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Tweak says, "These books are my paddles."

Helena Wells has "disappeared" with the Astrolabe (ismellapples) wrote in wariscoming,
@ 2012-03-13 23:02:00

Entry tags:

helena g. wells, myka bering

Who: Myka and Helena
What: Talking and trying to help Myka understand things. With a side of "You're alive?"
When: Earlier this evening
Where: Myka's room
Warning: Serious angst. No really. The angst will KILL YOU. Just not as much as the Russian angst will kill you. BUT IT'S CLOSE. Anything else is TBA because my god the possibilities. Oh and do mind the subtext, it can trip you if you're not paying attention.

When she'd seen Myka's post the night before, Helena had a complex reaction. On one end, she was happy to see Myka, the one person who could actually keep her grounded and get through to her when no one else could. On the other, she was a little scared because of the developing relationship she had with Irene. Of course things would soon get horrendously complicated, but she would try and keep the complexities for a later time. Right now, she truly just wanted to see Myka again and let the agent know that she actually was alive. She would also do her best to help Myka settle in and get her head around everything in this world. But she knew that before they could work on that, Myka needed to get her head around Helena being alive and everything that happened with the Warehouse.

So after deciding that Myka had had enough of a chance to settle into her room, she decided to pay her a visit. Finishing off her cup of tea, she went and retrieved a Farnsworth from the small stack of them she had in her room. She had a feeling Myka would both need and want it. Once there, she would inquire about a Tesla, but from what she remembered, Myka had hers at the end. So that would come later if needed. Thankfully Claudia had told her what room Myka had taken earlier that day, so Helena stepped into the hallway, looking over at Myka's door. She couldn't help but feel some anxiety. There was no telling what state she would find Myka in, but it most likely wouldn't be a good one. Closing her door, she crossed over to Myka's door, holding the Farnsworth in one hand. Brushing a hand through her hair, she drew in a deep breath. At least she wouldn't have to tell Myka what happened to the Warehouse, like she had with Claudia. That was a conversation she'd rather not repeat. No, this conversation, at least part of it, would deal with the repercussions of that.

Lifting a hand, she knocked and waited, looking down at the Farnsworth as though it would instantly make everything better. It wouldn't, but at least in being near Myka again, things would feel better. Perhaps she could finally feel more at ease in this place. She'd made friends here, but she still felt out of place, like she didn't belong. As long as Myka didn't answer the door with a drawn gun, perhaps Myka would be what would finally allow her to find a place for herself in this world. And she hoped, in return, she could help give Myka some peace with things that had happened. They always had been able to balance the other, and it worked when Helena wasn't losing her mind and trying to destroy all of humanity. So she just needed to maintain faith in the connection they had to each other and hope that it would be enough to keep them both on the level.

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ilikepuzzles
2012-03-14 06:06 pm UTC (link)

Myka was used to strange. For three years, her life had been strange. Artifacts that seemed so ordinary completely ruining someone's life. Aging them rapidly, making them act drunk, like a member of the Donner Party. Switching bodies with Pete. Merging with Pete. She had been on the fast track in the Secret Service before Mrs. Fredric had shown up and recruited her for the Warehouse. And oh how Myka had fought it initially but now more than ever, she wished she were back there. Pete making some childish remark while Claudia teased Artie who took it gruffly while Leela smiled at the antics. They were family.....

Oh sure, Claudia was here. But so was Helena. Helena who had betrayed them, betrayed her but had been unable to destroy the planet. Helena who had her consciousness locked away in the Janus Coin while her body lived elsewhere with no memory.... Helena who was right, that they should have destroyed the coin. The coin Myka had fought so hard to keep from being destroyed because she hadn't wanted to lose Helena all over again. Who once again proved that no matter what Myka claimed, her emotions got the best of her and put the Warehouse and the others at risk. First for trusting Helena, and then for refusing to let her go.

How do you say goodbye to someone who knows you the best?

I wish I knew.

