InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Hello, I love you!"

[tail thumping intensifies] (minarchist) wrote in codexnet,
@ 2017-02-20 12:09:00

Entry tags:

godric tagaris, lev tagaris, sorin ghrian, souvelani alerion

immediately following this.
[LEV & SORIN.]
Sorin tell me you've been sleeping at another inn or at the shop and not in a gutter

You KNOW you can stay with us don't you?

~~Please be~~
If

[SOUVELANI.]
~~I met~~
~~Is she~~

If I ask you about that girl, will you be honest with me if I tell you I won't pursue anything?

(Read comments) - (Post a new comment)

	Boys filter sunnyelf 2017-02-20 06:19 pm UTC (link)
	[.......................................] The docks. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Boys filter liberare 2017-02-20 06:22 pm UTC (link)
	since you're not naming an inn i'm going to assume warehouse. did you get a proper bedroll? build a fire? it's fucking guardian in the south. if you want to deal with shit alone, fine. but you need to fucking tell us that. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Boys filter

sunnyelf
2017-02-20 06:27 pm UTC (link)

[......] ~~I brought a pillow and a blanket~~ ~~last night~~ [...]

It's not that I want to deal with it alone, I just thought I needed to, and I didn't want to worry you two. [...] Looks like I ~~did a great job at that~~ [...] failed there, I guess. I didn't mean for you to find out. I thought by the time you did [...] I'd have figured out something else.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Boys filter liberare 2017-02-20 06:31 pm UTC (link)
	do you think we're stupid or are you avoiding answering straightforward fucking questions on purpose because you don't think we're pissed enough yet? i could strangle you with my bare hands right now. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Boys filter sunnyelf 2017-02-20 06:38 pm UTC (link)
	[...........] I thought they were rhetorical questions. And you'd hate the answers anyway. I don't know how to build a fire, you know this. And I didn't think to bring a bedroll. Is that really worse than my sleeping there anyway? [.........] I'll stay at an inn tonight. Promise. And [.......] I'm sorry. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Boys filter

minarchist
2017-02-20 06:49 pm UTC (link)

How is your health and your safety rhetorical in ANY way? It's not, that's not rhetorical either. It's winter and you're sleeping on a cold floor by choice, and yeah it is worse, because you're not taking care of yourself and you're not telling us you're not okay and you're DODGING our questions when we're WORRIED about you.

It doesn't matter if we'd hate the answers, they'd still be answers.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Boys filter

sunnyelf
2017-02-20 07:02 pm UTC (link)

[.........................................] I'm sorry. I wish I had anything else to say than that, but everything just sounds like excuses, so I won't say them. If you still have questions, I'll answer them, straight up, promise.

[......................] I understand if you don't want to see me, I'll find someplace else to go. I promise it'll be an inn. ~~After this, I deserve to be alo~~

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Boys filter minarchist 2017-02-20 07:15 pm UTC (link)
	Of course I want to see you, why was that in question? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Boys filter sunnyelf 2017-02-20 07:20 pm UTC (link)
	Because [......] I've upset you. Hurt you? When I always said I never would. It doesn't matter I didn't mean to. I don't even want to be around myself right now, but I'm stuck here, and I deserve to have to put up with myself [...] alone. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Boys filter minarchist 2017-02-20 07:28 pm UTC (link)
	What you deserve isn't on a cold warehouse floor. Not even dogs deserve that. You made a ridiculous decision, so right it. Just come here after work and we'll [.......] sort out the rest. ~~Though I don't know if Lev will~~ I wasn't joking about storming Reha's if I'd needed to. Your well-being and safety mean everything to me, more than ever. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Boys filter sunnyelf 2017-02-20 07:36 pm UTC (link)
	Are you sure it's okay that I come over even after all this? [........] Is that why you went over to [.....] my mothers' house this morning? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Boys filter minarchist 2017-02-20 07:44 pm UTC (link)
	If you don't come over after all this, this gets worse, you know. [......] I went over because I love you and I wanted to know you're alright. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Boys filter

sunnyelf
2017-02-20 07:59 pm UTC (link)

[.......] Okay, then I'll come over. I'm sorry to trouble you.

