InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "PIVOT "

Ed Bones. (throwmeabone) wrote in loremrpg,
@ 2011-05-14 21:25:00

Entry tags:

!incomplete, edgar bones, patricia fells

Characters: Trish Fells & Ed Bones.
Setting: Saturday 14th of November; Great Hall / Sixth year Hufflepuff dormitory.
Summary: After Trish recieves 'Sirius' token of apperciation', Ed just kind of gives up, and realises that Ursula is right - he's pathetic.
Warning: Most likely high, just 'cause it's Ed and he tends to swear like a sailor. And Trish/Ed sadness, aw.

The past few weeks had been absolute shit for the seventh year. For one, he'd finally realised that his recent behaviour regarding both Trish and Mia was shocking, as well as the fact that he’d been treating everyone around him terribly. This was unusual for Ed, and he didn’t like it. He didn’t like acting like a prat, and hurting everyone around him but it was something that had proven to be too hard to stop. Before what had transpired at the ball he hadn’t really realised why he was always acting this way, in all honesty, he hadn’t even really acknowledged his behaviour. Ed was the type of guy who believed everything he did was with good intentions, and well, along the way, somehow he’d lost this belief. He’d also lost the belief that Trish was just his best mate, after everything that happened at the ball, he finally realised that she wasn’t just his mate. He sodding loved her, and not in the way he loved Qudditich or Bertie. After telling Trish he needed time, the feelings only had more time to settle, and he had all the more chance to think about them. He’d rethought all his previous actions, ones which usually had him telling off some poor sod that had captured Trish’s attention. Upon having his little epiphany, all of these previous misadventures just turned into regrets, because at the end of it all, he hadn’t been thinking about Trish’s wellbeing at all – he’d been thinking about his own. He’d been shooing off any potential suitors for Trish because it pissed him off too much to see her with anyone else. Maybe even hurting him to some degree, and that scared the living shit out of him. Because, after all, Trish saw him as Ed: her best mate, nothing more or nothing less so how the fuck could he put himself in such a mess? He was bloody well annoyed with himself, hoping that the separation from her was doing him some good, allowing him to bury his feelings before getting back to normal with his best mate. Well, that all went to shit when he heard it.

He’d been sitting a little further away from his usual crowd, finally coming down to dinner for once that week. His ears immediately perked up upon hearing her name, and the things that came directly after that. Ed glanced Trish's way wondering what was happening. Everything was going far too fast for his liking, he couldn’t wrap his head around it. All he had time to realise was that Sirius fucking Black was sending his Trish some stupid ass love letter with music and a rose. Black obviously wasn’t having much trouble expressing his feelings about her, and here he was, playing with his food feeling sorry for himself. Too terrified to tell Trish what he’d been thinking and feeling over the past week because he believed with every fibre in his body that she’d run for the hills. Maybe Flint was right, he was a coward and he was pathetic. Keeping his eyes on Trish, he listened to the remainder of the message, feeling a few eyes on him as his name was mentioned a couple of times. It took a lot to hurt Ed but this stung. He sunk down in his seat as the song started playing, keeping his eyes on the plate in front of him, not wanting to look up at anything or anyone. The music just seemed to make everything worse, the lyrics echoing in his ear as he felt as if everyone was looking his way, waiting for him to throw one of his usual tantrums.

After hearing the music fade away and the chatter in the hall start up again, he briefly looked her way before looking at his plate again. Ed shook his head in annoyance, this time angry with himself rather than at Black or Trish. He was a sob story, he was pathetic, and he definitely was a coward. Everything that Flint had said popped up in his mind once more, echoing almost in the form of torture. It took longer than expected to act. He firstly wanted to wait for everyone to mind their own sodding business and return to their normal dinner actives, and secondly he wanted to make sure he didn’t seem too hurt by it. Pushing his plate away, he arose from his seat heading towards Trish’s direction. He reached her eventually in a matter of seconds, though, if you asked Ed he would have said it felt like years, because what he was about to say was going to hurt like hell. But in all fact, and despite not believing in everything had had been saying since the start of term, he honestly believed in what he was about to say. He didn’t notice who was around her, because in all honestly he didn’t want to remember who witnessed his sob story. He stared down at Trish for a moment, before his eyes reached the rose that sat on the table. He felt a muscle in his jaw twitch before breathing out quickly to calm himself. His eyes reached Trish again as he tried not to look as hurt as he felt. "You can be with him if you want to." Ed said, in an unusual soft tone. He lingered there for a moment, refusing to look Trish in his eye before he realised he’d said his piece and that was that. He turned on his heel, trying not to pay attention to the students gawking his way as he made his way out of the great hall in a brisk pace.

All Ed wanted right now was some peace and quiet and he hoped to Merlin that his dorm was completely empty, if all else failed, he’d simply throw himself off the astronomy tower. The familiar portrait came into view and he picked up his pace, a little relieved that he was in the all clear now - there were hardly any students around that had witnessed the display. Finally reaching the sanctuary of his dorm, he threw himself on the bed, praying to Merlin that this fucking mess would just disappear already. Though, as long as Trish had his blessing then she could run off with Black and be happy, leaving him the sodding hell alone.

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theyank
2011-05-14 12:57 pm UTC (link)

As the rest of the school had inconveniently caught on to by this point, Trish and Ed had not been their typical, fun-loving selves lately. Though it was true their tension had been a long time building, it wasn't until the ball things came tumbling down one by one. Ed had said the final word a few days later, asking his best mate for peace and distance, and she agreed to what she later found would be the most painful days of her young life. There were times she felt sick, but nothing would happen because she hadn't eaten enough to throw up. Other times she felt utterly furious. Mixed in between all that were hours she'd cry on end, moments she'd slip away from everyone else to a quiet nook somewhere outside the castle walls, and instances she'd sit at her journal staring blankly at the page as if willing her best mate to contact her. When he finally had written in her journal, it was to reprimand Ursula for leaving potentially threatening messages. The familiar penmanship sent her heart racing, but true to her promise, Trish tried to be brief in her thanks. She apologized again because it felt appropriate, and much to her dismay, found Ed didn't want to hear it.

Needless to say, she was in the midst of a bittersweet twist of fate by the time she'd made it to dinner on Saturday evening. While Ed's remarks had been forced at best, they still left her with hope this would all iron itself out. She needed her best friend back. There was no ifs, ands, or buts about it. As further proof of that, Trish compared his absence to every terrible thing she'd experienced in life thus far. Nothing seemed to add up, not even that one time she'd managed to get her dad so furious with her that he took away her summer holiday completely. Those days it had been difficult to correspond with anyone, let alone Ed, yet it wasn't anything compared to this, compared to knowing this was the result of something she had no control over, what her mate had chosen for himself.

Needless to say, seeing Ed at dinner was a blessing to the desperate girl. He sat a ways off from their group, but it didn't matter. Ed was there, and she could glance his way on occasion when she felt he wasn't looking. Trish pretended to be attentive to the other Hufflepuffs at the table, but truthfully she couldn't think of much else but what she might say if given the chance. The girl wanted nothing more than to march up to Ed and throw her arms around him. She wanted to give him the biggest hug in the history of hugs, and beg him to come back to her. If she thought she could make good on her promise, Trish even considered the potential of giving up relationships altogether if that's what it took. She couldn't bear the idea of losing Ed.