If she had just let Pete destroy the coin, perhaps they could have at least saved the Warehouse. Sykes wouldn't have been able to open the lock. And while she would have lost the woman who somehow knew her the best, at least the Warehouse would have survived. Life would have gone on. Slightly more empty without the Victorian woman there, but they would have been able to keep living the life they had apparently been born to do.

But no. Myka was in Lawrence, Kansas in the middle of the apocalypse and Helena was there and Myka didn't know how to handle that. She had already been forced to say goodbye to her twice. Could she really put her heart through that again? To allow herself that chance to get close once more only for it to be ripped away.

Was that what she should be focusing on? Probably not. But the fact remained, Myka had already done all the research she could by going back through the boards. Learned of the people they were filtering against, learned of what they were up against. How everything was sporadic. And it all boiled down to Helena once again. Because reading the boards proved that Myka could lose her all over again and the twenty nine year old didn't know if she'd be able to handle that yet again. She didn't know why it mattered so much, what it was about Helena.... and part of it scared her because of what happened with Sam. Because of the unpredictability.

"I wish Pete were here...." The comment was made softly and Myka wasn't sure if she meant ferret!Pete or real!Pete though she had a feeling it was the latter. And this time, a wish was made and no ferret appeared.

Hearing the knock at the door, Myka sighed and went over to it, a mug of coffee in her hand. She needed twizzlers. She might not like sugar but when she was stressed, she went to twizzlers and she really needed some twizzlers right now. Of course, she hadn't been expecting to see the woman she had been thinking about standing right there. Hadn't known Helena knew which room she was in and had figured it was Claudia.

"Helena...." shaking herself, Myka stepped aside, "Come in..."

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ismellapples
2012-03-15 12:01 am UTC (link)

It was frightening that Myka was here now. It meant that Helena couldn't hide or ignore her inner feelings. Truthfully, she'd liked being able to keep them silent and not have Claudia or Irene see that she was, in fact, a mess. She would have to deal with them sooner or later, and she'd just been putting them off until later. That was the underlying reason of why her room was currently a disaster area. It was why she couldn't focus on one single invention and finish it before starting another. Her mind truthfully was a jumble, and she was only able to focus it when she was around others. But when she was around Myka? No amount of her pretending she was fine would work. Myka had always been able to see through her. Surely that wouldn't be any different now, and Helena wasn't exactly sure she was ready to look at herself and all of the fears and regrets she kept silent.

A few of them had come to light when she'd told Claudia what happened with Sykes and the Warehouse, but they both had turned the tide of that conversation before they truly lost hold of their emotions. Had she wanted to die? No, she didn't. She'd wanted to live, to somehow find a way to stay with the Warehouse, with Myka. But she knew the risks, knew that she had posed a threat to the Warehouse, though it wasn't of her own making this time. She made the decision to sacrifice herself to save the rest of them, to let them destroy the Janus Coin. It hadn't been the death she wanted, but if it kept the Warehouse and Myka safe? She would do it a thousand times over. But that hadn't happened the way she'd expected. And when she'd been trapped in the Warehouse with Myka, Pete and Artie, she wasn't going to let them all die. Especially not Myka. Helena would never just let Myka die. She'd sooner die herself, which is precisely what happened. She saved Myka and the others, and let herself die with the Warehouse. All she'd thought about in those final moments had been Myka. Her heart had broken in that moment when she'd smelled the apples. After so much pain and suffering she'd put herself and others through, the Warehouse had accepted her in the end. Yet now, that didn't mean nearly as much to her as whether or not Myka had accepted her, forgiven her. Oh she knew Myka was hurting from having to watch her die, and she truly hated that, but all she could do now was try to curb that pain, let her know that she was alive in the here and now. She was more noble than she gave herself credit for, and in any situation, she would sooner die to save Myka than let her die.

This could definitely be a difficult conversation given how well the two women knew each other, but it was perhaps a necessary one. Helena couldn't run forever from the darker feelings inside of herself. When she did that for long periods of time, people ended up dead and hurt, and she didn't want that to be the case here. She wanted to change that pattern, try to be a better human being.

