InsaneJournal

Perhaps it had been the preparation that was years of nights spent in woods, having to fall asleep against his sister, Trinket, or, eventually, one of their friends, but it had taken a surprisingly short amount of time for Vax to acclimate to waking up next to Gilmore. It was different, of course; rather than huddling up for warmth when the weather got cold, he huddled up with Gilmore for the sheer comfort and pleasure of it. And it may not have been every night, but it was those nights that Vax found himself sleeping a bit more soundly and it was those mornings that he seemed to wake a bit easier.

This morning, it seemed, was an exception to the last. Instead of the slow, warm way he might normally greet the day, Vax woke with a start. Though he logically knew he had been sleeping here in Vallo, it took a moment for his brain not to be confused as to why Keyleth's spell that let them hop between planes of existence had taken him from the Feywild to Gilmore's bedroom and not Whitestone, as expected. A moment of furiously blinking in an attempt to break up the fog that was his mind later, Vax understood what had happened: more memories had taken up residence, filling in a large chunk of his life and answering questions while suggesting others.

It wasn't the first time this had happened to Vax and he knew it wasn't an occurrence that was unique to him. This time, though, he had been inundated with many more events than the last. The aftermath of Vex'ahlia's death and the changes it brought about to his friendship with Percy. His dreams of the Raven Queen and his eventual acceptance of his place as her Champion. Grog's struggle with that damnable sword and the magic that Pike had to cast in the end to bring him back to life and fix the connection. The long fight with Umbrasyl, both inside the dragon and out. Hotis, wearing Gilmore's face and saying words in Gilmore's voice that felt almost deserved before he pushed a blade with what still looked like Gilmore's hand into Vax's stomach. Going to the Feywild and dealing with their father, then watching Vex'ahlia struggle with herself as they fought for the vestige that was now rightfully hers.

That wasn't all, though. Vax could almost shove aside the fighting and the brushes with death; that was just a normal day for him at this point in his life. But there were other moments, quiet moments. Moments shared with Keyleth as they navigated around the shift that he had caused in their relationship, building towards, well -- he wasn't sure, but he knew what he had hoped for with every shared look or smile or night spent together because one or both of them didn't want to be alone. Moments shared with Gilmore as they, too, navigated around the shift that Vax had caused, an easy give and take now met with hesitation and question.

It was so very at odds with the path he had been walking in Vallo and, for just the briefest of seconds, Vax considered slipping out of bed and into the shadows that he called home, just to try and delay the inevitable. As soon as the thought formed, he chastised himself and turned, looking to where his boyfriend lay. He wasn't going to run; he didn't want to be that person anymore and, more importantly, Gilmore deserved far better than that.

Vax sat up with a sigh, not noticing as he took most of the blankets with him, and pulled a distracted hand through his hair, wincing once as his fingers caught on one of what was probably too many snarls in his bedhead and pulled against his scalp. Deciding to do something productive that only involved a dash of brooding, he began the long process of untangling those knots and waited for Gilmore to wake.

“Darling?” Gilmore’s voice was muffled from sleep and from laying face down in one of the many pillows on the bed. Also piled on the bed were blankets, each in a rich hue and softer than the next one, no matter the order they were lined up. Gilmore’s living quarters were just off the shop, the entrance covered by a curtain and wards galore so that they truly were two distinct spaces. Even in appearance they were two separate locations, Gilmore and Dorian had been meticulous in designing not just a store, but an experience. It was flashy, but alluring, with relics in corners and old books containing mysteries of the arcane and Fae world. And yes, it smelled like a medieval Sephora.

Gilmore’s home was quieter. Still with panache and flair, hello, see the color in the tapestries on the wall and accessories scattered throughout, but built more for comfort and as a sanctuary after a long day. Gilmore was Gilmore was Gilmore, the showmanship he put forth wasn’t a character, it was sincerely a part of him. Another part of him, when the day was done and the last item properly enchanted, liked retreating to the peace and solitude of the place.

Well, not entirely solitude nowadays.

He blinked awake, stretched, and rolled to sit up next to Vax, who looked entirely too ruminative for the morning working away at a knot like it had personally offended him. Tsking his tongue in reproach, he took Vax’s hand and kissed the knuckles.

”I don’t know what that knot has done to warrant such aggression, but your scalp surely doesn’t deserve the toil.”

Vax turned and took in Gilmore next to him, an immediate and comforting warmth blooming in his chest that he had come to expect, but still cherished, after months together. It may not have been enough to banish every thought that was bouncing around in his mind, but it didn't hurt -- not by a longshot.

