WHO Jiang Cheng & Jiang Yanli WHERE Soups Soups Soups! WHEN Early December WHAT Yanli is going through it and her brother offers support. WARNINGS Some death talk and general sads
It had been a while since Yanli had truly felt like herself, if she were being honest -- which she tried to be, at least to her own self. Though it would have been easy to say that the catalyst had been the appearance and disappearance of Rina from present Vallo, the feelings of disconnect instead stemming from missing her daughter and all of the unknowns attached to that future, she knew that saying so wasn't entirely truthful. Were she to really examine her feelings, Yanli knew that she had been feeling such a way for much longer. If she were to truly dissect it all, she knew that the feelings had come from around the time she learned the truth of how her life played out back home.
Yanli was grateful for Vallo, of course. It was affording her opportunities that she wouldn't have normally had. She could look forward to many future birthdays, for example, should luck be on her side. She was going to be able to watch one of her brothers marry his soulmate, even getting to partake in some of the traditions; the thought was especially sweet knowing that he would have been barred from her own wedding celebrations, had she gotten to experience them before arriving in Vallo in her wedding attire. She simply was able to be with her family, something especially notable given the tension of home. What more, she had watched that family own grow, which gave her more joy than she knew what to do with.
But for as grateful as she was, it was difficult not to deny the things that she missed from home, most of which revolved around the future that she wasn't going to have.
Though these thoughts had been plaguing Yanli for months, she had been doing her best to push them aside. The last thing she wanted was to, for lack of a better descriptor, bring anyone down. She had things to be grateful for, just as the rest of her loved ones. They were enjoying Vallo and all it brought them and she didn't want to tarnish that. It was best, she had decided, to keep her feelings to herself and hope that they would simply go away with time. Because they would. Wouldn't they?
Despite her best efforts this day, however, Yanli was struggling to keep herself as present as she liked. Normally that would mean that she would look for some solitude, perhaps sitting at the end of her favorite dock of Lotus Pier, a location to look out over the waters that she had loved ever since she was a child and her home had been situated in its proper place. Having had made plans to have lunch away from Lotus Pier with Jiang Cheng, though, she didn't have that option.
They were seated at a table, thankfully away from most of the other patrons, at Soups Soups Soups, as soup tended to be Yanli's favorite balm to the heart. Though she was doing her best to keep conversation flowing between the siblings, there was no doubt that she was quieter and less prone to easy, warm smiles than usual as she slowly sipped the bowl of soup before her.
Jiang Cheng felt acutely aware of his siblings' moods. That wasn't to say he knew what to do about them when they changed, but he did feel the shift often as personally as his own. His own mood had been fairly up as of lately, but Wei Wuxian had ups and downs, being the dramatic and emotional creature that he was. Yanli was better at keeping her feelings close to her chest. It left her brother uncertain how to address the issue but determined that it needed to be addressed anyway.
Lunch was a fairly regular occurrence for them, whether at home or out, so it felt fitting enough to bring up the subject as Yanli fell into another slightly awkward silence. "Is there something on your mind lately, jiejie? Are you stressed?" He scowled and pointed his chopsticks at her. "Is Wei Wuxian getting on your nerves?"
Yanli looked up to her brother, first in surprise and then with a small, amused smile teasing at the edges of her mouth. "I think we both know that Wei Wuxian would have to do very much to actually get on my nerves." The same could be said for Jiang Cheng; Yanli had a weakness and anyone that was in her presence for even a handful of moments would have been able to see it.
Still, Jiang Cheng seemed to have picked up on her mood. Yanli tried her best to suppress or flat out ignore the twinge of guilt that she felt in her chest. This is why she had tried so hard to hide her less positive emotions, after all; she didn't like for her loved ones to worry after her. But, she knew that her brother would just worry more if she tried to obfuscate or change the subject and that was the last thing that she wanted. Her hands dropped to her lap, fingers wringing together as she admitted, "I have had a lot on my mind lately, I think. Since Rina left and -- and perhaps before." Her expression softened, becoming apologetic despite her logically knowing she didn't need to feel that way. Still, she gestured at the table and added, "I am sorry for distracting from lunch."
It was tempting to argue the Wei Wuxian part – especially with his pre-wedding hyperactivity as of late - but Jiang Cheng pinched his mouth shut. He was glad he did too, as Yanli clarified. His expression softened and saddened at once.
