InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "i can feel the pressure"

Jimmy Hudson (sonofsnikt) wrote in wariscomingcom,
@ 2012-05-09 01:21:00

Entry tags:

jimmy hudson, kitty pryde/shadowcat

Filtered to Kitty
So I've been thinking, and maybe I think I get the message this place has been trying to send me. All the times it's tried to change me into someone or something else, all the time trying to fight it just left me more scarred and freaked than before. Even Moriarty, bastard though he is, told me as much, all that "you don't have to use it that way but you have to use it" stuff maybe wasn't just psycho-speak, or if it was it also happened to be true. This isn't going away, it isn't going to blow over, it's not How did you deal with it? With the mutant thing. With finding out, and...stuff related to that.

(Read comments) - (Post a new comment)

Kitty

sonofsnikt
2012-05-09 07:03 am UTC (link)

How do you deal with it when your power isn't really that sort of power? When it pretty much only exists to hurt people?

I think I'd take hate and fear. Where I'm from, we either turn ourselves in to SHIELD when we manifest and get placed in "relocation" camps, or we are officially considered armed and dangerous fugitives that should be shot on sight. Not to mention the Sentinels.

...I didn't have time to deal with it back home. My dad was the sheriff, and I didn't find out in a way that could go under the radar. He didn't want to kill me or turn me in and I didn't really want to go to anything with the word "camp" in it, so I had to run, and when you're ducking the law, a tremendously well-funded international peacekeeping force, and giant robots designed to hunt and kill us, well. You don't really get breaks to deal with stuff. Then I got here and I just thought, "Hey, I don't have to be a freak here! Awesome!" ...Uh, no offense. Sorry. Just, you know what I mean, right? I just thought...I thought I could be normal.

I guess I'm finally realizing that no, no I can't. That I'm never going to be normal again. So I need to figure out how to deal with that.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: Kitty

phasinghalfpint
2012-05-09 06:53 pm UTC (link)

Any power has the capacity to hut someone when used in certain ways. I think that if your power feels like that dangerous type to you....you've got to realize the responsibility on your shoulders and know that you don't have to hurt people. It's all about the decisions you make. If you don't want to hurt people you don't have to. Accidents happen, but there's a difference between that and using your power to hurt people.

That sounds awful. I can't believe that it got to that point where you're from... I mean registration had been tossed around back home, but it had been stopped.

I think I understand, and no offense taken. We're not exactly normal when it all boils down to it. We're capable of more and sometimes it intimidates and scares others and our mutations aren't something that we can just forget about. Being on the run wouldn't give you time to deal with realizing that you're a mutant. And I can understand how the abrupt change in worlds would make you think you could go the opposite way here.

You can't be like everyone else, but you can have moments of normalcy. I think that you're the only one who can figure out how to deal with it all, ultimately. I'm around, though, if you have more questions or need anything. And Piotr would probably help if you thought he could help in any way too. So, don't feel like you're alone, okay?

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Kitty

sonofsnikt
2012-05-10 04:20 am UTC (link)

What if you can't? What if part of the power is the blood-lust? ~~What if you have to consciously remind yourself that you aren't just some animal?~~

Magneto stole Thor's hammer and used it to supercharge his powers. Then he messed with the poles and drowned New York City. The death toll was in the thousands, some of them heroes. It was inevitable, after that.

~~It doesn't just scare others.~~ Every Christmas, this place gets these...trinket things. They're stupid singing things but they grant wishes, actual legit wishes. I have unlimited money thanks to the one from last Christmas. ...If you could wish your X-Gene away on one of these things, just completely gone, would you?

Piotr, right. Where I came from, he sort of had a crush on my dad. Even though I know he's not the same guy, that would be sort of awkward.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: Kitty

phasinghalfpint
2012-05-10 06:17 am UTC (link)

I think that can't is something you decide not something that is automatic. The only way you can't control it is if you don't work at controlling it and fight that blood-lust. It's not impossible, hard...yeah I'm sure it is, but that doesn't mean you can't get a lock on it.

~~Oh my god....~~ That...is awful. I always knew he was awful, but I didn't realize that bad.