Rather than explaining out loud, at least in the moment, why he was seemingly so keen on pulling his hair out, Vax opted to instead close the distance between them, leaning into Gilmore and pressing his face to his shoulder. He breathed in a long breath, releasing it into another sigh before he murmured, "I remember more from home. I think I'm a Paladin now. I thought it was a good idea to teleport inside of a dragon. We had to deal with our father in the Feywild."

And maybe that wasn't a great explanation and maybe some of those things seemed more daunting than others, but Syngorn felt just as large a mountain to climb as defeating Umbrasyl in Vax's mind. Those events were also only part of it, of course. Straightening up just a bit, he looked down his bare chest and stomach and -- sure enough. Just like the handprint burned into his back had shown up after this happened last time, there was the scar left from Hotis's blade. He sagged back into Gilmore. "A lot happened."

Gilmore waited. He was a patient man, used to watching potions for just the moment one boiled or changed colors, familiar with long hours pouring over books or waiting for an artefact to give up its secrets. If it took time for Vax to come up with the words to unravel everything, so be it. He’d wait and absentely stroke his fingers down Vax’s spine until he was ready to talk. This time, it didn’t take long.

“Vax, darling,” he started, staring, agog. Carefully now, because Vax had literally just seen someone who looked just like Gilmore trying to kill him, he brought his hands up to Vax’s face, hovering there, hardly at all touching. “I have so many questions such as what part of you thought teleporting into a dragon was reasonable, and what I’m supposed to do since paladinish Paladin isn’t a thing at all, but first,”

Gilmore glanced down at the scar on Vax’s stomach. He knew exactly what it was and what had happened, a rakshasa with a bone to grind (though didn’t they all, really?) sneaked into Whitestone and had a team of assassins with it. Shaun hadn’t known the full extent of the plot until he’d disintegrated his own assassin and very nearly took out Keyleth who had burst into his room breathless and scared.

“Do you need to ask me a question to know that it’s me?”

Without his permission, the memory of Scanlan suggesting the very same thing of Vax bubbled to the surface of his mind. He remembered all too clearly the question he had asked (What did I tell you in that tavern?) and the obvious change in Gilmore's expression after he'd asked it. His heart seemed to squeeze within his chest, as though a fist had closed around it.

Vax shifted in Gilmore's touch, just enough to nuzzle his face into the gentle press of his hands. His eyes fluttered shut, knowing he didn't actually need to ask Gilmore anything. With hindsight, he knew that there were things with the rakshasa version that he ought to have recognized. Yes, he looked like Gilmore and yes, he sounded like him too, but no one, not even a rakshasa, could compare to the radiance of the man before him. He didn't think he could be entirely faulted for making the mistake once, nor did he think he could be faulted if his gut reaction had jumped to panic upon seeing Gilmore after feeling like he'd only just lived the attack, but he wouldn't make the mistake again in either direction.

"No," Vax murmured, eyes opening to look up at Gilmore. He reached out a hand, brushing over Gilmore's jaw and cheek to his perfectly rounded human ear, which he tucked some hair behind. The long fingers of his other hand wrapped gently around one of Gilmore's wrists. "I know it's you, Shaun."

“You’re damn right it is, accept no substitute,” Gilmore replied, all arched eyebrow and over the top bravado for a moment of levity to break up what would surely be a difficult conversation, if only because now it seemed as if Vax was further along time wise than he was. It didn’t change any of Gilmore’s confidence in the end result: that Vox Machina would triumph over the Chroma Conclave and save all of Tal’Dorei. But it did mean that unless something changed, Vax and Vex would have to fly without any reassurances from him that were based in experience. And they were Vox Machina, running headfirst into danger and teleporting into a dragon.

Such were the perils of being left behind.

He kissed Vax then, sure and familiar and warm as ever, and gods, if that wasn’t a comfort all on its own, Shaun didn’t know what was. “Now, tell me,” he said, laying back. “What you will. And if you’re not ready, darling, that’s fine. There’s no time constraint on this. When you’re ready, I’ll be here, ready. Well,” Gilmore paused, thoughtfully, his eyes dancing with merriment. “Maybe not here here, as that might be a distraction, but the point remains.”

As Gilmore laid back, Vax followed without question. He curled onto his side, head coming to rest on Gilmore's chest in such a way that let him also look up toward his face. The levity bring brought to the conversation by Gilmore was appreciated by Vax, just as it always did; there was never any question that his worries and tales were being taken seriously, but the dotting of jokes and teasing in the conversation kept Vax from taking himself too seriously. Even now, he felt that tightness in his chest begin to ease and his breathing came more smoothly.

"I've always told you everything," Vax said with a smile, reaching out to graze the fingers of one of his hands along Gilmore's arm before linking their fingers together. "I won't stop now." Even, he knew, if that meant touching on difficult topics. Especially those.

