By the time Trish had reached his door, he had buried his head under his pillow in a futile attempt to shut out his nagging thoughts. After rethinking what had just transpired there was a tinge of regret as he realised he'd given Trish his blessing to be with Sirius. However, he knew that a display like that only meant he cared for her, and would make her happy. Hell, he had noticed the slight smile that had escaped her lips moments ago when the letter first arrived in her hands. And if she’d managed to crack a smile during a time of such pain, and he was okay with someone making her happy besides himself. If Sirius made her happy, well then, he could definitely live with that. As long as she was happy, he would be too – eventually.
Hearing the knock on the door, he sighed heavily, quickly freezing in an attempt to pretend he was asleep. He was slightly panicking, thinking it was Tiberius or Mia or someone who would want him to talk, and talking was the last thing he wanted to do. His head ached, probably from all the thoughts that were rushing through it, and the idea of sitting down talking to someone was actually making him physically nauseous. He thought quickly of telling the intruder to fuck off, but in light of his recent discovery of his rather terrible behaviour, he held back, still hoping that they’d assume he was asleep. However, hearing Trish’s voice gave him some reassurance before he remembered why he was up her alone in the first place. If anyone would give him a time turner to go back to how things were a year ago, he’d take it in a heartbeat, because everything now was just so complicated. He panicked briefly, realising that he might have to actually be honest with her and now he couldn’t hide behind a journal. She was here, right at his door, unknowingly torturing him with her presence. After the realisation of his feelings whenever she was around things just got blurry, he didn’t really understand the difference between what was right or wrong, and he certainly didn’t see himself or his actions clearly.
He finally looked up after a little too long, forcing a slight smile to crack his lips as he sat directly upright, leaning against the bed head. Her question was proving to be difficult. He didn’t want to cause her anymore pain, but he knew that if he said yes they’d have to sort the whole mess out, and Ed couldn’t lie to her face – he’d have to be completely truthful, and he was in no means ready for that. Ed wasn’t ready to take the risk of losing her, even if he didn’t exactly have her now anyway. Ed exhaled heavily, his smile faltering a little before it recovered. “Of course, Chuckles,” he said quietly. He sat there in silence not wanting to speak, but knew more than anything that Trish would find a way to make him, so he braced himself for one hell of a conversation.