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[tail thumping intensifies] ([info]minarchist) wrote in [info]codexnet,
@ 2017-02-20 12:09:00

Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Entry tags:godric tagaris, lev tagaris, sorin ghrian, souvelani alerion

immediately following this.
[LEV & SORIN.]
Sorin tell me you've been sleeping at another inn or at the shop and not in a gutter

You KNOW you can stay with us don't you?

Please be
If

[SOUVELANI.]
I met
Is she

If I ask you about that girl, will you be honest with me if I tell you I won't pursue anything?



(Read comments) - (Post a new comment)

Boys filter
[info]sunnyelf
2017-02-20 07:02 pm UTC (link)
[.........................................] I'm sorry. I wish I had anything else to say than that, but everything just sounds like excuses, so I won't say them. If you still have questions, I'll answer them, straight up, promise.

[......................] I understand if you don't want to see me, I'll find someplace else to go. I promise it'll be an inn. After this, I deserve to be alo

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Boys filter
[info]minarchist
2017-02-20 07:15 pm UTC (link)
Of course I want to see you, why was that in question?

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Boys filter
[info]sunnyelf
2017-02-20 07:20 pm UTC (link)
Because [......] I've upset you. Hurt you? When I always said I never would. It doesn't matter I didn't mean to. I don't even want to be around myself right now, but I'm stuck here, and I deserve to have to put up with myself [...] alone.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Boys filter
[info]minarchist
2017-02-20 07:28 pm UTC (link)
What you deserve isn't on a cold warehouse floor. Not even dogs deserve that. You made a ridiculous decision, so right it. Just come here after work and we'll [.......] sort out the rest. Though I don't know if Lev will

I wasn't joking about storming Reha's if I'd needed to. Your well-being and safety mean everything to me, more than ever.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Boys filter
[info]sunnyelf
2017-02-20 07:36 pm UTC (link)
Are you sure it's okay that I come over even after all this?

[........] Is that why you went over to [.....] my mothers' house this morning?

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Boys filter
[info]minarchist
2017-02-20 07:44 pm UTC (link)
If you don't come over after all this, this gets worse, you know.

[......] I went over because I love you and I wanted to know you're alright.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Boys filter
[info]sunnyelf
2017-02-20 07:59 pm UTC (link)
[.......] Okay, then I'll come over. I'm sorry to trouble you.

I love you too. I wish you'd told me you were going over before you did, I would've confessed sooner and faster but I guess that doesn't matter anymore [...................................] And I'm not all right. Obviously, I guess. I thought I could be, would be, I thought I was, but I'm not. I've always had someone in the next room, and when I didn't, I always had someone in the bed with me. But how pathetic and childish is it that I can't even sleep by myself? [.....] That's another reason I didn't reach out to you when I needed to go somewhere else to sleep. I didn't want you to think less of me. Too late for that, I guess.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Boys filter
[info]minarchist
2017-02-20 08:29 pm UTC (link)
Sorin, we don't think less of you, but you didn't have to keep that from us. None of this works without honesty and trust. Did you really think we would judge you for any of that or hold it against you? It's us.

I haven't known how to sleep alone since I first discovered I didn't have to all those years ago, because I didn't have a choice for a long time. YOU do. And it starts with being honest with us, with telling us you're not okay, that you don't want to be alone, and that's fine. Stubbornness isn't strength.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Boys filter
[info]sunnyelf
2017-02-20 08:37 pm UTC (link)
I hadn't intended on keeping it from you. The warehouse was an impulsive decision both nights, and by the time I saw you yesterday it just [.....] didn't come up. And I was terrified to answer you honestly here today because you were already so upset and I didn't want to upset you more, but I wound up making a bigger mess of things. It wasn't a trust thing, it was a cowardice thing, and I'm sorry for being so weak and pathetic to tell you the truth upfront when asked. Fear isn't a good enough reason.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Boys filter
[info]minarchist
2017-02-20 08:58 pm UTC (link)
First of all, stop right there. You're not weak. You're not pathetic. Don't ever call yourself that, because neither of us are calling you that.

Second, it might not be a good reason, but it's a reason. But you can't let it hold you back. You have to [..................................] look it in the eye sometimes and tell it it can't rule you. If you run away from it, all it'll do is give chase. And you can't fucking live like that, Sorin. Don't live like that. Sometimes, you have to do things that terrify you, things you don't know will work out, but you have to do them anyway. You HAVE to.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Boys filter
[info]sunnyelf
2017-02-20 09:17 pm UTC (link)
[.......] Okay. I'll try to do better. I'm just feeling so [......] lost lately, and I don't know what I'm doing with [...............] anything.

I'm sorry. And I love you. Both of you. And I don't want to be alone. Even when I feel like I need to be because I feel like I'm too much of a burden, I don't want to be. I've never wanted to be.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Boys filter, SORRY GUYS
[info]liberare
2017-02-20 09:38 pm UTC (link)
sounds like you two have figured it out.

i need some air so i'll see you later.

[ godric ]

i'll probably crash with souvelani tonight, if i end up someplace else i'll let you know where.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

bros
[info]minarchist
2017-02-20 09:50 pm UTC (link)
I know. See you tomorrow?

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

bros
[info]liberare
2017-02-20 09:52 pm UTC (link)
probably yeah.

