InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "thats an irish thing"

the lady door (door) wrote in thedoorway,
@ 2013-08-14 18:31:00

Entry tags:

!network post, annabelle / anna (tvd), annie sawyer, chloe sullivan, di lestrade (bbc), dorian gray, enjolras, fox mulder, francine peters, lady door, marguerite blakeney, rory williams, septimus smith, sherlock holmes (elementary), stephen dedalus, steve rogers / captain america (616), walter blythe

Sometimes I forget my father's dead. It's easy to do here. Just visiting, home still a snapshot from the last time we were all there at once. His smile and my mother's laugh, wet with wine and glowing in warm orange candlelight. And a wicked glint in my brother's eye and my sister's baby blonde curls just peeking over the table as he chased her.

And then I remember that no matter how much I practise, I will never open a door to them.

But I have learned to open doors to friends, so that's a small victory to be proud of. And it's all right to grieve and be happy at the same time.

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	door 2013-08-14 10:19 pm UTC (link)
	Well, they are dead. My friends, luckily, are not! They are also here. I finally summoned up enough courage to open a door to home but it didn't work. I am, as they say, stuck! But it's a nice place to be stuck. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	fractile 2013-08-14 10:22 pm UTC (link)
	Missing someone and being happy that you remember them is, probably, the healthiest possible grief you can have. But I think it's more like a veil than a door, that which separates us from the dead. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	door 2013-08-14 10:24 pm UTC (link)
	I'd like to think that way. I have seen that veil lifted before, but it hurts my heart a little to want them back too. I tried to take care of them after but [...] well. I did my best. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	fractile 2013-08-14 10:26 pm UTC (link)
	I'll not inquire after after, Lady Door. But it is good meeting someone who sees and knows that veil. And all the thin places in it. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

door
2013-08-14 10:30 pm UTC (link)

Thank you. It was highly unpleasant, though I still feel clinical about it, so I suppose the memory has not yet nestled down into my real consciousness. Sometimes I wish I didn't know how thin it can be. Someone said death is but a door... ghostbusters? Yet I wish it was not, because when people can come back it makes you yearn, doesn't it? In spite of the awfulness of it.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	fractile 2013-08-14 10:32 pm UTC (link)
	Unless - like you so aptly put - you find a way to live your life, to remember fondly and to grieve happily. But yes. There is a very small awfulness to it. I wish I could fix some of the awfulness. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	door 2013-08-14 10:35 pm UTC (link)
	Well where would be without a little awfulness? It sometimes puts the other things we fret about in perspective. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	fractile 2013-08-14 10:40 pm UTC (link)
	Too true. But just a little, if you please. Nothing awful overmuch. (Reply to this) (Parent)

fractile
2013-08-14 10:44 pm UTC (link)

Hold up. I've just heard a thing that I think is perhaps relevant to our discussion and our general situation. Here we are.

“There is no such thing as fiction. Just non-fiction written in the wrong parallel universe.”

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	door 2013-08-14 10:48 pm UTC (link)
	I enjoy that idea. I don't feel like fiction. And I have memories of things that were not in my book, so I must be real, mustn't I? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	fractile 2013-08-14 11:12 pm UTC (link)
	Yes, I believe you certainly must. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	door 2013-08-14 11:18 pm UTC (link)
	Although some things would be easier if I could believe that world was not real. (Reply to this) (Parent)

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