InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Are you coming or going?"

james buchanan barnes (whatthebucky) wrote in thedisplaced,
@ 2018-09-23 13:35:00

Entry tags:

bucky barnes / winter soldier (ph), james rogers, natasha romanoff / black widow (mcu), steve rogers (au), steve rogers / captain america (mcu), tina cohen-chang

[ FILTERED TO TINA COHEN-CHANG & JAMES ROGERS ]
Hi. Howard showed up. I'm not dealing with that very well. Wrote you two letters, but they got rambly and too honest, so I burned them. I love you two, but I gotta take off for a little bit. I won't be gone for too long though, but take care of Han and Kap while I'm away, yeah? I'll be in touch. - Disregard. Staying.

[ FILTERED TO STEVE ROGERS SQUARED ]
~~Not dealing with Howard being here very well so I'm taking some time away. I know it'll be hard, but don't do anything stupid while I'm gone.~~ Disregard. Staying.

[ FILTERED TO NATASHA ROMANOFF ]
How is he?

[ooc; Talk of murder, assassin triggers, and death in comments.]

(Post a new comment)

	second filter. tinysteve 2018-09-23 10:00 pm UTC (link)
	Take the time you need. ~~When you’re ready, if you’re willing, I think he’d really like to see you~~ My legs aren’t long enough to chase after you but that doesn’t mean I won’t if you stay away too long. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	Re: second filter. whatthebucky 2018-09-23 10:43 pm UTC (link)
	Still pretty sure I could play keep away from you if I wanted to. But I won't do that to you. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	second filter. tinysteve 2018-09-24 12:48 am UTC (link)
	To be fair, these days you only have to take a step. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: second filter. whatthebucky 2018-09-24 01:39 am UTC (link)
	To be fair, I always only had to take a step. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	second filter. tinysteve 2018-09-24 01:44 am UTC (link)
	Ha. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: second filter. whatthebucky 2018-09-24 01:46 am UTC (link)
	When I get back, how do you feel about me training you? To fight? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	second filter. tinysteve 2018-09-24 04:03 am UTC (link)
	That sounds great, Buck. ~~Between you, Natasha and Cable maybe~~ I'll let you know when I'm ready to take something larger than a sewer rat. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: second filter. whatthebucky 2018-09-24 10:36 am UTC (link)
	Change of plans, not going anywhere. Let me know when you're not tiny anymore and we'll work on it. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	second filter. tinysteve 2018-09-24 03:49 pm UTC (link)
	Will do. Everything okay? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: second filter. whatthebucky 2018-09-24 04:30 pm UTC (link)
	No, but it will be, buddy. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	second filter. tinysteve 2018-09-24 08:43 pm UTC (link)
	I know. [Bucky] ~~So about Howard~~ ~~When you're ready to talk~~ ~~I should warn you~~ ~~This is probably only temporary~~ I've been talking to Howard. I get if you need space and that's the one thing you don't want to think about. I'm here to listen if you want to, or talk if you want my take. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	STEVE/BUCKY. whatthebucky 2018-09-25 02:47 pm UTC (link)
	I think I'm all talked out about it on my side of things. Not being able to omit certain things like the kill switch I have in me makes all of you frown really hard and I don't want to do that with you too. But I'll take your take. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: STEVE/BUCKY.

tinysteve
2018-09-25 10:58 pm UTC (link)

Howard doesn't think things through the same way most people do. At least, the Howard I know doesn't. I don't think this Howard is too different.

He's the kind of guy who's going to read about his death in the future and invent time travel as a solution, or try to and end up running into 12 other new discoveries that may or may not work.

And he's worried about you. He's worried about what happens to you in the future. But he's also very easily distracted, particularly if you're asking him to be honest about his feelings and would rather just flirt with a pretty girl than have to think about anything too heavy.

Also? I think he's more scared of facing his son than he is of you.

You got some cover if you don't to talk to him or think about him for a while. He has plenty to distract himself with. You want me to tell him to give you some space, I can do that, too.