Unfortunately all her best laid plans and wishful thinking was interrupted by something rather unexpected: a delivery from one of the school's house elves. They were rarely seen outside of the kitchens during daytime hours, so that alone left her at a complete loss. She thanked the house elf prior to taking the letter and rose in her hands. Without so much as a warning, the note unfolded itself and fluttered just out of her reach. It began speaking the words written on the parchment aloud, causing Trish to stare at it similarly to a deer in headlights. When she realized it was from Sirius, however, she smiled slightly before smelling the rose delivered with it. If it was that boy, Merlin only knew it couldn't be too serious. He was a relentless flirt who likely only had the intention of cheering her up.

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theyank
2011-05-14 12:57 pm UTC (link)

When the letter got toward the end, though, she found out it was much to the contrary. Gently setting the rose down on the table in front of her, Trish instinctively averted her eyes from the letter toward Ed. He seemed preoccupied with his plate of food, something Trish recognized by now to be all show. Pursing her lips slightly, she forced an uncomfortable smile as nearby mates began chatting about the display. Some nudged her as if to ask her thoughts, but Trish didn't say a word until it had been completed. "That was something," she finally added with a nervous laugh, running a hand over her opposite arm before folding the paper back up on the table. A few people kept looking nervously between Ed and Trish, some asked questions. Everything was lost on Trish until she saw him move.

His words were brief and to the point. Surprisingly enough, he had given Trish his permission to accept Sirius' offer. While Sirius was a very attractive and enjoyable date, albeit one of the most popular blokes in the school, Trish wasn't at peace with what Ed had said. It didn't feel right. What's more, she didn't want to accept anything. The thing that took precedence in her head just then was her best friend, the very one who had just walked out of the Great Hall to the sounds of snickering from the Slytherin table and whispers from several others. Trish briefly skimmed the Gryffindor table for any sign of Sirius so she could give him a response, but when he wasn't spotted, she decided it couldn't hurt to make good on her concerns.

Minutes after Ed had left, Trish excused herself from her mates, leaving the letter and the rose on the table as she left the Great Hall for the dungeons. She didn't even stop to prevent Peeves from terrorizing a nearby group of Ravenclaws. No, she had to get to him and fast. Everything within her was fighting this distance between them, and Trish couldn't take it any longer.

After she made it into their common room, she glanced around the perimeter quickly to discover it completely empty. For the love of Helga, had everyone gone to dinner at the same time? Giving a sigh as if saying 'here goes nothing', Trish made her way down that familiar corridor to Ed's dormitory. She hoped to find him there. It would have been miserable searching throughout the castle for him and risking running into other students with plenty of new questions and input.

Trish reached her fist up to the door to give a knock, but hesitated slightly above the wood as if second guessing herself. Ed still hadn't said he wanted anything to do with her. The conversation they'd had on her journal just a few nights back still fresh, she recalled how he spoke of her, how he said he didn't always need her around and he didn't need her always butting into some of his business. The reminder left a large, painful lump in her throat she attempted to swallow down, but to no avail. Her heart was racing, and she couldn't for the life of her slow it down. Squeezing her eyes shut tightly, Trish finally knocked in a pronounced manner on her best mate's door. Without waiting for a response, she cracked the door open to peek her head in. "Boner? Can I come in?"

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throwmeabone
2011-05-14 01:33 pm UTC (link)

By the time Trish had reached his door, he had buried his head under his pillow in a futile attempt to shut out his nagging thoughts. After rethinking what had just transpired there was a tinge of regret as he realised he'd given Trish his blessing to be with Sirius. However, he knew that a display like that only meant he cared for her, and would make her happy. Hell, he had noticed the slight smile that had escaped her lips moments ago when the letter first arrived in her hands. And if she’d managed to crack a smile during a time of such pain, and he was okay with someone making her happy besides himself. If Sirius made her happy, well then, he could definitely live with that. As long as she was happy, he would be too – eventually.

Hearing the knock on the door, he sighed heavily, quickly freezing in an attempt to pretend he was asleep. He was slightly panicking, thinking it was Tiberius or Mia or someone who would want him to talk, and talking was the last thing he wanted to do. His head ached, probably from all the thoughts that were rushing through it, and the idea of sitting down talking to someone was actually making him physically nauseous. He thought quickly of telling the intruder to fuck off, but in light of his recent discovery of his rather terrible behaviour, he held back, still hoping that they’d assume he was asleep. However, hearing Trish’s voice gave him some reassurance before he remembered why he was up her alone in the first place. If anyone would give him a time turner to go back to how things were a year ago, he’d take it in a heartbeat, because everything now was just so complicated. He panicked briefly, realising that he might have to actually be honest with her and now he couldn’t hide behind a journal. She was here, right at his door, unknowingly torturing him with her presence. After the realisation of his feelings whenever she was around things just got blurry, he didn’t really understand the difference between what was right or wrong, and he certainly didn’t see himself or his actions clearly.

He finally looked up after a little too long, forcing a slight smile to crack his lips as he sat directly upright, leaning against the bed head. Her question was proving to be difficult. He didn’t want to cause her anymore pain, but he knew that if he said yes they’d have to sort the whole mess out, and Ed couldn’t lie to her face – he’d have to be completely truthful, and he was in no means ready for that. Ed wasn’t ready to take the risk of losing her, even if he didn’t exactly have her now anyway. Ed exhaled heavily, his smile faltering a little before it recovered. “Of course, Chuckles,” he said quietly. He sat there in silence not wanting to speak, but knew more than anything that Trish would find a way to make him, so he braced himself for one hell of a conversation.

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theyank
2011-05-14 05:48 pm UTC (link)

It was true the letter from Sirius did manage to make her smile briefly, but Trish hardly considered that a true victory. The pain and discomfort between her and Ed had become such a baseline state of being recently that there were times she could smile without feeling that usual bout of glee within her that was typically associated with her smiles. This didn't mean she was in any way happy, but rather distracted temporarily. As was made evident shortly after Ed stepping out of the Great Hall, the distraction was fleeting. Try as anyone might, there was no replacement for her best friend. Trish appreciated everyone else, that much was a given. She just didn't feel exactly the same around another.

Considering Ed's head had been covered by his pillow, she didn't hear that otherwise audible sigh from behind the door. All the same, Trish knew better than to look at him and believe there could be any chance he was sleeping. While it was possible he could have been exhausted enough for such a quick drift into slumber, she'd seen that look on his face before he told her it was okay to go for Sirius. It was a new expression of his, one she hadn't exactly mastered just yet, but she figured that only meant he hadn't conquered it himself. Whatever he was feeling, she could help him. Sure, he might not receive it all too well, but Trish wasn't doing anyone a favor by maintaining the distance anymore. Edwin was right all along: sooner was better. A bit of truth would do them both some good.

