InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "who’s your pb?"

MarinaNova NPCs (marinanova_npc) wrote in marinanova,
@ 2015-07-20 19:48:00

Entry tags:

:mingle, aidan reilly, aigis, angelina burnett, artemis crock, carl grimes, carol peletier, charlotte charles, euphemia li britannia, kitty pryde (aoa), leia organa, mgann morzz, nico di angelo, olivia moore, rose, sam winchester, sarah williams, seyn ayliffe, spencer reid, spike, yuuri shibuya

333 - Rubber Ducky mingle
[Rubber Ducky, you're the one. You make everything so much fun. Which is why you'll find them just about everywhere. Maybe even in that pitcher of tea you just made. Never a dull day here in MarinaNova Asylum. Whether you are trying to beat the heat at the beach or at the pool or running errands you're going to encounter a lot of them.]

(OOC: Event Info)

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	thisiscalm 2015-08-11 01:03 pm UTC (link)
	[ Thing is, if he knew what she was thinking he'd agree. He'd also inform her that she wasn't really on his team when he needed her to be. She didn't respect that he needed space and she didn't give him the time that he asked for. Nothing was enough for her and now, here they are. ] Not yet. Think I'm going to give it a pass, actually. You? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

kitty_has_claws
2015-08-11 02:49 pm UTC (link)

[She wanted to be. She tried. She'd also had an emotion-altering pearl for quite a bit of it and her own struggles to work through after feeling like she might have lost him forever when he disappeared only to have him come back so different. Insecurities about his feelings for another woman and insecurities about her own ability to do and say the right thing and be there for him while she felt like she was falling apart thrived while their relationship didn't. And here they are.]

Yeah, I walked through while I was doing rounds. Fascinating stuff. Apparently some places have rubber duck races.

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	thisiscalm 2015-08-11 04:55 pm UTC (link)
	That is, uhm. Fascinating. [ Not so much so. Not even for him. ] I'm surprised they didn't arrange that too. Unless they did and I just haven't seen it yet. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	kitty_has_claws 2015-08-11 07:00 pm UTC (link)
	We could. I mean, if you think you can find a duck that could outrace ninja duck here. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	thisiscalm 2015-08-12 08:49 am UTC (link)
	And here I was just going out for coffee. [ A little smile. He's really not sure how to even be here right now. ] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	kitty_has_claws 2015-08-12 05:48 pm UTC (link)
	[The smile is kind of nice though. She finds one of her own.] Already a big day for you. I drink coffee. Sometimes I do it in proximity of other people. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	thisiscalm 2015-08-13 08:34 am UTC (link)
	It's kind of hard not to, here. [ He knows what she's angling for. He's also not sure if it's at all a good idea. ] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	kitty_has_claws 2015-08-13 09:12 pm UTC (link)
	Still hoping for robot home delivery though? Come on, let's get something. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	thisiscalm 2015-08-14 06:37 pm UTC (link)
	[ There's a lot of hesitation here. Reluctance. ] Sure... okay. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	kitty_has_claws 2015-08-14 06:49 pm UTC (link)
	[Leading them off then. She didn't exactly miss the way he jumped at the chance, but she's not backing out.] I don't bite you know. I mean, not without a good reason. Or at least a mediocre one. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	thisiscalm 2015-08-15 08:18 pm UTC (link)
	I know you don't. [ Better than anyone, he guesses. ] Doesn't this feel... weird to you? After everything we just talked about, we're having coffee? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

kitty_has_claws
2015-08-15 08:24 pm UTC (link)

Coffee probably feels weird because everything here is weird, so doing something normal is especially weird. [She looks over at him, thoughtfully.] I miss spending time with you and the less we do it the more awkward I feel about it. What about you? [What are you feeling, because that's part of the problem, she thinks about it too much without actually knowing these days.]

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thisiscalm
2015-08-16 09:03 am UTC (link)

[ No, that's not it. That's so not it and she's asking him how he feels about all this and he's so tired. He can't just keep quiet and try to spare her emotions that way. ]

I feel like... every time we hang out, it's forced. It's trying to recapture something that doesn't exist anymore. It's not rebuilding our friendship but reconstructing it exactly as it was before I left. It doesn't work that way. I need time — we both do and then you call me up late at night and it feels like...

It feels like you're trying to force it back to what it was by doing exactly what we've always done and I get it, okay? You're not the only one who lost something here. I miss all that too but we're not going to get it back. Not this way.

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kitty_has_claws
2015-08-16 12:54 pm UTC (link)

[It probably shouldn't feel so good to hear he's lost something too and misses it, but she needed to hear it directly at this point. She stops walking to look at him, searching his eyes for more answers than she hears in his words.]

Okay. [She's taking them in. She just doesn't know what to do with them. Maybe if she explains how she's feeling a little more he'll see why. He'll be able to give her better direction. She wants to know what she can do to make this better so badly.] I don't want you to feel that way.

I...um, so, I wake up in the morning and I think about you and I force myself not to call. And I go work out and do rounds and check in on headquarters and I think of something I want to ask you and I force myself not to. Then I'm doing classes or hanging out with friends and there's something funny or interesting and I want to share it with you and I don't. I get dinner and I wonder if you're remembering to eat and I want to drop by with some take out and I...

I don't. For me, I feel like being with you is when I'm not trying to force something, but I'm all wound up by the time it happens. I'm not telling you this to make you feel bad about it. You shouldn't. I just want... Help. [Looking at him, hoping they can just keep communicating here.] Tell me what I can do better. What do you need from me? [Maybe she can start to make up for not being what he needed before. She just feels lost and she knows part of that is because they do need to reconnect.]

