InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "You love Hitomi, don't you?"

theboywhowaited (theboywhowaited) wrote in colligo_network,
@ 2011-11-13 14:50:00

Entry tags:

idris, jack harkness, rory williams, the doctor (11)

[Meant to be private to River, but very much public]

...Mels. Melody. Listen to me. I...can't say I understand. I don't know what's happening exactly, but we've known each other our whole lives. I know...I know you might be angry at me, I'm angry at me. I didn't protect you. I didn't help you. I wasn't there for you and you deserve better. But more importantly...all of this is my fault.

If you want to blame anyone, blame me. Not the Doctor. The Doctor saved me. He saved Amy. He made our lives have meaning and...he's my best friend. It's my fault that this has happened to you. It's my fault you didn't have a dad, didn't have a childhood, that things turned out this way.

Please. Talk to me. Let the Doctor's friends go.

[Actually private to Jack]

...I need your help. I'm going to try and find River. Do you think you could maybe give me a hand...?

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	Eleventh Doctor theboywhowaited 2011-11-14 12:53 am UTC (link)
	Sorry--I've....I've been busy, I haven't really...been looking at the network. But I'm okay...I'm definitely...okay. But. Doctor...why is she doing this? And--what do you mean punish you, you haven't done anything. This isn't your fault. ...And...well that. Was...actually supposed to be private. ...But yea. Yea, I really do. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

( Rory )

amadmanwithabox
2011-11-14 01:00 am UTC (link)

Oh. I thought you just weren't talking to me because you were cross with me. Which is fine, by the by. You have every reason to be cross with me.

Because it's my fault. It always is, when you think about it. I find you lot and I take you with me and then you get hurt and you wouldn't if I'd just left you alone. I get lonely and I find people and it always, always makes it worse for them.

They took her from you. They raised her and they made her into a weapon to kill me. And she's perfect for it. Of course she is. But she's hurting people and I have to stop her, but I can't, because she's my wife and even if she wasn't she's yours and Amys. So don't you see? I could never hurt her. And they knew that. So this is all my fault. All of it.

And I have to do something, but I haven't the faintest idea what. I can't help Rose without being willing to hurt River. And I can't bring myself to hurt River. And none of them understand. Not really. I'm sorry, Rory. I'm so, so sorry. It never should have been like this. I'm the reason why you don't get to raise your daughter. I'm the reason she's hurting people. I'm the reason Rose is being tortured and maybe even killed and who knows who else will be hurt. So I'm sorry. I really am.

...It's good to hear that. You're mine too. You and Amy both.

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Eleventh Doctor

theboywhowaited
2011-11-14 01:21 am UTC (link)

Doctor...I'm not...I'm not avoiding you because I'm cross with you. I...I'm doing this because. I can't...

I...wanted a family. Some day. And everything you've shown us, every planet, every world. You're wrong. You've made me and Amy better. You make people better, it's what you do. You help people. And I want to be like that. At the end of it...I'd never change what's happened. I'd never...leave. I mean, I think. Sometimes. You know, about going back, but...I don't think I actually could. Me or Amy.

It's just. With River...she's my daughter. She's my daughter, Doctor, and I. Failed her. I let her grow up in a world where she had no one. It isn't you. I mean, you...help her. You and her fall in love. It's just. Right now, I can't look...at myself, I can't...be with you knowing what I've done, someday. I can't handle that.

...You and Amy. You, Amy, and River...you're all I have. I'm just...I don't know who I'm going to be someday. And that scares me.

I'm sorry.

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( Rory )

amadmanwithabox
2011-11-14 01:31 am UTC (link)

Rory. Rory, listen to me very carefully.

It was not your fault. It wasn't. Not at all. You were brilliant and brave and you did everything you could. I was supposed to find her for you. And I failed. And I always knew I would fail because...she's River. Obviously I couldn't change what happened to her. But she had you. She did. She was Mels. She grew up with you. You raised her. You did everything you could for her. And in the end, it wasn't me that made her change and become better. It was you.

You and Amy are my best friends. You're my family. And you're going to be what you've always been. The absolute best of humanity. Don't ever doubt that.

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Eleventh Doctor

theboywhowaited
2011-11-14 01:40 am UTC (link)

...Doctor.

Thanks, I...~~I just~~

But you're wrong, you know? I mean. I might be a bit...rubbish, but you always make people better. And. Well. You're sort of. The best we have. So guess we both sort of have to make do, huh?

That was a joke. Sorry. Still rubbish at that.

But...we can still save River, still help those people. Both of us, not just you. Let me talk to her. Let me talk to her and maybe we can stop this. If she is Mels, she'll listen to me. All we have to do is find them.

I'll...you know. Still be by your side. Probably...always will, actually. Just happens like that. And. Well. Like you said, we're sort of family, I mean, even if River and you weren't...you know.

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( Rory )

amadmanwithabox
2011-11-15 05:11 am UTC (link)

You're welcome.

I guess so.

I hope that we can. I mean we will. Things in this city never stay changed. She'll go back to being River soon enough. But she's not Mels. Not exactly. Parts of Mels are there, but we change.

That means a lot to me. But Rory, you need to realise that I might not walk away from this. Melody can kill me. She has done before. You need to be prepared for that possibility.

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Eleventh Doctor

theboywhowaited
2011-11-15 05:28 am UTC (link)

I...still don't get it, but. Doctor. She is not going to kill you. You are not dying again, I will not let that happen.

You are...listen, so. I don't know. Thick...sort of. Sometimes. I mean, you're brilliant. And. And kind. And mad, all dashing through the universe but you don't see. You help people! And. Save people, and you're so old but you still do it even after everything. And yes, I can be...sort of thick and cross and distant, and Amy's sort of ~~cross, mad~~ brilliant, but.

Do you know what that 2000 years did to me? I...sometimes, I don't even know. I feel...sometimes I feel like I just. I was so guilty. And I love Amy so much. And I needed. To do it. But the times there, all those years...I just...it was so long. Things. Sort of. Fade. I forgot, almost everything. And there were times...where nothing mattered.

You became better because of what happened to you. And the world, the universe needs you. Colligo, everyone here needs you. River, my daughter needs you, and I am not letting her down. Or you.

...And Doctor. I just. I need you too.

So you better as hell not...not die. You have to promise me. We went through that once. And I can't go through it again Doctor. And...neither could River. I believe that.

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( Rory )

amadmanwithabox
2011-11-16 05:05 am UTC (link)

If I do, I'll come back. I've made something of a habit of it. I want you to know that. If something happens, I will come back. I promise.

You know...that's not nice. I mean...it's a bit true, but it's not nice. The rest of it's nice though. I like the rest of it. Just not the part about me being thick. And you are absolutely brilliant, Rory. Never let anyone say otherwise.

You know...you're about as old as I am. That's right. Meant to say. I might have been...underselling my age a bit. Really closer to the two than the one with the thousands. Never mind. Not the time. Anyway, I do understand. And you can talk to me about things like that. And you became better too, you know that, right?

Well...you know...I need you. Just...so we're clear.

I can only promise I'll do my very best not to. And you...do the same, okay? And no guilt!

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