InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Engage."

Ed Bones. (throwmeabone) wrote in loremrpg,
@ 2011-05-14 21:25:00

Entry tags:

!incomplete, edgar bones, patricia fells

Characters: Trish Fells & Ed Bones.
Setting: Saturday 14th of November; Great Hall / Sixth year Hufflepuff dormitory.
Summary: After Trish recieves 'Sirius' token of apperciation', Ed just kind of gives up, and realises that Ursula is right - he's pathetic.
Warning: Most likely high, just 'cause it's Ed and he tends to swear like a sailor. And Trish/Ed sadness, aw.

The past few weeks had been absolute shit for the seventh year. For one, he'd finally realised that his recent behaviour regarding both Trish and Mia was shocking, as well as the fact that he’d been treating everyone around him terribly. This was unusual for Ed, and he didn’t like it. He didn’t like acting like a prat, and hurting everyone around him but it was something that had proven to be too hard to stop. Before what had transpired at the ball he hadn’t really realised why he was always acting this way, in all honesty, he hadn’t even really acknowledged his behaviour. Ed was the type of guy who believed everything he did was with good intentions, and well, along the way, somehow he’d lost this belief. He’d also lost the belief that Trish was just his best mate, after everything that happened at the ball, he finally realised that she wasn’t just his mate. He sodding loved her, and not in the way he loved Qudditich or Bertie. After telling Trish he needed time, the feelings only had more time to settle, and he had all the more chance to think about them. He’d rethought all his previous actions, ones which usually had him telling off some poor sod that had captured Trish’s attention. Upon having his little epiphany, all of these previous misadventures just turned into regrets, because at the end of it all, he hadn’t been thinking about Trish’s wellbeing at all – he’d been thinking about his own. He’d been shooing off any potential suitors for Trish because it pissed him off too much to see her with anyone else. Maybe even hurting him to some degree, and that scared the living shit out of him. Because, after all, Trish saw him as Ed: her best mate, nothing more or nothing less so how the fuck could he put himself in such a mess? He was bloody well annoyed with himself, hoping that the separation from her was doing him some good, allowing him to bury his feelings before getting back to normal with his best mate. Well, that all went to shit when he heard it.

He’d been sitting a little further away from his usual crowd, finally coming down to dinner for once that week. His ears immediately perked up upon hearing her name, and the things that came directly after that. Ed glanced Trish's way wondering what was happening. Everything was going far too fast for his liking, he couldn’t wrap his head around it. All he had time to realise was that Sirius fucking Black was sending his Trish some stupid ass love letter with music and a rose. Black obviously wasn’t having much trouble expressing his feelings about her, and here he was, playing with his food feeling sorry for himself. Too terrified to tell Trish what he’d been thinking and feeling over the past week because he believed with every fibre in his body that she’d run for the hills. Maybe Flint was right, he was a coward and he was pathetic. Keeping his eyes on Trish, he listened to the remainder of the message, feeling a few eyes on him as his name was mentioned a couple of times. It took a lot to hurt Ed but this stung. He sunk down in his seat as the song started playing, keeping his eyes on the plate in front of him, not wanting to look up at anything or anyone. The music just seemed to make everything worse, the lyrics echoing in his ear as he felt as if everyone was looking his way, waiting for him to throw one of his usual tantrums.

After hearing the music fade away and the chatter in the hall start up again, he briefly looked her way before looking at his plate again. Ed shook his head in annoyance, this time angry with himself rather than at Black or Trish. He was a sob story, he was pathetic, and he definitely was a coward. Everything that Flint had said popped up in his mind once more, echoing almost in the form of torture. It took longer than expected to act. He firstly wanted to wait for everyone to mind their own sodding business and return to their normal dinner actives, and secondly he wanted to make sure he didn’t seem too hurt by it. Pushing his plate away, he arose from his seat heading towards Trish’s direction. He reached her eventually in a matter of seconds, though, if you asked Ed he would have said it felt like years, because what he was about to say was going to hurt like hell. But in all fact, and despite not believing in everything had had been saying since the start of term, he honestly believed in what he was about to say. He didn’t notice who was around her, because in all honestly he didn’t want to remember who witnessed his sob story. He stared down at Trish for a moment, before his eyes reached the rose that sat on the table. He felt a muscle in his jaw twitch before breathing out quickly to calm himself. His eyes reached Trish again as he tried not to look as hurt as he felt. "You can be with him if you want to." Ed said, in an unusual soft tone. He lingered there for a moment, refusing to look Trish in his eye before he realised he’d said his piece and that was that. He turned on his heel, trying not to pay attention to the students gawking his way as he made his way out of the great hall in a brisk pace.