Ed took a bit long to physically respond to Trish's presence in his room, and that hurt her all the more. Either he was intentionally making a point to pull away, or he was lost in thought. Whichever the case may be, Trish knew one thing: it wasn't good. She took it as her approval to make the trip to his bed, invited or not, being the one who first made herself vulnerable for the sake of hoping he'd follow suit. It wasn't until she'd made it within arm’s reach of his bed that Ed sat up and looked at her, clearly attempting to force a smile as he exhaled slowly and deeply. Then he called her 'Chuckles', something she took as her strength to continue. It wasn't exactly proof she had been let back in, but she pretended it was just that in order to ensure she wouldn't backtrack her way out of his room. Something had to be done about this. Not another night could pass without her best attempt at amends.

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theyank
2011-05-14 05:48 pm UTC (link)

Sitting down on his bed with her back to him for a second, Trish swallowed again as her dry throat resisted the effort to clear the lump. Then she shifted around to face Ed, one hand touching his knee while the other rested over her legs. "I know you asked me for time, and I told you I could give you that much," her eyes shifted between his before she averted them to her hand on his leg, attempting to force herself to be bold about this. "Ed, I can't go on any longer like this. You're right. I do need to be with you all the time. Until recently, I didn't think that was a problem and well-" She took a deep breath in before forcing herself to look at him again. It was truly something that her throat was so dry, yet her eyes couldn't manage to refrain from that glassy appearance they'd taken so often as of late since the waterworks threatened at every given opportunity upon Ed's self-dismissal from her life. "You said I could be with Sirius, and I thank you for trusting me, but when I got that letter, and before it for that matter, all I've been thinking about is you. I don't understand what I've done, Ed, but I want to learn so I can try to be better. Nothing, absolutely nothing, is worth the torture of being apart from you." Trish shifted her eyes between both of his before continuing on that train of thought. "As thoughtful as that scene upstairs was, I don't want to be with Sirius."

That look on Ed's face coupled with her own insecurities cut like a knife, and Trish could no longer take it. She removed her hand from his leg in order to do something a bit more daring, something a bit more along the lines of normal for the two best mates. Shifting her body so that she could sit with her back toward the head of the bed like Ed's, Trish finally, hesitatingly rested her head against his shoulder. The arm that wasn't pinned against her and Ed crossed over Trish in order for her to rest her hand on his chest as she closed her eyes briefly. Worst case scenario, he could push her away or up and walk away himself. She had to try for it all the same though. Merlin only knew how she needed it. Though that reminder she from Ed that she needed him more than he needed her still stung like none other, she had to indulge herself this once. Selfish as it was, she had to try to get him to let her be, well, Trish with him. "I know you don't need me to fix things all the time," she began in a softer voice, a near whisper as she shifted her head up to look at him while she rested against his body slightly. "But I would give anything if you'd just let me try once more. I miss us. I miss you, Ed."

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throwmeabone
2011-05-16 12:46 pm UTC (link)

Ed sat there in silence after Trish had moved over to his bed. He felt his breath quicken, realising that things were bound to change. Listening to her speak and feeling her hand on his knee was somewhat soothing especially since they hadn't been this close for a while. The look she gave him as she spoke though quickly made Ed all the more hesitant about telling Trish the truth. He noticed the glassy appearance of her blue eyes and he couldn't help but beat himself up about it. He was the one who hurt her in all this, and the irony of it all was unbelievable. All this time he'd been shooing off any of her potential suitors because he didn't want her to get hurt, but in the end they hadn't hurt her, he had. And thinking about that for a moment caused him too much pain, because at the end of it all, whether he told Trish he loved her or not, he just wanted her to be happy. And while the last weeks had caused her as much pain as him, he was sure that maybe one day she'd be okay, she could be happy. But on the other hand, letting her go wasn't an option, it didn't take much for him to come to that conclusion. He needed Trish more than he needed anyone, he already knew that prior to their little separation, but now more than ever he believed it. He could continue how they were before by burying his feelings. Though, if he did that, he wasn't sure he would be okay with watching Trish prance off with another bloke. It wasn't how he was wired, hell, he was pretty sure no one in his position would. Ed briefly thought of Edwin and Marlene. As much as he respected both of them, especially Eddie, he couldn't do what Eddie does every single day. He also couldn't lie to her anymore, especially after she practically pleaded with him.

Her hand still rested on his knee, he looked her directly in the eyes, his face softening a little at the mention of her thoughts during their separation. Sure, one would assume they were strictly platonic and Ed did believe that to his very core, but he couldn't help but feel a little reassured by the thought. The reassurance she gave him about Sirius helped him relax a little, allowing a brief moment of easiness spread over his body before responding to what his best mate had just said. Now, Ed never rarely had trouble speaking or expressing how he felt about a situation, but here and now, it was almost as if someone had hexed his mouth shut. Ed swallowed the lump in his throat, nodding his head slowly, his features still relatively soft and expressing some hints of pain. "I'm sorry," he said, his voice a little husky before he cleared his throat before continuing. "I mean for not trusting you, for making this difficult, for preventing you to be happy with whatever bloke you chose. I'm sorry for everything," he said, looking down trying to avert her eyes as he felt ashamed about his previous actions.

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throwmeabone
2011-05-16 12:46 pm UTC (link)

Ed watched her as she moved a little hesitantly next to him. As he felt her head on his shoulder, he wrapped one arm around her, more out of instinct than anything else. With Trish being so close to him, he felt an easiness and peacefulness in her body as she rested her hand on his chest. Ed kissed the top of her head softly before looking straight forward as she spoke. He winced slightly, almost in physical pain as she mentioned his desire regarding her fixing everything. What he had previously said to her over journals had been hurtful, and out of order. In fact, even though what his words might have suggested, it was one of his favorite things about her. She cared way too much, and with the quality came her natural wish to fix things that were broken. And even more so, fix the things he'd broken. He believed every word she said, because he felt them too. He had missed what they used to be, and that was one of the reasons why he was so hesitant in telling her the feelings he had developed. Because as soon as he said them, there would be no turning back, they wouldn't be what them. They'd be different. Whether she snubbed him or whether she may have felt the same way. Ed believing in the former meant that he was holding on to this moment a little longer, in hopes of somehow saving it in his memory so he could cherish it later. After sitting in silence for a few moments, rubbing his hand on her shoulder in some sort of reassurance, he somehow got the nerve to say something. "I don't think you can fix this, Chuckles," he said softly.

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theyank
2011-05-16 05:17 pm UTC (link)

Nothing spoke peace to Trish more than seeing Ed properly look her in the eyes again. The past several days, had she been lucky enough to catch his gaze, it was almost always met with pain. She could tell he wasn’t doing well, and that in turn caused her to mimic his discomfort. It wasn’t a conscious choice really. Little did she think about it before, but whenever one of them felt something, the other one tended to reap the consequences of that feeling as well. If Trish was angry or upset, Ed was typically angry or upset. In this case, Ed was clearly struggling with something that caused him pain, and that realization caused her pain of her own. Most of that pain was accentuated in the fact she hadn’t been able to help him out before now. While Trish was certain nothing she’d said thus far had changed things, it still benefited her to believe maybe it was getting better. At least they were together again. She had faith the rest would eventually follow suit.

