WHO Gilmore & Vax WHERE Gilmore's Glorious Goods WHEN Evening of July 31 WHAT Vax is ready to talk about his feels for one (1) glorious man, with said man. STATUS Complete WARNINGS None
As Vax took the last few long strides that led him to stand just a couple more steps to the door of Gilmore's Glorious Goods, it occurred to him that he probably ought to have announced his presence before dropping in. Then again, he never really announced his presence before dropping in on Gilmore. He wondered, briefly, just on the scale of rudeness that fell, knowing entirely too well that he was stalling.
Vax didn't know exactly when what had started as a flirtation in an attempt to get lower prices on various magic items from a handsome shopkeeper had turned into feelings. It had been before Vallo, of course, and far before finding him near death under his shop or that conversation in a tavern or lunches in Emon. And while he knew that the feelings he'd had, and still did to a lesser degree, for Keyleth were true, he knew just as well that these feelings, the ones that had become impossible to ignore and he didn't want to ignore as time in Vallo marched along, were true. Feelings and emotions weren't Vax's strongest of suits, but he could try. He wanted to try.
And maybe it would end terribly and he would go back to Greyskull to brood, but Vax would accept that. Gilmore, he likewise knew, was worth that risk.
Taking a deep breath, Vax took those last couple of steps and opened the door to slip into Gilmore's shop. He had left the new armor at home, having decided it was a bit much for a conversation like this, and instead was clad in decidedly more comfortable tunic that didn't smell like it had spent too many years in a tomb. The daggers were still on his belt, though. He was still Vax'ildan.
Again, he had come to the shop later in the evening, assuming once more that it would be the best time to catch Gilmore without customers. This time, though, he bypassed the cloaks (to the shock of all that knew him) and perused some jewelry as he waited. He and Vex'ahlia had been discussing their birthday, after all, and it was never too early to prepare for the tastes of his sister.
âPike, Keyleth, or Vexâahlia?â Gilmore asked, from behind a counter. His head was bent over a wooden box, arcane sparks that indicated he was identifying an item shooting from his eyes. The palm of his hand, hovering above the box, radiated with an almost phosphorescent light, on the box, sigils and runes were illuminated with that same supernatural glow. His hand snapped shut, extinguishing the radiance and a second later the markings on the box winked out too, turning it back into a seemingly innocuous item. Gilmore made a note on paper, ending on a flourish, and the paper disappeared with a puff of smoke left behind. Heâd long ago become accustomed to Vox Machina dropping by, either for advice, identifying some magical item theyâd discovered, drinks, or most often, with outlandish demands either on his magic or on his potential profit. He had other customers, thank you very much.
The life of the shopkeeper to the adventuring party.
That task accomplished, Gilmore crossed his arms over the counter and sighed with the relief of the day almost done. The open store hours, at least, when the store closed heâd go back to enchanting items. For as much as Shaun Gilmore enjoyed the finer things in life, he worked doubly hard. He came from hardly anything at all, a scrappy little nobody from barely a town in Marquet, armed only with more goals and magic than he knew what to do with, after all. âAlthough I shouldnât assume. Percival seems as if he would appreciate something--it would have to be the right something, of course, and Grog, well,â he chuckled. âAnything is possible with your most colossus of friends.â
He stepped out from behind the counter and air kissed both of Vaxâs cheeks in greeting. Eh, it was close enough to closing for Gilmore to feel comfortable flicking his fingers around the shop, dimming candles and pulling down draperies to block the windows. âA word of warning that Vexâahlia will be entirely perplexed by the cost if youâre planning on having something created for her, so youâll have to lie, and youâre terrible at lying to your sister.â Winking over his shoulder, Gilmore made another hand motion, a row of potions straightening themselves out thanks to an unseen servant. âOr if youâve brought me another gift from the Raven Queen, Iâm seriously going to have to start reconsidering my piety. Doubtful any god would actually accept me, unfortunately!â
"A loss to all those behind the Divine Gate, surely." The answer came without missing a beat, paired with a smile toward Gilmore as he prepared the shop for close. Vax looked down at the merchandise for a few short seconds more, considering what was on display before continuing, "Vex and I were just discussing our birthday and I thought it wouldn't hurt to do a little research. It wasn't why I'm visiting, though."
