InsaneJournal

Characters: Trish Fells & Ed Bones.
Setting: Saturday 14th of November; Great Hall / Sixth year Hufflepuff dormitory.
Summary: After Trish recieves 'Sirius' token of apperciation', Ed just kind of gives up, and realises that Ursula is right - he's pathetic.
Warning: Most likely high, just 'cause it's Ed and he tends to swear like a sailor. And Trish/Ed sadness, aw.


The past few weeks had been absolute shit for the seventh year. For one, he'd finally realised that his recent behaviour regarding both Trish and Mia was shocking, as well as the fact that he’d been treating everyone around him terribly. This was unusual for Ed, and he didn’t like it. He didn’t like acting like a prat, and hurting everyone around him but it was something that had proven to be too hard to stop. Before what had transpired at the ball he hadn’t really realised why he was always acting this way, in all honesty, he hadn’t even really acknowledged his behaviour. Ed was the type of guy who believed everything he did was with good intentions, and well, along the way, somehow he’d lost this belief. He’d also lost the belief that Trish was just his best mate, after everything that happened at the ball, he finally realised that she wasn’t just his mate. He sodding loved her, and not in the way he loved Qudditich or Bertie. After telling Trish he needed time, the feelings only had more time to settle, and he had all the more chance to think about them. He’d rethought all his previous actions, ones which usually had him telling off some poor sod that had captured Trish’s attention. Upon having his little epiphany, all of these previous misadventures just turned into regrets, because at the end of it all, he hadn’t been thinking about Trish’s wellbeing at all – he’d been thinking about his own. He’d been shooing off any potential suitors for Trish because it pissed him off too much to see her with anyone else. Maybe even hurting him to some degree, and that scared the living shit out of him. Because, after all, Trish saw him as Ed: her best mate, nothing more or nothing less so how the fuck could he put himself in such a mess? He was bloody well annoyed with himself, hoping that the separation from her was doing him some good, allowing him to bury his feelings before getting back to normal with his best mate. Well, that all went to shit when he heard it.

He’d been sitting a little further away from his usual crowd, finally coming down to dinner for once that week. His ears immediately perked up upon hearing her name, and the things that came directly after that. Ed glanced Trish's way wondering what was happening. Everything was going far too fast for his liking, he couldn’t wrap his head around it. All he had time to realise was that Sirius fucking Black was sending his Trish some stupid ass love letter with music and a rose. Black obviously wasn’t having much trouble expressing his feelings about her, and here he was, playing with his food feeling sorry for himself. Too terrified to tell Trish what he’d been thinking and feeling over the past week because he believed with every fibre in his body that she’d run for the hills. Maybe Flint was right, he was a coward and he was pathetic. Keeping his eyes on Trish, he listened to the remainder of the message, feeling a few eyes on him as his name was mentioned a couple of times. It took a lot to hurt Ed but this stung. He sunk down in his seat as the song started playing, keeping his eyes on the plate in front of him, not wanting to look up at anything or anyone. The music just seemed to make everything worse, the lyrics echoing in his ear as he felt as if everyone was looking his way, waiting for him to throw one of his usual tantrums.

After hearing the music fade away and the chatter in the hall start up again, he briefly looked her way before looking at his plate again. Ed shook his head in annoyance, this time angry with himself rather than at Black or Trish. He was a sob story, he was pathetic, and he definitely was a coward. Everything that Flint had said popped up in his mind once more, echoing almost in the form of torture. It took longer than expected to act. He firstly wanted to wait for everyone to mind their own sodding business and return to their normal dinner actives, and secondly he wanted to make sure he didn’t seem too hurt by it. Pushing his plate away, he arose from his seat heading towards Trish’s direction. He reached her eventually in a matter of seconds, though, if you asked Ed he would have said it felt like years, because what he was about to say was going to hurt like hell. But in all fact, and despite not believing in everything had had been saying since the start of term, he honestly believed in what he was about to say. He didn’t notice who was around her, because in all honestly he didn’t want to remember who witnessed his sob story. He stared down at Trish for a moment, before his eyes reached the rose that sat on the table. He felt a muscle in his jaw twitch before breathing out quickly to calm himself. His eyes reached Trish again as he tried not to look as hurt as he felt. "You can be with him if you want to." Ed said, in an unusual soft tone. He lingered there for a moment, refusing to look Trish in his eye before he realised he’d said his piece and that was that. He turned on his heel, trying not to pay attention to the students gawking his way as he made his way out of the great hall in a brisk pace.

All Ed wanted right now was some peace and quiet and he hoped to Merlin that his dorm was completely empty, if all else failed, he’d simply throw himself off the astronomy tower. The familiar portrait came into view and he picked up his pace, a little relieved that he was in the all clear now - there were hardly any students around that had witnessed the display. Finally reaching the sanctuary of his dorm, he threw himself on the bed, praying to Merlin that this fucking mess would just disappear already. Though, as long as Trish had his blessing then she could run off with Black and be happy, leaving him the sodding hell alone.