When Ed apologized to her, she could hear the struggle in his voice. It wasn’t his usual confident, secure tone of voice. It was rather broken and soft. Needless to say, it was cause for concern. In all the time they’d been friends, this wasn’t common for Ed. In fact, the only time she could recall him behaving in a similar fashion was back in fourth year when Aunt Muriel died. Considering this realization, Trish frowned slightly. She didn’t want to be the cause that warranted such a response from her best friend. Last time she’d been the one consoling him, now she was the reason it boiled down to this. She continued to rest against him, trying her best to sort through everything she’d heard, seen, and felt in that brief stint of time with Ed. Her thoughts, however, were interrupted when she felt the warmth of his arm around her and his face against the top of her head. That more natural, comfortable state provoked a little more peace within her as it was a return to normalcy for the two of them.

Although she couldn’t see his wince from the way she was positioned, Trish could feel Ed’s body tense slightly. After all was said and done, she felt somewhat guilty for provoking such a reaction from him, but Trish simply saw no way around telling him the extent of what she had been puzzling over the past several days. Well, truthfully this only scraped the surface of what she had to say, but it was a pretty nice place to start at least. It was at that point the silence took over temporarily, Trish allowing her eyes to close as she felt the rise and fall of Ed’s chest. As painful as the situation was, it was equally reassuring. Before that night she never would have believed it if someone told her she could feel both pain and pleasure at the same time. It certainly was a new experience, but one she’d gladly alter in a heartbeat. Trish wanted to go back to their carefree, reckless happiness. She hated that this had become their norm during their final year at Hogwarts.

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theyank
2011-05-16 05:17 pm UTC (link)

Fortunately Ed didn’t remain silent forever. The negative side to that was when he said he doubted she could fix this. Every fiber within her demanded otherwise, and Trish didn’t know what exactly “this” was, but she was determined to prove Ed wrong. If it had something to do with her, the girl was going to see to it she conquered whatever reserve he had regarding the situation. Thinking back to what he’d said before, Trish clung to his shirt with the hand against his chest, shifting her face up to his as she slightly straightened up. “But I can fix it,” she insisted, her eyes shifting between his. “You don’t have to be sorry about anything if I just choose not to have anyone. You won’t have to try to prevent anything ever again.” It was a pretty lofty ambition coming from Trish, but she believed with all her heart she could do it. Sure, it would probably mean weeding out pieces of her along the way because it was just natural for her to flirt, but after seeing where it had gotten her with Ed, Trish was absolutely certain the memory of this moment would keep her on the straight and narrow. If that was all it took, surely Ed would be happy again, and she could work out the rest of her problems along the way. This had been a long time coming anyway. She had read on Ursula’s journal that others were saying she was easy, and it stirred her enough to realize something had to change soon. She’d never thought any of this to be a problem before, but that was because most of the people she flirted around with were friends of hers that probably wouldn’t have told her otherwise despite what they felt about it. Needless to say, she didn’t need anything else to help her stand out. Her culture alone was enough to do that, and it wasn’t always for the better. Something as simple as the “American” way she stabbed at her food was a cause for amusement with some of her classmates, and such things were tough habits to break. She figured it would sooner be easier to write off her flirtatious side than anything else, so committing to that now in front of Ed didn’t leave her in fear of whether or not she could follow through. Failure wasn’t an option.

To put it plainly, Trish was somewhat desperate and fighting going into complete panic mode. Ed’s touch was probably the only thing keeping her calm at that point. The way he doubted whether or not she could fix it made her feel like he was resolving to submit to this state of awkwardness between them, like he was willing to throw in the towel and write off any hope of them regaining their former footing with one another. After a few more seconds of silence between them, Trish rested her head against his chest again. She lifted the hand that was resting against his shirt closer to her face, holding the fabric there as she attempted to remain still. However, she could no longer control herself. The panic that was within her slowly trickled out, this time in the form of tears. She tried not to let him see her crying, knowing well enough how it could make people say things they didn’t truly mean only to get the other person to stop. Try as she might, Trish couldn’t stop herself. Choking back the tears only caused her body to shake, and allowing them to continue only dampened Ed’s shirt. Either way he was bound to find out. She squeezed her eyes shut in hopes she could prevent any more from surfacing, running her thumb over her eyelids to try to dry her eyes and suppress them at the same time. “I’m sorry,” she finally choked out in a whisper, not allowing herself to look at Ed for fear he’d be swayed by her pain. “I’m fine. I don’t understand, but I’ll be okay with whatever you think you need.”

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throwmeabone
2011-05-17 11:31 am UTC (link)

As Trish shifted her body so that she could look him straight in the face, his current mood only took a turn for the worst. There was a few things he would love to do in this current moment, but looking at Trish when she looked they way she did was the last thing he wanted to do. His pain only increased when she insisted that she could fix this. Trish had no clue on what was happening to him, and 'fixing this' was the last thing she'd be able to do. Because at the end of everything, his feelings hadn't faded even despite his desperate attempts to make them do so, and now he was just stuck. He was stuck feeling like this and more specifically they were both stuck in this situation because of him. No matter how hard they may try, they wouldn't be the way they were ever again. He'd weighed out most of his options, some that even considered him just cutting and running, but through the many fleeting thoughts in his mind he had managed to come to some sort of conclusion. That conclusion being that Trish deserved complete and utter honestly despite the pain it might cause him as a consequence, or the confusion it might inflict her with. It wasn't something he was particularly looking forward to, actually, in all honesty he was perfectly content with staying how they currently were, her head leaning on his chest while one of his arms were wrapped around her cozily. But he couldn't let the silence fill the room any longer, especially when he heard her sobbing.

There were very few things Ed was scared of, and Trish crying was one of them. He wasn't awkward at comforting per say, but he just found it terribly heartbreaking. After all, when she hurt, he hurt too. But, this only worsened when his thoughts started nagging him again, constantly reminding him that he was to blame. Ed opened his mouth to speak, to reassure her, to just say something but nothing came out. He was pretty sure that it was because for once in his life, he would actually have to think before he spoke. Ed wrapped his other arm around her front, meeting his other hand on her shoulder as he kissed the top of her head again. "Please don't cry, love," he whispered into her hair before kissing her head once more. "This isn't you, I promise. This is me. And you can't fix me, I can't fix me either." He moved his outer hand from her shoulder to lift her chin up slowly so she'd look at him again. "Don't apologize, please just don't," said Ed, a pleading and broken look had taken upon his features. "This is all me. It's me, I promise. You didn't do anything," he said in a soft tone, hoping that he was somehow he was reassuring her in this mess. "I can't, I mean, I've fucked this up." He said again, gently wiping her cheek with his thumb, despite the fact she'd done her best to hide her tears. "There's something, I mean, I can't lie to you anymore, Chuckles. I can try to make this okay, but I don't think anything I do now will."

