Roy Harper is No One's Sidekick (imnosidekick) wrote in valarnet, @ 2012-10-02 17:18:00 |
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Current mood: | worried |
Entry tags: | alma wade, candy quackenbush, conner kent (superboy), erestor, fingon, mayuri kurotsuchi, natasha romanoff (black widow), neena thurman (domino), oliver queen (green arrow), pete wisdom, roy harper (red arrow) ii, wrex |
Maybe you people were right.
Not that I'm going back to the anger management group, but I got Crip the guy I attacked's email, sent him an apology and a Starbucks card. I mean, when you think about, probably the least I could do considering he was bleeding when I got kicked out, right? He's the only one in this who gets an apology though. Well, I mean, unless somebody here was seriously offended by me, but that's starting to look really insincere, and I'm not buying you coffee. The shrink heading it up gets nothing though. Lots of cramping my style from her end, so I can't even feel bad about that.
Well.
I don't feel bad about it from her perspective anyway, let's put it that way. Hated her from the start, and I'm happy to move on, but I'm relatively pissed off about having to start the process all over again. The whole twenty questions routine with me having to come up with answers to all of the questions they inevitably ask, not even to be invasive or suggestive, but to try to READ into my brain and all. I'm already someone's damn science experiment, so I reaaally don't appreciate feeling like one of those again, you know?
Yes, I'm sure I don't want a prosthetic, no I'm not in any kind of mourning over not having an arm anymore. No, I don't have any depression. Of course i'm not sleeping, didn't do it before this started, don't see how I can do it now. No, I don't feel anything about losing my sport other than being vaguely pissed, yes, I'm sure that I'm mostly just enraged about the way certain people around me have handled this fallout, but it doesn't matter anyway because I'm not the right Roy Harper anyway, and the only reason certain people are hanging on right now is because that one's nowhere in sight, so they're displacing all their guilt about it onto me, but would still drop me like a hot coal if the right Roy ever showed up in their life, and I know it's my job to find the right Roy anyway because it's the right thing, not because I want to do it, but I owe it to him to give him back his life and go away and or die after that happens. Yeah, I'm bordering on the verge of self destructing right now, but wouldn't that be best for everyone involved in this mess anyway?
You try explaining all of that to someone new, when my last one really only knew that I was pissed about my arm and not being useful to Ollie ...people anymore. It's not exactly happy dancing unicorn thought inducing, and veers toward the ulcer category.
Anyway. I'm sorry I'm a ragey asshole, valarnet. That's the whole point of this, I guess.
...You try explaining all of that to a shrink...