It never was why he was visiting, was it? Vax always seemed to have some sort of crisis to lay at Gilmore's feet in one way or another. This time he wasn't exactly without crisis, but at least it wasn't life or death. Feeling the need to clarify that exact point, he tore his gaze away from the glorious goods to instead focus on Gilmore himself. Vax crossed his arms loosely in front of him, a slight furrow to his brow -- but at least it wasn't full on brooding. "And no, nothing new from the Raven Queen. Nothing to identify. No magic required at all, for once. In fact, don't even need advice. I just, well. I was hoping that I could talk to you about something, if you don't mind me taking your time."
As soon as the words were uttered, Vax found himself wishing he'd indulged in some kind of smalltalk instead, but that was his immediate instinct to stall once again kicking in and he knew it. It would have been useless, anyway. Gilmore knew Vax better than most and the rogue knew that he would have undoubtedly been able to suss out that his reason for being there was more than a grand desire to discuss the weather or any interesting customers he might have recently seen come through the shop. It felt better to volunteer the information himself, than leave it to Gilmore to coax it out of him.
Well this wasnât going to end well, Gilmore thought, with a sigh. He had a feeling as much, at least, Vax was one of his closest friends, their previous dalliance notwithstanding. Vox Machina was full of large personalities and perhaps his life as a rogue was preordained, as Vax somehow fit in the background, especially when compared to Grogâs booming voice, Vexâahliaâs winks and laughter, Percivalâs near insatiable curiosity, Scanlanâs quick wit, Pikeâs innate goodness, Keylethâs wide-eyed wonder. Vax stuck to the shadows, so used to being unseen, wanting to be unseen, that Gilmore himself had almost him the first time the ragtag group of adventurers piled into his store seemingly one collective force. Until Vax tried to bargain, awkward, bumbling, it was all so painfully charming.
Gilmore hadnât been entirely sure what the little thing that had been brewing between them was, until it wasnât anymore and then it hadnât felt little at all.
So yes, he knew Vax. He thought he understood him, as much as anyone could understand him--even his irrational, emotionally charged decisions were always motivated by what he thought was best. Heâd die for Vexâahlia, or for any of Vox Machina. Heâd probably end up dying for Trinket too, come to think of it, trying to rescue that bear that they brought with them for who knew what reason. He was brave, fiercely loyal, and had a prankster side to rival Scanlan, all the funnier because it was unexpected given Vaxâs love of dark leathers and sometimes gloomy appearance.
He wasnât quite sure he was ready for another conversation of, âIâm sorry, but.â There was a chance it was about something else, of course, something related to Vexâahliaâs new relationship with Percival, or Scanlanâs departure, but Vaxâs previous statement on the cliff of needing to apologize for things, well. If Gilmore was a betting man, which he was, he knew. âOf course, sit, sit, I have time,â he said, squeezing Vaxâs shoulder once. He waved over two chairs, ridiculously ornate and plush and fitting perfectly with the storeâs ambiance, and oh, just because he felt like it, a tea service as well. A sugar cube rested between Gilmoreâs back teeth while he poured a fragrant brew. âIs everything alright?â
"I've been doing a lot of thinking lately." It was an understatement, given how Vax's general state of being swung wildly between either acting without thinking at all or overthinking to the point of inaction. There was rarely any in-between. Either he was reacting, jumping into a violent fray or professing love to another party member after nearly dying, or he was withdrawing, sticking to the shadows and avoiding his friends for hours at a time or walking away from uncomfortable conversations when the emotions became too overwhelming. But as he sat there with Gilmore, watching the other man's hands as he busied them with the tea, finding it easier than lifting to look at the face he had come to know so well, he didn't want to act rashly or dive into the extreme that his instincts usually led him to. He had already placed a very solid bump in the road that was their acquaintance; now he was attempting to smooth that bump over or at least hoping to find a way to navigate around it with Gilmore. He needed, Vax thought, to do this correctly, whatever that looked like.