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theyank
2011-05-18 05:10 am UTC (link)

If you had asked Trish last month if she ever could foresee something putting such a wedge between her and Ed, she would have laughed in your face. They truly were the unbreakable pair as far as she could tell. Invincible hardly describes the way their friendship made her feel at times, but this was the opposite side of the coin. While Ed had the potential to build her up to newer heights, and so often did, he also held the same capacity to ground Trish just as quickly. This was one of those times. She could tell whatever was going on left him with hardly any rest. If he truly was warring within himself over whatever this was, Trish would have to find a way to maneuver back into his good graces. She wasn’t sure how or when, but she would. She could pester him until the hippogriffs came home. Providing Trish had access to Ed, which was almost a surefire thing thanks to wand-tracking, Trish was right as rain.

All thoughts of ridiculous measures to secure Ed’s friendship were momentarily averted when Ed wrapped his other arm around Trish, distinctly placing a kiss against her hair. Trish squeezed her eyes shut all the more while silently internalizing things. She heard him plead with her, and even wanted to appease him as best she possibly could, but Trish could hardly help it. The first true friendship she’d known on this side of the ocean, and her strongest friendship at that, was hanging by a thread. To be honest, she didn’t care who took the blame at this point. She just wanted it sorted. Trish desired nothing more than to see that familiar and uplifting smile on Ed’s face, and feel the warmth of his arms when not met in response to her own pain or discomfort. The girl grabbed a fistful of his shirt as she held it over her mouth, trying to choke back tears that had managed to only sound like hiccups in the process. After a few minutes of that Trish was able to recompose herself to some degree. At least the tears had become silent, warm ones. As Ed guided her chin back up so she was left with no option but looking at him again, she let out a breath she hadn’t realized she was holding to begin with. Trish shifted her bloodshot eyes between his, desperate to reiterate she had no idea what he was talking about. The girl’s pride, or perhaps her sanity, prevented her from repeating the fact she had no idea what he was talking about. Ed was perfectly aware she didn’t understand. If she had, she probably would have already come up with a foolproof way to make amends. She was sure of that much. Trish finally forced a weak smile before burying her face into the boy’s neck. For a while it was quiet again as she attempted to steady her breath and slow it down a bit. Finally when Trish felt she had a good grip on herself again, she pulled her face away from his skin. “When have you ever fucked up anything I couldn’t fix?” she inquired, forcing another smile as her hands both tugged at Ed’s shirt, Trish giving it her best attempt to look completely on top of things. The truth of the matter was she was beating herself up inside because, no matter what he did, it felt as if her pursuit of romantic intimacy was what sent him overboard, where Sirius and the others were concerned.

Trish shifted her eyes from her hands, releasing his shirt as she averted them to back to his. “Boner, I don’t know what you did, but I don’t care. You don’t have to lie to me. You can tell me anything. I’m your Chuckles.” She was actually quite nervous about what he might say. Normally she could try to work through Ed’s mind and get scarily close to the truth before he even mentioned anything was up. This was certainly not the usual case.

Slowly moving her chin out from fingers, Trish nuzzled her face to where her nose rested against his cheek. She gave him a gentle nuzzle, as was typical for the two, prior to a kiss on the cheek before pulling away and looking at him again with all seriousness. "Edgar... please." Her raw throat caused her voice to be cracked and shakey , but Trish couldn’t care in the least at this very moment. All she knew was what she wanted to hear, and what she wanted to hear was that it would all be sorted and Ed would soon be back to his goofy, crazy, fun-loving self.

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throwmeabone
2011-05-19 11:57 am UTC (link)

There were very few things that Ed had difficulty saying. Probably the most difficult was the speech he had to give at Aunt Muriel's funeral. Nothing had ever torn him up like that before, well, until now. Ed was completely aware that despite Trish falling silent for a few moments that tears were still streaming down her face, the majority of them being soaked up by his now very crinkled shirt. Wherever his mind was at currently, it was becoming more and more clear. He knew what he had to do, but that was very different from what he wanted to do. He was leaning towards the former, feeling like he had been kicked in the stomach repeatedly as Trish continued to cry. Ed didn't know exactly what she was expecting to hear from him, nor did he believe that she knew how utterly confused he was feeling. All he knew was that his distant had, and still was, inflicting immense pain on his best mate. One side of his mouth titled up as Trish asked him what she couldn't fix, and released a exasperated sigh. What he was feeling can only be described as two things - fixable and unfixable. There was no in between. There was no out if Trish didn't feel the same way he did, it'd just return the way it had before, only him feeling utterly broken.

As Trish continued to plead, his heart dropping more and more every time she spoke. He couldn't sit there in silence any longer, watching his friend suffer just so he could relish a fleeting, yet extremely unpleasant moment. Ed was being selfish and he knew it. Something that never really occurred to him until now, because as he heard Trish continue to plead with him, everything about himself just became clear. He was selfish for the fact that he had inflicted pain on Trish for his own benefit, he was dishonest because he was still sitting here, refusing to tell Trish everything. All in all, Ed saw himself as a coward, and a selfish friend, and that was something that Trish didn't deserve, he didn't deserve her. However, here she sat, still wanting to be around him, still wanting to fix everything with him despite everything he'd done to her. He sat in silence, barely moving, only shutting his eyes for a few moments when she said that she was his chuckles.

Ed made no swift movements, even when she moved closer to him, nuzzling his cheek and planting a soft kiss there. It even made him smile for a fleeting moment, but just as quickly as it had tugged on his lips, it had fallen. Normally, Ed would scold her for calling him 'Edgar' but tonight he was too tired to care, and there was much more important things at hand. After lingering there for a few moments, the closeness proved to be a little too much and he quickly took his arms from around her back, and gently moving her aside so he could sit up straight, his legs dangling over the side of the bed. His head fell in his hand, a sign of complete distress before he got up from the bed, wanting to think everything through for a moment. Briefly separating himself from Trish did him some good, and slowly his thoughts became a little more clearer and less blurred. After pacing for a few moments, begging to Merlin that Trish would keep quiet for a few more seconds. He made his way back to the bed, sitting down on the edge looking directly at Trish. He rubbed the side of his face in frustration as he tried to get his thoughts all together. He reached out for her hands, resting one of hand on hers while the other rested closer to his body. "I can't, I mean," he sighed heavily, once again feeling annoyed with himself. He gritted his teeth and told himself to stop acting like a fucking pansy. "I reckon I sodding love you." He said straight out, he took a moment to realise he finally said it, a smile playing at his lips not realy worrying about what Trish would say, because it didn't matter. He had finally said it, and it felt like a huge weight had been lifted off his shoulders.

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theyank
2011-05-20 08:46 am UTC (link)

His fleeting smile certainly didn’t go unnoticed. Trish cherished it the short time it lasted, remotely pleased with herself for provoking such a response from her otherwise uneasy friend. She could tell he was tense, but why he was seemed to evade her. Needless to say, it had her worrying more than ever, which was something pretty impressive for Trish. She tended to internalize just about everything, so worry became second nature where her mates were involved. This was different though. She couldn’t quite make out why, but she did perceive that much. In all the years she’d known Ed, he had never been so serious for such an extended amount of time. It was a rarity indeed when Trish couldn’t pull him out of a slump. This was foreign territory for her, and she didn’t like it one bit. As exciting as change could be, this wasn’t something she perceived as an acceptable one.

