InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Captain Deadpool..."

Elijah Mikaelson (thismanofhonor) wrote in wariscomingcom,
@ 2014-04-28 20:29:00

Entry tags:

elijah mikaelson, katherine pierce

Katherine
Everything they say is right. Every last thing. I can't think of why we are together other than the fact that I love you, but there needs to be more than that. Klaus is right, Kol is right and now, my God...Henrik is right. You make zero effort to make amends with them and to try and become friendly with them. You had your big pretty speech a few months ago, but what came out of it? Nothing. You may have reached out to Rebekah in her time of need, and I'm grateful, but other than that? Nothing.

I will not be made to choose between you and my family, I love you, but you cannot win. If you do not step up and make a sincere effort? I'm gone and we are done. I would suggest you decide what you intend to do or soon. Is your instinct to survive more important than I am?

(Post a new comment)

believesownlies
2014-04-29 04:18 pm UTC (link)

I knew this would
I've been waiting for
So is this

I've told you, I don't know how with them. I can't fix what I've done, betrayals I've made. I can't change any of it. And as I've said before, I wouldn't live my life any differently even if I could do it all over again. I am what I am, and mostly hat's selfish survivalist, Elijah. You knew that. You always have. You knew it back home. You knew it when I came back to Lawrence. You can't say you weren't aware of exactly what I am all along.

As for effort. What reason do I have to try more than the idle chit-chat at social events, Elijah? Any time, any time I have so much as tried to speak to any of your family, except Henrik, all I have been met with is snark, disregard, hate. And yes, maybe it's well-deserved, but it isn't exactly encouraging.

What I have done, or rather the lack of it, has all the same reasons of why I have so few I can call friend here. Because at the end of the day, I am only going to save myself. Because when it's all said and done, I don't regret my past choices and decisions. And honestly, it's just easier to avoid it all. Because I'm selfish and I'm a coward. No matter the strength you think I have, that's what it is, Elijah. It's what I am, what I've always been, and what I will always be. I think the problem is you've only truly begun to realize that, because you tried so hard to believe in me, to believe that girl you once knew is still somewhere in me, like you tried so hard to believe the boy he used to be is still somewhere in Klaus, that you made yourself blind to all the evidence that said it's gone. Perhaps I'm not the only one that has fooled myself into believing my own lies.

There is no way for me to fix what I have done. To your family. To the people here. There is no way for me to gain trust. Not when their minds are already made up. Not when any half-way descent act or words that come from me are only assumed to have some ulterior motive, some hidden agenda. I'm expected to screw up, and generally I have a tendancy to be a self-fulfilling prophecy in that regard. We can call it Katerina's Law. If I can screw it up, I inevitably will.

I don't want you to have to choose between me or them. I wouldn't ask you to. And if it did come to that, I'd expect you to choose them. In fact, I'd be disappointed if you didn't. I can't compete with them and I know that.

And to answer your question with a very hard truth, Elijah? Yes. Survivng? It is. And always will be. My number one priority. I've accepted that about myself. The question now is, can you?

(Reply to this) (Thread)

thismanofhonor
2014-04-29 06:59 pm UTC (link)

You don't have to know how, but I expect you to try. Do you honestly think I would ever allow anything to happen to you? To allow anyone to hurt you? Klaus is extending an olive branch to you, and you know as well as I do, that as far as my brother goes, that's a good a gesture as you are going to get. Please Katerina for me, please at least try. Hell, talk to them about the weather. Ask Rebekah about shoes. It may take 50 years or 100 years for them to stop hating you, but it won't happen ever if you don't TRY.

Where is the girl who so bravely contacted me regarding the cure? You met me in that hotel bar and you looked me dead in the eyes without flinching, without trying to hide. Oh you wanted something, certainly. Your freedom from Klaus, a pardon. But you could not be sure I wouldn't kill you? After all, you convinced Damon Salvatore to dagger me to free yourself from my compulsion, you eluded capture for 500 years, I had every right, but you faced me. I only ask that you do the same for him.

The thing is, Katerina, you don't need to choose survival here--back home, yes, but look where it got you if what Damon is saying is true. Trust in me to keep you safe and try for my sake with my family, with my brothers and sisters.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

believesownlies
2014-04-29 09:06 pm UTC (link)

~~How do you expect me to do that when I don't even know where to star~~ No, I don't think you would, but I also know you can't control your brother all the time, either. I know. I see that and it's a lot for him, I get that, but how in the hell am I supposed to trust that? How, after everything he's put me through, am I supposed to not be suspicious and paranoid and just trust it? ~~Why does it all have to fall on me~~

That wasn't about bravery, it was about saving my own ass and getting your brother off of me. It was chance I took because I actually had chance, Elijah. I had a chance to get Klaus off my back forever, so fucking right I was going to risk it. And facing him is nothing like facing you. You make it sound so simple. It's not.

Oh my God, are you kidding me? There are plenty of people here just waiting for me to fuck up, waiting in the wings for a reason to put a stake straight through my heart. I always have to choose survival one way or another. I trust you, Elijah, I do, but...you said it yourself, they're right.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

thismanofhonor
2014-04-30 08:57 pm UTC (link)

You've put him through a lot too. All you had to do was trust me, trust in me to protect you. If you had come to me, I would have given you the potion and it all would have been resolved, but that is neither here nor there anymore. I understand that you were afraid and I understand that he has done awful things, but I am asking you to do this for me. I am asking for the two most important factions in my life to reach out to each other. I am not asking for friendship, just for you to all be able in the same room without tension, or an antagonistic comment going on.

And you know I'd protect you against every last one of them.

The problem is, Katerina, you complained about me putting you on a pedestal and absolving you from past misdeeds an mistakes, but now that I no longer do that and hold you accountable and expect you to take responsibility for your actions and make good on your words, you have an issue with that too.

No more of this. I love you and I will always love you, but you have given me no choice in the matter. You have 3 months from today to find a way to make an effort with my family, an honest continual effort or I am going to have to walk away from this, from us.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	believesownlies 2014-04-30 10:57 pm UTC (link)
	Are you serious? 3 months? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	thismanofhonor 2014-04-30 11:07 pm UTC (link)
	Very serious (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	believesownlies 2014-05-01 12:48 am UTC (link)
	Why are you doing this This isn't fair How can you really What are you calling a continual effort? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

thismanofhonor
2014-05-01 01:04 am UTC (link)

Something you wont stop doing because it's "hard" or you're scared. Something that after three months you won't toss up you're hands and say "Oh well, I'm done. I don't have to talk to them anymore!" My brother extended an olive branch to you, Katherine and you know he did. If you can't try, if you won't make an effort...tell me now. If I'm willing to risk being disowned by my brother for you, you can at least try for me.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	believesownlies 2014-05-01 01:26 am UTC (link)
	Okay. For you. I just....if I try, will they? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	thismanofhonor 2014-05-01 01:29 am UTC (link)
	You won't know until you try, will you? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	believesownlies 2014-05-01 02:05 am UTC (link)
	Guess not. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	thismanofhonor 2014-05-01 02:07 am UTC (link)
	It is up to you then, but know this, I am a man of my word and I will leave if I see you have made no effort. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	believesownlies 2014-05-01 02:16 am UTC (link)
	I know you are. (Reply to this) (Parent)