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ismellapples
2012-03-15 12:02 am UTC (link)

Myka always brought that out in her, made her feel that she could actually redeem herself and find peace within herself. That inner peace had been something she'd lacked since the day Christina had died. She had hoped that death would bring her some sense of peace, though she had been fairly certain she would've ended up in Hell, possibly Purgatory, but that was being extremely optimistic. Yet here she was, in another world in the middle of a war with Claudia being her only link to the world she'd left behind. And now Myka was here, a stronger link to that world. Perhaps what Althea had said was correct, that this was a second chance for her. Or rather in Helena's case, a fourth chance, to make things better. She couldn't change what had happened in their world, but she could try to help Myka deal with it.

When Myka opened the door, she smiled softly in greeting. "Myka," she responded as she stepped inside, unconsciously fidgeting with the Farnsworth in her hands a bit. Once inside the apartment, she turned around and looked at Myka. "I do hope I'm not interrupting something. I wanted to come see you, see how you're settling in." And then a thought occurred to her. "And because I'm sure you're wondering, Claudia told me what room you were in. I'm not stalking you or something." Which was a slightly lame attempt at a joke.

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ilikepuzzles
2012-03-15 04:03 am UTC (link)

If Myka had thought that Claudia was messing with her, that Helena wasn't really there, she now knew for certain that the older woman was there. And not just that, Myka could tell that the connection they shared remained strong even when she didn't think it should. After all. If they had been so connected, how had she not seen the betrayal? But then, if they were not so connected, why was it Helena who finally convinced Myka to return to the Warehouse when everyone else had failed. When, even after feeling the rush of a case closed, she had returned to her family book store to close that chapter of her life. It wasn't right or fair and Myka couldn't control it. And she hated being unable to control such a thing. Because the times she lost control were the times she lost the ones she cared about.

So that connection meant that when Myka took a close look at Helena, she could see that she was barely holding herself together. That she was just as lost as Myka felt. And why wouldn't she be. This wasn't her time just like when they met it hadn't been her time. And they didn't have the Warehouse here. Which meant they had no common ground, nothing that was familiar in a crazy world. But they would dance the dance at least for a little bit. See where they stood. See what was said and where it would go. It was how it always was.

"No. Not at all. Did you want some coffee?"

One thing that Myka had noticed was that her hair had reverted back to its naturally curly state as opposed to the look she had been sporting since she left the Warehouse in a desperate attempt to start over. To erase that part of her and be the book store worker. It never lasted, and truthfully, she didn't have the patience to try and manually straighten her hair and she didn't have the funds to chemically treat it. But it felt... right, almost, to have curly hair again.

At the comment about Helena stalking her, Myka rolled her eyes slightly with a faint smirk.

"Secret Service. I would have noticed."

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ismellapples
2012-03-15 05:09 am UTC (link)

It was a little startling that Myka suddenly had the curly hair back. It was interesting, actually. As much as she'd liked the straight hair on Myka, Helena did prefer the curls. The curls seemed to better suit Myka's personality than the straight hair. Though she could understand the trying to change and start over after Helena had betrayed her. And she did still feel terrible for that, but she couldn't do anything about it anymore. All she could do was move forward and try to make her life better. Though thinking that and actually accomplishing that were two completely different things.

Just as Myka could see how she was barely holding herself together, Helena could see how lost Myka was. It was to be expected upon showing up in a new world with a war they had no idea how to fight. But it was also to be expected after what Myka had just experienced in their world. Or rather what they both had experienced as they came from the same point in time. Thankfully. She couldn't do that talk again. It hurt bad enough telling Claudia, and she'd rather not relieve her death if she didn't have to, thank you.

"Yes, thank you." Even though she'd just had tea, coffee wouldn't be a bad thing. Helena did doubt she'd sleep tonight anyway. She had napped earlier in the day.

"And no doubt you would've answered your door with your gun pointed at me." Helena chirped back, a little smirk curving one corner of her mouth. They did have a knack for meeting at gunpoint. It usually was Helena getting the gun pointed at her, save for the time at Yellowstone. And so their dance began again, trying to find that common ground between them. At least with Myka here, Helena could try to ground herself more firmly. Claudia hadn't been enough, and Irene wasn't either. Neither of them knew her the way Myka did.

