Troy Rogers (rokudan_tsuchi) wrote in light_of_may, @ 2012-09-01 15:31:00 |
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Entry tags: | 2009-09-16, lux, troy |
I want to reconcile the violence in your heart
Who: Lux and Troy
When: around 1pm, right after this
Where: Troy's apartment above the R.D.D.
There were very few times in Troy's life when he'd felt much of any strong emotions -- he loved fiercely and he was a loyal friend to the end, but he just didn't feel anger. Especially not the cold sort of anger that he'd become all too familiar with. Nor did he have much experience with being afraid. Of anything. And yet, now, he felt like a different person in his own skin, forcing himself back into a state of numbness the moment he felt any sort of feeling. The sanctuary that was his dojo and his home? Oh yeah, it was completely broken, desecrated. The part in him that demanded routine and order was flipping out over the fact that downstairs, the very real scene of the crime was still very much intact. He'd at least made sure that the blood was cleaned up, because that was important to him somehow -- the essence that he'd spilled trying to protect himself shouldn't just stay there. The dojo smelt of bleach and cleaning products, but much of the destruction was still there. He had a lot of work to do before he could resume classes. His mind struggled to think of the normal things in his life, the mundane. He was carefully overlooking the fractures in his character, the depth of anger, the keen edge of panic threading its way through him again. No amount of meditation would be able to touch him and Troy knew now that he'd need to go outside sometime soon, to touch the earth in his garden, to commune with Her in order to feel safe.
As if any of them were safe anymore.
His right arm in its sling made texting awkward, but he did his best. As soon as he sent them out, and Lux texted him back, he knew he needed to see her. He needed her here with him, to reassure him that she was safe and that that hadn't changed. That she still cared about him as much as before. It was a silly thought, to think that that would change because of something that happened to him, but Troy was trying to keep himself together. Was this what it was like to lose your mind? Moriko had taken up residence on her armchair and stayed there. She'd been so upset that she had been out hunting and roaming the forest when her elemental had needed her. She blamed herself -- if she'd been here, he would have been strong enough to take the vampire out. Troy had done his best to let her know she wasn't at fault, but his familiar was just as stubborn as he was. Everyone in his life was reacting rather badly to this, and it felt to Troy that he was trying to keep himself in the shock stage of things. It was easier that way. Then he wouldn't have to feel. But how long could he keep that up?