InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "WHY THE HELL AM I CALLED TWEAK"

Kitty Pryde (Shadowcat) (kitty_has_claws) wrote in marinanova,
@ 2016-05-13 21:52:00

Entry tags:

jack harkness, james howlett/logan, kitty pryde (aoa), pavel chekov (au), spike, ton phanan

Day 375 — Open Action/Private Video

[So much happened yesterday, but they were only dreams. Only dreams that she still remembers almost as vividly as memories even hours after waking up. Only dreams that everyone who shared them will also likely remember. Only dreams where she told at least three different men she loved them and none of them were Reid. Only dreams that are making her feel small and confused and violated today.

She doesn't blame anyone who made an appearance. She's trying not to blame herself, but that's easier said than done. No, this is on the warden's and the way they play with their minds and emotions. Which, that's all they are right now, isn't it? Their bodies are locked away in tanks and their minds are a playground for their robotic overlords. She's angry, but the anger isn't on the surface yet. There's too much guilt and worry and hurt...and longing on top of it.

Of course she dreamed about being with people. About openly saying she's in love. It's what she's been wanting to get back to with Reid. It's simple, right? Why doesn't it feel simple right now? Probably because she's locked herself up in her room with no one to talk to about any of this. She's either slept with all her friends or their significant others. And then there's Reid. She wants to see him. Wants him to hold her and tell her it's all okay, but she's afraid she'll hear, "I just can't do this." That doesn't leave a lot of people to lean on.

Not terribly long ago her reaction to this might have been doing something brash and impulsive. Maybe even reckless and self-destructive. She doesn't want that now. But she's not sure what she wants in place of it other than not feeling like this anymore.]

[Private | Logan]
You wanted to talk? I want to drink. Maybe we combine those.

[Action | Open]
[She finally makes her way out of the apartment, taking a long route to the Defense Force headquarters if only to avoid passing too closely to other apartments and popular sites. Who would be in the cemetery, right? When she gets to her office she gathers some things up to work on, not interested in staying long.]

(OOC: If your character would make a private call to her following the dreams please feel free to do that here too!)

(Read comments) - (Post a new comment)

	action; kitty_has_claws 2016-05-31 02:06 am UTC (link)
	I make some incredible friends. How's that? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	action; candothat 2016-05-31 03:17 am UTC (link)
	You've still avoided complimenting yourself, but today I'm willing to accept that. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	action; kitty_has_claws 2016-05-31 03:21 am UTC (link)
	Special day. I'll have to do better for next time. [And there will be a next time. So many next times. She can't have him not in her life. She can't lose more people.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	action; candothat 2016-05-31 04:07 am UTC (link)
	I will hold you to that. [There will be a quiz and it will be graded, except it won't be because that's a lousy thing to do to a friend. He's never going to not be her friend. Even if being close with no hope of becoming closer starts to hurt, they've both had too many people leave.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	action; kitty_has_claws 2016-05-31 04:10 am UTC (link)
	I would expect nothing less from you. [She smiles at him fondly and then wants very much to have a topic so she grabs the one that's top-of-mind for better or worse.] Hey, so...your other dreams? How were they? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

action;

candothat
2016-05-31 04:23 am UTC (link)

[It's kind of her to find a topic so he doesn't have to think of a way to politely excuse himself. Not that he doesn't want to talk to her! It's just... harder than it should be. Just today. Tomorrow will be fine.]

Eh... I think that they were all worse for others than for me. [Not being bothered by losing dream fights is a sign of a well-adjusted mind, right?] And yours? [He's almost afraid to ask, but he wants to know. She did burst into tears today.]

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	action; kitty_has_claws 2016-05-31 04:35 am UTC (link)
	Well, three children [What? They are all younger than her even if it's not by that much really] got to witness my parents being murdered and I... had dream relations [good term, right?] with a few more people. None of them were Reid. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	action; candothat 2016-05-31 04:46 am UTC (link)
	Ah. [Give him a moment to figure out which dream scenario is ultimately making today worse for her.] Today is a complicated day for you. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	action; kitty_has_claws 2016-05-31 04:53 am UTC (link)
	[It's all the sex because so much of it involved saying she loved them. The other dream is hard, but she's used to it.] You could say that. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	action; candothat 2016-05-31 05:01 am UTC (link)
	Is there anything that would help? [He doubts it, but.] Other than traveling back in time and preventing the wardens from tampering with our minds, which I can do in theory, but not in actuality. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	action; kitty_has_claws 2016-05-31 05:04 am UTC (link)
	I don't think so. They were dreams. I probably just need to give them less power, right? [They feel pretty powerful right now. Some more than others.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	action; candothat 2016-05-31 08:22 pm UTC (link)
	If you can. [He's not sure if he can when their "waking" life here is, for all intents and purposes, no more real than dreams. They're different, of course, but ontologically speaking, the differences are minimal.] Give this time. The dreams will have less power soon. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	action; kitty_has_claws 2016-06-01 02:23 am UTC (link)
	[Yeah, she feels the same awkward way. She knows it wasn't all fully her choice, but was it really any different than when they convinced her she was married to Jack?] It helps to have you. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	action; candothat 2016-06-01 03:14 am UTC (link)
	[It's too much to think about. Reality and free will are too easy to question here.] I'm glad for that since not having me is not an option. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	action; kitty_has_claws 2016-06-01 04:06 am UTC (link)
	You can say that as often as you want. I don't get tired of it. [Seriously.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	action; candothat 2016-06-02 08:17 pm UTC (link)
	But think of all of the brilliant conversation you would miss if I said it every time I thought it! I will try to limit myself to once a day, except for days when you need to be reminded. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	action; kitty_has_claws 2016-06-03 03:50 am UTC (link)
	[You are getting a warm smile, sir.] What brilliant things should we be talking about instead. Giraffes? Giraffi? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	action; candothat 2016-06-03 04:27 am UTC (link)
	Giraffi. Elegant animals. [He nods solemnly.] They sleep for only half an hour a day, which is a trait that I try to emulate. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	action; kitty_has_claws 2016-06-03 12:57 pm UTC (link)
	I would be worried you're not getting enough sleep now [worry she should save for herself.] but after what happened I think being awake for awhile might be better anyway. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	action; candothat 2016-06-03 09:32 pm UTC (link)
	Yes, I think that I could happily avoid sleep for several days. ...Not that I will, since I would rather not have you worry about my sleeping habits. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	action; kitty_has_claws 2016-06-05 01:09 am UTC (link)
	I guess that means I shouldn't avoid it for your sake too, right? [Doing the healthy thing for someone else is easier.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	action; candothat 2016-06-05 01:22 am UTC (link)
	Don't, please. [His tone stays light, but there is a shadow of concern.] Sleeping should be safe for a month, at least. The wardens would become bored if they played the same tricks too often. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	action; kitty_has_claws 2016-06-05 01:26 am UTC (link)
	I know. I just haven't been very good at it for awhile. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	action; candothat 2016-06-05 01:39 am UTC (link)
	Why has it been difficult? [He thinks he remembers her saying that she doesn't sleep that well alone, but maybe it's something else?] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	action; kitty_has_claws 2016-06-05 01:41 am UTC (link)
	[Awkward.] It's just been harder since the split. [Not meeting his eyes. Is it strange to feel guilty talking about another man around Chekov when the other man is her... Is the person she's seeing.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)