I love you too. ~~I wish you'd told me you were going over before you did, I would've confessed sooner and faster~~ ~~but I guess that doesn't matter anymore~~ [...................................] And I'm not all right. Obviously, I guess. I thought I could be, would be, I thought I was, but I'm not. I've always had someone in the next room, and when I didn't, I always had someone in the bed with me. But how pathetic and childish is it that I can't even sleep by myself? [.....] That's another reason I didn't reach out to you when I needed to go somewhere else to sleep. I didn't want you to think less of me. Too late for that, I guess.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Boys filter

minarchist
2017-02-20 08:29 pm UTC (link)

Sorin, we don't think less of you, but you didn't have to keep that from us. None of this works without honesty and trust. Did you really think we would judge you for any of that or hold it against you? It's us.

I haven't known how to sleep alone since I first discovered I didn't have to all those years ago, because I didn't have a choice for a long time. YOU do. And it starts with being honest with us, with telling us you're not okay, that you don't want to be alone, and that's fine. Stubbornness isn't strength.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Boys filter

sunnyelf
2017-02-20 08:37 pm UTC (link)

I hadn't intended on keeping it from you. The warehouse was an impulsive decision both nights, and by the time I saw you yesterday it just [.....] didn't come up. And I was terrified to answer you honestly here today because you were already so upset and I didn't want to upset you more, but I wound up making a bigger mess of things. It wasn't a trust thing, it was a cowardice thing, and I'm sorry for being so weak and pathetic to tell you the truth upfront when asked. Fear isn't a good enough reason.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Boys filter

minarchist
2017-02-20 08:58 pm UTC (link)

First of all, stop right there. You're not weak. You're not pathetic. Don't ever call yourself that, because neither of us are calling you that.

Second, it might not be a good reason, but it's a reason. But you can't let it hold you back. You have to [..................................] look it in the eye sometimes and tell it it can't rule you. If you run away from it, all it'll do is give chase. And you can't fucking live like that, Sorin. Don't live like that. Sometimes, you have to do things that terrify you, things you don't know will work out, but you have to do them anyway. You HAVE to.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Boys filter sunnyelf 2017-02-20 09:17 pm UTC (link)
	[.......] Okay. I'll try to do better. I'm just feeling so [......] lost lately, and I don't know what I'm doing with [...............] anything. I'm sorry. And I love you. Both of you. And I don't want to be alone. Even when I feel like I need to be because I feel like I'm too much of a burden, I don't want to be. I've never wanted to be. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Boys filter, SORRY GUYS liberare 2017-02-20 09:38 pm UTC (link)
	sounds like you two have figured it out. i need some air so i'll see you later. [ godric ] i'll probably crash with souvelani tonight, if i end up someplace else i'll let you know where. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	bros minarchist 2017-02-20 09:50 pm UTC (link)
	I know. See you tomorrow? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	bros liberare 2017-02-20 09:52 pm UTC (link)
	probably yeah. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	Boys filter sunnyelf 2017-02-20 10:01 pm UTC (link)
	~~No, we don't, or at least I don't have a damn thing figured out~~ [.........................] I'm sorry. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Boys filter liberare 2017-02-20 10:05 pm UTC (link)
	i know. but unlike you i need to be alone right now, we'll talk later. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Boys filter sunnyelf 2017-02-20 10:08 pm UTC (link)
	Okay. [...] Just let me know when you're ready to see me again. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	Boys filter minarchist 2017-02-20 10:07 pm UTC (link)
	If you're sorry, start trusting us a little more, Sorin. We've trusted you with more than we ever have with anyone. Give us some credit. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Boys filter

sunnyelf
2017-02-20 10:13 pm UTC (link)

I've trusted you with a lot, too. More than I've ever trusted anyone else, even Nikolas. It's not like I've been withholding everything about me to you. Please don't think I have no trust in you. I trust you more than anyone else, ever. I was just [........] ashamed. Of this decision, of needing you too much, of being too dependent on you and not being able to stand on my own two feet when I know you expect so much more from me.

[.................] I'm just not used to any of this and I don't know what the hell I'm doing.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Boys filter, ummm wow sorry for this length #feelings (now typo free) -

minarchist, 2017-02-20 11:20 pm UTC

Boys filter, and Sorin unloads some of his baggage, sry (also now typo free oops~) -

sunnyelf, 2017-02-20 11:35 pm UTC

Boys filter -

minarchist, 2017-02-20 11:44 pm UTC

Boys filter -

sunnyelf, 2017-02-20 11:49 pm UTC

Boys filter -

minarchist, 2017-02-20 11:53 pm UTC

Boys filter, a few minutes later -