All Ed wanted right now was some peace and quiet and he hoped to Merlin that his dorm was completely empty, if all else failed, he’d simply throw himself off the astronomy tower. The familiar portrait came into view and he picked up his pace, a little relieved that he was in the all clear now - there were hardly any students around that had witnessed the display. Finally reaching the sanctuary of his dorm, he threw himself on the bed, praying to Merlin that this fucking mess would just disappear already. Though, as long as Trish had his blessing then she could run off with Black and be happy, leaving him the sodding hell alone.

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theyank
2011-05-21 05:49 pm UTC (link)

Although Trish typically understood her best mate’s words, she never had anticipated a move in the direction he was heading. If she was honest with herself, Trish probably had suspicions those three words meant something more this time around. However, she wasn’t allowing herself to think that far into it. He was her best friend, which was all the rationale she needed to back up her belief that he was just preparing her for something else he wasn’t quite willing to say. The way he looked at her as if exasperated she couldn’t read his mind would have warranted a punch in the arm any other day. At this point in time she was completely lost in thought, puzzling over circumstances that could warrant such undertones of complete seriousness. It made her increasingly uncomfortable, particularly after her move closer to him didn’t cause Ed any further peace as far as she could tell. He looked like he was in pain that only increased when she attempted to do what had always been normal for them, and that was further cause for the inner breakdown.

Ed certainly didn’t make her feel any better when he began staring blankly ahead of him. It was almost as if he was purposely avoiding her eye contact at that point, so any chance she had at trying to read his expression was stifled. Then again, the fact she thought she might understand him at all right now was laughable at best. Trish had no clue where her best friend was going with all of this even when he’d already stated plainly what he’d been thinking. She tilted her head in an attempt to see his facial expressions better, but when Ed continued fidgeting and avoiding her gaze, Trish gave up and sat upright once more. Giving his hand a gentle squeeze as if to encourage him to come out with it she waited as patiently as she could. His sigh certainly caught her attention, Trish shifting her eyes back to his as he placed his other hand on her knee.

The words that he reiterated finally sunk in, and they succeeded in causing her heart to race once more. Any sense of calm reserve she had formerly exercised was thrown out the window. Her eyes widened, Trish then realizing he was still looking at her and turning her gaze away from Ed’s to try to collect herself again. Of all the things he could have said, this was the one she wasn’t prepared for. It wasn’t that his words weren’t received well by Trish. To the contrary, she found herself a bit on edge over the fact she hadn’t attempted to tactfully slip out of his room yet. Despite all the boys Trish had ever been with and how far they’d gone, she had never truly felt she loved them, at least not on this level. Sure, she’d heard some of them say those three words before, but she always managed to evade that requirement to say it back. Trish wasn’t the type to say things she didn’t mean, or at least things she didn’t think she meant. That was precisely why it took her a little longer to respond this time.

She wasn’t dealing with some random guy she’d met in Hogsmeade, nor some casual friend she could bear to live without. No, this was Ed, her Ed as she’d always deemed him. That only stood to reason she had to tread carefully at this point. Needless to say, Trish didn’t have the cleanest track record when it came to relationships. He knew that better than any other guy who Trish had been with thus far, and yet Ed still felt this way about her? Trish shifted her eyes back to his, trying to keep herself as calm as possible but truly failing within. “Are you… sure? I mean, how do you know?” She wasn’t only asking for his sake, but hers as well. This truly changed the game up entirely. All this time the two of them had spent convincing everyone else that they were genuinely just best mates, and here they were now.