No, I wouldn't wish it away. My mutation is a part of me, something I accepted and that I embrace and found a way to work with it just like it's an arm or leg. So, I wouldn't. It's just like back home the cure has been created, some mutants would take it, but I never would. You want to wish it away?

A crush on your dad? Who was your dad? I didn't know Piotr was gay....

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Kitty

sonofsnikt
2012-05-11 02:59 am UTC (link)

You don't know how hard it is, Kitty. You can't even imagine. Maybe I was always a little macho before my powers went active, but now my first instinct any time someone argues with me or challenges me is to settle it law-of-the-jungle style. And if someone legitimately pisses me off? Oh man, I hope those people can run, because if I slip up for even one second I'll be wearing arterial blood from their carotid artery all over my shirt. That's not some little voice in the back of my head, that's not some therapy bullshit, that's instinct and it's every single instinct I have now.

Somebody shot his kids. I mean, to be fair they were fucked up and he seemed to enjoy tormenting them, but apparently underneath all that he actually did care about somebody. Go figure. I'd still gut the bastard if he ever showed up here.

I don't know, Kitty. I know I don't want it. I don't want any of this. I never wanted to be anything other than just normal Jimmy Hudson. Okay, maybe I was a little bit of a thrill-seeker, but so were half the kids in my podunk town. When my powers manifested, I didn't just lose my normalcy, I lost my whole life. One minute I was Jimmy Hudson, and the next I was...I don't know. Jimmy Logan? Jimmy Howlett? I don't even know. I mean, let's see. One minute, I was the son of a prominent local hero. The next, I was a freak whose entire life was a lie, my actual bio-dad was the world's most feared assassin-turned-super-maybe-hero and also very very dead, and every single person around me either let me down or lied to me. Oh, not to mention there's a giant hulking psychopath who wants to kill me and might also be my half-brother, and let's not forget living as a fugitive on the run from the law and giant robots designed to hunt our kind down and vaporize us. Can you tell me how any of that doesn't sound like a nightmare you'd want to wish away?

My bio-dad, I mean. I don't think he knew the guy that raised me, unless James Hudson was lying about that too. Maybe he was, who knows. My bio-dad's name was James Howlett. You'd know him as Logan.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: Kitty

phasinghalfpint
2012-05-11 03:24 am UTC (link)

No, I don't. I won't lie and say that I do. There are things that you can do to get instincts and urges under control, though. There are numerous mutants that have had animalistic instincts and they manage to control them for the most part. I'm sure that it's extremely difficult and takes work, but I believe that you could do it. You're aware of the difference in yourself and you obviously seem to legitimately not want to react and feel those instincts. Would you be willing to try and work with Piotr or me to try and see if we can help?

It seems that there was a lot of things wrong in your world. Two wrongs don't make a right, though. That's something that I don't think that old man will ever understand.

It all sounds like a nightmare. I understand why you'd want to wish all of that away. I understand why you feel the way that you do about your mutation. I'm sure that if I were from the same time and place as you....I might feel the same, but the truth of it is though my world isn't perfect it's not that bad. This isn't much of a comfort, but you're not there. You may not get the chance to be completely normal here, but you get the chance to keep who you were, not be on the run, and maybe learn how to live with your mutation until Christmas rolls around...if wishing it away is what you really want to do. I know that nobody knows how long they'll be here, but it's an opportunity I don't think you should waste. I'm sure that the world you're from leaves you with a lot of baggage that you carry and you can't just leave everything that happened behind you, but here people seem to be more open. And if you're a freak...or a monster then you're not alone. I'm one too if that's the case. I can't say whether or not the way you were raised was a lie. If you had a good upbringing isn't that all any parent wants for their child? The person you are isn't gone, he's still in there, its a matter of letting him out while learning to deal with your mutation too. It's a real shame about your world, I wish I could say or do more to help, but I don't think there are enough words.

I know Logan...wow. He's a good example of having at least some control too. Why would your adoptive father have reason to lie about knowing him?

(Reply to this) (Parent)

(Read comments) -