And then she suddenly remembered the Farnsworth. "Oh, here. This is for you." She held the Farnsworth out to Myka.

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ilikepuzzles
2012-03-16 12:01 am UTC (link)

Myka would be lying if she said she wasn't still hurt by the betrayal Helena had done the year previous. Warehouse 2, the Trident..... How she had known Helena wouldn't go through with it if Myka forced her to shoot her, she didn't know. Or she hadn't cared. After all, they all would have died anyway and Myka was a fighter. She wasn't going to just go down without a fight. If Helena wanted to kill her, she damn well was going to have to do it to Myka's face. To look her in the eyes. And that had been what had saved them all. Saved the world and no one knew but those at the Warehouse. So yes, it hurt. But even as that betrayal hurt, she would never deny the connection they had. Even as she had tried to in starting over. In leaving her happiness to keep from making that same mistake again.

But this? This was a crazy that even the Secret Service agent wasn't used to. Because there were no artifacts to blame. The bad guys weren't human at times. Even just being here for a day and reading back, Myka knew that she was out of her league with this. There was nothing she could take control of and that was terrifying to the woman who always had to be in control. Every step planned with back up plans for her back up plans, color coded to make them easier to remember.

Nodding as Helena agreed to coffee, Myka moved to the kitchen and poured her a cup. Oh, she knew that Helena preferred tea, but she already had coffee on the stove so it was just easier to go that route. That and she didn't have many teas at her disposal.

The comment on answering the door with a gun caused Myka to smirk more.

"Of course. We do happen to meet at gunpoint fairly often." Handing Helena the mug, Myka was about to try to find something to say even when she didn't know what to say as they both knew about the Warehouse so they didn't have to discuss that when the other Warehouse agent brought up the Farnsworth.

"Oh. Thanks, this could be useful..."

Taking the Farnsworth, Myka handled it briefly. She had lost hers back home and was just thankful she still had her Tesla. Oh cell phones were fine, but she'd grown used to the Farnsworth and it felt good to hold it again. Grounding in a way.

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ismellapples
2012-03-16 10:43 am UTC (link)

In her extremely prolonged life, Helena had left many people behind her either dead or hurt, but there was none she regretted more than what she'd put Myka through. It still hurt to know that she'd let herself fall so far from who she'd once been that she'd been more than willing to destroy the whole of humanity just to put an end to her own pain. Christina's death had set into motion a deep spiral, and Helena would be lying if she didn't acknowledge that part of herself died on the fourteenth of July in 1891. She would never be the same, but oh she was trying. It had been Myka that made her realize just how bad she'd gotten. That moment when she'd looked into Myka's eyes, holding the gun to her head, she saw everything she'd become, how twisted her pain had made her. And she couldn't kill Myka. There was a phrase that one hurt the ones they love, and that seemed to be true here. But Helena was trying to make things right, that's what she'd done in helping them when she'd been nothing more than a hologram. Helena had readily been willing to sacrifice herself for the greater good, having learned from her mistake with the Trident.

Helena was still gasping for air in this place, but oh she was trying. She was trying to keep herself afloat, knowing that if she let this place disorient her enough, she would be consumed by pain once again and she would drown, taking the world along with her. There were no artifacts in this place, but no doubt if she lost her mind, she'd find some way to unleash the fury of her heart and soul upon the world. And she refused to get to that point again. With Myka here, she had far more than a fighting chance to keep that from happening. Myka had a calming effect on her even when they weren't speaking to each other. It was comforting enough to just be around Myka. Even in the few moments she'd been standing in Myka's presence, she all ready felt calmer, as though she were returning home.

"Yes, we do. Though I am grateful we managed to break the trend this time. Now we're simply meeting over coffee." Helena's own smirk widened, a little glimmer appearing in her eyes as she took the offered mug and took a sip of it.

