WHAT: Nat and Kate get in some quality time at the park WHERE: Park in the city WHEN: Backdated to the end of September, after the darkness plot WARNINGS: Just lots of sweet sisterly feels STATUS: Complete
Ever since Nat had gotten slammed with a new batch of memories, any remains of mopey Kate had gone out the window. She had disappeared early one morning and came home after beating things up with James at the scrapyard to tell Kate and Yelena everything. Ever since, she had kind of been in her feelings about all of it, and of course, Kate couldn’t stand for that. Her focus had instantly turned to making Natasha feel better and doing everything she could to lift her spirits.
Obviously, she totally understood why she was down. Having an entirely different lifetime – everything from the defeat of Ultron (a change from the world she’d come from) to her sacrifice on Vormir – shoved into her head had to be a freaking trip. Memory updates as they were seemed uncomfortable at best, and Kate was kind of thankful she hadn’t experienced one after this.
But if there was one thing Kate was really good at, it was hugs. She had been clinging to Natasha like a koala clinging to its favorite eucalyptus tree for as long as she was allowed; Nat usually humored her for long periods of time. They picked up their usual training after a few days, too, and Kate had work and an FWB to concern herself with when Nat needed time to herself.
So, it was all working out pretty nicely if you asked her. After Nat had let the secret out, she seemed a little lighter? Which Kate would count as a win for now. She got it would take a while for two dueling lives in her head to fully settle and acceptance to come. In the meantime, she still did her best to keep her entertained and cheer her up on her down days.
Today, that meant dragging her out to the park. She packed up a cooler with drinks and deli sandwiches, an extra loaf of bread, and a blanket that she laid out right in front of the sparkling little duck pond when they arrived.
“Here,” she proclaimed, handing Nat her drink once they’d settled down comfortably. “Nature’s good for the soul. Or something like that.”
“I thought you were from New York,” Nat replied as she took the drink. “What do you know about nature?” The teasing was all in fun and she stretched out comfortably on the blanket. Her expression was as difficult to read as always, but there was a calm about her demeanor. The park was genuinely beautiful and the fact that Kate cared enough to plan this and drag her out was touching.
“We have nature in New York,” Kate argued with a huff. She stayed sitting for now, legs crossed while she dug out a family-sized bag of chips and peeled it open. “Tons of parks. And not just the murder-y ones like Central. You lived there, too! You know!”
She wasn’t going to argue New York was some kind of safe haven, especially not the city itself. But nature existed, even through the smog and pollution, and she always felt soothed when she indulged in it. She wasn’t a quiet person, and she didn’t surround herself with it, so sometimes being out there with just birds chirping and ducks quacking, away from all of that noise, did her good.
“Talk to me after you’ve lived in a trailer in the middle of the Norwegian wilderness.” Nat winked and took a sip of her drink. “I’m kidding, this is beautiful. But you still deserve some shit after two concussions.”
Alright, fair. New York was probably no Norwegian wilderness, but it was home, and she was attached. Vallo might be closer along those lines, but with dangers that lurked in Vallo wilderness, she preferred the many parks jammed in the middle of the city.
“Are you ever gonna let me live that down?” she asked, pouting dramatically before popping a chip into her mouth. She could admit she deserved it, to an extent, but she’d been trying to help. Defense had needed all the hands they could get out there, but her night vision was unfortunately very lacking.
“No,” Nat answered simply and honestly. It came with the territory. You become part of Natasha Romanoff’s family, and it should be expected. Nat used her free hand to snake a few chips of her own and crunched them softly. “You thought I was kidding about making you wear a helmet in the field.”
Kate blinked at her, mouth gaping slightly in disbelief. “Nat, you can’t be serious,” she protested. She knew the back-to-back concussions hadn’t been good – her memory had been off lately as a result, she couldn’t deny that – but seriously, a helmet? Any reputation she had left for being able to handle herself would crumble around her.
“Oh can’t I?” Nat let a grin slip, just to keep Kate guessing. “I’ll let Yelena put cool stickers on it for you.”
“You’re a jerk,” Kate muttered, but she was grinning, too. She was half-sure Natasha was serious, and in the end, she’d give her what she wanted – and getting two concussions in such quick succession meant she’d have earned it – but she couldn’t stay pouty right now. They were here to have a good time and hang out.