"Specifically," he continued, "I've been thinking about what we've discussed, in regards to what I might want or, I don't know -- what I'd like my future to look like. All of that." Vax paused for a moment to take in a breath, realizing that he probably should have thought about just what and how he was going to say what he wanted to say prior to arriving at this point. It had seemed like such a feat to get to Gilmore's shop in the first place, though, that he didn't let himself envision anything beyond it.
Vax's gaze dropped to his own hands then, which were joined in his lap, wringing together in an obvious show of nerves. "I don't think I've come any further on figuring out any sort of grand picture, though I know that I've reached a point where I'm okay with that. I understand that I don't need every moment of my life dedicated to some cause for it to be fulfilling. I can enjoy what I'm being given in the here and now, so long as I'm surrounded with people that I care about." Finally, Vax's eyes rose, looking to Gilmore. "That's what's important to me. Even if everything goes to shit around me, it's worth it and it's still good if I have the people who matter the most to me at my side. My sister, the rest of Vox Machina -- you." His tone softened as he added, "Especially you, Shaun."
There was more he needed to say and add to that preamble, explanations and admissions to start, but Vax made himself pause. It was for his own sake, an attempt at letting his mind sort through the feelings and thoughts that were whirring about so he wouldn't simply ramble and flirt with incoherency, but also for Gilmore. Vax was cognizant enough that much of what he wanted to say was going to contradict how their last conversation about the two of them had gone. The last thing that Vax wanted was for Gilmore to think his affections were fickle, when to him they felt like anything but, or that he wasn't taking Gilmore's seriously, when they were the most important thing in the world to him in that moment and so many other moments before.
âVax,â Gilmore said, as carefully as he could. Gilmore had yet to play witness to Vaxâs rapid exits during emotional moments, not because there hadnât been any potential times, there had. No, instead, Vax just...tended to kiss him. Mostly, he simply let Vax work his way through whatever was plaguing him by doling out honest and heartfelt advice tempered with laughter and swagger, and waiting, patiently. Vax would come through on the other side on his own time, he believed, but he sometimes needed a gentle nudge to get him started or keep him going. He placed a hand, warm from the tea and the magic in his veins, on top of Vaxâs as a grounding point. Something solid to hold him in place. No running, Vax.
âI know this has been a tremendously difficult time for you,â he started. âWith these memories, and all of this unknown, and I want you to know that what you want for yourself is a wonderful thing and you deserve it. I think youâll always need a cause, mind you,â Gilmoreâs laugh was kind though, knowing. âBecause thatâs who you are too, and I think thatâs beautiful. Thatâs not something that should change, Vax, itâs having your intention change. Make your world better because you see something you can fix and it would behoove the lives of people around you, not because you have to prove something to someone. Not because youâre trying to fix something in yourself, that enjoyment of your life, surrounded by the people who care about you most, thatâs better medicine than even I could magic up.â
The corners of Gilmoreâs eyes wrinkled when he smiled again. âDoes that count as advice? Maybe a bit, youâll forgive me, I hope.â He took a sip of tea humming while he thought of how to parsel everything together. âAnd of course, Iâm simply flattered beyond belief that youâd include me, although,â GIlmore leaned in, conspiratorial. âI have met your friends, so Iâm not entirely certain I should be flattered.â
A smile started at Vax's mouth, despite himself. His other friends also had the ability to occasionally pull him back from taking himself too seriously, but Gilmore's ability to do so was downright uncanny. He glanced down for just the briefest of seconds to where Gilmore's hand rested on his own and found himself utterly unsurprised in just how grounding the touch truly was. "In truth," Vax said, raising an eyebrow as he mirrored the other man's lean with one of his own, "I don't know if you ought to be flattered, either."
