InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "the brat prince"

Pavel Chekov (candothat) wrote in marinanova,
@ 2016-12-05 21:11:00

Entry tags:

aidan reilly, jack harkness, jim kirk, john constatine, kitty pryde (aoa), pavel chekov (au)

Day 405 [closed action | open action]
[action | closed to Kitty]

[As it happens, waking up three years older than you were when you went to sleep is mildly disorienting. Waking up in bed next to someone who wasn't present in any of those three years compounds the effect. Chekov--newly twenty-four and, as far as he can remember, fresh from yet another near-death experience--sits up with a start. This is definitely not his room at Yorktown Starbase. This is...

MarinaNova. He's in bed with Kitty. He has been here for one-hundred twelve days.

Chekov lowers his head to his hands and groans. There are two different yesterdays in his mind, both equally vivid and real, and it's way too early to deal with that.]

[action | open]

[Chekov, three years older than he was yesterday and considerably more dazed than usual, does a circuit of the dome. Everything has a not-quite-rightness to it that he can't put his finger on and he feels oddly out of place. He isn't, of course. He was here yesterday, and he remembers that yesterday like it was... yesterday, which it was. But he also remembers a yesterday where he was a universe away and waiting for the Enterprise to be rebuilt. In that universe, he was on year three of a five-year mission.

He's looking for Kirk, specifically. It would be easiest to call him up, but Chekov would much rather talk in person.]

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candothat
2016-12-16 10:59 pm UTC (link)

[This, to him, seems like the best way to show someone that they're wanted. He likes kissing, but he doesn't know how to convey the kind of affection that he'd like to show Kitty that way. Kissing someone, in his mind, demonstrates passion; holding them demonstrates love. Kitty might need to give him lessons on more subtle forms of nonverbal communication.

Even though she doesn't seem thrilled about his move, he trusts that she'll do something if she doesn't like it. It doesn't occur to him that something as simple (to him) as who is holding whom could be so meaningful. As she relaxes, he strokes her back in the way that he finds particularly comforting.

Not that she needs to be comforted, not really, but it's what he wants to do. He wants to take care of her. There is so much in life that he can't do much about, from the destruction of the Enterprise to Krall's attempt at wiping out a major Federation base. He does his part, of course, but he's not a hero like Captain Kirk. There's always a feeling of helplessness in the face of a major catastrophe because there's so little that he can do on his own.

Here, with Kitty, maybe he can do something. He can't be the hero (that's her job), but he feels like there is something he can do for her.]

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kitty_has_claws
2016-12-16 11:10 pm UTC (link)

[They both have a lot to teach each other. In love or not things are still very new with them as a couple. She wasn't even fully to the point of thinking of them as a couple yet. It's been a really big morning. She nuzzles a little against him as she gets more comfortable. There is still some holding back. Some unconscious need to protect herself from a fall. She trusts Chekov. Instincts are harder to convince.]

I hope you don't hum to me. That would be really embarrassing. [Making fun of herself in this situation and also being not entirely at ease with the quiet.]

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candothat
2016-12-16 11:22 pm UTC (link)

[He needs to remind himself that this is still new. Even though three years passed for him at home, it was only a single night for them here. It's difficult right now to grasp how much time has gone by where. He'll ease up, think things through, and try not to hold on so tightly to something that's so much newer than it seems like it should be.]

It would also be unpleasant for you. I hum badly. [He's not nearly as tone-deaf as he thinks he is. He also kind of liked it when Kitty did it and saying so might embarrass her.]