Vax drew in a slow breath, then launched into the story. "It was -- well. We were looking for more vestiges, which we got the locations for from a sphinx of all things? Anyway, one of them Grog's uncle had, which we got from him in Westruun where we also took out Umbrasyl. That was when the whole teleport into a dragon thing came up." Vax paused, scrunching his nose as he recalled just how awful an idea that turned out to be. At the same time, though: "We killed him in the end, though. So. All's well?"

Sobering a bit, he continued, "We went to Vasselheim and I visited the Raven's Crest to, you know, talk to the Raven Queen. I'd been having some dreams and just -- anyway. She clearly wanted me to go there. I communed with her and sort of pledged myself to her as her champion, hence the whole paladin thing. Then we went back to Whitestone, which was everything with the assassins and rakshasa."

Vax grew quiet again, dangerously close to falling into his previous melancholy, before a thought occurred to him. He let out a soft laugh, giving Gilmore an eyebrow arch of his own. "You have now pushed me off of two cliffsides."

“I have twice revealed an ability previously unknown to you in an entirely appropriate way,” Gilmore corrected, returning the eyebrow arch and then switching to the opposite one just to show off. He was forever quick to spin something right on its head so that it looked completely different. Justifying a moment concocted purely for spectacle was slightly different than highlighting the benefits of a bracer, but the point remained!

“Champion of the Raven Queen isn’t the worst title to have, I suppose,” he mused. “If what it will take to beat those godsforsaken dragons are gods, well. She might not have been your first choice to follow, darling, but I think two experiences in a short amount of time is a good sign.” Hopefully this would bring about some peace to Vax, who had thrown himself into the Raven Queen’s service as quickly as he threw himself into the shadows. Gilmore had never been religious, but he wouldn’t stand in the way of what someone believed. There were things in the world that couldn’t be explained, Shaun’s runes were proof of that, and if some found their answers in gods, what did it hurt?

His thumb traced circles over Vax’s shoulder as if that was enough to pre-emptively draw out the tension that was sure to show upon the mention of the twins’ father. They loved Velora, of that there was no doubt, she was their sister through and through, but Syldor and Syngorn held no fond memories. “What in all the realms were you doing in the Feywild? I’ve done some wild things in my time, but the Feywild? That’s a pass from me.”

"That is because you are a wise man of a sage age," Vax teased, even as he rolled his shoulder to encourage the circles that Gilmore was making. It was a good call, given how his teasing expression quickly faded, the tension that Gilmore had anticipated almost immediately flooding in as he considered the Feywild and everything that had transpired there.

"We went for another vestige," he explained, because that was more or less all they did anymore. "Fenthras, it's called. A bow that was part of a tree that was corrupting the land. Syngorn was there, too, because of their whole -- " He waved one of his hands, as though that would explain the city's ability to hop between planes. "The city can be moved to the Feywild, in times of great need and, well, a bunch of fucking dragons did it."

Vax sagged a bit into both Gilmore and the mattress as he considered everything that had transpired in Syngorn, particularly the exhaustion that any interaction with his father brought on. There was no love between himself and the man that contributed to the creation of himself and Vex, that much had been evident by their reception and conversation they had shared. As far as he was concerned, the only good thing the man had really managed was a decent job raising Velora -- but he had to wonder just how much of that was Syldor and how much was Velora's mother's doing.

"We only really went to our father because it was how we could gain access to the city." Vax smiled, but there was no humor in it, making it look more like a grimace. "Save for Velora, there isn't much love for the Vessar twins in Syngorn."

Gilmore fell quiet, lost in his thoughts about his own parents. Good, kind people, but people who had never fully understood their son. His magic had come at such an early age, and so obviously literally living on his skin that his parents hadn’t known what to do and pushed him to keep it quiet. That sense of claustrophobia, of being forever confined to their tiny village, mixed in with other factors, had been what had finally pushed Shaun to leave and start up a whole new life. He wanted to say that he understood what it was like to never fit in, but it felt so...insignificant to make the comparison.

“It’s their loss, darling,” he said, finding a knot of muscle in Vax’s shoulder and kneading at it. It needed to be worked out to prevent greater pain later on--much like talking about difficult pasts and new memories. There was that sage age and wisdom again! “Your father has a very long life to live. That’s a very long time to not have a relationship with two of his children, that’s a very long time to reflect, and that’s a very long time to potentially change. And if that day comes, it will fall to you and Vex’ahlia to decide on the response. But I, for one, cannot imagine anyone not absolutely adoring you both.”

Admittedly, Gilmore was a little biased.

