InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "what's your spaghetti policy?"

Tear Grants (mysterymelody) wrote in marinanova,
@ 2013-09-18 18:35:00

Entry tags:

:mingle, annabelle, buffy summers, hei, hikaru hitachiin, kitty pryde (aoa), matt donovan, sougo okita, spencer reid, tear grants, toul, yuuki kuran

[Day 237] Fear of Abandonment Therapy mingle
[The call to those placed in abandonment therapy simply says to head to the Sector 5 prayer facility, and that's all-- not even that this has to do with those insecure feelings of yours. Posted arrows point the way down to the meditation room that has been filled up with several tables, two completely lined with coffees, teas, and bite sized refreshments ranging from cookies and pastries to sliced fruit and veggies. Plates and napkins are stacked up, and if you want a fork, they're there too.

The third table is larger and round, for that feeling of closeness, with chairs set up and for each seat a set of papers is waiting neatly on the table surface along with a pen. Topmost is a questionnaire with instructions to put detailed responses, be honest, and discuss with another attendee, with questions such as:

Do you get anxious if you cannot see or speak to someone close to you at any given moment?
Are you constantly haunted by the idea that someone may eventually leave you?
Do you put up with negative or even abusive behavior from someone just to keep from being alone?
Did someone important to you exit your life when you were young? How did you feel?
What exactly are you afraid of, beyond the indistinct label of "being abandoned"?

The second is a page with the heading "Make a list of all the people in your life, and determine how devastated you would be if those people left and why. Try to cut the unhealthy relationships, and distance a bit from even the good to build your independence!" and a few extra blank sheets of paper in case the one isn't enough.

Small cards are also scattered in the center of the table, printed with positive tips to help the process of healing.

"Often when people are abandoned (whether because someone leaves or even dies), they feel utterly hopeless and helpless. But you are never helpless.

Nothing lasts forever, so enjoy where you're at and whom you're with.

Abandonment issues aren't always easy to recognize, but can be worked through in a loving relationship.

Try to challenge yourself to be alone for extended periods of time without giving into the urge to reach out immediately and connect to someone."

[[ooc: mingle! you know how it goes by now, use these examples or come up with better ones if you want!]]

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	sadistfaction 2013-09-20 07:57 pm UTC (link)
	Yep. Too bad it can't be like that. It's not like it's something people want or anything. No one gets anything they want. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	trappedinresin 2013-09-20 08:29 pm UTC (link)
	I guess it's as they say. Life's not fair. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	sadistfaction 2013-09-20 08:44 pm UTC (link)
	Exactly. [A sigh of frustration.] I want to throw up every time I think about it. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	trappedinresin 2013-09-20 09:11 pm UTC (link)
	[For a moment she's quiet, only able to nod, gently in agreement. After a moment though she glances back over. There's a touch of hesitation, but ultimately she decides to ask anyway.] Who is it that you miss so much, Sougo-san...? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	sadistfaction 2013-09-20 09:21 pm UTC (link)
	Ah. My sister. [He pauses for a moment.] If there's a word that means more than missing someone, then it's that. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	trappedinresin 2013-09-20 09:27 pm UTC (link)
	I understand... [Siblings. It's a bond that only another person who has-- or had-- siblings will ever understand fully.] I miss my brother, too. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	sadistfaction 2013-09-20 09:39 pm UTC (link)
	You may think you understand, but that doesn't mean you do. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	trappedinresin 2013-09-20 09:41 pm UTC (link)
	Not the circumstances. But I do know what it feels like to care for and love a sibling. And that losing that can be devastating. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	sadistfaction 2013-09-20 09:48 pm UTC (link)
	If that's supposed to make me feel better, know that it doesn't. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	trappedinresin 2013-09-20 09:51 pm UTC (link)
	It's not. [A shake of her head. Just that they have something in common she never realized before.] Is she like you? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

sadistfaction
2013-09-20 10:00 pm UTC (link)

Absolutely not.

[He's offended and insulted she would even ask such a question. The fact that she doesn't know his sister didn't matter to him. Just... no!]

She was the nicest and best person ever, and everyone loved her, as they should. I'm a spoiled piece of shit because I'm a god damn cry baby, and she didn't like it when I cried because I made her feel bad, so she did whatever it took to make me happy. What the hell kind of brat lives a miserable sort of existence when he has a person like my sister taking care of him?! I got what I deserved, I guess.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	trappedinresin 2013-09-22 08:31 pm UTC (link)
	[So easily offended! She doesn't seen upset with the sudden change though. Rather endeared, instead.] Your sister... sounds amazing. [A smile... before a light frown.] Although... wouldn't she be sad if she knew you didn't think you deserved only the best. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

sadistfaction
2013-09-22 09:00 pm UTC (link)

She was amazing.