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	kitty_has_claws 2016-12-16 11:34 pm UTC (link)
	[She likes how he thinks about it. She wants to be there too. She just doesn't want to skip the parts that get her there. It needs to be real. He deserves real. They both do.] I'm not sure I believe you do anything badly. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	candothat 2016-12-17 12:25 am UTC (link)
	[He doesn't want either of them to skip any of the parts even if he's convinced that what he feels for her is real. Potentially based on a character flaw and intensified by time-related confusion, yes, but definitely real.] How can you say that when you've danced with me? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	kitty_has_claws 2016-12-17 12:33 am UTC (link)
	I like dancing with you. [Quiet for a moment before she pushes herself to say more.] I liked doing everything with you. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	candothat 2016-12-17 09:56 pm UTC (link)
	This is convenient because I like that you like dancing with me in spite of my lack of talent. [Should he be concerned about her use of the past tense? Hesitantly:] Liked? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	kitty_has_claws 2016-12-17 10:06 pm UTC (link)
	Hmm? [Momentarily confused before spitting out the next words more quickly.] Like. Liked and continue to like. Verbal typo. I was trying to say a good thing. Not a scary thing. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	candothat 2016-12-17 10:20 pm UTC (link)
	Good, thank you. I'm tired of scary things. [Not talking about any of this. Nothing this morning has been the-ship-is-crashing levels of scary, not to worry.] There is no one else I would rather do everything with, do you know that? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	kitty_has_claws 2016-12-17 10:24 pm UTC (link)
	No one else anywhere? Not even beyond the dome? [Is she really asking this?] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	candothat 2016-12-17 10:40 pm UTC (link)
	No one anywhere. [He is very, very serious and sure of himself when he says this. He does nothing by halves and that includes being infatuated.] Not in any universe or at any time. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	kitty_has_claws 2016-12-17 10:52 pm UTC (link)
	[This time when she doesn't have the words she does shift to kiss him again. He says such sweet, impossible-sounding things that she very much likes hearing.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

candothat
2016-12-17 11:11 pm UTC (link)

[Even if they're not entirely possible, he is absolutely certain of them when he says them. He would never lie about such important things.

They've gone some time without kissing, haven't they? Many minutes, even. Since he's not certain that his words are convincing, Chekov hopes that he can at least show her that there's no one else anywhere he'd rather be kissing.]

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	kitty_has_claws 2016-12-17 11:20 pm UTC (link)
	[She believes his words and his kiss. Well, she believes them as much as anyone who has never seen a happy ending in real life. But that almost makes it more crucial to believe. She kisses intently trying to give back at least some small part of the devotion he's showing her.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

candothat
2016-12-18 12:30 am UTC (link)

[He believes that he's important to her and, right now, he feels like her kiss is saying that she could love him someday. The hope of that is enough for him.

There's a Russian saying (just ask him) that goes something like this: "Hope for the best, prepare for the worst." Maybe it's a bleak way to live, but it's an approach that has served Chekov well so far. Ultimately, he is a realist. He understands that not everyone rushes into love as quickly and eagerly as he does, and even fewer people find themselves rushing towards someone who will return their love. Even in situations that don't involve multiple universes and other extenuating circumstances, people often need to be content with a reality that is less than ideal. There are always conditions. There will always be difficulties and snags and hurdles, and the only way to be happy with most outcomes is to hope for the best while accepting that the end result will fall short of expectations.

He has fears, of course. He's afraid of losing Kitty or being pushed away. He's afraid that he'll leave, which is something that he has done several times (albeit in very different contexts), and he's afraid of being hurt. Some part of him is perpetually prepared to deal with worst-case scenarios and fears coming true.

But he also hopes for the best and, for him, hope wins out over fear. As long as he has something to hope for, he can be happy.

He's happy with whatever affection and devotion Kitty is ready to give. Chekov doesn't need to guard himself or hold back because, even though he knows he can withstand the worst, he has hope for the best.

While three extra years have made Chekov more firm in this worldview of his, he's still thrown off and rattled and slightly disoriented. He needs time to catch up with himself before he gets more carried away than he is, but maybe that hope and happiness come across regardless. He's certainly not trying to get out of kissing Kitty.]

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kitty_has_claws
2016-12-18 11:00 am UTC (link)

[She has fallen in love quickly before, but it's always come to a crushing halt. Usually leaving her still in love but alone. Maybe if other things had been going better—a world less broken, a family she hadn't lost, her freedom—she might have been able to pick up the pieces faster. Instead, it's a little harder each time to let herself be that open again. But it doesn't mean she's given up on love or trust.

