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Tweak says, "mada mada dane"

Tear Grants (mysterymelody) wrote in marinanova,
@ 2013-09-18 18:35:00

Entry tags:

:mingle, annabelle, buffy summers, hei, hikaru hitachiin, kitty pryde (aoa), matt donovan, sougo okita, spencer reid, tear grants, toul, yuuki kuran

[Day 237] Fear of Abandonment Therapy mingle
[The call to those placed in abandonment therapy simply says to head to the Sector 5 prayer facility, and that's all-- not even that this has to do with those insecure feelings of yours. Posted arrows point the way down to the meditation room that has been filled up with several tables, two completely lined with coffees, teas, and bite sized refreshments ranging from cookies and pastries to sliced fruit and veggies. Plates and napkins are stacked up, and if you want a fork, they're there too.

The third table is larger and round, for that feeling of closeness, with chairs set up and for each seat a set of papers is waiting neatly on the table surface along with a pen. Topmost is a questionnaire with instructions to put detailed responses, be honest, and discuss with another attendee, with questions such as:

Do you get anxious if you cannot see or speak to someone close to you at any given moment?
Are you constantly haunted by the idea that someone may eventually leave you?
Do you put up with negative or even abusive behavior from someone just to keep from being alone?
Did someone important to you exit your life when you were young? How did you feel?
What exactly are you afraid of, beyond the indistinct label of "being abandoned"?

The second is a page with the heading "Make a list of all the people in your life, and determine how devastated you would be if those people left and why. Try to cut the unhealthy relationships, and distance a bit from even the good to build your independence!" and a few extra blank sheets of paper in case the one isn't enough.

Small cards are also scattered in the center of the table, printed with positive tips to help the process of healing.

"Often when people are abandoned (whether because someone leaves or even dies), they feel utterly hopeless and helpless. But you are never helpless.

Nothing lasts forever, so enjoy where you're at and whom you're with.

Abandonment issues aren't always easy to recognize, but can be worked through in a loving relationship.

Try to challenge yourself to be alone for extended periods of time without giving into the urge to reach out immediately and connect to someone."

[[ooc: mingle! you know how it goes by now, use these examples or come up with better ones if you want!]]

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mysterymelody
2013-09-18 08:13 pm UTC (link)

[Thanks to the session earlier, and all the tea, she has no problems with answering the form, chin propped up on one hand while the other has the pen gliding across the page-- nothing shorthand, words filling the paper up sometimes even more than can fit in the space provided.

What, they said detail and honesty. Though, a part of her remains unsure about the talking about this with someone after]

[She loses her steam and comes to a full stop when she's asked to reveal her fears, the scratching of her pen ceasing... only to become a tapping as she starts to idly poke the print on the page in thought and deliberation. Sorry if that bothers you]

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trappedinresin
2013-09-18 10:40 pm UTC (link)

Difficult question?

[Yuuki who's been seated next to her, after her initial frustrations with the questionnaire, has been scribbling along beside her. Although the words flow easy, it's all difficult to want to admit and more than a little painful. She still wants to detach herself from the reality of it all.

Yet when Tear's pen goes quiet, it gives Yuuki pause, too.]

This isn't a real fun class.

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	mysterymelody 2013-09-19 09:11 am UTC (link)
	[She looks over with a small start, sheepish that she seems to have bothered others with her noise, before shaking her head] Well, none of them are, I'd think. Nobody really wants to face their problems. [She rests her pen on the table to avoid the temptation of fiddling with it] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	trappedinresin 2013-09-20 07:34 pm UTC (link)
	[Face their problems, huh...?] I don't know. The wardens do everything in excess. This is probably the same. Most of us probably don't even really need to be here. [She only says that, really because she doesn't like admitting the fact that she might need it.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

mysterymelody
2013-09-21 01:04 pm UTC (link)

[She doesn't doubt that the Wardens are exaggerating, it's what they do. But the therapy topic hits a note in her that, no matter how hurtful, she can't deny exists. She knows... that feeling when people leave, her, to be all alone.

