WHAT. Ty & Kit finally fess up to Julian and there are a lot of FEELS. WHERE. Blackthorn Hall WHEN. Day before Serendipity Hills WARNINGS. ITâS SAD. Donât do necromancy when youâre a kid, kids. STATUS. Complete! ART CREDIT.Quissus, posted here.
It was normal for Ty to have some kind of repetitive motion going on at any time, but pacing wasnât something he did often unless he was thinking too hard.
Right now, he was thinking too hard. He was thinking too hard and he was worrying. They were at Blackthorn Hall, Kit there with him in what would eventually become the library - it was technically a library but it was in dire need of repair, still, and more books. They had been working on the house since it arrived a few days before, and Silas had already done quite a lot, but this room was more of a personal project for Ty.
Heâd asked Julian to meet them there, told him that he had information to share and given a time. Livvy was here at the house, and knew his plan, but she kept away - though Ty suspected she was watching, waiting. This wasnât going to be easy for any of them, and Ty still couldnât predict just how his Jules would react. But the library had been a neutral ground so no one would feel trapped when the conversation got heavy. Ty had planned it all out, heâd even written a personal schedule for the order of how to do this.
Ty glanced back up at the broken clock, it was no help. âHeâs late, right? Heâs a little late?â He dug his phone out of his pocket, which proved that Julian was, in fact, late. By seven seconds.
Even after agreeing multiple times that he was absolutely going to be there, Kit's hands were getting sweaty. His knee was bouncing. He was nervous and he wasn't even the person who was going to be doing the talking. But it was stressful, and he didn't know how Ty was managing it. Kit was surprised that they had somehow kept it a secret this whole time. He definitely almost slipped up asking after Livvy at dinners or during the day or almost shouting her name when she came into a room when he was not expecting it.
And now there was another Herondale in the house who could also see ghosts and everything was getting awkward. But doing the right thing, which was telling Julian, didn't mean it was easy. The right thing never was.
So Kit, who was sitting then standing then sitting again, tried to pull his shit together. Watching Ty pace was enough to realize how serious this situation was. And Kit was reminded again of all the risks they took just to pull it off in the first place, and how badly it had backfired. This wouldn't though. Julian could get upset or angry, but Kit was here to take some of the blame and not let Ty go down by himself.
"He's not late," Kit said, looking at the same broken clock. "Just give him a minute. Literally, a minute. I think it's okay if he's a little bit worried aboutâ" The door to the library opening interrupted Kit. He stood abruptly, like electrocuted from his chair. That was not going to help banish any suspicion or guilt he was currently harboring for the conversation.
Under his breath, he whispered to Ty, "See, not late."
Julian was distracted. Being in this house, without Emma, with a demon and a dead Herondale, it was all a lot. No one would know he was spiraling a bit inside of his head by looking at him. He still looked the same as always - focused, a little paint-stained, and stoic if you didn't know where to look. He thought he was being summoned to talk about Ty's pet project, with the portals, so when he pushed into the library, he was loose around the shoulders and drinking soda from a can.
Kit leaping to his feet earned him a raised eyebrow and Julian slowly lowering the can. His clever mind started to recalculate. It was possible they'd been kissing before he came in, but the nervous look around his brother's eyes wasn't the pleased awkwardness he'd expressed the last time Julian had walked in on them.
"Hey," he murmured, dropping down into a chair. Whatever this was, he had a feeling he wanted to be sitting. "I didn't realize this was a group meeting."
Ty nudged Kitâs side as if to shush him, but it wasnât hard. He was too busy locking his eyes on Julian and standing up a little more straight. He did look nervous, and there wasnât much to be done about that, not when Julian knew all of his tells.
He was glad that Julian took a seat, at least, even if he didnât think his brother would stay in it long.
âI didnât want you to have anxiety before you got here. But we-â Ty looked over at Kit and the corner of his mouth upturned just a little bit. It was grounding having him here, even if Ty knew ultimately he had to be the one to make these confessions. âI have to talk to you about something that I should have told you a long time ago. Kitâs here for support. And because he was there too.â
But there was no part of Ty that wanted Julian to blame Kit, and so he rushed on. âBut I take full responsibility. He tried to stop me.â
Was Kit giving them away? Probably. Did he look guilty? Absolutely. He realized when Julian walked in, holding a soda, and seemingly unworried about meeting with them, that they had miscalculated how this conversation was going to go. At least Julian was sitting. Should Kit go back to sitting? No, no, he was going to stay standing next to Ty. For moral support.