“The bow is for Vex’ahlia, I assume? Although corrupted land simply screams Keyleth to me. And I shouldn’t assume, perhaps Grog has taken up archery.” Yes, definitely a bow and the patience it took to wait for the perfect shot was right in line with their barbarian friend!

Gilmore was right, of course. He usually (always) was, something that Vax had just come to expect. In the end, he didn't really mourn the loss of his relationship with his father -- he'd never had one and he doubted that he ever would, even without the distance that Vallo put between them now. Still, it didn't stop him from occasionally indulging in wandering thoughts about what it may have been like had their father leaned more toward acceptance of his half-elven children, rather than a begrudging tolerance, so long as they were out of sight. Syldor Vessar had created two children that were the very thing he had admitted to be prejudiced again and he hadn't been able to get over it in twenty-eight years. Maybe he would, later on down the line, but Gilmore was, once again, right about that as well -- it would be up to himself and Vex if a belated acceptance was enough.

Besides, it wasn't as though Vax was without family, he thought as he let his eyes close and he listened to Gilmore. On top of his sisters, he had chosen family, found family, in the shape of Vox Machina (whether they were together or not), the other Exandrians, and especially the man so thoroughly working on his shoulder. They were all worth much, much more than his father.

Vax smiled, eyes fluttering open once more. "I would pay good money to see Grog wield a bow and not break it in two. Though, yes, it's for Vex. We got it in the end, too, after the damned fey that was guarding it said some rather choice things about her and we killed him." His brows knit together in concern as he continued, "I will need to check in with her. I don't know if she remembers all of this now as well, but since we both remembered together last time, I'm guessing she will."

Before he did that, though, Vax knew there was more to discuss with Gilmore. He glanced away, hesitating just a second before admitting, "I feel like there are other things I should tell you, but only if you're comfortable. They involve Keyleth."

“We’ll go over to the Keep shortly,” Gilmore promised. And it was ‘we’, he had every intention of going with Vax even if his job was just to pile on the compliments for Vex and to distract Velora so that the twins could talk. He was, after all, exceptionally fond of all of the Vessars.

He shifted positions to work on Vax’s other shoulder, pressing on the muscles and sinew there. Best to balance these things out, but besides that, Gilmore was a tactile person, always quick with physical affection whenever possible. “I’m comfortable with whatever you want to tell me. If you think it’s important, then I’ll listen. And, to be fair, by now you know that even if you think it’s unimportant, I’ll still listen. I’m quite attentive, you see.”

"I had noticed." Vax smiled softly at that, before reaching to catch one of Gilmore's hands to press a gentle kiss to his palm, then released it so he could go back to his careful massaging. Like Gilmore, Vax was quick to give affection when it was welcome and he was able; it made the two of them a good match in that degree.

In this moment, the show of love was not just because it came easy, though. Vax hadn't talked much about Keyleth and the relationship that he hadn't known would ever happen back home, at least not with Gilmore. He knew about it, of course, but Vax had made his choice in Vallo, just as he had made his choice in Exandria. They were different choices, but they were the choices that were right for that particular version of himself at that particular moment in time. He would not change his mind when it came to Gilmore and that kiss to the palm was just one of many ways he planned to show it as time went on.

"When I told you in that tavern that I didn't know if she would come to return my affections, that wasn't untrue. She had needed time and I was willing to give that to her, no matter how things might end up. But, as time has passed, it feels -- I might be wrong, but it feels like we're circling in that direction." Quiet moments, shared looks, nights together, kisses; it didn't feel like he was wrong. Vax lifted a hand to distractedly pull through his hair, letting out a huff of a breath when his fingers once more got caught in a snarl. "And -- I don't know, Shaun. I don't have any control over what I do in Exandria anymore and what happens there won't change anything here, but if I'm going to continue to have these events dumped into my head, it feels important to be honest about them as they happen." He paused, eyebrows lifting before he asked, "Does that make any sense?"

“Oh gods,” Gilmore’s laugh was more an exhalation in relief. “I was worried something terrible had happened to her! Darling, since you’re battling dragons now, you really need to preface everything with ‘we’re all alive and well’ for my poor heart.” After all, it wasn’t just Vax and Vex he had a soft spot for, it was all of Vox Machina, each in their own way.

But he fell back into that reflective quiet again, though Gilmore batted away at Vax’s hands messing with his hair--honestly, for a man who knew how to braid! He remembered that heartbreak (which was perhaps too extreme of a word for the label of what they had been, but Shaun Gilmore had fallen hard and fast) and he remembered picking himself up, dusting his very fashionable robes off, and vowing to set up boundaries once again. A feat that was much easier back in Tal’Dorei, given that there was actual physical space between them. Those were the last memories he had from Whitestone. That was then. Things had changed.