The few seconds of relief she’d felt by seeing his smile only faded back into concern when Ed released his hold on her. Once again she felt vulnerable and rather useless. Ed moved to the edge of his bed, holding his head in his hands as he refrained from contact with her. In an attempt to keep herself composed, Trish pulled her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. She was feeling nauseated all over again, and as much as she hoped to push it aside and just throw her arms around her friend again, she knew this wasn’t the time for such things. He had distanced himself for a reason, one Trish hoped he’d just come out with sooner rather than later. She couldn’t fix it if he wouldn’t allow her the chance.

When Ed abruptly got up from the bed and began pacing the room, Trish took it as her opportunity to dry her silent tears that still threatened to fall. She didn’t want him to continue to see her in a state of complete loss, knowing well enough that would make his situation more unbearable, whatever his situation was. Once she’d wiped her face off on her sleeve a few times, Trish shifted her attention back to her best mate. She hated seeing him like that. It was almost like watching an agitated, caged animal after being snatched from his natural environment. Unnerving to say the very least! Trish chewed on her lip anxiously as she waited for some sign he’d come around, and was somewhat relieved when Ed took a seat on the bed again. The fact he was making eye contact was a positive sign, but Trish recognized too well the anxious way he rubbed his face. She tried to remain calm for his sake, but everything within Trish was starting to get worked into a state of panic. Trish straightened her legs out on the bed again, shifting back against Ed’s pillows in an attempt to make herself appear more at ease. Within seconds of her moving, Ed placed a hand over hers. That was fortunately all it took to bring more peace back to her, however little that peace was. He began to speak but stopped rather abruptly again, and Trish nearly opened her mouth to encourage him to continue. She was glad she didn’t, however, because it was followed by precisely what she needed to hear.

Ed and Trish had said they loved each other before, so it wasn’t exactly something that had her reeling. She figured it was just his way of preparing her for whatever else he had to say. Little did she realize this time he meant more. When Ed smiled, it did confuse her. It was almost as if he wasn’t planning on continuing. Surely he had something massive to thrust on her judging by the way he was acting. Trish’s eyes remained glued to his, and when he didn’t speak for a few more seconds, she lifted her fingers that were beneath his hand to link them with his. “I know, Boner. I love you, too. Nothing you have to say will ever change that,” she assured him. With that, Trish decided to move closer to Ed again, partly because the distance made her feel sick and partly because she wanted to drive home she meant exactly what she said. Keeping her hand in his, Trish shifted herself around to sit on the edge of the bed near him. Then she brought her other hand over on top of his, looking back to Ed once more. “Tell me what’s on your mind."

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throwmeabone
2011-05-21 10:22 am UTC (link)

Ed almost felt like laughing. Her confusion in the matter was only making it worse, because after the brief moment of relief, came the realisation that he'd actually have to sit there and explain everything. It wasn't a big surprise that she didn't understand the full meaning of what he had just said, after all, saying 'I love you' was the norm for them. He sighed heavily again, shaking his head fiercely, wondering why she had to be so clueless in this particular situation. Ed gave her a look that probably was best described as one of his many childish looks. It was a little less flamboyant than it normally was, but all the same, it still communicated what he was wanting to, one that said 'are you that clueless?' in a friendly, 'I love that about you' type of way. Ed furrowed his eyebrows slightly, his noses crinkling up as she moved closer, telling him to share with her his thoughts. He grew a little frustrated, similar to an impatient kid on Christmas morning, only wanting her to just get what he said. So much for her knowing everything he was thinking. Ed kind of hoped it would go that way, where Trish would simply know what he was thinking once he had said it, however, Trish remained as clueless as before. Though, that was granted, because after everything they've been through, well, they were just best mates, nothing more, well, until now.

Ed fidgeted a little, growing a little more anxious than he had been before as he avoided Trish's face, looking directly forward at the bed beside his. The whole situation was fucking ridiculous, after all that time he shooed off any other blokes that came near Trish, calling them sods and whatnot, and suddenly he was one of them. He had to sit there feeling like a complete prick, trying to sum up his feelings in a few sentences. However, for some unknown reason he wasn't feeling hurt anymore, nor did he feel terrified. Sure, there was still that forever lingering nervous pit in his stomach, but he knew whatever did happen, Trish would still be in his life. He'd make sure of that, and knowing Trish the way he did meant that she'd make sure of it too. Whether the feelings were recuperated or not. The one hand that wasn't currently intertwined with Trish' made its way to the bridge of his nose before he rubbed his right cheek in impatience.

After a few moments of brief hesitation, he looked back at Trish, hoping that he didn't sound like a complete and utter arse. Ed breathed out heavily in exasperation before moving his other hand to rest on her knee. "No," he said firmly. "I reckon I'm in love with you," he finished, hoping that was enough, hoping that Trish would fill the silence up with her voice.

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theyank
2011-05-21 05:49 pm UTC (link)

Although Trish typically understood her best mate’s words, she never had anticipated a move in the direction he was heading. If she was honest with herself, Trish probably had suspicions those three words meant something more this time around. However, she wasn’t allowing herself to think that far into it. He was her best friend, which was all the rationale she needed to back up her belief that he was just preparing her for something else he wasn’t quite willing to say. The way he looked at her as if exasperated she couldn’t read his mind would have warranted a punch in the arm any other day. At this point in time she was completely lost in thought, puzzling over circumstances that could warrant such undertones of complete seriousness. It made her increasingly uncomfortable, particularly after her move closer to him didn’t cause Ed any further peace as far as she could tell. He looked like he was in pain that only increased when she attempted to do what had always been normal for them, and that was further cause for the inner breakdown.

Ed certainly didn’t make her feel any better when he began staring blankly ahead of him. It was almost as if he was purposely avoiding her eye contact at that point, so any chance she had at trying to read his expression was stifled. Then again, the fact she thought she might understand him at all right now was laughable at best. Trish had no clue where her best friend was going with all of this even when he’d already stated plainly what he’d been thinking. She tilted her head in an attempt to see his facial expressions better, but when Ed continued fidgeting and avoiding her gaze, Trish gave up and sat upright once more. Giving his hand a gentle squeeze as if to encourage him to come out with it she waited as patiently as she could. His sigh certainly caught her attention, Trish shifting her eyes back to his as he placed his other hand on her knee.

The words that he reiterated finally sunk in, and they succeeded in causing her heart to race once more. Any sense of calm reserve she had formerly exercised was thrown out the window. Her eyes widened, Trish then realizing he was still looking at her and turning her gaze away from Ed’s to try to collect herself again. Of all the things he could have said, this was the one she wasn’t prepared for. It wasn’t that his words weren’t received well by Trish. To the contrary, she found herself a bit on edge over the fact she hadn’t attempted to tactfully slip out of his room yet. Despite all the boys Trish had ever been with and how far they’d gone, she had never truly felt she loved them, at least not on this level. Sure, she’d heard some of them say those three words before, but she always managed to evade that requirement to say it back. Trish wasn’t the type to say things she didn’t mean, or at least things she didn’t think she meant. That was precisely why it took her a little longer to respond this time.

