InsaneJournal

Valentine’s Day had always been one of Kara’s favorite holidays – Alex, too. Her big sister was surprisingly soft for a holiday that so many found unbearably cheesy, and she’d passed that love right down to Kara while she’d settled into her life on Earth as a time-displaced teenager from another planet.

Still, this wasn’t really how she’d envisioned spending her first Valentine’s Day with Lena after all their feelings came to the surface. Kind of far from it, actually. She’d sent flowers to her office this morning – a bouquet of plumerias, her favorites – and she’d worried that might be a bit too romantic. Here in Vallo, Lena was only just settling back in, holding onto the hope that Alex would come back next.

Because she was in love with her.

Lena was in love with Alex.

It had been surprising – but not bad. They were her two best friends, her two most important people, and Kara wanted them to be happy. She was glad they’d had the time they’d had; they both deserved to feel that way. It had just injected a little awkwardness, when she and Lena were both now coming from a time when their relationship had taken such a shift.

But she could handle it. She had heard the broad strokes of Alex and Lena’s relationship from Catra, and she was more than capable of going right back into best friend mode – flowers aside. If she was left there forever, then that was okay! She could handle whatever happened as long as Lena was okay. And if her sister came back and remembered, even though she was married to someone else at home, then she’d leave them to it.

Until then, Valentine’s Day was here, and they had agreed to a movie night – a specially curated one that Kara had put together herself with a little research – and a disconcerting amount of sweets to snack on for the evening. For someone who loved romantic comedies as much as Kara did, Valentine-themed horror was going to be an adventure. Hopefully a good one.

“Okay, so!” She picked up the remote to scroll to the queue of movies she’d put together for their evening. “We’ve got My Bloody Valentine, the original and the remake. Lovers Lane. Oh! And one called Down which is some sort of trapped-in-an-elevator situation.” She turned to Lena with raised eyebrows. “Preferences?”

Lena was pretty ambivalent about the holiday. Wallowing was a complete and utter cliche so any chances of that were rejected, avoided, denied. If she could stomach friends being engaged and planning their own wedding after coming back from Alex’s own a second time–she could stomach Valentine’s Day.

She did fine with the flowers sent to her that morning. Even sent off a quick thank you text, keeping it short and simple but nevertheless appreciative. The gesture was sweet even if Lena wasn’t ready when it came to the sentiment behind it.

Movies were fine, too. Takeout on the way consisted of things that had absolutely no nutritional value, with dessert–it wasn’t a date, just a casual night between two best friends with a complicated mess of emotional baggage they still hadn't entirely sorted out yet.

“Murder elevator,” Lena decided, tapping away at her laptop for a few more seconds to wrap something up. Since this was a casual night, her ensemble was also casual–jeans and hair that hadn’t been straightened, lips their natural pink instead of the deep red. “Is that supposed to have a romantic twist to it or is it just flat out horror?”

Kara pulled up the movie and scanned the description beside it. “‘Two coworkers find themselves stranded in an elevator over Valentine's Day weekend.’ That’s…not helpful.” She frowned, settling back into the couch and glancing over at Lena. “But it’s specifically mentioning Valentine’s Day, so…probably?”

She shrugged and grabbed the glass of wine waiting for her to take a sip. “Ready, Ms. Workaholic?” She eyed the laptop, smiling at her teasingly.

“The romantic twist is fine,” Lena assured her, chuckling softly. “I was just–curious how they’re going to swing that, it’s got my attention.” As for her laptop, she was almost done. A couple more thoughtfully put-together sentences, a quick lookover to ensure she didn’t make any embarrassing typos, her punctuation was where it needed to be and–send.

Dutifully shutting her laptop, she set it aside on the end table. “I’m ready.” Lena smiled back, softly. “The food should be here any minute–I’ve got a flying drone stationed on the ground floor to bring it up to us through the private elevator.”

There was no need to get up, or even deal with other people. A flawless plan.

“Genius.” Kara grinned, lifting her free arm to splay across the back of the couch as the movie started playing. It would take her about thirty seconds total, if that, to grab the takeout herself, but she was content to laze on the couch with Lena and witness whatever horror awaited them. She’d been looking forward to this all day, even with the unusual slate of movies.

Sure enough, it wasn’t ten minutes before their food arrived, and Kara took a minute to sort through them and split them out between the two of them. She settled back down with a plastic fork in hand to dig through the takeout container, eyes fixed back on the screen. Thus far, the movie was half meet-cute, half supremely cringey awkward; still, she wasn’t too surprised when, just past the thirty-minute mark, it devolved into the two leads having sex in the stuck-between-floors elevator.

