InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "It fills the void."

Helena Wells has "disappeared" with the Astrolabe (ismellapples) wrote in wariscoming,
@ 2012-04-14 14:45:00

Entry tags:

helena g. wells, myka bering

Who: Myka and Helena
What: Helena is freaking out hardcore over Moriarty's post to her. Oh and they are sort of fictional.
When: This afternoon a little while after Moriarty's post
Where: Helena's apartment
Warning: Cursing, probably some angst, everything else is TBA

She was fully aware she shouldn't have clicked the link Moriarty had given her. She was fully aware even commenting to him about it was a bad idea. And oh she'd tried to keep her comments neutral and not give him the answers he was looking for. But there had been no way she could answer that last one without him using it against someone. But she finally responded and made the decision to walk away from her computer. Though the page with the video was still on the screen. Helena really didn't know what was worse, that she'd just discovered she was fictional from Moriarty or the fact that he knew her weak spots. Well okay, so she knew it was the latter that was worse. Glancing up at the ceiling, Helena was feeling a storm of emotions. Pain. Anger. Hate. Frustration. Fear. Moriarty obviously knew what buttons to push with her now. How the Hell could she keep a poker face to him now?

And it all fell back to that one unfiltered conversation she'd had with Irene that set all this in motion. Letting out a curse, Helena balled up her fist and drove it into the wall, not even wincing as she did so. The kenpo had been good for something. She started pacing furiously, trying to come up with some way to keep Moriarty from using her, from getting to Myka and Claudia. She refused to let them fall into his games. Helena would rather be the one he played with, which she was now completely certain he'd do just to get to Irene.

"Yes. I know. She's not the version from the books but that doesn't make this a good idea." Myka's written words played through her head, and she couldn't help but know the other agent was right. If only because now Moriarty would hurt the Victorian woman, and he now knew how to best hurt her. Feelings tears stinging her eyes, Helena didn't even bother to try and hold them back, letting them trail down her cheeks as they wished. Helena was firmly between a rock and a hard place, and she hated it. She wasn't used to being the hunted. She was used to being the hunter, the one seeking out its prey. Which is perhaps why her mind so quickly turned to finding a way to locate Moriarty and kill him before he could hurt anyone else. Helena had people she wished to protect here, and she wasn't about to see them harmed because of one simple lapse of judgement.

"Am I even capable of having a relationship that doesn't end with my lover betraying me or having one of us be the focus of a psychopath?" Helena mused in frustration. The other side of this was that this would practically force Helena to actually telling Irene everything. Of course, she'd all ready planned to tell her, but in her own time. It wasn't exactly light conversation to talk about being a cold-blooded murderer and trying to kill 6 billion people. The only question would be if she'd be able to tell her before Moriarty got to her. Casting another tear-filled glance at the computer and seeing the YouTube video sitting there, Helena let out a pained whimper and punched the wall again.

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ismellapples
2012-04-23 04:56 am UTC (link)

Speaking of Irene, she knew she really needed to talk to her about all of this. Helena also needed to tell her some things about herself that Moriarty would undoubtedly use against them. She didn't want her lover to be blindsided by it. Still, Helena was having a hard time wrapping her mind around the fact that she was a fictional character. But knowing her story was out there and easily accessible by anyone, she needed Irene to know. But more than that, she needed Irene to better understand her. Explaining things was the difficult part. It was truly refreshing to have Myka who could read what she was thinking with a look. But this new relationship with Irene, the two women were still learning about the other. It would be hard to explain some of her past, but Helena would do it. She couldn't start hiding things now. Hiding things would only lead her to disaster, and this was supposed to be a chance at a new life.

"In the library with a book, no doubt," she commented with a very faint smirk. She was trying for humor to diffuse the storm of emotions she had within her. To distract her from dwelling on the possibilities of what could happen now.

But even as she attempted to redirect her thoughts to ones of humor, she couldn't help but wonder if she would fall again. It was entirely possible that she would end up dead in this. After all, what better way to upset Irene than to take away the one she cared about? And really, Helena didn't want to die, not like this. She'd had enough of that, and she really wanted the chance to live. She wanted to try and write a happy ending to her tragic and misguided life. She doubted she'd get the so-called fairytale ending after the life she'd led, but she wanted a better ending than being a victim of a serial killer.

But truthfully, could she give her life a better ending than the one she'd written in her own world? She gave herself a noble death, sacrificing herself to save her friends, to save the woman she loved. And yet the Seal decided she should be given life again. To do what? To die again? To find happiness with Irene? To heal her wounds as best as she could and let go of what she'd been through? It certainly couldn't be as cruel as to dangle those possibilities in front of her only to let her die at the hands of Moriarty.

H. G. Wells was not going down today or any day. She was going to live. Despite being tired, despite the emotional storm she had within her, right then and there she made the choice that she was going to live.

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