So maybe it is exaggerated and people aren't at the point where these kind of feelings are an issue, but... they are all here, for a reason]

If that was the case... all of us would have been out of this sooner than now. [Weak smile]

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	trappedinresin 2013-09-21 01:32 pm UTC (link)
	[At that she merely falls quiet, chin resting in her hand as she glances in the other direction. Maybe. She just-- the whole thing is difficult. She's silent for a time, before quietly murmuring.] It's just... no one wants to be alone. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	mysterymelody 2013-09-25 02:36 pm UTC (link)
	[She's too abashed to argue about the ones that probably do want to be alone. She hadn't meant to suggest--] I-I know. But some people don't handle it as well as others, so while it may not be a big problem... (Reply to this) (Parent)

bottomless_pit
2013-09-18 11:25 pm UTC (link)

[ Hei was distracted by the tapping and he glanced up with a furrow resting square between his brows to glance around the room. At last, he lights on Tear and he broke out into a smile. ]

Having trouble with one of the questions?

[ he too, has indulged in the food and his answers are already stark and bare on the paper. He knows well his faults. They had made him abandon all contact after Pai had disappeared. ]

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	mysterymelody 2013-09-19 09:19 am UTC (link)
	[A tentative smile back-- fancy him being here too-- before her expression twists into a faint grimace] I don't particularly want to answer this one. None of them are terribly subtle on what this is about, or really require more than a simple retelling of an event. This one goes too deep, even for the amount of compliance I have for all this. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	bottomless_pit 2013-09-24 11:43 pm UTC (link)
	[ fancy indeed; one would imagine the wardens took delight in throwing them together. ] Must you answer it then? [ he raised an eyebrow because therapy, at least in his world, was commonly assumed to be effective only once one wished to tell a secret, not when one was forced. ] We won't be punished if we leave a blank answer. [ or at least so he hoped. ] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

mysterymelody
2013-09-25 02:48 pm UTC (link)

[His advice effectively clears the storm clouds from her face, leaving only a thoughtful ponder. The order-ingrained part of her naturally believes that every question should be answered, of course she would follow the "rules" for something like this.

His point is valid, though. Attendance is mandatory, they said, not activities. Those were just recommended in order to get out earlier]

I...suppose not. I don't know, I'm fussy when it comes to leaving things blank, but I didn't want to answer, so-- I guess it bothered me.

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bottomless_pit
2013-09-26 10:26 pm UTC (link)

[ Hei's fingers twitched, although he refrained from sliding her paper closer towards him. He had not the right to invade her privacy, and he did not wish to ask. ]

I think stating you don't wish to answer a question, is answer enough. Not all things can be spoken of at the drop of a hat. [ an echo of previous conversations? Perhaps, but true nonetheless. Wasn't that what this group was asking for, in the end? ],/small>

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	mysterymelody 2013-09-30 08:25 pm UTC (link)
	[She smiles, before leaning back in her seat with a deep exhale] Mm-hm. You have to work at this sort of thing... right? [A jab at him but it's good-natured, her smile for him is still one of gratitude. He gave her an excuse to not answer; she dislikes making any for herself...] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

bottomless_pit
2013-10-01 11:29 pm UTC (link)

[ he smiled easily, leaning back in his chair now that the tension was no longer focused on Tear's paper, but rather the conversation at hand. He nodded. ]

Yes, it is. Have you seen improvement?

[ Tear was his fiercest critic, and while his words may seem glib, there's an undercurrent of raw need, a desire to know. He has been trying, at least where it was safe to do so. There were not many he deemed safe. ]

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mysterymelody
2013-10-06 12:37 pm UTC (link)

[His sudden curiosity throws her; it's evident in how at a loss her expression becomes]

--You're really asking that?

[She hadn't thought that he might actually care about it, that his efforts initially for her to accept him again would extend beyond that goal. But if he wants an answer of words...

Her hands slide off the tabletop and into her lap, and she stares at them for a long moment before back to him, previous levity gone]

Well... I think that you being here is the best example of improvement I have. [The Hei of before would have came, yes, to avoid the hindrance of punishments... but certainly only as his false face. Yet, she feels she's barely glimpsed that here or at the session before, even considering the recent loss of Saya, which she once feared might close him off.

Even if it hurts, and it's hard, he appears to still be trying, so if it's her approval he's seeking... he has it. For now]

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bottomless_pit
2013-10-30 12:13 am UTC (link)

[ Some wounds did not heal and not all scabs were left to lie in peace. To close himself off would to deny the wound existed. Hei could no more do that then pretend he was no longer just Hei. But her words soothed and felt cool against his skin.

