InsaneJournal

Aang hadn't been injured in a long time. It wasn't that he didn't find challenges at home, after the end of the war and during his attempt to collect all evidence of Airbender culture for safe-keeping. But he wasn't often challenged by things like giant sea monsters. He hadn't been in a fight that big in a long time. He hadn't done something he regretted that much in a long time. Maybe he was spoiled at home, where he felt stronger than anything. Stronger than anyone.

Here, he was just a small cog in a big machine. And he'd chosen violence thinking it would solve the problem when it had never solved any of his problems. His thoughts were festering with this frustration and remorse even as he sat awkwardly next to the Stone House garden, trying desperately to meditate. His arm and leg were wrapped in gauze and his leg was caged in a brace. His head hurt, which wasn't helping his attempt to chill before he sought out Katara for comfort and healing. He didn't want to go to her like this. She'd seen him angry enough for one life.

Appa nosed at his hip.

"Ah…easy boy," Aang grimaced. He patted Appa big wide nose. "I'm a little banged up right now, okay? Be gentle with me."

Katara fiddled with the hem of her sleeve as she peered through a window out to the garden where her very injured boyfriend sat. She didn’t want to hover, as she’d so often been accused of by the others. Plus she knew Aang might need some space and time to process everything that had happened during the fight. After a few minutes of internal back and forth however, Katara’s overwhelming need to be there and provide comfort eventually won out.

She slipped out the door and softly moved over to where Aang and Appa sat. Her hand lightly grazed his shoulder to alert him to her presence. “Mind if I join?”

Aang's head jerked up at her touch and he blinked up at her. It had been a relief when she woke up the right age and he didn't have to feel strange around his suddenly younger girlfriend anymore, but he would always be comforted by her presence even when things were weird. He tried to smile. It was more of a grimace.

"I never mind, Katara." Aang pressed a hand over hers for a moment and then dropped his hand back to toys with the blades of grass by his feet. Appa gave a pleased huff and rested his head close to Katara's feet. "Sorry if I'm uh…not great company right now though."

The way he forced a smile made Katara’s heart ache, but it also told her that she’d made the right call in coming to join him. She used her other hand to give Appa a little scratch, then settled down on the ground. The peace of the garden was a welcome respite after everything that had happened over the last few days, but it could only do so much to help with inner turmoil.

“Honestly, I’d be more surprised if you were. Do you want to talk about it?”

Aang stared at the ground, looking conflicted. He didn't like to keep things from Katara. But he also didn't always want to drag her into his messes. She had to deal with so many of them already. Still, he knew if he did talk to her about it, he would probably feel better. More stable. He rested his head on her shoulder.

"I just…thought I was beyond this kind of mistake. Choosing the easy resolution, the violent resolution, and having it blow up in my face." He started to pull a blade of grass out of the ground and then stopped, realizing even that was casually violent. "I just feel…off-kilter now. Like when I was a kid and still figuring out my place in the world."

The smallest of smiles turned up the edges of Katara’s mouth as Aang laid his head on her shoulder. She leaned hers as well so they rested against one another. She listened as he spoke, taking in not only his words, but the energy he radiated. Off-kilter was a good word for it. She could practically feel the confusion and hurt roiling off of him. It made her heart ache.

“I don’t think I’d say anything about that fight or the resolution was easy.” It had been chaotic and messy, with multiple players and a lot at risk. She fully believed that Aang had done the best he could given the circumstances. But it didn’t matter what she thought. Katara reached her hand over to hold his. “But I do understand why you’re hurting, and I’m sorry you’re suffering.” She was quiet for a moment before she continued. “I know there’s nothing I can say that will change what happened, but maybe we can take something away from it. That’s the good part about mistakes, isn’t it? That we can learn from them and do things differently the next time.”

Aang appreciated that Katara didn't immediately tell him it wasn't his fault or that he did his best. It was nice to have friends who tried to ease his mind that way too, but what he needed right now was someone who knew what he'd gone through at home and how hard he'd worked to avoid the violent option. He sighed and reached out to thread his fingers through hers.

"I think sometimes this place has changed me, but that feels like a cheap thing to think. I changed me? I made that choice. And it was wrong. But you're right about mistakes. We can and should learn from them. I guess I just wonder…" Aang chewed on his bottom lip for a moment. "...What if it had worked? Would I have felt validated? Would I choose violence more often?"