“Vax,” he started. “You didn’t do anything wrong. I’m sure if you talk to other people who’ve experienced the same sort of...memory dump, you’ll find that they too have awkward circumstances. When I say something like, I’m in it for the long haul, that doesn’t come with all that many conditions, darling. Does it for you?”

"No," Vax said, no hesitation in his answer. He found Gilmore's hand, squeezing it once as he straightened up and leaned over to steal a kiss to punctuate the word. Still, as he pulled away, he repeated, "Not that many conditions at all."

Part of him wanted to lean into levity and make a teasing list of what conditions there may have been, but Vax found himself feeling as though he had just a bit more to get off of his chest first. Still holding Gilmore's hand, he brushed a few soft kisses to his knuckles before adding, "I just want to be honest with you, though. I want to tell you both the important and unimportant things, all of the time, just like I hope you will do the same with me. Nothing I remember from home will change that or just how head over heels in love with you I am, but it would have felt like I was hiding something from you if I didn't tell you."

Vax reached out with his free hand, his thumb tracing a line over Gilmore's cheekbone. "And I am, you know," he smiled, tipping his head back just a bit. "Head over heels, I mean."

“All of that sounds like exactly what I was hoping for,” Gimore confessed, with a smile. “I love you.” Sometimes when he said it, like now, it sounded like a promise. Like Gilmore, with his love of multisyllabic words, actually only needed three to say everything.

“And much as I’d like nothing more than to stay in bed and demonstrate it,” he threw in a roll of his shoulders and a saucy wink because he was always going to shamelessly flirt with Vax.“I know you’ll be restless until you speak to Vex’ahlia. Instead, I’ll have to demonstrate the depths of my affection by foregoing my morning routine, woe.” That meant cutting out many of the fragrant balms, serums, and oils that enhanced his natural gloriousness and about half of the jewelry Gilmore typically piled on, but again, sacrifices needed to be made for the greater good.

A Teleport spell was the fastest and most convenient way to get to the Keep and Shaun kissed Vax’s forehead before heading off down a hall and calling behind him, “Take your time. I’ll see if Velora wants breakfast, you two come around when you’re hungry.”

Unable to really stop himself, Vax watched as Gilmore retreated with an all too fond a smile on his face, reminded of just how many ways he was thankful for him before turning to climb the stairs and walk the hall that took him to Vex'ahlia's room. He didn't necessarily know if his twin had been gifted the same flood of memories from Exandria as he had been, but it felt impossible for it to be any other way. It had been that way last time and anything else would have felt… wrong; twenty-eight years spent in step, only to be thrown out of sync due to the magic of some weird island? Not possible.

And so, if Vex did remember everything that Vax now did, he knew that he needed to check in on her. Their time in the Feywild hadn't been all bad and they had left it with that damn bow, but far more of it had been bad and, if he knew his sister, Vax had a feeling that it was weighing on her quite heavily. He didn't understand much of what Saundor had said to her and he wasn't sure how much of it was actually his business. Whether she wanted to talk about it or not was up to her, but Vax wasn't about to let Vex forget that he was there for her -- just as she was always there for him.

Taking a soft breath in, Vax rapped twice on the door to her bedroom, paused just one second, and then announced, "Stubby, it's me."

Vex'ahlia was sitting on her bed, knees pulled to her chest and her arms wrapped around them as though some feeble attempt at armor against the heavy weight of her memories, when the knock came at her door. Vax. Of course it was Vax because there was never a moment, never a day, when Vax wasn't right there when she needed him even when she was unwilling to admit she needed anything at all. It was impossible to forget his steadfastness, his staunch love for his sister, and yet...

And yet.

Sweet, broken Vex'ahlia. Unwanted, unproven Vex'ahlia. Selfish and cruel Vex'ahlia.

Of all the memories that had flooded into her mind in what felt simultaneously like moments, days, years, that was what stuck with her now. Perhaps because it was one of the fresher memories. Perhaps because the others were somehow harder to linger over for too long. Whatever the reason, the words played over and over, a cruel taunt for a cruel girl. Her fingers curled gently into her palm as she wiped away the quiet tears from her face before unfurling herself from the bed to go answer the door.

She drew in a deep breath as she opened it to reveal her twin and she forced her features into a smile as she stepped aside to let him in. "Scrawny," she started, punctuating the affectionate nickname with a soft laugh. "Here I was thinking you'd decided to bring me breakfast. I suppose I'll have to get dressed and find my own now. Why are you here so early?" She knew why. She knew it without even having to ask, but she was going to ask it anyway.