She wasn’t dealing with some random guy she’d met in Hogsmeade, nor some casual friend she could bear to live without. No, this was Ed, her Ed as she’d always deemed him. That only stood to reason she had to tread carefully at this point. Needless to say, Trish didn’t have the cleanest track record when it came to relationships. He knew that better than any other guy who Trish had been with thus far, and yet Ed still felt this way about her? Trish shifted her eyes back to his, trying to keep herself as calm as possible but truly failing within. “Are you… sure? I mean, how do you know?” She wasn’t only asking for his sake, but hers as well. This truly changed the game up entirely. All this time the two of them had spent convincing everyone else that they were genuinely just best mates, and here they were now.

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theyank
2011-05-21 05:58 pm UTC (link)

Trish’s question to Ed got her thinking herself though, and thanks to the past several miserable days, she had some legs to stand on when it came to reasoning through this as best she could. How was she so sure her love for Ed didn’t transcend what she’d always assumed it was? She had admitted to Edwin that no break up she’d ever experienced compared to the agony she was going through over her time apart from Ed. To say Trish had obsessed over him the past week was an understatement. If she was honest with herself, he was the only person in her life she couldn’t bring herself to imagine ever not being there. They had been through so much together, and along the way, she had developed a love for Ed. Trish always assumed their love to be deeper and considerably more pure than anything she could ever experience in the context of a romance. It never had crossed her mind she could mesh what they had into a committed relationship, and even if so, that lingering fear she’d muck everything up and lose him tugged at her mind. Trish didn’t do commitment. Everyone knew that. Ed even knew that. Yet here he was opening his heart up to her, knowing the potential consequences of that. Trish admired him for his leap of faith, and truthfully in only amplified her own feelings. If he trusted her and what he thought they could have, surely she could, too.

The question was no longer whether or not Trish felt she reciprocated the feelings. She knew the love she had for Ed was deeper than just friends. There was no other feasible explanation as to why her happiness depended so greatly on his. She had dumped many a guy for Ed, simply because he wasn’t pleased with her relationship with said suitor, and never did Trish think anything more of it. Sure, she knew it had to do with the fact she could sooner free herself of a boyfriend than Ed, but it never crossed her mind until now as to why that was. That made this new territory even more unnerving. If something happened, it could be the end of everything she’d ever known with Ed, and that scared her to the point of tears—quite literally! The truth of the matter was they’d already taken this leap, whether either of them were ready or not. What was left to reason was that they’d either have to face this head on and give it their best effort, or they’d be left trying to fight it for Merlin only knew how much longer.

Trish closed her eyes for a second, removing her hand that had been placed over theirs in order to wipe her face on her sleeve. She swallowed the lump in her throat once more before shifting her eyes back to Ed’s. As much as Trish wanted to say something, anything to let him know how she felt and the fears that had taken over, she couldn’t bring herself to utter a word. What seemed easier to her was showing him. Trish lifted her free hand, hesitating for a second before allowing it to settle on his jawbone. She took in a deep breath before slowly, anxiously moving her face closer to his. Trish hesitated once again, her eyes shifting from his down to his lips. The uncertainty of it was what made her feel sick, but she found the closer she got to Ed, the more she wanted this. Allowing her eyelids to finally droop closed, Trish went the rest of the way to find the warmth of his lips more comforting than anything either of them had said or done thus far.

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throwmeabone
2011-05-24 05:01 am UTC (link)

Trish's first reaction to what he previously stated sent him into overdrive. He felt panicked and he wanted to do everything in his power to look away from her but he just couldn't. Thankfully, she looked away for him. Whenever situations like this arsed, Ed would rather not think too much into one's facial expressions, and because of the heavy weight of the current topic at hand, well, he wasn't too keen on being rejected. And, from the way Trish's eyes had immediately widened, all he was thinking about is how bad this could turn out. Ed just wanted out of this whole situation now. He'd taken a chance and by her refusal to look at him, made the poor bloke want to cut and run. His eyes darted towards the door, wondering if he could just sneak out without her chasing after him. However, for some unknown reason he continued to sit there in silence, waiting for Trish to say whatever she needed, even though he was absolutely terrified. If this whole thing blew up in both their faces, well, it'd be all on him. It would be his own fault for breaking up the best friendship he had ever had. His previous words seem to echo a little more than another of his words. He swallowed the lump in his throat, finally dropping his eyes from her turned head. He bent over slightly, resting his arms his knees as his hand clasped together.

His gaze concentrated on the floor in front of him, the anxious feeling he was currently feeling only escalated at the prolonged silent. As soon as he heard her voice, his eyes immediately shot up to reach hers again. Her question caused him to farrow his brows as he pondered on the thought for a while. He sat up straight again, running a hand through his hair, before finding hers again, not really sure how to answer it. The fact was that he ultimately knew that he was sure, hell, the time they spent apart was taken up by him constantly thinking it over and over, and still the feeling didn't go away. He knew what he wanted to say, he just didn't know how to put it. Ed's features softened practically mentally begging her to just drop it and take what he said for what it was. Ed sighed heavily again, refusing to say anything because he honestly felt like he couldn't, and well, maybe he shouldn't have to. After all, he finally had told her what was on his mind and that had to be enough, right? Well, according to Trish it wasn't. She still wanted more.

The silence was like a knife to the gut, and he wanted nothing more then to fill it up like he normally did. It was hard for him to sit her and feel this way. Ed was never one for silences, and considering that he was the reason for such a long one, well, that was even more terrifying. After all, his feelings over the time they spent apart had turned him into a completely different person, and that was a little irksome. However, there was a tinge of hope deep down inside of him, especially when he realised how at home he felt with his best mate. Ed's gaze had slightly dropped again, but his eyes immediately found hers when he felt her moving. Her hand moved from beneath his, he noticed it hesitating before it reached his jawbone. His eyes concentrated on her own, knowing what was about to happen, hoping that she actually wanted to do this. As her face moved closer to his, his own hands cupped her face gently before his thumb caressed her right cheekbone. Once their lips met, he realised there was no turning back. His lips responded quickly, a little hungrily, after all he wanted this. His right hand moved down to the back of her neck before his fingers intertwined with strands of her hair, while his other hand slid down her back, pulling her in even closer as he deepened the kiss. He broke the kiss after a few moments to plant some tender and quick kisses on her jawline, slowly moving down her neck before meeting her lips again.