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thisiscalm
2015-08-17 11:04 am UTC (link)

[ In many ways it terrifies her that she's this deeply cut by the end of their relationship. He's not her first love — she's been married before, for Christ sake — and they weren't together for that long, all things considered. Not that he's not hurt by it, but she's so devastated that he doesn't even really know what to do with it. What to say.

He hesitates, before ultimately going for it. ]

You need to let go of me. As it is... we stand no chance of even being friends again. I don't feel like you're even ready to be friends with me and I'm definitely not ready to live with expectations I have no hope of living up to.

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kitty_has_claws
2015-08-17 12:22 pm UTC (link)

[No, not her first love. Just her strongest. It's hard to say how much of that was finding the right person and how much was just getting out of her world where everything was death and dying. It had to be some kind of combination though because she doesn't feel this way about Tyki.

It's not what she expected to hear and all that hope she was feeling a moment ago with the communicating deflates.]

You don't...you don't feel the way I do, do you?

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thisiscalm
2015-08-17 01:45 pm UTC (link)

I don't know what I feel anymore.

[ And that's part of what he's getting at, needing time and distance to figure himself out. To figure them out, if there's even a them left. He didn't just go home and lose a girlfriend, he had a year and a half of experiences outside of that. Teammates left, got married, came in fresh and new. So much happened and the only thing they ever really focused on what Maeve and yes, that was the big trauma and yes, that wasn't something Kitty should've had to deal with.

There was just so much more to it. Things he's still not sure she ever truly understood and then he remembers that she's 19 and that's a dangerous path to go down. 19 to his 31. Almost 32.

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kitty_has_claws
2015-08-17 02:12 pm UTC (link)

I am very much in love with a man who doesn't exist anymore, aren't I?

[The distance has just made her feel more and more lost and maybe kept hope alive in ways it shouldn't have. She needed to be with him to figure him and them out again. Maybe just needing different things should have been enough to end it, but she'd been so happy with him. She wasn't ready to give that up. It's not that Reid was the root of all her happiness, but he'd been there for all of it. He felt tied to it.]

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thisiscalm
2015-08-18 09:14 am UTC (link)

[ What do you even say to that? What took you so long - no, I'm still here - I don't know? The truth is that it's not nearly as simple as it sounds. He hasn't gone, he hasn't forgotten but things have changed and if she's going to continue to cling to what they were rather than work on what they can be, then he can't be part of this. That was why he broke it off, continues to try to break it off. Why he doesn't feel like he can have a cup of coffee with her.

Not even a cup of coffee. ]

I'm sorry.

[ What else can he say? ]

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kitty_has_claws
2015-08-18 02:11 pm UTC (link)

Reid... [What does she say? What does she need? What does she want?]

I know it's changed. I didn't want to believe it at first. [She was so ready to just have him back and so scared of losing him again. And then there was that damn pearl. That damn pearl that sometimes she very, very, very much wants back. But if she'd never had it maybe she would have been more aware of what was going on with him. More sensitive to it. More... Just more. Too much for him to walk out on.]

Do you want me in your life at all? Because that's not going to happen if we can't talk and spend time with each other and figure out what we mean to each other now. And if you don't then...

I don't want to be where I'm not wanted. [It's been a lot of feeling not wanted lately and it hurts. She knows he's worth the pain, but if he doesn't even want...

Please want it. Want something.]

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thisiscalm
2015-08-19 09:26 am UTC (link)

It's not about what I want, Kitty. That's not how life works.

[ Frustration weaving its way into his voice, tension and anger and everything that's been so tightly pent up that he's about set to explode if he doesn't keep moving. Another reason why he can't have coffee, why he's been locking himself inside to work and work and work until it seeps out. ]

Have you listened to what I've been saying to you? Not just now but – since I came back! I need time and space to work this out, to work myself out and I can't do that if you call me up in the middle of the night for chess! I can't.

Not want. Can't.

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kitty_has_claws
2015-08-19 02:20 pm UTC (link)

[She watches him, listening as he gets angry. Part of her wants to shove him for condescending remarks like, "that's not how life works" as if he's got it figured out and she's new to existing. And then part of her wants to pull him close and tell him everything's going to be okay. She's worried about him, but she's also no less broken. And he's made it pretty clear she's not the one who can help him at least not by being with him. There's a long pause before she responds.]

I've been listening. [Not always hearing maybe. Not always ready to hear things that so fundamentally oppose the things she needed most. And not always confident he was acting in his own best interests. People sometimes embrace the destructive and distracting when they're hurting. She knows that better than anyone and he's had his own ghosts in that department in the past. And she's always been one to look at actions more than words and then there's the wardens' manipulations and the pearls and the deaths and drama with the force and the odds were just stacked so very high against them. Story of their lives.] I've been trying to understand and trying to hold it together. I'm sorry it doesn't feel like that to you. I wanted to help. I wanted to be strong enough for both of us. [Voice shaking a little so she takes another pause, looking down at the stupid, smiling rubber ducks at their feet.]

I'm not going to call you again. [Softly.] Take care of yourself.

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thisiscalm
2015-08-20 09:48 am UTC (link)

[ Maybe that's another piece of the problem puzzle. Trying to be strong instead of admitting to weakness, trying to hold it together instead of talking it through. He sure had a harder time working himself out when she acted like everything was fine. The pearl definitely widened an already large rift between them, made him feel invisible when he was at his most vulnerable.

They've gotten through rougher times in the past. This wasn't supposed to be the thing to finally break them, but here they are. ]

You too.

[ He gives her an apologetic look before turning to leave. It's a small dome. Their paths are bound to cross sometime again and maybe then the scab has been left unpicked long enough to heal over.]

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