The very moment that Vex'ahlia swung the door open, Vax began working on scrutinizing. Perhaps that wasn't entirely fair of him -- no one liked to be scrutinized so early in the morning, but it really couldn't be helped. The worry for his sister had started to take root the moment he had sorted through the new memories, particularly those of the Feywild. He didn't want to make her worry as well, if she didn't remember the same.

As he stepped inside, his eyes didn't leave Vex as he said, "Shaun is working on breakfast with Velora. I wanted to talk to you before going downstairs, though." Vax paused, looking his sister over again before deciding to just cut to the chase. "I remember more from home. Do you?"

Vex briefly smiled with affection at the image of their sister fixing them breakfast before Vax quickly confirmed what she’d suspected by the early wake up call. She paused, steeling herself, then waved dismissively before walking to her dressing table to pick up her brush. “A bit more, yeah,” she replied, unwilling to flat out lie to her brother. She dragged the brush through her hair, glancing over her shoulder at Vax.

“I didn’t die again! There was the bit with Pike and then Grog, but they’re okay, and you’re okay. Our father is still an ass, but Per--. But we got the bow! That’s certainly good news. Another vestige down before we have to go back and face the dragons,” she continued, still brushing her hair as though none of these memories held the weight that they most assuredly did. She glanced back at him, again, a small smile flitting across her lips as she asked, “Is that about the gist of your memories, too?”

Though Vax had been hoping very much that he and Vex were on the same page, he found himself almost wishing that they weren't once he had that confirmation. It had been a lot of events in a short amount of time, given to them in an even shorter amount of time here in Vallo. Near the end, much of those events were centered around his sister and though he couldn't protect her from them, he dearly wished he could have.

Concern lined Vax's face and he didn't even try to hide it, but he did step forward and snatch the brush from Vex before pushing her by the shoulder toward her bed. "Sit down and I'll braid it," he instructed, already looking for something to tie the future braid off with. It gave him just a few seconds to stall and put together some words, not that he'd ever been very good at following the scripts that he wrote in his mind.

"But, yeah," he agreed with a gentle sigh. "That's about where I'm at. Kiki was about to bamf us all back to Whitestone, then I woke up. And though I'm glad you didn't die -- " Thank every fucking god there was for that, honestly -- "it was a lot. Where's your head?"

Vex obliged, letting Vax steal the brush from her hand as she moved to perch on the bed. One leg folded beneath her and the other hanging over the side, she settled in and pushed her hair back off of her shoulders so that he could get to work. The memories had been hard, but Vax's braids always helped her through the hard things. She'd take any sense of comfort just now.

Shrugging, she replied, "Thankfully, still on my shoulders," even though she knew perfectly well what he'd meant. "What a trip it's been, though, right? It's honestly amazing how much can happen in so little time." And then, when the moment of silence felt too tangible, she continued, "You know who would absolutely love it here? Garmelie. Artagan, whatever. This place never gets boring. ...How are you doing?"

Vax got to work on Vex's hair, opting for a more complicated series of braids than normal, for the very simple (and possibly transparent) reason of it keeping her from pulling a move from his stockpile of poor ways of dealing with emotionally charged conversations and walking away. Well, to keep her there for an extra couple of minutes, at least. His long fingers were gentle as they brushed her hair out and began the weave while he considered her question.

"I'm surprisingly okay," he admitted after a brief moment of introspection. "I could do without remembering what it's like to be crushed by a dragon's insides or being stabbed by a rakshasa in Shaun clothing, but it is what it is. I expected everything with the Raven Queen, though could likewise do without the whole pool of blood thing. Everyone is still breathing, so that's a relief." He didn't bring up the developments with Keyleth; he wasn't ashamed, by any means, and had already brought it up with Shaun, but he wasn't even sure how much Vex approved, let alone how to talk about it at all.

Instead, he pointedly tugged on a strand of hair before adding it to the braids, more concerned with Vex than himself. "That visit with Dad was a whole thing, yeah?"

Vex almost turned around to look at Vax, then quickly remembered that he was braiding her hair and thought better of the impulse. “Gods, why does it feel like all of that happened the last time we got new memories? I don’t think we appreciate how relatively uneventful Vallo really is as much as we ought to.” There were so many new memories, and so few of them easy to remember now. But Vax had gotten out of the beast’s stomach and they had slayed that dragon. And he was so much more at peace with his covenant with the Raven Queen and there was no evidence in her memories that being her champion was going to take him away from Vex. The rakshasa, well… they’d figure that out once they figured out how to destroy what remained of the Chroma Conclave.

She sucked in a short breath, and pulled her hands into her lap, unable to keep them idle. “Anything with him is always a whole thing. But, yes. I think I’m about done with visits with him for quite a while. As much as I want Velora to have her parents, I don’t think I ever want to see him here.” Percival wasn’t here to run interference for her, and what good would a title do when neither the person nor place that had given it to her existed in this world? “Have we caught up to Shaun yet?”