Someone still noticed his efforts and his smile was faint as he nodded, suddenly feeling relieved. ]

We have both changed, then... [ perhaps this "rehabilitation" that the wardens insisted was their aim was actually working. ]

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mysterymelody
2013-10-31 08:03 pm UTC (link)

--You think I have?

[Tear likes to think she has, slightly... but she feels it's mostly been to do with her understanding-- not just of matters of foreign worlds, but of others foreign or not. Accepting people and their own way of thinking. Something internal she would notice, not something she would expect others to be able to point out.

Now that he has... she has to admit she's interested in what he has to say for her, in return]

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	bottomless_pit 2013-10-31 11:35 pm UTC (link)
	Yes. [ he couldn't so much as put it into words as it was a feeling, but, since Saya had disappeared, she... He shook his head. ] You appear to be more open now. You didn't trust too many, in the beginning. [ and there's regret in his eyes for deceiving her for so long. He knew, now, how much better it could be without that in the way. ] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

mysterymelody
2013-11-03 02:02 pm UTC (link)

...I couldn't. It gets harder to trust as you get older, when you're no longer a child...

[And admittedly, she'd left that point long ago, but the string of betrayals and disappointments, the hardly glorious battle of wills that had transpired in Auldrant barely weeks before the point she was incarcerated hadn't allowed for much emotional or mental healing at all. She'd found her fixed point-- necessary for any soldier-- in Lelouch almost mercifully quickly, at least, and she doesn't once doubt that the relations forged with him and Suzaku stabilized her early.

Now-- she's "open". Changed. If so, then it's because of the people she surrounded herself with, she didn't decide to alter her thinking all on her own one morning. It's the... friends she has the most tumultuous relationships with that seem to make her better; she offers the particular one beside her a most grateful smile]

Perhaps I needed the extra experience, to learn how to have faith in people again... again, even if it ends up broken.

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bottomless_pit
2013-11-09 08:28 pm UTC (link)

[ ah yes, the rose colored glasses are removed and only the grit-stained world remains behind. He knew well how short childhood could be. ]

The children can never remain children. [ right? ] But it's good to trust. Being alone... [ he found it difficult to find the right words. Saya had taught him the desperation of need and Tear and had taught him the value of truth, but there had been others in his past. The black and white cop, the girl who had once been a doll, the handler...

It was an inevitability that people would—could change you. They were proof of that. ]

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mysterymelody
2013-11-12 12:38 pm UTC (link)

Is easy when you don't know anything else. Impossible... once you do.

[She pipes up, finishing for him. It may not be what he intended, but it's how she feels. Returning to a secluded life in Yulia City, sequestered in her garden, with not even sun or wind, rain nor sound...

After traveling with their little group, after all this, she doubts that she could truly settle there]

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	_incurable 2013-09-19 10:26 pm UTC (link)
	This is so stupid. [Yes it's what he'd normally say, but it's also honest. And he's not wearing his hood, which is a testament to how very much of this complimentary coffee he's had to calm his nerves.] It's this place that makes being separated from people an everyday worry. Now they're blaming us for a problem they created. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

mysterymelody
2013-09-21 01:48 pm UTC (link)

[She looks Zelgadis over once-- just noting the lack of usual hood and mask-- before tentatively speaking up]

It happens easily enough elsewhere. [Otherwise there wouldn't be therapy for it] Not-- that this place doesn't create an issue or maybe exacerbates an existing one, but it's unfair to say this facility is the only thing that leads to people... being left alone.

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	_incurable 2013-09-26 09:43 pm UTC (link)
	It's the only place where someone you once knew might not remember who you are. [There are other ways that could possibly happen, but they're not a regular worry, and in his mind that's a big difference.] And I don't know about everyone, but where I'm from people just don't vanish on a regular basis for no damn reason. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

mysterymelody
2013-10-06 11:44 am UTC (link)

[Her mouth sets in a thin line, her demeanor becoming more serious, more bold. Come to Auldrant, Zelgadis. You get to experience all that, and more!]

And you're not the only one here, are you? If you were, then you'd probably be right in pointing your finger at this prison alone. But what you've described is a real problem elsewhere. [Given the worlds out there, hers can't be the only one]

I don't see how this is "blaming" us, either. They may have missed the mark, but this was intended to help. If you're here only because of what this facility has done to you, then it means the wardens at least acknowledge that-- which, I think, is better than not.

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