InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "I need a new name"

ʜɪ, ɪ'ᴍ ᴊᴀɴᴇᴛ. (notaperson) wrote in thedisplaced,
@ 2018-10-12 21:38:00

Entry tags:

!network post, crowley (spn), janet, jason mendoza, justice of toren, kurt wagner / nightcrawler (616), nadia van dyne / wasp (616)

I would like to take a moment to remind you that my name is Janet. One essential part of my programming is to assist in anything I can for any human being. It appears that this only works for the Displaced, as there are fourteen Janets in town, and I have not yet been called to any of their houses. I would recommend that when you ask to talk to Wasp AKA Janet Van Dyne, that you not say the full name. Thankfully, she prefers Jan over Janet, and then I won't show up in any strange and bizarre situations such as the one I found myself in when she was scolding herself over a dress design.

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	readthecontract 2018-10-13 02:56 am UTC (link)
	Fascinating. You have a flexible definition of "human being." Maybe it's the meatsuit. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	notaperson 2018-10-13 03:03 am UTC (link)
	In the Good Place, anyone there had the ability to call for me. Perhaps the portal has altered my parameters to include all of the Displaced. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	readthecontract 2018-10-13 03:08 am UTC (link)
	That must be it. I'm neither human nor from "the Good Place." Have you put your limits to the test? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	notaperson 2018-10-13 03:08 am UTC (link)
	Michael ran a diagnostic recently. Outside of the Good Place, I shouldn't have any of my abilities, and yet here I am! (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	readthecontract 2018-10-13 03:10 am UTC (link)
	Janet, be a love and fetch me the Golden Calf. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	notaperson 2018-10-13 03:12 am UTC (link)
	I'm sorry. The Bible isn't real, and therefore I can only fetch you a replica of what human beings consider the Golden Calf. Would that suffice? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	readthecontract 2018-10-13 03:19 am UTC (link)
	Hmm. You're limited by what you're programmed to believe exists, or what's available in this particular universe. The Golden Calf is indeed real in mine. No, a replica is useless. I take it any other "Biblical" ingredients are off the menu? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	notaperson 2018-10-13 03:21 am UTC (link)
	I'm only limited by what actually exists. It appears that it has to exist in this dimension as well. I tried to get Jason some Stupid Nick's jalapeno poppers at his request, and I was unable to here. I think it depends on the ingredients you're looking for. Frankincense, myrrh, and gold do exist here. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	readthecontract 2018-10-13 03:23 am UTC (link)
	Of course. But Fruit of the Tree of Life is, presumably, nonexistent. Got any dragons? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	notaperson 2018-10-13 03:28 am UTC (link)
	Fun fact: the Tree of Life and the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil are not the same thing according to the Bible. Here is a kimodo dragon. I've named him Methuselah for you. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	readthecontract 2018-10-13 03:34 am UTC (link)
	You really do come fully equipped. It also isn't an apple. [...] Not exactly the sort of dragon I had in mind. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	notaperson 2018-10-13 03:45 am UTC (link)
	There are many suppositions on what it could have been, but I suspect you already know those. The name is an oxymoron. Kimodo dragons only live 30 years. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	readthecontract 2018-10-13 04:13 am UTC (link)
	You can take it back now, thanks. This isn't what I wanted. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	notaperson 2018-10-13 04:15 am UTC (link)
	I'm sorry. That's a new limitation of my powers here. I can create, but I cannot destroy. Methuselah is all yours. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	readthecontract 2018-10-13 04:50 am UTC (link)
	Alas, poor Methuselah, blah blah blah. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	notaperson 2018-10-13 05:25 am UTC (link)
	I don't understand. You asked for a dragon, I gave you one. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	readthecontract 2018-10-13 05:30 am UTC (link)
	Wrong kind. Not completely your fault, of course. You don't control what species exist here. However, I didn't want a Komodo dragon. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	the kimodo typo was my fault, not janet's. notaperson 2018-10-13 05:33 am UTC (link)
	Would you like a stuffed dragon then? A statue? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	readthecontract 2018-10-13 05:34 am UTC (link)
	No. I wanted it for certain ingredients which those won't have. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	notaperson 2018-10-13 05:37 am UTC (link)
	I apologize. Is there anything else I can get you? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	readthecontract 2018-10-13 05:37 am UTC (link)
	You can dispose of Methuselah. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	notaperson 2018-10-13 05:43 am UTC (link)
	Komodo dragons are labeled Vulnerable on conservation lists. The point loss for the slaughter of such an animal is astronomical. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	readthecontract 2018-10-13 05:45 am UTC (link)
	I'm not worried about that. I'm already the King of Hell. If it makes you feel better, we'll recycle him. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

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notaperson, 2018-10-13 05:46 am UTC

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readthecontract, 2018-10-13 05:47 am UTC

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notaperson, 2018-10-13 05:49 am UTC

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readthecontract, 2018-10-13 05:56 am UTC

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notaperson, 2018-10-13 05:58 am UTC

	borntoresist 2018-10-13 01:46 pm UTC (link)
	Which ingredients? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	readthecontract 2018-10-13 04:40 pm UTC (link)
	Which would make you cry the most? (Reply to this) (Parent)

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