At that, he sat back to peer over at Gilmore, considering his words for just a moment before he spoke again. "I want to be clear, though. Or, at the very least, I want to be as clear as I can manage while still being myself." Another flash of a smile, before it faded as he continued, "I care for you a great deal, Shaun. When we first walked into your shop and I flirted horrendously to try to talk you down on prices, I couldn't have imagined what you would come to mean to me as the years went on. And -- and I know how all of this must sound, given what I said in Emon and how things have changed between us, but -- "
Clearly not done as his words broke off, Vax paused to close his eyes just long enough to pull in one slow breath. "I'm sorry. I know what I want to say, but I've never been good at talking." How many times had he watched Scanlan charm someone or his sister haggle with a wink and wondered how they did it? He had his strengths of hiding in shadows before throwing a dagger at someone, but they certainly didn't lend to this situation.
"I can't say that I entirely regret that conversation we shared in Emon," Vax admitted, barrelling forward despite still not feeling at all confident in having the right words to express himself properly. "I thought that it was the right thing to do at that moment in time, before dragons, goddesses, or being brought to Vallo, to another world entirely. And now -- now I am worried that because we had that conversation, you may not believe me that when I say I especially want you at my side through whatever it is life throws at us, I mean I would like you to be there as more than just my very good friend." A pause, his voice growing soft, almost fragile, once more. "If you would like that, too."
Gilmoreâs eyebrows arched high to the sky, dancing over the lip of the teacup. âWell at least you finally admit it, both your terrible attempt at flirtation and your ulterior motive.â Not that he was hurt by the admission, far from it. Not that he was blind at Vox Machinaâs attempts to use Vax in a similar way after that--it was, unfortunately, terribly successful, but Gilmore could afford to cut the spunky group a break now and then. And sure, at first he was humored by making Vax blush and splutter, but in an embarrassingly short amount of time that flirtation became something deep and sincere, even as they didnât give it an actual name.
He tried to interrupt then, ready with assurances aplenty. Their friendship was enough. Hurt as he had been when he was ready to tell Vax the intensity of his feelings and Vax had revealed his own feelings for someone else, Gilmore had picked himself up, dusted himself off, bought an obscenely expensive bottle of wine, and resolved to accept it. Because their friendship was enough. Vax, however, wasnât apologizing for that. Or...maybe he was, Gilmore wasnât entirely sure. Even Vax didnât seem to know what he wanted to say, but they had time in spades now and even if they didnât, this was important and Gilmore would have made the time. So he stopped trying to anticipate what Vax wanted to say, and instead, let the rogue work through it.
And for once, the glorious one seemed at a loss for words. He blinked, surprise written clear across his face and then as if realizing what that may have come across as, set the cup aside and took Vaxâs other hand now. âI know my feelings have seemed silly in their obviousness and,â Gilmore shrugged, helpless. âIâm not ashamed of that. I hold you in a very high esteem, Iâve wanted to be with you, and I want to be with you now. I am sure of you. But if this is,â his brow furrowed. âA reaction because of what you remembered, Iâm here, Iâm not going anywhere, if that fucking dragon didnât take me, nothing will. I donât--â he cleared his throat. He felt terribly off balance unsure, hesitant. So much of Gilmore was in the persona that was a part of him, yes, but it was easy to forget that behind that was something human. Vulnerable. Fragile, too.
The next few words didnât quite have the light and jovial tone Gilmore intended for them to. âI donât want you to regret anything, or change your mind. Iâm old, my heart canât take it.â
At the mention of the dragon, Vax's mind spun up memories of finding Gilmore so close to death and the immediate terror that had taken at the sight and the thought that his glorious light could have been snuffed out by the very same dragon that had taken his mother from him. But he hadn't been taken, Pike's magic bringing Gilmore back from the brink. He was sitting there with him, alive and healthy and looking more vulnerable than Vax had ever seen him before. He had always known that there was far more to Gilmore than bravado, business acumen, and whipcrack smiles. He had witnessed some of those layers before. And yet, Vax wasn't sure if the squeeze he felt in his chest was from the memories or knowing he had brought this fragility out.
