|Remus J. Lupin (slowburn_alpha) wrote in hogwarts_dawn,|
@ 2021-03-28 21:09:00
|Entry tags:||character: james potter, character: remus lupin|
Who: Remus Lupin
When: 29 March, 2038 - late morning/early afternoon
Where: Gryffindor Tower - His room
What: Remus reflects on a full moon night spent without fear.
Cloud-filtered light spilled through the cracks between the curtains when Remus became aware enough of his surroundings to slowly drag his eyes open. He could hear the sounds of people moving around in the other rooms of the tower. But, it was as still and quiet as it could get in the castle and Remus was going to enjoy it, knowing his friends weren't really all that far away if he truly needed them.
He'd never thought about enjoying the day after the Full before. Waking had always involved panic and pain and moving carefully to avoid breaking open anything that might bleed again before his healing could kick in. But this time, while his body still ached and he was still exhausted from the actual transformation and a night spent awake, he didn't have any of that panic or worry.
He knew what had happened the night before.
He knew what it felt like to run with his friends' animagus forms just for the sheer joy of it.
He knew that he hadn't hurt or killed anyone.
Rolling over onto his back, he couldn't help wincing as the motion caused a protest from abused muscles and overly sensitive skin that rubbed against the sheets. But, he couldn't help but smile because he knew that, too. He had experienced the full extent of the night of the Full moon. He could remember what the full moon looked like, even if he still hadn't seen it with his own eyes, still only through the eyes of the wolf. Of course, he could also remember every moment of agony as his body ripped itself apart and was forced to reform completely. Twice. Suddenly he understood how much of the true nature of that pain had been hidden from him by the fact his mind had not been consciously his own for the worst moments of either transformation.
But, he still wasn't bleeding or in danger of ripping wounds open.
Closing his eyes, he crossed his hands behind his head to just listen to the quiet.
There was a sullen part of his mind that felt like the wolf, that dark place he could never quite escape. He had felt the anger and need for violence rising up over the night, but always held back, unable to break through the barrier the potion created between the consciousness of man and beast. It was an odd sensation, something like a cheering charm, where he could sense the other there, but no matter how much it raged, he experienced his own self in the same way he would have experienced the happy feelings of the cheering charm instead of the depression or anger it was holding back, even if he knew they were still there.
But, short of no longer being a werewolf, Remus would always have that dark side that he tucked into the farthest corner of his mind. Just because he could feel the bloodlust always there, it didn't mean he had to let it control him the rest of the month. And, now that there was a potion, it wouldn't have to control him that one night, either.
With that thought in mind, he opened his eyes and threw back the covers. He knew Harry wasn't expecting him to work the day after the Full. But, that wasn't Remus' way. He was going to be sitting at a desk working out ideas on paper, drafting things he might ask Regulus to take a look at later for legalities' sake, before presenting them to Harry as part of his plan to make this a truly better world for people like him and Fenrir, for goblins and centaurs and all the creatures past Ministries had treated like animals to be subdued instead of beings to be respectful toward. If his muscles ached as he stood and got dressed, he could ignore that. He'd ignored worse.
For the first time in eighteen years, he wasn't handicapped by worry and fear of himself. Remus was going to take advantage of that while it lasted, even if it meant moving slowly and taking breaks to rest.