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theyank
2011-05-21 05:58 pm UTC (link)

Trish’s question to Ed got her thinking herself though, and thanks to the past several miserable days, she had some legs to stand on when it came to reasoning through this as best she could. How was she so sure her love for Ed didn’t transcend what she’d always assumed it was? She had admitted to Edwin that no break up she’d ever experienced compared to the agony she was going through over her time apart from Ed. To say Trish had obsessed over him the past week was an understatement. If she was honest with herself, he was the only person in her life she couldn’t bring herself to imagine ever not being there. They had been through so much together, and along the way, she had developed a love for Ed. Trish always assumed their love to be deeper and considerably more pure than anything she could ever experience in the context of a romance. It never had crossed her mind she could mesh what they had into a committed relationship, and even if so, that lingering fear she’d muck everything up and lose him tugged at her mind. Trish didn’t do commitment. Everyone knew that. Ed even knew that. Yet here he was opening his heart up to her, knowing the potential consequences of that. Trish admired him for his leap of faith, and truthfully in only amplified her own feelings. If he trusted her and what he thought they could have, surely she could, too.

The question was no longer whether or not Trish felt she reciprocated the feelings. She knew the love she had for Ed was deeper than just friends. There was no other feasible explanation as to why her happiness depended so greatly on his. She had dumped many a guy for Ed, simply because he wasn’t pleased with her relationship with said suitor, and never did Trish think anything more of it. Sure, she knew it had to do with the fact she could sooner free herself of a boyfriend than Ed, but it never crossed her mind until now as to why that was. That made this new territory even more unnerving. If something happened, it could be the end of everything she’d ever known with Ed, and that scared her to the point of tears—quite literally! The truth of the matter was they’d already taken this leap, whether either of them were ready or not. What was left to reason was that they’d either have to face this head on and give it their best effort, or they’d be left trying to fight it for Merlin only knew how much longer.

Trish closed her eyes for a second, removing her hand that had been placed over theirs in order to wipe her face on her sleeve. She swallowed the lump in her throat once more before shifting her eyes back to Ed’s. As much as Trish wanted to say something, anything to let him know how she felt and the fears that had taken over, she couldn’t bring herself to utter a word. What seemed easier to her was showing him. Trish lifted her free hand, hesitating for a second before allowing it to settle on his jawbone. She took in a deep breath before slowly, anxiously moving her face closer to his. Trish hesitated once again, her eyes shifting from his down to his lips. The uncertainty of it was what made her feel sick, but she found the closer she got to Ed, the more she wanted this. Allowing her eyelids to finally droop closed, Trish went the rest of the way to find the warmth of his lips more comforting than anything either of them had said or done thus far.

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throwmeabone
2011-05-24 05:01 am UTC (link)

Trish's first reaction to what he previously stated sent him into overdrive. He felt panicked and he wanted to do everything in his power to look away from her but he just couldn't. Thankfully, she looked away for him. Whenever situations like this arsed, Ed would rather not think too much into one's facial expressions, and because of the heavy weight of the current topic at hand, well, he wasn't too keen on being rejected. And, from the way Trish's eyes had immediately widened, all he was thinking about is how bad this could turn out. Ed just wanted out of this whole situation now. He'd taken a chance and by her refusal to look at him, made the poor bloke want to cut and run. His eyes darted towards the door, wondering if he could just sneak out without her chasing after him. However, for some unknown reason he continued to sit there in silence, waiting for Trish to say whatever she needed, even though he was absolutely terrified. If this whole thing blew up in both their faces, well, it'd be all on him. It would be his own fault for breaking up the best friendship he had ever had. His previous words seem to echo a little more than another of his words. He swallowed the lump in his throat, finally dropping his eyes from her turned head. He bent over slightly, resting his arms his knees as his hand clasped together.

His gaze concentrated on the floor in front of him, the anxious feeling he was currently feeling only escalated at the prolonged silent. As soon as he heard her voice, his eyes immediately shot up to reach hers again. Her question caused him to farrow his brows as he pondered on the thought for a while. He sat up straight again, running a hand through his hair, before finding hers again, not really sure how to answer it. The fact was that he ultimately knew that he was sure, hell, the time they spent apart was taken up by him constantly thinking it over and over, and still the feeling didn't go away. He knew what he wanted to say, he just didn't know how to put it. Ed's features softened practically mentally begging her to just drop it and take what he said for what it was. Ed sighed heavily again, refusing to say anything because he honestly felt like he couldn't, and well, maybe he shouldn't have to. After all, he finally had told her what was on his mind and that had to be enough, right? Well, according to Trish it wasn't. She still wanted more.