“I bet James would have some stickers to add to the collection,” she pointed out. “Or God knows what else. He’s got your cruel sense of humor.”
Nat laughed. She was a jerk, yes. It was part of her charm. “I’m sorry, my what? My amazing sense of humor? Yes, he does. Thank you for noticing.”
“Amazingly cruel,” Kate retorted, poking at Nat’s shin with her foot. “Here.” She reached into the cooler and produced both sandwiches, handing one over to Nat. “Eat something and maybe you’ll be nicer to me.”
“So dramatic.” Natasha took the sandwich and grinned as she took a bite. She chewed slowly and looked out over the view. Vallo had given her a lot. And not just in the traumatic memory dump sort of way. It had given her peace, a stability she hadn’t known in a long time, friends, family. She reached over and poked Kate’s shin with her foot. “Thanks.” For the picnic. For getting her out of the house. For caring enough to look after her.
“Mm,” Kate hummed, finishing off a bite of her sandwich before she responded. “You’re welcome. You don’t really have to thank me, though. I like doing stuff with you.”
This wasn’t their first expedition and it wouldn’t be the last if it was up to her. Sometimes Yelena would accompany them, but a lot of the time it was just her and Nat, and Kate loved getting to have that time with her. Cheering her up after the download of memories was just a good excuse to keep doing it.
Natasha pulled her knees up and sat forward. Her arms encircled her knees and she still held the remaining half of her sandwich loosely in one hand. She looked out across the water, then back over to Kate. “Yeah, I do.” Natasha was good at not showing her emotions. She hid things so well that most people around her just began to assume she was always fine. She wasn’t. There were a select few people that she’d allowed close enough to see her when she was hurting, and Kate was one of them. Kate, who knew just because Natasha could handle things all on her own, didn’t mean that she always wanted to. “I don’t have a lot of people who would do something like this, so yeah, I do need to thank you.”
Kate wanted to argue that Nat had more people in her corner than she was considering. She’d made a pretty great life here for herself, even before Kate had shown up. But she knew what she meant. She knew there weren’t a lot of people Natasha would let close enough to her to let them do something like this for her. Kate was one of the privileged few. Sometimes, she wondered how that had happened, but she had decided a long while back to take it for the honor it was without question.
She set her sandwich back down on its wrapper and scooted closer to Nat, chin dropping gently onto her shoulder. Her arm slipped around her sister’s waist and she pressed her nose in close. “Yeah, well, I love you. I’m always here, whether you want to watch the ducks or talk about things…or, you know, whatever.”
That was all a little pointed but not pushy. Nat’s memory update had come with all kinds of complications, and Kate didn’t want her to shut down while she dealt with it. She wanted to cheer her up, but she wanted her to know she was here to listen or sit with her, too, even if she didn’t feel like being too cheery.
As she felt the chin drop onto her shoulder, Natasha tilted her head slightly to rest it against Kate’s. She inhaled deeply through her nose and thought about that. Was there anything she wanted to talk about? Of course there was, but she hadn’t been able to bring herself to mention it to anyone yet.
“I’m in love with someone.” She continued to look straight ahead as she spoke. Mostly because she didn’t want to disturb their hug, but also because if Kate gave her one of those looks she wasn’t sure she’d continue. “The memory dump, it came with some extra complicated feelings on top of everything else.”
Oh, Kate absolutely wanted to give Nat one of those looks. The last thing she’d expected to hear was that Nat had feelings for someone. Not that it was impossible, obviously; Natasha was beautiful, smart, witty, strong and good, and anyone would be lucky to be loved by her in any sense of the word. But, to Kate’s knowledge, she’d never been someone who was all that focused on romance, so she was definitely surprised.
And as much as part of her wanted to immediately start tossing out theories – like, she’d always thought she had good vibes with Steve, of course, and Sam was totally sweet, and even Wanda would be a match she could see, being the only two lady Avengers for so long – she exercised some self-restraint (for once).
“Someone here?” She decided that was best to ask instead. They could work up to further details. “Or someone who’s back home?”
Natasha had to fight the impulse to be cagey. Several vague-ish answers immediately came to mind, but what was even the point of that? She brought it up in the first place because she needed someone to talk about it with. She forced the tensed muscles in her shoulders and jaw to relax before she continued. “It’s Carol.”
