InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "I are l33t lolz"

Kitty Pryde (Shadowcat) (kitty_has_claws) wrote in marinanova,
@ 2016-05-13 21:52:00

Entry tags:

jack harkness, james howlett/logan, kitty pryde (aoa), pavel chekov (au), spike, ton phanan

Day 375 — Open Action/Private Video

[So much happened yesterday, but they were only dreams. Only dreams that she still remembers almost as vividly as memories even hours after waking up. Only dreams that everyone who shared them will also likely remember. Only dreams where she told at least three different men she loved them and none of them were Reid. Only dreams that are making her feel small and confused and violated today.

She doesn't blame anyone who made an appearance. She's trying not to blame herself, but that's easier said than done. No, this is on the warden's and the way they play with their minds and emotions. Which, that's all they are right now, isn't it? Their bodies are locked away in tanks and their minds are a playground for their robotic overlords. She's angry, but the anger isn't on the surface yet. There's too much guilt and worry and hurt...and longing on top of it.

Of course she dreamed about being with people. About openly saying she's in love. It's what she's been wanting to get back to with Reid. It's simple, right? Why doesn't it feel simple right now? Probably because she's locked herself up in her room with no one to talk to about any of this. She's either slept with all her friends or their significant others. And then there's Reid. She wants to see him. Wants him to hold her and tell her it's all okay, but she's afraid she'll hear, "I just can't do this." That doesn't leave a lot of people to lean on.

Not terribly long ago her reaction to this might have been doing something brash and impulsive. Maybe even reckless and self-destructive. She doesn't want that now. But she's not sure what she wants in place of it other than not feeling like this anymore.]

[Private | Logan]
You wanted to talk? I want to drink. Maybe we combine those.

[Action | Open]
[She finally makes her way out of the apartment, taking a long route to the Defense Force headquarters if only to avoid passing too closely to other apartments and popular sites. Who would be in the cemetery, right? When she gets to her office she gathers some things up to work on, not interested in staying long.]

(OOC: If your character would make a private call to her following the dreams please feel free to do that here too!)

(Read comments) - (Post a new comment)

	action; kitty_has_claws 2016-05-27 04:52 am UTC (link)
	[She hugs him again if only to give herself something to do that isn't crossing lines they aren't ready to cross.] You're right. In a few days there will be more perspective at least. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	action; candothat 2016-05-27 05:00 am UTC (link)
	I'm usually right. [Yes, hugging is good. Relatively safe, familiar territory.] If nothing else, the wardens will provide a distraction. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

action;

kitty_has_claws
2016-05-27 12:37 pm UTC (link)

I really shouldn't look forward to that, should I? [Right now she's never been more angry with them and wanting to tear this place down brick, by virtual brick and also...just wanting to slip back into some peaceful fantasy where things make sense for awhile. She'd never choose the second one. Never. But it's hard not to want to be away from the confusion her actual feelings bring.]

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	action; candothat 2016-05-28 03:01 am UTC (link)
	Considering the kinds of distractions that they like to provide, no, maybe not. [But really, what else could they hit them with that would be worse?] I think, though, that they owe it to us to do something nice. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	action; kitty_has_claws 2016-05-28 03:04 am UTC (link)
	They probably will. False sense of security has to get built back up. There's a pattern of sorts. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	action; candothat 2016-05-28 03:26 am UTC (link)
	A cynical but realistic perspective. [He lets her go and forces a smile.] Never change, Kitty. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	action; kitty_has_claws 2016-05-28 03:30 am UTC (link)
	I think changing might be the only thing I'm good at here. Well, maybe not good, but I know I'm not the same as when I arrived. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	action; candothat 2016-05-28 04:16 am UTC (link)
	Do you think that you have changed for the better? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	action; kitty_has_claws 2016-05-29 04:11 am UTC (link)
	I don't think it's for the worse. ...I guess I could just say yes. [It just sounds too positive.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	action; candothat 2016-05-31 12:27 am UTC (link)
	Or you could just believe that, however you have changed, you're good as you are now. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	action; kitty_has_claws 2016-05-31 12:36 am UTC (link)
	Good? That feels like a little too much. Not worse was easier. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	action; candothat 2016-05-31 02:04 am UTC (link)
	Not worse, then. Someday I will trick you into saying something kind about yourself. [Not today, it seems. They're okay, though, and he has no reason to feel at all unhappy about this conversation. They're still friends. It's not weird.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	action; kitty_has_claws 2016-05-31 02:06 am UTC (link)
	I make some incredible friends. How's that? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	action; candothat 2016-05-31 03:17 am UTC (link)
	You've still avoided complimenting yourself, but today I'm willing to accept that. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	action; kitty_has_claws 2016-05-31 03:21 am UTC (link)
	Special day. I'll have to do better for next time. [And there will be a next time. So many next times. She can't have him not in her life. She can't lose more people.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	action; candothat 2016-05-31 04:07 am UTC (link)
	I will hold you to that. [There will be a quiz and it will be graded, except it won't be because that's a lousy thing to do to a friend. He's never going to not be her friend. Even if being close with no hope of becoming closer starts to hurt, they've both had too many people leave.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	action; kitty_has_claws 2016-05-31 04:10 am UTC (link)
	I would expect nothing less from you. [She smiles at him fondly and then wants very much to have a topic so she grabs the one that's top-of-mind for better or worse.] Hey, so...your other dreams? How were they? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

action;

candothat
2016-05-31 04:23 am UTC (link)

[It's kind of her to find a topic so he doesn't have to think of a way to politely excuse himself. Not that he doesn't want to talk to her! It's just... harder than it should be. Just today. Tomorrow will be fine.]

Eh... I think that they were all worse for others than for me. [Not being bothered by losing dream fights is a sign of a well-adjusted mind, right?] And yours? [He's almost afraid to ask, but he wants to know. She did burst into tears today.]

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	action; kitty_has_claws 2016-05-31 04:35 am UTC (link)
	Well, three children [What? They are all younger than her even if it's not by that much really] got to witness my parents being murdered and I... had dream relations [good term, right?] with a few more people. None of them were Reid. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	action; candothat 2016-05-31 04:46 am UTC (link)
	Ah. [Give him a moment to figure out which dream scenario is ultimately making today worse for her.] Today is a complicated day for you. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	action; kitty_has_claws 2016-05-31 04:53 am UTC (link)
	[It's all the sex because so much of it involved saying she loved them. The other dream is hard, but she's used to it.] You could say that. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	action; candothat 2016-05-31 05:01 am UTC (link)
	Is there anything that would help? [He doubts it, but.] Other than traveling back in time and preventing the wardens from tampering with our minds, which I can do in theory, but not in actuality. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	action; kitty_has_claws 2016-05-31 05:04 am UTC (link)
	I don't think so. They were dreams. I probably just need to give them less power, right? [They feel pretty powerful right now. Some more than others.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	action; candothat 2016-05-31 08:22 pm UTC (link)
	If you can. [He's not sure if he can when their "waking" life here is, for all intents and purposes, no more real than dreams. They're different, of course, but ontologically speaking, the differences are minimal.] Give this time. The dreams will have less power soon. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	action; kitty_has_claws 2016-06-01 02:23 am UTC (link)
	[Yeah, she feels the same awkward way. She knows it wasn't all fully her choice, but was it really any different than when they convinced her she was married to Jack?] It helps to have you. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)