Vax allowed his fingers to tighten around Gilmore's for a brief moment, then lifted one of his hands to just barely rest at the other man's face, gently cupping his cheek. "First," he started, "your feelings have never seemed silly. Not to me." Maybe the comment hadn't been the largest takeaway in what Gilmore had said, but it still felt important to Vax to make it known.
"As for what this is..." Vax dropped his hand back down, finding Gilmore's once more. "I've been thinking about you and us and this for a while now, since not long after you arrived here, before I got any more memories. But I did not want you to think that my feelings were -- that it was simply an absence of another that brought me to you. I did not want you to think that you were my second choice, because you couldn't be. I also didn't want to assume that I still held an interest for you." He looked down at now both of their hands, joined together. "And then Keyleth arrived and I was overjoyed, of course, to have her here as our group is at its best when we're whole, but I was worried that I would make a mess of things, just as I always do when my heart is confused." Vax's gaze rose, taking in Gilmore for a beat before he continued, "But it wasn't confused. All it did was make me more sure of the extent of my feelings for you."
Somewhere in his speech, Vax had found confidence and this time his gaze didn't avert as he finished, "You are a singular man, Shaun. And if you would have me -- officially, not simply as a flirtation across a counter -- I am yours and only yours."
Shaun Gilmore thought then. About hearts and belonging and time. About dragons and goddesses and the unknown. He thought about being left, here or at home, waiting, and wondering. And he looked at Vax, courageous, devoted, beautiful in the best secret sort of way that things were when someone truly saw something for what it was worth. All of those what ifs went flying away in the face of Vaxâs hopeful, tentative look.
Those years, memories, feelings, went by in the mere second it took for Gilmore to decide--if there was even anything to decide. He brought Vaxâs knuckles to his lips.
âYouâre never an if, darling. Youâre a foregone conclusion.â
The breath that Vax released came out in a huff, all of the tension and apprehension that he had built up around this conversation just melting as he smiled. It wasn't quite a full on grin, instead something that danced around soft and relieved and just really, simply, wonderfully happy. It wasn't an altogether rare smile, but there was certainly a unique set to his eyes that was reserved for when he was looking at Gilmore.
"Yeah?" Vax let out a quick laugh the moment the single word question left his mouth, it paling so devastatingly in comparison to the one sentence from Gilmore. He dipped his head, looking up through his eyelashes as he took one of his hands from Gilmore's once more to allow his fingers to linger at his jawline before cupping his cheek more firmly than moments before. "That is -- that's wonderful."
He tipped his head up. The last time he had kissed Gilmore, it had been a goodbye. He very much wanted to try again, with a different future ahead of them. "I don't suppose," Vax started, listing his head to the side in question, smile still there, "that I can kiss you, then?"
Gilmore laughed in return, loud, easy. There was, he realized, an unexpected lightness that came with certainty. He could ponder that later, or much more likely, simply be grateful for it. Maybe other things like Vaxâs promise to the Raven Queen, or how long they had here in Vallo, or what it all meant if they went back to Exandria were up in the air, but Vax himself? No, Gilmore was sure of him. âYeah,â he replied, the casualness of the word sounding all too ridiculous in Gilmoreâs voice, Gilmore, who had probably never said âyeahâ in his entire life and tended to pepper his speech with words that were as large and decorative as the man himself. âItâs almost...glorious.â
He groaned, chuckling again and leaning forward to rest his forehead against Vaxâs. These little gestures, they were real, authentic. Sure Gilmore tended to be the largest personality in any room, anywhere, and that was absolutely him, but so too was the soft, careful way he tucked a piece of Vaxâs dark hair behind his pointed ear. âYouâd better, before I attempt another atrocious joke. And I do hope you donât have any pressing plans because I have every intention of rudely interrupting them.â
Judging by the way he smiled into the kiss, he wasnât even sorry about it.