He exchanged the same look with Ty, attempting to be encouraging. He had hoped that Livvy would be in the room when Ty said something, but maybe she was waiting for the right moment. Kit was certain he would give it away if he kept focusing on a random corner behind Julian where Livvy would stand, or to Ty's other side like a united front. This was definitely better: tell Julian first, have Livvy show up second.
But what Kit didn't like was Ty taking the full responsibility. "Wait, no, that's not how it went," Kit said, and grabbed Ty's hand, lacing their fingers together. "I tried to stop him, but I didn't try very hard." And Kit only did when it was far too late to turn back and change their minds. "Some of this is my fault too."
Julian watched them both with narrowing eyes. He almost wished the worst he had to worry about was an accidental pregnancy. As it was, dread pooled in his stomach. Ty never did this. He just told Julian things, without fanfare. This much build up was deeply worrying. It meant whatever this was, it wasn't just bad. It was bad enough that Ty wasn't sure Julian would forgive him for it. There was nothing Julian had ever refused to forgive his brother for.
He leaned forward in his chair and clasped his hands together. "Alright. I'm listening. Let's save the discussion about whose fault it is for when I know what's going on here." His gaze was for his brother alone. "You can tell me anything, Ty."
âItâs not his fault,â Ty responded anyway, despite being told he shouldnât. And despite Kitâs arguments. But he had to accept responsibility about this, or heâd constantly be trying to convince himself that he was in the right.
Because in a certain way, he still didnât regret it. He never would regret it. Selfishly, Ty had gotten years more with Livvy that he wouldnât have gotten otherwise. So he didnât regret that, but he did know now that it wasnât the right choice to make. Or to rope Kit into it.
He couldnât meet Julianâs gaze. That wasnât wholly unusual with most people, but this was Jules, and Ty had to take a steadying gaze. âRight before the battle against the Cohort, I used photos of the Black Volume to resurrect Livvy. Everything was right. I had it all planned perfectly, all set up. But the catalyst I got was corrupt, and it didnât work right.â Tyâs eyes flickered up as Livvy came into the library, through the door, as if she knew it was time. Ty couldnât look at her either.
âSheâs a ghost now. Sheâs been a ghost, since then, but it took a long time for her to become more solid and formed, and sheâs tied to me now. My soul. Iâm sorry I just-â Heâd explained this before, to Magnus, to Dru, to Professor Fell. Each time, Ty got to this point and his eyes welled up with tears that he hated shedding. âI couldnât figure out how to live without her so I did this instead.â
Of all the things Julian expected Ty to say, this was nowhere near the list. As the words Black Volume and resurrect Livvy fell from Ty's lips, Julian shot to his feet. His breath caught in his throat and his heart thundered uncontrollably. He didn't interrupt. He couldn't. He couldn't breathe.
His eyes followed the quick flicker of Ty's to fall on Livvy near the door. She looked somber and wide-eyed. And very clearly caught between worlds. Julian's eyes stung with instant tears, burning as fiercely as his heart in his chest.
"Livvy..." He started to move towards her but stopped abruptly, pressing the palms of his hands into his eyes. "Goddamn it, Ty. After everything that happened with Annabel--" His voice was choked. Wounded. He couldn't blame Ty for wanting his sister - his twin - back, and he realized instantly that he'd been too emotionless at the time to see what was happening. "What does it mean, that she's tied to your soul? Is that the worst of it?"
As soon as Ty winced, Livvy floated forward. Not to stop Julian directly, though she had always been more protective of Ty than any of her other siblings. Even when they fought, their twin connection took precedence, and sheâd always been good at calming him.
âNo one thought heâd ever be able to get as far as he did, but I donât think anyone realized just how smart Ty is.â To that, Ty scrunched his face up and looked down at the floor while Livvy continued. âIt took a lot of practice for me to show up regularly, I was using so much energy. Some of that was Tyâs energy, but I didnât know it. If I go too far from him, he can get very sick, but Magnus gave him that-â Her spectral hand pointed to the heron necklace hanging from Tyâs neck. âItâs charmed to help us both, thanks to Kit and Magnus. Itâs been nice getting to look out for him, Jules.â
At the mention of the necklace, Ty reached up to fiddle with it with his free hand. He did that a lot, it was as grounding to him as it was to Livvy. He was still looking down at the ground, with no desire to be boastful about this of all things. âI knew what went wrong with Annabel, so I thought-â Ty shrugged and squeezed Kitâs hand with the one laced with his. âI didnât think enough.â
Livvy's appearance was not a new thing, but it still was not something Kit was wholly used to. Even knowing she was going to be here still made him inwardly startle. It was probably because he had been so focused on the conversation, waiting to see when he should step in. Not that Ty needed saving from his brother, but Kit was also aware that it was difficult to understand the situationâhe had been in it and still struggled to comprehend it all even years later.