The silence was like a knife to the gut, and he wanted nothing more then to fill it up like he normally did. It was hard for him to sit her and feel this way. Ed was never one for silences, and considering that he was the reason for such a long one, well, that was even more terrifying. After all, his feelings over the time they spent apart had turned him into a completely different person, and that was a little irksome. However, there was a tinge of hope deep down inside of him, especially when he realised how at home he felt with his best mate. Ed's gaze had slightly dropped again, but his eyes immediately found hers when he felt her moving. Her hand moved from beneath his, he noticed it hesitating before it reached his jawbone. His eyes concentrated on her own, knowing what was about to happen, hoping that she actually wanted to do this. As her face moved closer to his, his own hands cupped her face gently before his thumb caressed her right cheekbone. Once their lips met, he realised there was no turning back. His lips responded quickly, a little hungrily, after all he wanted this. His right hand moved down to the back of her neck before his fingers intertwined with strands of her hair, while his other hand slid down her back, pulling her in even closer as he deepened the kiss. He broke the kiss after a few moments to plant some tender and quick kisses on her jawline, slowly moving down her neck before meeting her lips again.

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theyank
2011-05-24 11:40 pm UTC (link)

Although this was entirely new territory for the two best mates, Trish found herself adapting to it rather quickly. Prior to a few minutes ago she never would have perceived this as a possibility, but having been swept up in the moment with Ed she realized nothing felt more natural than taking it this route. Of course it was surprising. If you had told Trish yesterday she'd wind up making out with her best friend today and it would be enough to send her heart racing, she probably would have laughed at you. Not only did it seem impossible, but the girl had so much experience in relationships that typically she was the instigator of the next moves. That being said, it left little room for her to remember the feel of butterflies in her stomach (for lack of a better phrase). Not only did she feel the desire behind Ed's actions, but something more was there. She couldn't quite place her finger on it, but already this had breached new grounds for Trish. She had never felt this way within the context of a romantic relationship before, and she had experienced her fair share! Trish puzzled over it while they were kissing, trying to establish whether the feeling was a warning or further proof this was the real deal. She didn't feel so afraid anymore, but at the same time, it did concern her that neither of them seemed to have much control over this. Within passionate moments Trish almost always felt composed enough to break it off at any second, but this was different. She didn't want to leave for fear it would be something she couldn’t recapture once the moment was broken.

As Ed pulled Trish closer against him, she followed his lead. She hadn't even noticed the way his hand on the small of her back had managed to lift her shirt slightly in the midst of their urges. Her own hands slid further back on his head, lacing her fingers in his unruly curls as they snogged. She only lowered them further down to his chest when Ed pulled back from the kiss, but her eyelids quickly shut again as his lips trailed down to her jaw. The way her heart was racing, Trish was convinced he had to feel her pulse as he kissed her neck. She tilted her head back and pressed her torso closer against him as his lips tickled her skin, only opening her eyes again as he moved his face back up to hers. Without another moment's hesitation, Trish shifted her leg nearest Ed's over both of his. She kept her face inches away from his as she climbed into his lap to face him, both hands wrapped around his neck as she guided herself down on him. Without a doubt this had to be the craziest thing she'd ever done, mostly because the emotions behind them was backed by something stronger this time . It was risky; the whole situation was! However, her actions were met with a confidence that was foreign to her. Any uncertainties she'd had about the potential of messing things had been tossed to the wind, and for once she felt as if her heart had taken over autopilot.

Once again their lips met, Trish tilting her head to deepen the kiss. Within a matter of seconds her fingers had slipped underneath the collar of his shirt to brush his skin. Her other hand slowly trailed down the front of Ed's chest, only stopping once it approached the bottom hem of his shirt. She shifted it around to his back, pressing the fabric up eagerly to allow her hand to meet his skin there as well. Once she was satisfied, Trish pulled herself tighter against Ed. They continued on for a little while longer before the girl slowed herself down, slightly nervous as to how far she might take it otherwise. Hardly did she worry anymore that this wasn't best for them. To the contrary, Trish had become more acutely aware this scene of theirs might potentially cause a heart attack should one of Ed's roommates pop their head into the dorm. Within the kiss, she found her lips tugging into a smile as she viewed them from another’s perspective.