Vax had to agree; though he didn't want Velora to be separated from her parents, especially since it was clear that his father and step-mother adored and cared for her well and he knew that their sister missed them, the thought of having to deal with their father more than the hardly at all that they normally did made his stomach churn. It might be satisfying to see him ripped from the high horse of a world he'd built for himself back home by being brought to Vallo like the rest of them, but that satisfaction would be short-lived.

Vax gently placed a long plait over Vex's shoulder, motioning for her to hold onto the end for him while he started on another section of hair. "We've surpassed him now. The last bit that he remembers from home was after the rakshasa and assassin attack. I more or less told him about everything else, though."

“I suppose that makes us the furthest along now,” Vex said, brow furrowed in contemplation. “Which I can’t decide if that’s a good thing, or not. It might have been nice to have a heads up about some of these memories, though I also suppose it’s not like anyone could prepare us for how it would feel to live them ourselves.

She quieted for a long moment, trying to decide what to say next. There was so much she could comment on, so many things to process. But as she spent the lingering silence sorting through all of the new things she now knew, she finally settled on the thing she needed to say next.

Drawing in a shaky breath, she quietly said, “I remember loving him in two places now, it seems.”

Not for the first time that morning, Vax felt his heart squeeze in his chest. Their entire lives, he had been going out of his way to try and protect Vex. It felt like his duty in many ways, especially after the loss of their mother. He knew that it frustrated her at times -- and rightfully so, given that need to protect was what landed him in with the Raven Queen in the first place. Affairs of the heart, though, weren't something that a twin brother could shield her from, no matter how hard he tried.

Vax couldn't even say that he understood. He did, to an extent; he would always love Keyleth in his way, but his circumstances were very different than Vex's were.

Leaning down, he pressed a soft kiss to the top of his sister's head, before resuming the braiding. "I'm sorry that this place has been so cruel in that way."

Vex lifted a hand to wipe at her cheek, again, taking comfort in Vax’s presence. “It’s no more cruel than any other place, really, and neither of us is a stranger to grief and loss,” she said, voice soft. “I think I’m just ready for a day when I don’t feel it so completely. I just want to wake up and feel like myself again.”

But was that really that much better? It was better to feel hopeful and optimistic about the future than to feel like a gunslinger-sized hole was left in your heart, sure, but Saundor’s words began playing in her head again and she wondered if it was really that great to feel like herself when his words were so reflective of how she felt about herself. Unworthy, selfish, unwanted, unloved, vain--none of them were thoughts that only manifested when he implied them. She closed her eyes and gave another soft laugh. “But enough of that. Do you have any idea what our sweet sister and your gorgeous boyfriend are making us for breakfast?”

"Probably something unfairly delicious," Vax said, tone fond despite himself. With a final twist, he gently secured Vex's hair. Leaning back, he surveyed his work, determined it to be among his best yet, and patted her gently on the top of the head to indicate that he was done.

But, he wasn't entirely done speaking. Moving around Vex, he perched next to her on the bed. "I know that everything we remember -- it's a lot, I know it is. And I don't want to put any accidental pressure or anything on you, I really don't." He reached out and took one of his sister's hands, sandwiching it between both of his own. "But I'm here, if you need me or want to talk it out. I know I can't promise it, but I'm going to try my damnedest to always be here, okay."

Vax didn't know if any of that could actually help any of the ache that Vex was going through, but he would, once again, try his damnedest to do what he could. "I love you, Vex."

Offering her brother a small smile and a quick nod, Vex placed her free hand over his. “I know you are, I do. And I promise you that if or when I need to talk, I will. I just--don’t know that I have it in me to do that just now. It’s important that you know, though, that I absolutely love you more than you love me. It’s just an indisputable fact, Vax, I’m sorry.”

Her small smile grew as she teased him, and she shifted to lean forward and rest her head on his shoulder. “And if you’d like to talk out your memories of the weird tension I now remember between you and Kiki, I can be a good listener, too. I’m sure remembering affections is just as hard when your lover here is someone else as it is when they’re not here at all.”

Tipping his head to the side just so, letting it rest against Vex's, Vax let out a soft chuckle. "It's weird," he said, feeling as though it was an understatement like no other. "I still care for her, obviously, just like I still cared for Shaun back home. I know that I made the right decision for myself in both places, even if I don't really know where it's going with Keyleth. And nothing I remember will change anything with Shaun here, but -- it's just a situation I couldn't have imagined."

