2016-12-06 11:57 pm UTC (link)
	[Name, rank, and serial number would be easier, though.] Mostly. Who is more difficult to determine than where. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	kitty_has_claws 2016-12-07 12:01 am UTC (link)
	What feels different? Or is it too soon to talk about it? [She wants to be supportive.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	candothat 2016-12-07 12:10 am UTC (link)
	No, not too soon, but I have no words for it. [In any language, and he knows a few of those.] Minds aren't prepared to do the things that these prisons sometimes ask them to do. My mind isn't, maybe yours is not so set in its ways. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	kitty_has_claws 2016-12-07 12:26 am UTC (link)
	I don't think I'm going to find out. [Nothing to advance to except years of being dead?] You have time. [She squeezes his hand.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	candothat 2016-12-07 09:09 pm UTC (link)
	[He meant more in general, but thank you for the sobering reminder.] True, and little to do with it. [Compared to at home where there's everything to do all the time. He puts his arms around her and just holds her.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	kitty_has_claws 2016-12-07 09:17 pm UTC (link)
	[It did feel a bit far. Sorry.] I'll keep you busy. [That might have come out stranger than intended but her heart was in the right place. Not a kinky place.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	candothat 2016-12-07 09:31 pm UTC (link)
	[That didn't sound at all kinky! Or maybe it did, but it's such a not-kinky context.] Thank you. [He starts stroking her hair. Maybe this is a good time to go for broke.] I love you, Kitty. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

kitty_has_claws
2016-12-07 09:52 pm UTC (link)

[At once it is both extremely reassuring and a little terrifying to hear those words.

Reassuring because they woke up to so much change this morning. Three additional years of Pavel's life dumped on him. It's a lot for him to process and for her too and not just because it echos the downfall of her last relationship. But here he is telling her he loves her—something he's never said before. Not only is he not pulling away he's showing that he wants to be closer.

And being loved? It's something everyone needs. She lost the people who are supposed to love you unconditionally when she was still so young and she came to adulthood in a world that actively hated her. It's probably no wonder she keeps seeking out replacement families and love.

But she's still scared because here is this beautiful person with his open heart and unfailing kindness and generosity and patience telling her the best thing a person can say to another person and she's not ready to say it back.

She holds him tighter.] Pavel...

[She should say more. She doesn't know what to say.]

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candothat
2016-12-07 10:29 pm UTC (link)

[Or maybe this was a bad time. He'd hoped that would be reassuring, not... whatever it apparently was. He should have waited until he's had an opportunity to sort himself out or for a less confusing moment or until Kitty said it first. He's been waiting for what seems like forever, thinking the words but always too uncertain of Kitty's potential reaction to say them. Waiting a little longer wouldn't have hurt him.

Chekov cares so much and so quickly and doesn't try hard enough to reign that in. It's worked out for him for the most part. His family loved fiercely and without hesitation, and his found family--the crew of the Enterprise--were immediately close thanks to the dangers they've been facing together since before most of them were technically officers. Lucy was fast to love, too. The same can't be said of the various not-quite-girlfriends that he's had at home, but...

This is different. This really matters.

Chekov isn't hurt. Disappointed in his timing and in the outcome, yes, but not hurt. He would have said it much sooner if he'd thought that she would reciprocate.]

You don't need to feel the same. [Just don't tell him to go. He only got back this morning.]

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kitty_has_claws
2016-12-07 10:39 pm UTC (link)

You are so important to me.

[It feels like an insult after "I love you" and she hates that because she feels closer and more intensely about him right now than she realized she felt. Almost losing him or the fear of almost losing him made her realize how much he means to her but she was telling Reid those same words not so long ago. She was still easing into things. She's not sure how she feels right now. It hasn't had time to sort itself out and be clear to her and doesn't want to say something like that unless she feels it with absolute certainty. He means too much to her for that.

She bites back the urge to say he's been through a lot and he needs time to sort it out too. She doesn't want to doubt his sincerity. She doesn't want to reject in any way even if she can't fully reciprocate.]

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candothat
2016-12-07 11:31 pm UTC (link)

I know that. [It falls short of the levity he was aiming for. He'd hoped for more even if he hadn't expected it, but that's... not running away.

At least he's important?

He lets go of her so he can kiss her, just once, very softly. Tiredly. Now that he's not afraid of having Kitty leave him in the immediate future and now that he's finally said the words that he hasn't said so many times, he's drained.

Chekov regrets his decision to tell Kitty he loves her. It was profoundly stupid of him to add these emotions to the pile of Things to Deal With Today. That regret has nothing to do with any doubts on his end, though, because he knows that he loved her before and that he loves her still. There are a lot of things that he isn't sure of right now; the current status of his heart is not one of them.]

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	kitty_has_claws 2016-12-07 11:51 pm UTC (link)
	[It's too soft. Which is not to say it isn't nice and gentle but it feels too much like goodbye even if he doesn't mean it that way so she pushes in to reestablish the kiss with more determination. Her emotions are a mess right now and maybe her mind can't sort them out so she speaks through physical expression.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	candothat 2016-12-08 12:01 am UTC (link)
	[He doesn't pull away because he knows how she would interpret that, but he's too tired and distracted by what's going on in his head to participate with any kind of passion or presence. He kisses back, though. She needs to know that she's wanted and words alone aren't going to convey that.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	kitty_has_claws 2016-12-08 12:34 am UTC (link)
	[She wasn't expecting it to be something where they use the blue bands to the best of their ability. And while he's in it she can tell he's also not. She doesn't want to push him where he's not ready to go either. She rests her head against his after breaking the kiss.] You're amazing. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	candothat 2016-12-09 07:00 pm UTC (link)
	So are you. [He doesn't move from where they are. Closeness is nice. Grounding.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)