She presses closer, still kissing him. Fingers sliding into his hair. Something she hasn't thought about but is responding to is the fact that the years have further separated him from how Nathan looked. There's less resemblance to the boy that was more like a son than anything to her which is extremely welcome in this moment of kissing Chekov.]

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candothat
2016-12-18 09:23 pm UTC (link)

[Chekov has also not thought about how looking less like Kitty's former young ward might work in his favor. Few things are less sexy than reminding someone of their mentally unstable prison son. (And he's Russian like the husband who killed her and a genius like the guy who most recently broke her heart, so he needs all of the things-working-in-his-favor that he can get.)

He places a hand on either side of her face and, although physics prevent them from getting much closer, tries his very best to defy physics. He's not terribly good at staying quiet even when he's putting effort into being so; right now, with no effort at all going towards that, Kitty's encouraging all sorts of meaningless sighs and hums.]

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kitty_has_claws
2016-12-18 09:36 pm UTC (link)

[She could actually defy physics and occupy the same space he is, but then she wouldn't feel him and feeling him is the good part, so solid she remains. She likes the sounds too. They are very...encouraging. Maybe too encouraging? She's thinking less and less about the reasons why this isn't the best time for them to exercise their blue bands. The sliding on top of him that she's doing now might be proof of that.]

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candothat
2016-12-18 10:15 pm UTC (link)

[Not defying physics is a good call since mingling on the quantum level is something that Chekov does not want to do today. The rest of this... he doesn't not want to let himself get carried away, but it's not the right time. He wants to be fully present for this.

He lays back, breaking the kiss without removing her from his person.] Kitty... [He doesn't want to ask her to stop.]

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	kitty_has_claws 2016-12-18 10:35 pm UTC (link)
	[She looks down at him, her hair falling forward in a curtain around her face.] Pavel. [She tries to read his expression unsure whether her just wants more connection before or if...] Is it too much? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	candothat 2016-12-18 10:46 pm UTC (link)
	[He reaches to brush her hair back behind her ear.] It's too much today. [His expression settles on a hesitant smile.] I want to be all the way here for you. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

kitty_has_claws
2016-12-18 10:50 pm UTC (link)

[There is something a little strange to her way of thinking that this should be too much but that he told her he loved her. Different sets of standards and levels of intimacy that they have maybe. Or maybe it's just one extra thing that's too much. Either way, she knows he has a lot to process and doesn't want him to feel like it was a mistake after. She doesn't want to feel like one either.

She leans down to kiss him again—softer this time, and then slides off him.] We should get that breakfast.

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candothat
2016-12-18 11:17 pm UTC (link)

[He's all about emotional intimacy. Some of that is experience since he has never been physically intimate with someone with whom he wasn't emotionally intimate. Some of it is just what he wants out of a relationship and what comes easiest to him.

Kitty slides off and he regrets his choices a little. It wouldn't have been a mistake (he doesn't think that anything related to Kitty would be a mistake), but it wouldn't have been the best idea.] Yes, okay. Eating eventually is necessary.

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kitty_has_claws
2016-12-18 11:30 pm UTC (link)

[It's not as if she ever has one without the other. Sometimes it's just easier for her to engage with the physical and let the emotional take over by surprise. Maybe not the best way of doing things.] Nothing bacon and waffles can't improve, right? [She keeps sliding her way right out of bed. She doesn't really want to be doing that, but she doesn't want to get back to his moment again either and she's sure they will left to their devices.]

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	candothat 2017-01-07 07:15 pm UTC (link)
	[He watches her go with an expression that's far more forlorn than the current situation merits. It's just breakfast. It's not like Kitty is actually going anywhere or that staying in bed was going to result in some kind of shared epiphany.] I would offer to help with breakfast, but I still haven't learned to cook. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)