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theyank
2011-05-24 11:40 pm UTC (link)

Although this was entirely new territory for the two best mates, Trish found herself adapting to it rather quickly. Prior to a few minutes ago she never would have perceived this as a possibility, but having been swept up in the moment with Ed she realized nothing felt more natural than taking it this route. Of course it was surprising. If you had told Trish yesterday she'd wind up making out with her best friend today and it would be enough to send her heart racing, she probably would have laughed at you. Not only did it seem impossible, but the girl had so much experience in relationships that typically she was the instigator of the next moves. That being said, it left little room for her to remember the feel of butterflies in her stomach (for lack of a better phrase). Not only did she feel the desire behind Ed's actions, but something more was there. She couldn't quite place her finger on it, but already this had breached new grounds for Trish. She had never felt this way within the context of a romantic relationship before, and she had experienced her fair share! Trish puzzled over it while they were kissing, trying to establish whether the feeling was a warning or further proof this was the real deal. She didn't feel so afraid anymore, but at the same time, it did concern her that neither of them seemed to have much control over this. Within passionate moments Trish almost always felt composed enough to break it off at any second, but this was different. She didn't want to leave for fear it would be something she couldn’t recapture once the moment was broken.

As Ed pulled Trish closer against him, she followed his lead. She hadn't even noticed the way his hand on the small of her back had managed to lift her shirt slightly in the midst of their urges. Her own hands slid further back on his head, lacing her fingers in his unruly curls as they snogged. She only lowered them further down to his chest when Ed pulled back from the kiss, but her eyelids quickly shut again as his lips trailed down to her jaw. The way her heart was racing, Trish was convinced he had to feel her pulse as he kissed her neck. She tilted her head back and pressed her torso closer against him as his lips tickled her skin, only opening her eyes again as he moved his face back up to hers. Without another moment's hesitation, Trish shifted her leg nearest Ed's over both of his. She kept her face inches away from his as she climbed into his lap to face him, both hands wrapped around his neck as she guided herself down on him. Without a doubt this had to be the craziest thing she'd ever done, mostly because the emotions behind them was backed by something stronger this time . It was risky; the whole situation was! However, her actions were met with a confidence that was foreign to her. Any uncertainties she'd had about the potential of messing things had been tossed to the wind, and for once she felt as if her heart had taken over autopilot.

Once again their lips met, Trish tilting her head to deepen the kiss. Within a matter of seconds her fingers had slipped underneath the collar of his shirt to brush his skin. Her other hand slowly trailed down the front of Ed's chest, only stopping once it approached the bottom hem of his shirt. She shifted it around to his back, pressing the fabric up eagerly to allow her hand to meet his skin there as well. Once she was satisfied, Trish pulled herself tighter against Ed. They continued on for a little while longer before the girl slowed herself down, slightly nervous as to how far she might take it otherwise. Hardly did she worry anymore that this wasn't best for them. To the contrary, Trish had become more acutely aware this scene of theirs might potentially cause a heart attack should one of Ed's roommates pop their head into the dorm. Within the kiss, she found her lips tugging into a smile as she viewed them from another’s perspective.

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theyank
2011-05-24 11:41 pm UTC (link)

Heart still beating out her chest Trish reluctantly forced herself to break the kiss. Her fingers were still clenched firmly in place while she licked her own lips, slowly opening her eyes to look down at Ed, her Ed. Trish’s own blue eyes danced between his as if unsure of which one to focus on. Giving up the fight, she smiled again and rested her forehead against his. Trish inhaled deeply prior to what came next, readjusting the hand that had been under his shirt to meet the other one on his neck once more. "Ed?" Trish spoke slightly above that of a whisper. "I love you, too."

Suffice to say this was a first for Trish. She avoided the l-word at all costs within the context of such a passionate relationship, mostly as a means of guarding herself, but also because she'd never truly felt that way about any other guy. It felt scary and exciting all the same to say it and know it meant something greater than she'd ever known before. That aside, she could safely say she had experienced a first with her best friend, something she would always remember to be the first and potentially only time she had done so. For someone like Trish it was a rarity indeed to experience newness in this regard, but already she and Ed had discovered that within their snog session. "I love you so much," she repeated after placing another gentle kiss on his lips, her hands cupping his jawline as she pulled back again.

Unaware of what this new territory meant for them, Trish found herself hoping it would breach a committed level. Again, that was foreign. Usually she avoided tying herself down at all costs. Yet this was one circumstance she would gladly repeat as often as possible if only guaranteed the outlet. After a few more seconds of staring at Ed, still a great deal surprised by where the evening found the two of them, Trish shifted her body around a little more in order to get comfortable enough to rest her head in the groove of his neck. Nuzzling her nose against his skin once more , Trish placed a soft kiss on the surface of his skin. “What now?” she vaguely asked, hoping Ed would have some sort of solution to what to make of this entire thing.

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throwmeabone
2011-05-26 11:43 am UTC (link)

Once Trish had swung her leg around to position herself in his lap he felt himself wanting this more and more. Over the past week there had been a slight tinge of worry or doubt regarding his feelings. Because, the situation they were currently in - them getting slightly hot and heavy - could have gone the complete opposite way. He could have told her he loved her, they may have snogged, and then well, he could have maybe realised he didn't see her in any way other than her being his best mate. But as his hands slided up the side of her thighs, making their way to her lower back, he was suddenly felt reassured him that he did want her in this way. Actually, right now, he wanted her quite badly. As he felt Trish's smile on his lips he formed one of his own before it faltered slightly as she pulled away.

To say that Ed was surprised at what his best mate had just said would have been an understatement. In fact, as far as Ed knew Trish had never said that to a bloke, and mean it in the way he assumed she did. As much as he tried, he couldn't hide his grin. He cupped the side of her face and meet her lips for a tender kiss. "I love you too," he whispered against his lips as he pulled away. Ed almost felt like laughing. All of his worrying had not been necessary. Sure, there was still apart of him that was concerned on what all this meant, but as long as she wasn't running for the hills he was happy. Even more so now because of the fact that she was in his arms, and in a more of a mate kind of way. Though, there was still a hint of doubt in the back of his mind, something he was trying hard to ignore but there was a thousand things that could go wrong. However, he found a strange reassurance in her words, and all he had to do was remind himself that it was him and Trish. Whatever might be in store for them they will more than capable of recovering from it.

As she said he loved him once more, his smile grew again after slightly faltering while thinking of his doubts. And again, he found a reassurance in her words. He felt there was a truth in them and while he had thought of the possibility that she was doing all this because she felt compelled to earlier, he had no doubt in his mind now. Even his doubts from moments ago had slowly numbed and disappeared from his mind. He breathed in heavily, taking in her words again before he felt her lips on his once more. He returned the kiss, his head following hers for a quick moment as she pulled away.

As she rested her head against him, he wrapped his arms around her, tilting her head up with his index finger so he could kiss her forehead gently. He took a moment to think about the whole picture instead of concentrating on the fleeting thoughts that passed through his mind. It had been around about two weeks since the Halloween ball, and getting from there to here would have once seemed impossible to the Hufflepuff. But, here they were, and Merlin he was glad. But when she asked him what was next for them, his pulse quickened slightly, a little unsure on what to say. After taking a few moments, his eyes narrowing slightly as he thought everything through. "You're my best mate, you're my Chuckles, reckon it's only right if you're my girl too," he responded, his voice surprisingly calm. It took him a while to let everything sink in, realising that after all these years everyone had been right about them. Normally, Ed hated being proven wrong but in this situation he was rather smug about being wrong, and proud of it too.

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