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theyank
2011-05-24 11:41 pm UTC (link)

Heart still beating out her chest Trish reluctantly forced herself to break the kiss. Her fingers were still clenched firmly in place while she licked her own lips, slowly opening her eyes to look down at Ed, her Ed. Trish’s own blue eyes danced between his as if unsure of which one to focus on. Giving up the fight, she smiled again and rested her forehead against his. Trish inhaled deeply prior to what came next, readjusting the hand that had been under his shirt to meet the other one on his neck once more. "Ed?" Trish spoke slightly above that of a whisper. "I love you, too."

Suffice to say this was a first for Trish. She avoided the l-word at all costs within the context of such a passionate relationship, mostly as a means of guarding herself, but also because she'd never truly felt that way about any other guy. It felt scary and exciting all the same to say it and know it meant something greater than she'd ever known before. That aside, she could safely say she had experienced a first with her best friend, something she would always remember to be the first and potentially only time she had done so. For someone like Trish it was a rarity indeed to experience newness in this regard, but already she and Ed had discovered that within their snog session. "I love you so much," she repeated after placing another gentle kiss on his lips, her hands cupping his jawline as she pulled back again.

Unaware of what this new territory meant for them, Trish found herself hoping it would breach a committed level. Again, that was foreign. Usually she avoided tying herself down at all costs. Yet this was one circumstance she would gladly repeat as often as possible if only guaranteed the outlet. After a few more seconds of staring at Ed, still a great deal surprised by where the evening found the two of them, Trish shifted her body around a little more in order to get comfortable enough to rest her head in the groove of his neck. Nuzzling her nose against his skin once more , Trish placed a soft kiss on the surface of his skin. “What now?” she vaguely asked, hoping Ed would have some sort of solution to what to make of this entire thing.

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throwmeabone
2011-05-26 11:43 am UTC (link)

Once Trish had swung her leg around to position herself in his lap he felt himself wanting this more and more. Over the past week there had been a slight tinge of worry or doubt regarding his feelings. Because, the situation they were currently in - them getting slightly hot and heavy - could have gone the complete opposite way. He could have told her he loved her, they may have snogged, and then well, he could have maybe realised he didn't see her in any way other than her being his best mate. But as his hands slided up the side of her thighs, making their way to her lower back, he was suddenly felt reassured him that he did want her in this way. Actually, right now, he wanted her quite badly. As he felt Trish's smile on his lips he formed one of his own before it faltered slightly as she pulled away.

To say that Ed was surprised at what his best mate had just said would have been an understatement. In fact, as far as Ed knew Trish had never said that to a bloke, and mean it in the way he assumed she did. As much as he tried, he couldn't hide his grin. He cupped the side of her face and meet her lips for a tender kiss. "I love you too," he whispered against his lips as he pulled away. Ed almost felt like laughing. All of his worrying had not been necessary. Sure, there was still apart of him that was concerned on what all this meant, but as long as she wasn't running for the hills he was happy. Even more so now because of the fact that she was in his arms, and in a more of a mate kind of way. Though, there was still a hint of doubt in the back of his mind, something he was trying hard to ignore but there was a thousand things that could go wrong. However, he found a strange reassurance in her words, and all he had to do was remind himself that it was him and Trish. Whatever might be in store for them they will more than capable of recovering from it.

As she said he loved him once more, his smile grew again after slightly faltering while thinking of his doubts. And again, he found a reassurance in her words. He felt there was a truth in them and while he had thought of the possibility that she was doing all this because she felt compelled to earlier, he had no doubt in his mind now. Even his doubts from moments ago had slowly numbed and disappeared from his mind. He breathed in heavily, taking in her words again before he felt her lips on his once more. He returned the kiss, his head following hers for a quick moment as she pulled away.

As she rested her head against him, he wrapped his arms around her, tilting her head up with his index finger so he could kiss her forehead gently. He took a moment to think about the whole picture instead of concentrating on the fleeting thoughts that passed through his mind. It had been around about two weeks since the Halloween ball, and getting from there to here would have once seemed impossible to the Hufflepuff. But, here they were, and Merlin he was glad. But when she asked him what was next for them, his pulse quickened slightly, a little unsure on what to say. After taking a few moments, his eyes narrowing slightly as he thought everything through. "You're my best mate, you're my Chuckles, reckon it's only right if you're my girl too," he responded, his voice surprisingly calm. It took him a while to let everything sink in, realising that after all these years everyone had been right about them. Normally, Ed hated being proven wrong but in this situation he was rather smug about being wrong, and proud of it too.

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