[He puts a hand on his forehead.]

It's not like I haven't told her before. She probably never would have gotten sick had I not left her alone to pursue other things that lead me to the police job that I have and am not happy with. Sure, it paid for her medical bills, but obviously that didn't help at all. [There's some laughter, definitely not of the happy variety. More negatively at his pathetic existence.] Heh, I'm really stupid.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

trappedinresin
2013-09-22 09:05 pm UTC (link)

[ . . . She knows that they don't always get along. They aren't the best of friends or anything by any means. But she knows when someone is truly hurting over something. And although it doesn't always show, she respects him as a member of the force.

Reaching out, she gently clasps one of his hands, and gives it a firm, but gentle squeeze.]

You're a brother, who loves his sister very much. I don't think there is anything stupid about a person like that.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	sadistfaction 2013-09-22 09:22 pm UTC (link)
	It is stupid when you're terrified of losing someone, and then you fuck it up. Brothers and sisters are supposed to be there for reach other at all times, and even more so because she was also my mom too. I didn't try hard enough. [Yuuki holding one of his hands was weird, but it doesn't really bother him too much.] That's why I'm stupid. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

trappedinresin
2013-09-22 11:28 pm UTC (link)

[She shakes her head again. That can't be right. She still loved him. He still tried.]

My... My brother abandoned me.

[Quiet. The words slightly hollow.]

I tried hard to be the person he wanted me to be. I really...tried. But in the end I wasn't enough to keep him beside me. He still left... even though I love him so much.

[She swallows thickly, and blinks back the urge to cry.]

Sometimes people disappear from your life without a choice. Even when they don't want to. [She draws a breath and shakes her head.] Even when you don't want them to. And it's unfair, and painful. [Death is unfair because it's so fair in that it will take anyone regardless of the circumstances. That's what he is getting at, right? His sister was sick, and died.]

It isn't your fault.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

sadistfaction
2013-09-22 11:58 pm UTC (link)

I don't get why anyone ever bothers with anything, then, if busting our asses to do everything we can doesn't always work, and if busting our asses doesn't get anyone where they want to go... Unless you're some lucky asshole who is favored by everyone and don't even deserve it. I hate those people the most.

[Everything felt like such a waste to him.]

People get pissed at me all the time because I don't work hard, but when I do work hard it doesn't mean anything.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	trappedinresin 2013-09-23 12:04 am UTC (link)
	I think people appreciate what you do for them in the defense force. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	sadistfaction 2013-09-23 12:09 am UTC (link)
	Yeah right. That's a joke. [He shakes his head.] I'm not even supposed to be on it. I only got on because Lacus talked the leader at the time into it. I'm sure someone's keeping tabs on me, waiting for a reason to remove me of my duties. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	trappedinresin 2013-09-23 12:11 am UTC (link)
	[A glance back to him] Why are you on the force, then? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

sadistfaction
2013-09-23 12:18 am UTC (link)

Literally because of Lacus.

[He puts a hand to his chin as he begins to explain.]

I signed up and was initially rejected, because everyone hates me. There was a day when some freaky stuff happened and got everyone confessing their entire life story, and Lacus heard my story and had a change of heart. So she spoke with Suzaku and I was reconsidered, so here I am. [He shrugs.] Kitty seems like a little more of a hardass, so, like I said, there's probably someone keeping tabs on me.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	trappedinresin 2013-09-23 12:20 am UTC (link)
	That's not what I mean, though. [She shakes her head] It's just... you made it sound like you don't like work or what you do. If that's the case, though, then why did you apply at all? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

sadistfaction
2013-09-23 12:31 am UTC (link)

Oh. [He rubs his cheek.]

I was a cop back home, so... familiarity, I guess. I'm no good at a lot of things, but I was always the best at combat... Not so much here, which kind of pisses me off, but since not everyone's a human, it makes sense...

[He stops himself from getting off track]

I also don't feel good about a lot of things, but... I guess helping people makes me feel good. I don't have family anymore, and other people shouldn't lose theirs. I got to bring families back together back home. Help find the guardian of lost kids. Stuff like that.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	trappedinresin 2013-09-23 09:12 pm UTC (link)
	Some of the strongest people I know are human. [Her adoptive father, Yori... the list can go on. His reasons are obviously well intentioned.] If you ever want to spar against someone who is not, for practice, I'm open to it. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	sadistfaction 2013-09-23 09:29 pm UTC (link)
	[He raises a brow.] Spar with you? You don't know what you're getting yourself into. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

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trappedinresin, 2013-09-23 09:40 pm UTC

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sadistfaction, 2013-09-23 10:19 pm UTC

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