(Reply to this) (Parent)

Boys filter
[info]sunnyelf
2017-02-20 10:01 pm UTC (link)
No, we don't, or at least I don't have a damn thing figured out

[.........................] I'm sorry.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Boys filter
[info]liberare
2017-02-20 10:05 pm UTC (link)
i know.

but unlike you i need to be alone right now, we'll talk later.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Boys filter
[info]sunnyelf
2017-02-20 10:08 pm UTC (link)
Okay. [...] Just let me know when you're ready to see me again.

(Reply to this) (Parent)

Boys filter
[info]minarchist
2017-02-20 10:07 pm UTC (link)
If you're sorry, start trusting us a little more, Sorin. We've trusted you with more than we ever have with anyone. Give us some credit.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Boys filter
[info]sunnyelf
2017-02-20 10:13 pm UTC (link)
I've trusted you with a lot, too. More than I've ever trusted anyone else, even Nikolas. It's not like I've been withholding everything about me to you. Please don't think I have no trust in you. I trust you more than anyone else, ever. I was just [........] ashamed. Of this decision, of needing you too much, of being too dependent on you and not being able to stand on my own two feet when I know you expect so much more from me.

[.................] I'm just not used to any of this and I don't know what the hell I'm doing.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Boys filter, ummm wow sorry for this length #feelings (now typo free)
[info]minarchist
2017-02-20 11:20 pm UTC (link)
It's not about how much is withheld, it's about trusting us not to judge you or think less of you when you should know that's not what we do. What we expect from you is honesty about how you're feeling. You clearly expected the worst, and I don't know why.

You've told me so many times that you want to be there for me, and you didn't even want me to be there for you. Do you think Lev and I always know what the hell we're doing? Do you think we have all the answers to the questions and insecurities that fuck us up, that we would hold anything you tell us against you, that I don't know a thing about the shame of not wanting to let someone see how fucking terrified and lost you are?

You asked me to tell you when you do something that makes me unhappy, and this is it, Sorin. Asking to be invited into my insecurities but not inviting me into yours isn't how this works.

So stop saying sorry, stop sleeping in a warehouse, start being fully honest with us, and stop thinking that you're in this alone, because you're NOT.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Boys filter, and Sorin unloads some of his baggage, sry (also now typo free oops~)
[info]sunnyelf
2017-02-20 11:35 pm UTC (link)
[...] I did want you there. I just didn't think that you wanted to be. But that's not the point, and that's only going to make you angrier, so I won't say it again. I'm sick of saying it like you're clearly sick of hearing it, so no more of that.

And why I expected the worst... because for as much as I believe and KNOW you and Lev are the exception, I'm still afraid that you will also abandon me someday. I still have nightmares about it. But I know you won't. I believe you when you say you won't, I really do. But the fear is still there and I can't shake it. And I know this doesn't make sense and what I just told you will make it seem like I don't believe you but I do. I just [...] don't know how else to express it. So I'm afraid of wanting and needing you too much, even though I really do want and need you both more than I ever thought I'd ever want or need anyone. Because losing you is the thing I'm afraid of more than anything else in Thedas, because everyone always leaves me behind eventually and I'm sick of it. You're the two people I let in closer than I've ever let in anyone because for once, I saw a chance not to be alone. But alone is a hard habit to break, and that's why I didn't come to you right away, because I fell into a habit without even thinking.

So, there you go. One of my insecurities. Hap

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Boys filter
[info]minarchist
2017-02-20 11:44 pm UTC (link)
It makes more sense to me than I think you realize.

With all of that said, what do you plan to do next?

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Boys filter
[info]sunnyelf
2017-02-20 11:49 pm UTC (link)
[...............] What do you mean?

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Boys filter
[info]minarchist
2017-02-20 11:53 pm UTC (link)
You know the heart of the issue, you know that what you did wasn't the right move. What do you intend to do with that? How are you going to keep yourself from falling into habit? We're here for you, but we can't be here for you if you aren't there for yourself.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Boys filter, a few minutes later
[info]sunnyelf
2017-02-21 01:13 am UTC (link)
[.......................] I don't know.

[........................................................................................................................................]

But maybe I just shouldn't be left alone. At least until I figure it out. [............] And I don't know what the right thing to do about that is. I live alone now. I have to get used to be being by myself eventually, at least until we leave Cumberland. I can't spend the night with you and Lev every night, even though I want to. But for now, for a few days [...] if I'm not at work, I don't think I can stand to be alone. I don't think I should be. And maybe after those few days I'll have figured the rest out. Hopefully.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Boys filter - [info]minarchist, 2017-02-21 01:18 am UTC
Boys filter - [info]sunnyelf, 2017-02-21 01:22 am UTC
Boys filter - [info]minarchist, 2017-02-21 01:24 am UTC
Boys filter - [info]sunnyelf, 2017-02-21 01:27 am UTC
Boys filter - [info]minarchist, 2017-02-21 01:30 am UTC
Boys filter - [info]sunnyelf, 2017-02-21 01:42 am UTC
Boys filter - [info]minarchist, 2017-02-21 02:47 am UTC
Boys filter - [info]sunnyelf, 2017-02-21 02:55 am UTC
Boys filter - [info]minarchist, 2017-02-21 03:14 am UTC
Boys filter - [info]sunnyelf, 2017-02-21 03:24 am UTC

(Read comments) -


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