She couldn’t disagree that Vallo had a way of changing things. At home Aang was The Avatar, revered and respected as a leader. Here in Vallo they were just…kids. While it was nice in some ways, in others it could be endlessly frustrating. Their voices were often drowned out by those older and more powerful. Those who had more bodies in their wake and a very specific way of handling threats. Aang was a peacemaker at heart, and they were living in a city full of warriors.

“I wouldn’t say cheap,” Katara countered. “Vallo is very different from home and we’ve had to adapt in a lot of ways. So yes, it’s a little bit on you, but also a little bit of this place. Regardless of how we may have changed in our time here, I know you have a good heart, Aang. Maybe we just need to make a better effort to drown out all the noise here and listen to it more often.” She gave his hand a soft squeeze of encouragement.

Sometimes Aang got wrapped up a little too intensely in his own head; he knew this about himself. He'd learned to spot the moments at least, even if he wasn't always going to be better than the moments. Katara always made it easier to find himself. To feel centered. He lifted her hand to his cheek and rested his face against it.

"Thanks, Katara. That means a lot. I know I…get a little carried away when things don't go the way I want." He gave her an embarrassed little smile and sighed. "I think I thought coming back here older would make everything easier. But I look around and we're still kids compared to most of these people. And I think…maybe I tried to be someone I'm not because that's what a lot of them would've done in my place?" Lowering their entwined hands back to his knee, Aang exhaled a steadying breath. "Which is dumb. I've done just fine being me."

Some of the tightness in Katara’s chest began to abate slightly as Aang seemed to find more of himself again. He was still hurting, physically and spiritually, but some of the chaotic energy seemed to quiet. She inched herself closer to him on the grass.

“It’s not dumb, even if it maybe wasn’t your best idea ever.” Her tone was laced with warmth and affection as she nudged him (so gently) with her shoulder. “Though I agree you are always at your best when you’re just yourself. Is there anything that I can do that would help you feel more confident in just being you?”

"Thanks, Katara." He smiled softer at her. She'd already done a lot to ease his mind, with just a few words and gentle touches. But he could admit that not being physically at his best also affected his personality badly. He'd snapped at more than one person since the fight. And finding his center was always increasingly more frustrating when he didn't feel well. It reminded him too much of the injury to his back all those years ago.

"Iii….could use some healing? Maybe not a lot. It feels like cheating to just heal back up like it never happened!" Frowning, Aang rubbed at the back of his neck. "But the more everything hurts, the harder it is to meditate."

Of course Aang would feel like being completely healed was cheating. Katara couldn’t help the Really? expression on her face, but it was tempered with a smile. “I thought you’d never ask.”

She shifted her weight slightly so that she felt sturdy and supported on the ground. She inhaled a deep breath to clear her mind. After a moment, the outside world faded away, and she felt the pull of the water. Her hand beckoned toward the pond, and the water there jumped to her call. A spinning sphere of water floated over to them and Katara’s hands guided it gently to Aang’s injured legs first. The water began to glow and wrapped around him. It was cool and invigorating as she healed the worst of his injuries.

From his legs, she moved onto his arm, then his head. She didn’t heal him completely, as she knew it would be important for him to retain some remnants of his actions. She did take away the worst of it, however. Some muscle aches and minor bruising were all that remained when she finished. “Better?”

That face she gave him was so her that Aang couldn't help but snort a laugh. He quieted quickly though and watched her work. As always, she was beautiful and the glow of her bending lit up his soft expression and the gentle love in his eyes.

He stretched when she was done, taking in the ache that remained and the relief that surrounded it. The memory of his injuries was still there in the stiffness of his muscles but the bulk of the sharper pain was gone. He took her hands and bent his head over them in a grateful little bow.

"Better. Much better. Thank you." He kissed her and then leaned back in the grass on his elbows. "Rest with me for a bit? Before I try to meditate again?"

“You are very welcome.” Pleased to see the relief on his face, Katara happily returned his kiss. She leaned back on the grass as well, and shifted slightly onto her side so that she could lay her head against his chest. She could hear his heartbeat, strong and rhythmic. “You’ll be okay.”

Aang smoothed his hand down over her hair and kissed the top of her head. He still had some centering to do within himself, but she had made the eventual process easier by a mile. If someone as decent and strong as Katara could always see the good in him, it was only right to have faith and to do the work to make sure it stayed true.

"I believe you," he smiled, slowly closing his eyes in preparation of a half-doze with her in his arms. "You're a big part of the reason that's true."