Watching as Myka held the Farnsworth, she could tell it helped as she figured it would. It was something they were used to from their world. Something they could use to link themselves to the Warehouse when it wasn't here. The Farnsworth and Tesla Helena had made for herself had the same effect. And while she was in the process of building Farnsworths for everyone in the event of an emergency, she was mostly building them because it was familiar, and she could easier focus on a Farnsworth than on any of the other hundreds of ideas running through her head.

"You're welcome. I would assume you still have your Tesla?" While she was fairly certain Myka did have her Tesla, there was a slightly hopeful note to her question. Building a Tesla fell under the same category as building the Farnsworth. Yes, Helena was currently grasping at anything she could use to stabilize herself. While she was disoriented once again at having to adjust to a world that was not hers, the larger part of her problem was just being alive to begin with. Every moment she spent in this world was another reminder that she had been denied an afterlife, denied peace, but she couldn't really hold that against anyone when it gave her this chance to see Myka again.

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ilikepuzzles
2012-03-16 05:40 pm UTC (link)

The automatic reaction one might have in this situation was strange. Strange how a single person could have such a calming effect on another. Strange that a connection was shared that neither woman could explain and that they just went with. But for Myka, while yes it was strange, it was also normal. It was the most normal thing she had in this place, truthfully. She had Claudia and she had this connection with Helena, where she felt that maybe they could survive this crazy after all. Even without Artie or Pete. Without Mrs. Fredric appearing out of nowhere when it was least expected to say something and then go about her way.

"We broke the trend for now. I highly doubt it will be broken forever. It's familiar."

Shrugging in slight amusement, Myka sipped her coffee as Helena asked about the Tesla, noting the hopeful tone in her voice. That was... peculiar. But Helena did enjoy building things so it made sense at least. So while Myka could always say that she didn't have it, that would be a lie and Myka was tired of lying. Because it was always about Helena and before her, Sam. And what that had done to her, her career.... she couldn't do that. She valued honesty and then lied. No. She wasn't going that way.

"I have mine, yes."

Standing in silence for a moment, Myka placed her free hand into her pocket and felt the familiar sensation of a necklace. Not just any necklace though. Helena's necklace. The one of Christina. Looking down, Myka took a breath. She didn't want to upset the other woman. They were both so lost here. She could tell by her eyes, the hope in her voice at the chance of building something else from home. But maybe it would help Helena. After all, when she had stolen from Warehouse 13, all she had wanted was a compact and this necklace.

Withdrawing her hand from her pocket, Myka just held it out to Helena, the necklace lying in her palm, waiting to be returned to it's rightful owner. No words were needed in this. She was simply returning to Helena what was always hers to begin with. It would be wrong to hold onto it longer than necessary.

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ismellapples
2012-03-17 06:53 am UTC (link)

Helena really wanted to know why her life had turned out this way. Well okay, she knew why, but why did the powers that be decide to dump it all on her? She really wasn't as strong as she pretended to be, and she could only adjust to new surroundings so many times before it got to be too much and consumed her whole. There had been days in this place that she just wanted to sit in a corner and laugh maniacally at the situation. She should be dead. She was dead. But she was alive. It was suffocating to be alive, now more than ever. But with Myka here, she could cling to their connection knowing that it did have the power to pull her out of herself. It was some semblance of normalcy, something that meant everything to her because it was all she had. In her entire life, Helena had never felt anything even remotely similar with anyone else. What she had with Myka defied explanation yet she knew exactly what it was at the same time. In the end, that was what had saved her, and now it was possibly the only thing that could save them both in this strange world.

"I could just go back into the hall, knock again and you can answer with your gun drawn." Helena suggested with a soft chuckle.

She would try her hardest not to be in a situation like that again, she wanted Myka to trust her and not think she was about to end the world again. And when Myka said she had her Tesla, Helena nodded, merely taking a drink of her coffee. She had figured as much so it wasn't disheartening to hear. That just meant she'd make an extra Farnsworth before she let herself sleep again. Seriously, if she found herself suddenly thrown into yet another reality, she would officially let herself go insane because that would be far simpler. This mad inventor state she'd been in the last two weeks seemed to only worsen. She was covering the physical effects of a skewed and spotty sleep schedule with perfect application of make-up. It was enough to cover the dark circles and pale complexion, but not more than she usually wore so it didn't attract attention.