Kate could feel Natasha forcibly easing the tension she was carrying, and instinctively, the arm around her waist squeezed in a show of support. She was very aware being open wasn’t easy for Nat – maybe a little easier with family, but it was still no walk in the park. She resolved to take whatever it was Nat said calmly, not wanting to risk her shutting down by having too big of a reaction.
That was no simple task when Natasha said “Carol”.
The first instinct she fought was to ask like Captain Marvel – but that was dumb. Of course it was Captain Marvel Carol, what other Carol did both of them know? It was just the last answer she’d expected. Which was also probably dumb, thinking about it. She knew during the Blip, Black Widow and Captain Marvel had worked together closely. The new set of Avengers that had formed still made headlines like they always had, and it wasn’t uncommon to see Carol and Natasha mentioned together those first couple of years right after Thanos.
It hadn’t been a pairing she considered, that was all. Now that she was considering it, she could see how it made sense. They were a lot alike, and she couldn’t say she hadn’t noticed the way Carol got all soft around the eyes when she saw Natasha, even before she’d picked up her memories of their timeline. She just hadn’t given it much thought.
“Carol,” she repeated finally. Miraculously, she managed to keep her reaction one of mild intrigue as she lifted her head from Nat’s shoulder to look at her. Her hand shifted to rest more at the middle of Nat’s back, hoping it would offer some comfort. “Yeah, I guess that would be complicated here.” Given Carol was engaged to someone else, someone from a whole different world. “When, uh… Is it, like…” She waved her free hand vaguely, failing for a moment to grasp the right thing to say, but finally, she managed. “Does she love you back?”
Natasha could tell Kate was trying really hard to curb some of her more curious and excitable tendencies. Which she genuinely appreciated. It confirmed for her that despite any trepidation she may have had, that Kate was the right person for her to open up to. She could feel her sister’s eyes on her after she lifted her head, but Nat kept her eyes trained forward on the lake. Little ducks continued to paddle around peacefully.
“She does.” She honestly wasn’t sure if that made the situation easier or more difficult. “But she’s getting married and neither of us would ever want to jeopardize that. So nothing is going to change. I think I just needed to tell someone.”
Kate nodded sympathetically. “She’s missing out,” she said quietly. If that was awful to say, so be it. She knew Emmeline a bit, through Defense and through Carol bringing her around the Mansion and Avengers-adjacent events. She liked her, even; she was funny and sweet and one of those people that was just easy to be around. But she was still no Natasha.
“I’m glad you told me,” she continued, leaning her forehead against the side of her sister’s head. It felt good knowing Nat trusted her enough to tell her something this big, something that was clearly hurting her. Waking up remembering you’d been in love with someone who was entrenched with someone else? That had to be so fucking hard. She reached down with her free hand to grasp Nat’s and squeeze. She was here. She loved her. She wasn’t going to let her go through this – or anything – alone, not if she kept letting her in.
“You wanna tell me about it?”
Nat tilted her head at a slight angle to lean back against Kate’s forehead. She gave their entwined hands a squeeze back and thought about that question. Did she want to share more? So much of what she and Carol had shared had been intensely personal. It was deeply rooted in trauma, grief, and shared experiences. She inhaled through her nose and blew it out through her mouth. “Maybe one day, but right now I think I’d prefer to keep that part to myself.” She gave Kate a gentle nudge with her shoulder. “But thank you.”
That was understandable and Kate responded with a soft, understanding smile. She didn’t need details. She could fill in a few of the blanks with assumptions, and if Nat ever wanted to go further into it, she was here to listen.
“Well, if you ever want to try to woo her back, let me know. I can be pretty charming.” It was a joke, of course, a gentle attempt to help lighten the mood again. “I got your back, tough guy.”
The joke certainly landed and Natasha snorted softly in response. “I’ll keep that in mind. And I know you do.” She moved her arm to wrap around Kate’s shoulders and tugged her in close. “I’ll be okay, but it’s good to know you’re here regardless.”
Kate grinned, allowing herself to be dragged down into Natasha’s smaller frame without protest. She shifted her grip so both arms looped around her sister’s waist. “You’re gonna have to surgically detach me to get rid of me now, Tasha.” With that, she dipped her head to land a playfully obnoxious kiss through that curtain of red hair and on Nat’s cheek. “I’m not going anywhere.”