Sitting up, Vax peered at his sister, tucking a wayward tuft of hair that he had missed in the braid behind her ear. "I talked to him about it already and he was as wonderful and supportive as you'd imagine. I don't want to keep anything from him." He smiled then, a bit self-deprecating as he added, "Look at me, being all emotionally mature. Who knew it was possible?"

“Hm,” Vex replied with a fond chuckle, “I’m very impressed that you did not walk away.”

Though he rolled his eyes at that, the look was more or less ruined by the laugh that immediately followed it. "I won't pretend that I didn't consider it for a second," he admitted, sliding off of the edge of Vex's bed to get to his feet. "This is growth, Vex'ahlia."

At that, he held out a hand to his sister in offering and said, "Shall we see what our brilliant sister and my gorgeous boyfriend are up to?"

What they were up to seemed to be a combination of a very dramatic retelling of something that had happened to Velora in school (“Your academic prowess has been nothing short of sublime,” Gilmore responded, drawing giggles because it sounded like slime), could Kiri come over for a sleepover (“If her family says it's alright”) and if she could get a bear like Vex or something smaller (“No comment, darling, that is for Vax and Vex to answer.”)? She cracked eggs into a pan teeming with a fragrant red sauce, while another pan held thin, lacey pancakes that Gilmore carefully flipped onto a platter.

He turned around upon the twins’ arrival and caught sight of Vex’s formerly tear stained face. He wouldn’t do Vex the indignity of asking what happened, especially not in front of Velora, but he would kiss both of her cheeks in greeting and wrap her in a tight hug. A clean, tight hug, Shaun Gilmore did not dirty his robes! “If it isn’t the most efferfecent of twins! I hope you’re hungry, darling, Velora’s worked for hours and hours, honestly, you two,” he said, leaning back against a counter. “Have a very talented sister.”

Vex had to admit that, regardless of however else she was feeling, the sight that met her and her twin brother as they made their way into the kitchen was enough to warm even a broken heart. She felt herself smiling despite the gravity of her new memories, and taking as much comfort as she was allowed in Gilmore's embrace. He was a good man and she was glad for his presence in their lives, and especially for what that meant for Vax.

With a chuckle, Vex moved up to her sister and knelt down to wrap Velora in a hug, too, pressing a kiss to her hair, still slightly mussed from sleep. "Do we now? And here I thought she was best at everything else she does, and now we're adding cooking to the list? You might just be the very best of us yet," she replied, giving her a quick squeeze before standing back up, the sound of Velora's giggles doing their own part to lift Vex's spirits.

"What's on the menu, darlings?"

"Something delicious, by the look and smell of it," Vax said, peering in the direction of the food. He looked back to Gilmore, then Velora, and added, "Probably better than my usual breakfast cereal special, yeah?"

Velora seemed to consider the question with all of the seriousness that it required, before deciding, "Froot Loops are okay! But, you know..." She snuck a flash of a grin at Gilmore, then, "yeah. Way better."

"I see how it is," Vax laughed, accepting of this criticism as he leaned against the counter next to Gilmore himself. He silently stored away a comment for when young ears weren't around about how apparently he wasn't the only one that had perfected the art of attractively leaning against things, instead opting to just lean gently into his boyfriend's shoulder as he watched his sisters and simply appreciated all that he had in this room alone. They were soft thoughts, mushy thoughts, Vax thoughts, and they made him smile.

“It’s hard to weigh the merits of the loops of froot against ‘way better’,” Gilmore said, adding in a conspiratorial wink to Velora. Admittedly he was suspicious of anything that spelled fruit with two os, but he would take that win. And children were notoriously harsh critics! He looped an arm around Vax’s shoulders and kissed the side of his head as a consolation prize. It was a lot easier to learn how to cook when you were just an enchanting enchanter and not an intrepid band of adventurers traversing all throughout Tal’Dorei.

“But since you asked, it’s just pancakes and eggs. My mother would make them.” He shrugged, easily. “I’m not convinced I’ve done them correctly because that isn’t the right pan and I remember them taking longer, but I may have been an impatient child, I’ll never tell.” The tone and Gilmore’s shrug were nonchalant enough, but there was a glow in his chest that felt anything but casual. It felt big, bigger than new memories and disappearances and arrivals and dragons and scars. It was no secret Gilmore loved Vax (tremendously, he’d add), but there was another element added with him and Vex and Velora and making them a breakfast he had growing up.

Right, that was enough sentimentality in the morning!

He squeezed Vax once and released the roguish rogue/paladin (it didn’t flow as well, he’d have to come up with something else eventually, but Gilmore would figure something out!) to start plating. The eggs even got a dash of fresh herbs, because Gilmore appreciated presentation! “Right, darlings, well! Come eat, it’s best hot.”