When Myka first held her hand out to her, Helena was confused. Until she saw what lay in Myka's hand. Helena's mouth fell open a bit and for a few moments, she could only stare at it. Oh it stirred up so many emotions, and it did upset her, but she needed it. Wordlessly, Helena reached out and took it with her free hand, clasping it in her fist, then pressing her fist against her mouth, closing her eyes for some moments as her thoughts drifted back to Christina, her happiest place lost long ago. When she opened her eyes, there were unshed tears within them. Setting her coffee down, she promptly put the necklace on, then she opened the locket and gazed at the picture within it. It was her one connection to the life she'd lost, to her precious daughter that now only lived within her memory. And in the moments where she gazed at Christina, she felt the most grounded since finding herself here. Finally, she closed the locket and slid it inside her shirt, against her heart where it always had been before. She looked back at Myka, a thankful smile on her lips.

"Thank you. I didn't think I would see it again," she said softly, her voice quivering with the emotion the locket caused her. She kept one hand pressed against her chest, feeling the locket beneath, drawing strength from it even though it also stirred up the pain that rested within her soul.

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ilikepuzzles
2012-03-17 11:40 am UTC (link)

"You could, but then it would be staged and that would ruin the entire point of our meeting in such a way."

It was nice to be able to joke about things like that. With everything else going on, with what had happened back home and then being shoved into a world without the artifacts to blame, something familiar was definitely good. So what if it was light teasing with Helena? It was familiar and that was all that mattered. Just something to keep her grounded so that she didn't feel like she was going to falter and fall because of everything that had been shoved her way in far too short an amount of time.

As Helena took the locket, Myka remained silent, sipping her coffee and looking down. It was a private moment for the other woman and the twenty nine year old wasn't about to intrude on that. As such she let her own mind wander. Wondering just what was happening back home. What would Pete and Artie tell her parents? Well no. She had read that time seemed to stop until she was sent back so she didn't have to worry. Though she didn't like the implication because of what had happened to Sam. But she would think on that later. At least that case was finally closed.

At the words of thanks, Myka looked up and offered a small smile.

"Of course, it deserved to be with you."

And now there was silence again and Myka didn't know how to fill it because she was still coming to terms with everything that was going on around them. How was she supposed to figure this out when she felt so incredibly lost? She could read all she wanted to learn but that didn't mean anything in a place like this.

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ismellapples
2012-03-17 10:13 pm UTC (link)

"Well, we shall see if there will some day be a need for us to meet in that way again. I confess I do miss you glaring down the barrel of a gun at me." She smirked a bit at that.

After a moment, Helena slipped her hand back inside her shirt, her fingers wrapping around the locket. She couldn't help it, it was her reflex when she needed strength and reassuring. But it felt good, it felt right to have it again. The amulet she'd received to protect her from possession wasn't around her neck currently, though she did always remember to put it on if she were to leave the complex. Nodding in response to Myka, she used her free hand to brush at her eyes to keep the tears from falling. She used the silence that then fell to compose herself, not wanting to cry here and now.

Her mind drifted to other what she could possibly say. No doubt Myka had all ready done her homework on what was to be expected here, so she wouldn't need the explanations. She only had experience with the people from the future showing up anyway, so it's not like she could recount any first-hand experiences. Myka was probably still in the shock state, trying to make sense out of it all for herself. Though she then thought of something.

"I'm not certain if Claudia told you or not, but she and I are working in the security of the complex. So if you need to find one of us and we aren't in our flats, we're most likely in the security room." Or Helena would be with Irene, but she wasn't about to reveal that particular detail. "Oh and my flat is just down the hall, 301, if you ever need anything." Though Myka might get eaten alive by the chaos that lived in that room. Helena really should clean, or at least put order to it, but it wouldn't do much good until her mental state got better. Hopefully now with both Myka and her necklace, she could find that ground she needed to stand on.

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