She wrinkled her nose. It wasn’t really romantic, not with the eerie music playing over the scene.

“Do you think… people have sex in the elevators here?” she asked Lena.

The movie didn’t require much thought or focus to follow. It was a little mind-numbing, and Lena could appreciate that–plus the food, and Kara. The night felt almost normal.

Then, Kara had to ask that. She bit back a laugh. “Ahhhh…” Lena squinted, thinking it over, shifting on the couch to curl her legs beneath her. “As in, this building? My elevators run faster than regular-grade commercial ones due to all the floors, and I have security cameras installed but they’re hidden. If someone has, it’s been recorded, but it would have had to have been the fastest quickie of all time. I wouldn’t push it past someone with powers.”

Using her chopsticks, she continued to mix rice up with some sauce before looking up at her, eyebrow quirked and her smirk devilish. “I’ll let you search the footage archives if you’re that curious.”

Kara’s cheeks immediately flushed warm and she shook her head vehemently. The suggestion was enough, but that smirk didn’t help one bit. “Not necessary,” she asserted quickly. “I think it’s safe to say it’s a no, and if it’s not, I really don’t need to know! Morbid curiosity, that’s all.”

She promptly dug back into her noodles, taking a very big forkful to prevent any more words coming out for the moment.

“Sure, yes, morbid curiosity,” Lena playfully mocked, giving her one of those sure, Jan looks with a smile. This time she did little to suppress the threat of a laugh; she let it out. Kara’s moments of awkward fumbling with her foot-in-mouth disease were cute–and she had missed that, in Vallo. A part of her wanted to take the teasing a step further, and make little jabs about oh, is this one of your fantasies? as two people who were best friends might do.

But their relationship had some complications beyond just best friends thanks to that night they shared. The one they hadn’t really had a chance to talk about. They should.

Shouldn’t they?

“Would it be…” Lena bit the inside of her cheek, pausing for a moment of contemplation, and then continued, “strange if we… talked today?”

Was it better to schedule an appointment about this or indulge in the spontaneity of it all and rip off the bandaid? She wasn’t sure if she’d have the courage otherwise.

For a moment, Kara looked like a surprised squirrel – mouth full of food but unmoving, eyes wide as she looked over at Lena. She had expected it would be weeks, if not months, before the idea was so much as suggested. Their particular situation was complicated, much more here than even at home with all that baggage. She had been content to live in best-friends-land as long as it took, no matter her own feelings. She didn’t want to push.

But this was Lena’s suggestion.

She took a moment to swallow normally, set her takeout container aside on the coffee table, and turned to Lena more fully, movie but all but forgotten.

“Maybe it would be strange, but if you’re ready, we can,” she offered. If she changed her mind and decided she didn’t want to get into it right now, Kara would respect that, too. She was leaving all of this in Lena’s hands, trusting her.

Well, okay then. Lena didn’t know why she suddenly felt so surprised–she had initiated this, and Kara had been nothing but patient. She wasn’t sure if this would take just one talk. It could take several, depending on the direction they chose to go. But the uncertainty of limbo also didn’t sit well with her, and she didn’t always want to exist with an unspoken tension around her, either.

Debatable whether or not having a conversation would stop that, though.

“Listen, I–” God, nothing was rehearsed. Lena was really just going to wing it, wasn’t she? This was a terrible idea, what was she thinking. She stuck the chopsticks in the rice and the white box down. “I want to clear the air by stating that I don’t regret that night. I’ve… wanted that with you. For a really, really long time.”

Too long, really. The timing had never been right, and there was part of Lena that hadn’t forgiven herself for having turned against Kara the way she did. “I’ve wanted,” she continued, swallowing bravely for the next part with a fleeting gaze, “more than that with you for a really long time, too.”

That was the tamest way she could say I’m in love with you without really saying it. Lena had loved Alex, too. Maybe not back home but here–it was love, and it didn’t feel appropriate to say it to someone else so soon after everything.

Kara’s shoulders went a little tense as she waited for Lena to speak. To say she wasn’t nervous would be a complete lie. Nerves wracked her, but she kept still and quiet, listening to everything Lena had to say and absorbing it.

Okay, so they were really going for it here. That wasn’t totally unexpected – Lena was direct, never the type to waste words. This may be a little vaguer than usual, but the sentiment behind it was crystal clear. She reached out and snagged Lena’s hand, squeezing gently.

