Marauders!: An 80s AU

Who was the fucking genius to put fucking cinnamon in the coffee? Now it tastes like shit.

MY CLUB OPENS TOMORROW HOLY SHIT!

Everyone, prepare to get hammered.

James
So apparently telling me we're done, canceling our party without telling me and moving out of the house doesn't mean she's breaking up with me. She seemed surprised at the very idea, and keot wondering why everyone was asking if she was okay...

James. This girl... I honestly do not understand one single thing about her. At all. But at least she doesn't hate me?

Warded tp Sirius

What's happened?

Warded to friends

So it turns out I got sent away to write an article for work, and it appears everything has been turned upside down around here whilst I've been gone. Would anyone like to fill me in nice and concisely and possibly over a beer? I'm buying!

The wedding party is off. Please don't bring any gifts. The club is still opening on the 22nd. I hope to see you all there.

[Narcissa]

Any and all public posts about your cousin will end, even if I won't be representing your family any longer.

[Andromeda and Regulus]

Thank you for your kind words, but it seems that they were a little premature.

[Leo]

Men suck and not in a good way.

I am alive despite popular rumors. Simply barricaded in my classroom and office as of late as the school year starts. Thank you for the well wishes regarding my health. Madam Pomfrey has been wonderful and I'm fully recovered.

It seems I've missed a lot, though.

Sirius

What the hell did you do?! I am away for two weeks, and you get married?! I knew you were bloody impulsive, but c'mon, man!

Profssor McGonagall and Headmaster Dumbledore

I am so sorry for not doing more to assist with the Hogsmeade trip. I promise not to neglect my duties next month. The Wolfsbane potion had some unexpected side-effects.... I am fully recovered, however, and I will make up for it.

I will never understand why people can't accept facts without putting a personal spin on things. Facts are nice and objective. If you focus on facts, you don't have problems.

It must be why I can understand history, but I don't get people. I like my facts too much.

Ladies and Gentlemen, the moment you've all been waiting for...





Saturday the 23rd, come party your arse off and drink the night away! Special guest artist Edgar Bones! Grab a portkey at the portable store front in Diagon Alley or apparate to 2576 Haversham rd in Brixton.

Friends and Family
Clorinda and I will be celebrating our marriage in tandem with the club opening. VIP section will br reserved for our use and the alcohol and food is on me! We hope to see you all there. And yes, if you can see this then I do in fact mean you!

Always fun and games until someone gets hurt and Moody and Edgar? I told you the healers still knew my name.

Alice, I'll try not to get hurt as often next week.

Forgive me, Narcissa, but I just saw the ... news.

How are you holding up?

Apparently I'm out of a job for being too friendly with people the Head Auror doesn't like. I never knew a secretary needed to submit her friends for approval.

Anyway if anyone has a job that requires an amazing woman with a great smile, let me know.

[Warded to Dumbledore]

Longbottom objected to me going undercover with Karkaroff so I quit. If you need anything, let me know. I find that I have a lot more free time on my hand now. Also if Flitwick ever quits, you know where to find me.

[Warded to Moody]

The boss is too afraid that her career will suffer if something goes wrong so she won't allow me to do undercover work.

[Warded to Edgar]

I quit, because she's a career worried useless woman who doesn't even know how things work.

( Marlene McKinnon )

Potions potions potions potions potions potions and more potions.

I got a new job as a clerk at a potions shop. Yay!

What would happen if I take a Alihotsy Draught and a Calming Draught in rapid succession, would I first get hysterical and then calm down? Or would the two cancel one another out? What if I mixed the two?

Here's an idea! Pepperup in different flavors! Like, maybe mint and strawberry? Or bubblegum!

[Private to Mary MacDonald]

Rita Skeeter at it again, huh? Writing lies just to sell papers.

It's good to be back in England.

But not really.

I am bored. What do wizards do around here for entertainment, nowadays?

Oh no, my secret sorkret has been revealed! You've got me world. I'm a blood thirsty werewolf and all my decades of shennanigans are just to cover it up! HOW SHALL I EVER GO ON!

Okay, but seriously. If you believe a word that leaves Rita Skeeters poison quill you're an idiot and you deserve to be brainwashed by ber tripe. And for the record, if I was a werewolf I still wouldn't care. There is no shame in being a werewolf, they're just people like all the rest of us. Yeah, some of them are assholes, but Wizards aren't all sunshine and lolipops either. Voldemort anyone?

So, in conclusion, Rita Skeeter you can go fuck yourself.

*Added later*
By the way, great photo of me Skeets! I'm going to start selling signed copies of it, all proceeds go to Werewolf Rights. If anyone wants a pic let me know!

Clorinda
You okay?

Mary
She's such a bitch, eh?

Remus
I won't let this get back to you, I swear on my life.

Have you seen the Daily Prophet!!!!

This is what they can say. Mad, illicit marriages, trespassing, succubus and WEREWOLF! Did I forget anything?

Congratulations about your wedding. Also I'm very sorry about this mess. I can quit if it helps.

As you can see, finding your name was not that difficult. It only required deductive reasoning.

I've modified the spell. Ready for the first round of testing?

General service announcement: I'd avoid Honeydukes for the foreseeable future. People are getting married after eating toffees! Then again, it could be another remarkable advertising campaign from Pink Floyd.

Well, it's certainly been an interesting couple of weeks, hasn't it.

Kingsley
Stop being a baby and come over, will you? We should talk