But his hand still held fast in Ty's. And at one point he brought his other hand over, so that he could cup Ty's hand in a protective cage of his own. The heron necklace that he had given over gave Kit a sense of unity and pride. He had helped, and much like Ty, he had only wanted to help.
And now, he could see Ty struggling, so Kit spoke up. "It's already happened, and there is no undoing it. Not in the way that anyone wants." Kit said, including Julian in that group of anyone.
"We made a mistake." The we was important. He had told Ty it was both of them in this, regardless of Kit's own failed attempts to convince Ty not to. "But everyone does, and if that gives us Livvy right now when neither of you could have her at all, thenâ" Kit glanced at Livvy, in all her spectral glory. "Well, then it can only be a good thing."
"I know exactly how smart Ty is. I was just--" Julian argued, before the defensiveness leaked out of him like a balloon. He couldn't argue with Livvy's ghost. He could barely look at her. She was dead because of his mistake. If he hadn't brought Annabel to the Clave, if he hadn't--
He closed his eyes, fought back the urge to cry, and blew out a breath when it finally passed.
"It's not just your mistake. I was too caught up in my own grief and vengeance and everything with Emma and IâŠI should've been there for you, Ty." His regretful gaze locked on a Ty for a moment then shifted slightly to Kit and their entwined hands. "I guessâŠI'm glad someone was."
Livvy drifted closer to him and he couldn't not look at her now. Her soft, familiar face. Her expressive eyes. Even in her semi-translucent form, she looked as lovely as she always had. The tears threatened again and a few slipped free, chasing each other down Julian's face. She lifted a hand, like she might wipe them away, but her ghostly fingers just grazed across his cheek.
"God, IâŠI'm so sorry. I miss you so much," Julian whispered brokenly.
Livvy wished she could touch him, just as she wished she could wrap her arms around Ty at other times and hold him tight. But the most she could do was be there, floating, in Julianâs space. âI miss you too, Iâve written so many letters in my head that I canât send, things I wanted to tell you, but couldnât. I wasnât ready, Ty wasnât ready, you werenât ready. But itâs not your fault, and I love you very much.â
Ty squeezed Kitâs hand in that moment, in reassurance, as he broke away the hold so he could move forward, closer to Julian. He was still a little unsure, like he was waiting for Julian to snap at him, but it didnât stop him from reaching out to put a hand on Julianâs shoulder, as if he was doing it for Livvy, when she couldnât.
âI didnât tell you because I was afraid, not because you did anything wrong. Kit left after and Magnus told me it would be best to go to the Scholomance because of everything, and I couldnât handle having another person disappointed in me or mad at me.â He was young and stupid and knew it now, even if his heart still hurt with the reminder of those days. âIâm sorry, Jules.â
Kit knew this was going to be an emotional conversation. And he wasn't trying to shy away from it, but there was a moment when Julian started to cry where Kit thought distantly, he really looks like Ty. It was a strange thought, especially knowing that they were brothers and they should obviously bear resemblance, but it was a Blackthorn trait to keep emotions to a minimum. And when Ty and now Julian allowed them to come out, it was where their similarities seemed to overlap the most.
He looked away. It was the most privacy he could give them without leaving the room. But Ty hadn't said it was okay to go, and Kit had said he would be here for him. It was a delicate balance to hold between what was right and what was just invasive.
"It was the only way that made the most sense," Kit said quietly after a long moment. "To not say anything." How would they have been able to explain it? The world felt like it was falling apart the moment they resurrectedâor tried to resurrectâLivvy. There wasn't time and then Kit was gone. "But we should have. Both of us should have, and we didn't."
Julian would've given anything to hug his sister. He didn't agree with her, of course, about what he did wrong, but that mattered less than how much he wanted to hold her again. It was starting to occur to him that he hadn't really processed this grief. Not in any kind of healthy way. He'd erased his emotions and he'd gotten them back, and he'd painted a mural and filled his days with productivity, but the wound felt too fresh at this moment. He forced himself to straighten up and mustered a smile for her.
"I love you too." He turned to Ty and reached out to pull him into a fierce hug. "And you too, Ty. Never doubt that, okay? I'm not mad or disappointed. I'm justâŠ" If there were words for what Julian was, he still didn't have them. Heartsick came closest. But he wasn't inconsolable. He hugged his brother with all the love he felt for both of them and it loosened up some of the grief in his chest. He even reached over Ty's shoulder and beckoned to Kit.
"Don't make it weird, Herondale," he mumbled gently. "I think we could all use a hug."