“I know,” she said quietly. “I never thought you regretted it, I promise. Things here are…different. I’m not expecting anything from you, I meant that when I told you before. I’m just glad you’re not shutting me out. I’m always gonna be here for you, no matter what happens. Or…doesn’t.”

Things here are… different. God, wasn’t that the truth. Back home they had the freedom to pursue this–to really see a relationship through. Lex was gone (not dead, but gone) and while she was certain there’d be a new threat on the horizon, the team was stronger than ever. Lena and Kara were stronger than ever. That night had been a confession of all the things that had gone unsaid over the years, and it was liberating.

But here.

Here–

Here, she had learned to love Alex, too. Her sister. On the surface it seemed messy, but she could vividly recall the talks they’ve had about it; how Alex knew about her feelings, how they’d come to the conclusion that loving Kara didn’t mean she couldn’t love Alex too and vice-versa. They had accepted it. Alex took her, despite it. They worked, didn’t they?

“I’ve no intention of shutting you out,” Lena quietly said, taking Kara’s hand to examine it in hers. The fit was nice. It was perfect, and she caressed her knuckles with her thumb. “I’ve gone months here missing you, wondering if you–not another alternate, you–would come. You can disappear on me tomorrow, or the next day, or the next week. But as for things happening...”

The possibility of doesn’t didn’t sit well with her. Lena wanted things to happen. She wanted to ditch the food, the movie, the wine, and let Kara take her. She wanted to tell Kara how she felt without the diplomacy of her wording. She wanted everything; the cliche relationship status change, the unrestrained displays of affection. But like she said, things were different.

“I need time,” was what Lena decided on, jaw tensing–as if she was struggling to stay firm with what she said. “I know she’s married, and I’m not even on her radar back home, but we had something good here. It feels like a disservice to her to just… start something immediately. Hell, I don’t even think she’d be that upset because she knew.” There was a short, quick laugh as she dabbed a finger beneath her eye. Absolutely no crying. “Alex knew how I felt about you. But it wouldn’t feel right, not this soon.”

Kara had been on her best behavior lately. She’d made a conscious effort to dial back how much she touched Lena, to keep all conversation topics light and fluffy, to avoid exactly this. She didn't want to. She wanted to pick up right where they left off, to drag Lena close and kiss her breathless, but she knew she couldn’t. She knew, as she’d very simply put it, that things were different. Alex and Lena had an entire life together here that she hadn’t been a part of, not really. It was going to take time.

And she was patient. She really was. She had held back and struggled with her feelings for Lena for a long time. Now, at least, all their cards were on the table, even if it took a while to pick them back up and make something of them.

She wasn’t patient enough to keep from reaching out, though, not right now. Not when she could see Lena bordering on tears, struggling to keep herself even, and Kara was here and could help. She cupped Lena’s face in her hands and pressed their foreheads together. The very minimal distance between their bodies closed.

“I have time for you,” she assured her gently. “Whatever time you need, you have it. I get it. I love Alex, too, you know that.” It didn’t surprise her to hear Alex knew about Lena’s feelings for Kara and vice versa, either – her sister knew her better than anyone, always had and always would.

“I’ll wait, Lena, however long it takes. I know it wouldn’t be fair to promise to be here tomorrow, but I can promise I have every intention of being here tomorrow and for as long as it takes. Wherever you are, that’s where I want to be.”

Closeness was dangerous. Lena knew she’d be able to pick up on how her heartbeat picked up, like the organ itself threatened to burst free from her ribcage. Not even the gorefest in the background could ruin the moment (did she really just slash that guy’s face with her shoe), and this talk would make their food grow cold and their wine go stale, but.

They needed to.

“I believe you,” she chuckled, the sound straining against her throat. Kara was selfless and empathetic, and she knew she loved Alex. None of them wanted to hurt the other. “I believe you, and I’m sorry–I wish it were easier, I wish this wasn’t so… complicated.”

But she didn’t regret Alex either. God, not even a little bit.

“Don’t be sorry,” Kara murmured. “You have nothing to be sorry for. You love her, I understand. If it wasn’t for this, us...” Her lips quirked in a small smile. “I can see it. You two would be good together.”

She wasn’t heartbroken. Her heart may be a little sore, but she could never hold Lena loving Alex against her – against either of them. She loved them both, too, more than anything. Knowing they’d had each other in any way was a good thing, and that wasn’t an insincere sentiment.