Yanli knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that Jiang Cheng would truly do anything to do just as he said and give the things she had lost to her. It meant more to her than she knew how to say, even if she knew it was nevertheless fruitless. For as much as she appreciated Vallo for the things it did give her, it could be particularly fickle and, on its worse days, downright cruel. It was the risk that they took in being here--not that they had much of a say in that, regardless.
"The wedding has been a very good distraction," Yanli admitted, a slightly contemplative thought on her face as she looked down at her soup. It could also be the opposite of a distraction, depending on the day. She would never place that on another, though; for as much of a reminder as it could be, it was also such a very, very good thing. "But I know that will no longer be an option soon, so...perhaps."
Her gaze rose, meeting her brother's. "It might help me feel more settled? To have other distractions or hobbies?"
Jiang Cheng squeezed his sister's hand and drew back. "You have the soul of a caretaker, jiejie. It has always been the purpose that seems to fulfill you the most." It was a truth that made him question how they were related sometimes. As if all the compassion and gentle concern had been concentrated in her and left him with none. He cared, but it was usually with an edge of selfishness.
"Perhaps you could foster other children? Temporarily?" He didn't particularly love the idea of strangers living at Lotus Pier, but children were much more bearable than adults. Not as likeable as dogs, but still. "Our home has plenty of space. For any such purpose, if that one doesn't appeal to you."
Yanli's eyebrows shot up at that suggestion, a mix of surprise and curiosity on her face. That wasn't something she had considered. In fact, she hadn't considered having children in her life at all until Rina had arrived; Jin Ling, of course, was a constant factor in her mind, but he was at home and, well--that thinking was what had led her to this mental space in the first place. She had always wanted to be a caregiver to a child one day, but it hadn't occurred to her just how many avenues she could go down to make that a reality.
"I hadn't considered," she breathed. "It would be a very good way to give care and support, that is for sure." Yanli sat back in her chair, considering before she added, "I could also look to see if there are places to volunteer with children, maybe? Not quite fostering, but being there for them?"
"That's a good idea too. There's certainly plenty of options. Schools, daycare, after school enrichment programs." Jiang Cheng had learned a lot about the way the local government worked since he'd gotten here. He'd had to, in order to do his job well. And he was more determined to ease his sister's mind than any random complainer showing up in his office at the DOA.
"You could teach a class or volunteer at an activity center. There is probably a theater for children?" Now that they were making progress, he pulled his soup close again to take a spoonful. It had cooled somewhat but it was still delicious. "Why don't you make a list and I can research more at the office tomorrow to help you figure out what is the best fit?"
As her brother returned to eating, Yanli began to tentatively do the same, looking down at her bowl in both contemplation and thought. None of these ideas would change what was happening, of course, but she knew that staying still and stagnant wouldn't help, either. Jiang Cheng was right--she was a caretaker. For much of her life, that meant watching over and taking care of her brothers and, while she knew that they would always need her in one way or another, she also knew that they were grown and had their own lives and paths to walk. It was time for her to find similar.
"That is a very good idea," Yanli agreed, looking back up to her brother with a small, but genuine smile. "I would appreciate the help a great deal." Her smile warmed further. "And I appreciate your listening."
Jiang Cheng gave her a look - both affectionate and frustrated. It was the look of a brother who adored his sister and knew she knew it. "I'll always listen. And I'll do my best to help. I can't promise it will ease your discomfort…" He gestured at his chest with his free hand and shook his head, looking away.
"The years without you all, rebuilding our clan and taking care of…our people were the only things to keep me sane. They weren't a cure. But they did help." He supposed if he had let go of his bitterness and let his love for his nephew be more of a balm than just a bandage, he might have made more progress. It didn't matter now, though. Gesturing at her soup, he took another spoonful of his own. "Don't let your soup get cold, jiejie. My office will still be there later."
It smarted, a bit, right in her chest to know that her brother had been forced to deal with so much on his own. The whole situation had been dreadfully complicated, from all she now knew, and it was, if she were entirely honest, one more reason she was relieved to be in Vallo. They had one another here, another chance, a fresh start, and she knew that they were all things that not only she perhaps needed.
But, those would be thoughts for another time. For now, Yanli just gave another smile to Jiang Cheng and pulled her bowl of soup closer, feeling just a bit lighter than she had in a long while.