2/2
Fortunately Ed didn’t remain silent forever. The negative side to that was when he said he doubted she could fix this. Every fiber within her demanded otherwise, and Trish didn’t know what exactly “this” was, but she was determined to prove Ed wrong. If it had something to do with her, the girl was going to see to it she conquered whatever reserve he had regarding the situation. Thinking back to what he’d said before, Trish clung to his shirt with the hand against his chest, shifting her face up to his as she slightly straightened up. “But I can fix it,” she insisted, her eyes shifting between his. “You don’t have to be sorry about anything if I just choose not to have anyone. You won’t have to try to prevent anything ever again.” It was a pretty lofty ambition coming from Trish, but she believed with all her heart she could do it. Sure, it would probably mean weeding out pieces of her along the way because it was just natural for her to flirt, but after seeing where it had gotten her with Ed, Trish was absolutely certain the memory of this moment would keep her on the straight and narrow. If that was all it took, surely Ed would be happy again, and she could work out the rest of her problems along the way. This had been a long time coming anyway. She had read on Ursula’s journal that others were saying she was easy, and it stirred her enough to realize something had to change soon. She’d never thought any of this to be a problem before, but that was because most of the people she flirted around with were friends of hers that probably wouldn’t have told her otherwise despite what they felt about it. Needless to say, she didn’t need anything else to help her stand out. Her culture alone was enough to do that, and it wasn’t always for the better. Something as simple as the “American” way she stabbed at her food was a cause for amusement with some of her classmates, and such things were tough habits to break. She figured it would sooner be easier to write off her flirtatious side than anything else, so committing to that now in front of Ed didn’t leave her in fear of whether or not she could follow through. Failure wasn’t an option.
To put it plainly, Trish was somewhat desperate and fighting going into complete panic mode. Ed’s touch was probably the only thing keeping her calm at that point. The way he doubted whether or not she could fix it made her feel like he was resolving to submit to this state of awkwardness between them, like he was willing to throw in the towel and write off any hope of them regaining their former footing with one another. After a few more seconds of silence between them, Trish rested her head against his chest again. She lifted the hand that was resting against his shirt closer to her face, holding the fabric there as she attempted to remain still. However, she could no longer control herself. The panic that was within her slowly trickled out, this time in the form of tears. She tried not to let him see her crying, knowing well enough how it could make people say things they didn’t truly mean only to get the other person to stop. Try as she might, Trish couldn’t stop herself. Choking back the tears only caused her body to shake, and allowing them to continue only dampened Ed’s shirt. Either way he was bound to find out. She squeezed her eyes shut in hopes she could prevent any more from surfacing, running her thumb over her eyelids to try to dry her eyes and suppress them at the same time. “I’m sorry,” she finally choked out in a whisper, not allowing herself to look at Ed for fear he’d be swayed by her pain. “I’m fine. I don’t understand, but I’ll be okay with whatever you think you need.”