“I love you,” she continued, plunging ahead. She hadn’t explicitly said as much yet; their night together had spelled it out pretty clearly, but the words hadn’t been said. Right now, she felt like the words needed to be said. “Nothing can change that.”

Lena’s self-control could be considered legendary, but she’s had practice; years of masking what she felt with ice, years of playing it cool and calculating and trying to separate emotion from logic, years of locking them up in tiny little boxes. Shelving them away into an archive to unbox later, or never. If Kara’s closeness wasn’t tempting enough–

Then this definitely was. She could have given in. She wanted to. Her teeth worried into her bottom lip, like she was physically biting back the urge to press their mouths together and kiss her. It wouldn’t be the first time. Instead, their noses touched, and her face was angled just so as if she was actually going for it.

There was a kiss. It was gentle and chaste, but it was against her cheek.

“I love you too,” Lena confessed, wishing the words weren’t brushed over with the sound of ache - but there was this happy sort of relief too, the words finally having popped out of the tiny box in her mind with Kara’s name written all over it. “Never thought I’d get to say that to you. Never thought you’d say that to me.”

Alex had tried to tell her there was some reciprocation of feelings there, and she wasn’t quite convinced of that - until that night together. Until now.

It was a shame Kara couldn’t lend out her super hearing and let Lena hear how hard her heart was pounding, too. She’d thought holding back how she felt all these years was hard, but there was something uniquely painful about this – putting it all out there, knowing that the person you loved also loved you, and still knowing that it had to wait.

It was the right move, the right way to handle everything that was different here, but that didn’t make it easier to take.

“I’ve wanted to say it to you for such a long time,” she sighed. She leaned in, too, brushing a kiss across the bridge of Lena’s nose before gently pulling away. She didn’t go far, though; her arm went around Lena’s shoulders, keeping her pressed in close. “When I told you about Supergirl… I almost did, then.”

Everything had been so messed up back then, even before she’d realized that Lena knew and how she was responding. She was too scared, still, and regretful, and it just hadn’t happened. In the two years that followed, things had changed a lot – for the better, she’d say.

Outright kissing might be off the table, but this closeness–this snuggling, which is what it was, can’t deny it–should be fine. They’ve done this before, as friends. It had never been an all-evening thing, though these circumstances were new and Lena wanted to give into something.

“It was best you didn’t,” she quietly admitted, leaning into her with all her body weight. Not that it meant much for someone like Kara, anyway. Lena sighed, circling an arm around her midsection, and turned her eyes towards the movie on-screen which–wait, what was happening there? Where did all that blood come from? “Part of me likes to romanticize the hypotheticals and think that would have changed things, but–I don’t think I would have believed you.”

That feeling of hurt and betrayal had been so much, and she would have thought but if you loved me, why did you lie to me, why didn’t you trust me and that was–gods, a recipe for disaster. Lex would have found out. Weaponized it in his own, sick way.

This was a clean slate. As clean as they could get, at least.

“You should stay the night. Not–in my room, I have a guest room–if that’s okay?”

Kara nodded, turning to press a kiss on top of Lena’s head now. She hadn’t known that then – she had just been too scared, but looking back, her fear had worked in her favor. Knowing now what headspace Lena had been in, how hurt she’d been feeling, she’d have just used that as fuel to go further in the wrong direction. It would have been even more of a disaster than it already was. It was best that they’d gone the path they had – this extra Alex-shaped wrench in the road didn’t change that.

“Of course that’s okay,” she agreed. “Whatever you want.” She was in no rush to go back to Morningside; it was comfortable, but it wasn’t home. It wasn’t even where she spent most of her time, and that certainly wasn’t changing now that she had even more reason to be here: Lena.

She studied the TV for a moment, processing just where they were in the story with a furrowed brow. “Should we…rewind? We missed a lot.”

“Definitely rewind,” Lena concurred, pulling away to get the remote off the coffee table just to settle back in again–and set the movie back several scenes, what the hell is happening. “I remember her slashing his face with her shoes–well done, excellent use of fashion.”

Their food was still exposed and cooling, and they really should get to that. Kara was probably going to squirm with hunger any minute now. Lena held onto her for a little while longer, and a little tighter–she had no illusions of how this holiday would play out for her, but this wasn’t terrible at all.

It was the first step out of limbo. The next step might not be for a while, and that was okay. Neither of them had any plans to go anywhere.