He cares, but he's Howard.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: STEVE/BUCKY. whatthebucky 2018-09-26 01:18 am UTC (link)
	You dont need to tell him to give me space. We're both doing a great job avoiding each other so far. I think you're right about Tony, but honestly, I just really rather get drunk than think about this any longer. But this helped. Thanks, Steve. It's good to have an outside perspective. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	FIRST FILTER queent 2018-09-23 11:28 pm UTC (link)
	~~Do you really need to g~~ The fur babies are always going to be spoiled rotten. We'll be here when you get back. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	Re: FIRST FILTER whatthebucky 2018-09-24 01:42 am UTC (link)
	Thank, Tee. Look in on Thal too? I made sure she knew she was welcome to show up whenever, to eat or to hang. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	Re: FIRST FILTER whatthebucky 2018-09-24 10:43 am UTC (link)
	Change of plans, I'm staying. Still look out for Thalia. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	FIRST FILTER queent 2018-09-24 02:38 pm UTC (link)
	What changed? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: FIRST FILTER whatthebucky 2018-09-24 02:42 pm UTC (link)
	They need more portal guards, can't afford to have another one drop shifts right now. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: FIRST FILTER queent 2018-09-24 02:49 pm UTC (link)
	Are you good to be working those shifts? I know Natasha is understaffed, but sorry, you come first. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: FIRST FILTER whatthebucky 2018-09-24 03:21 pm UTC (link)
	I can work the shifts, Tee. Don't worry about me. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: FIRST FILTER queent 2018-09-24 03:26 pm UTC (link)
	When in the history of people worrying about other people, has telling someone not to worry about you ever worked. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: FIRST FILTER whatthebucky 2018-09-24 03:26 pm UTC (link)
	There's a first time for everything? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	FIRST FILTER makeastand 2018-09-27 03:26 am UTC (link)
	Yeah, not this time. (ooc: and check me out already failing at making sure I see James stuff. SORRY. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: FIRST FILTER whatthebucky 2018-09-27 04:53 pm UTC (link)
	I'll be good, kid. It'll just take a bit. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: FIRST FILTER makeastand 2018-09-29 04:40 am UTC (link)
	I know that, logically. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: FIRST FILTER whatthebucky 2018-09-29 07:15 pm UTC (link)
	I know it's hard, kiddo. Let me just work it out, okay? (Reply to this) (Parent)

	NATASHA/BUCKY. blackwidowed 2018-09-23 11:45 pm UTC (link)
	Same as you, I'd imagine. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	Re: NATASHA/BUCKY. whatthebucky 2018-09-24 01:44 am UTC (link)
	He running too? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	NATASHA/BUCKY. blackwidowed 2018-09-24 01:46 am UTC (link)
	I know why you need to run, but Barnes, I need you here. Still got too many guards out. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: NATASHA/BUCKY. whatthebucky 2018-09-24 01:50 am UTC (link)
	~~I can't d- Goddamn it, Na~~ Understood. Disregard. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	NATASHA/BUCKY. blackwidowed 2018-09-24 01:52 am UTC (link)
	You have to face it. It sucks, but as long as you run away, you will never find any peace. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: NATASHA/BUCKY. whatthebucky 2018-09-24 02:02 am UTC (link)
	I can't do that, but I will be there for portal duty. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	NATASHA/BUCKY. blackwidowed 2018-09-24 03:56 am UTC (link)
	Scale of one to ten: how fucked up are you? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: NATASHA/BUCKY. whatthebucky 2018-09-24 10:38 am UTC (link)
	7, but still functioning. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	NATASHA/BUCKY. blackwidowed 2018-09-25 02:13 am UTC (link)
	It gets too much, you tell me. I'm not putting a compromised agent at the door. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: NATASHA/BUCKY. whatthebucky 2018-09-25 02:47 pm UTC (link)
	Yeah, I will. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	Second filter antifa 2018-09-24 02:34 am UTC (link)
	Don't take too long. I'm feeling overdue for anything stupid. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	Re: Second filter whatthebucky 2018-09-24 10:40 am UTC (link)
	Good thing I changed my plans, dummy. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Second filter

antifa
2018-09-24 02:16 pm UTC (link)

Well I didn't say don't go at all. I need some time to do something dumb.

Bucky

Alright there Buck?

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: Second filter whatthebucky 2018-09-24 02:41 pm UTC (link)
	Nah, you only need about five minutes when I'm not looking. Plenty of time. [ STEVE ] Not really. But I will be. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Second filter

antifa
2018-09-24 03:00 pm UTC (link)

That long? I'm slipping.

[BUCKY]

Give him a bit.

We've all been through too much for him to not see this for what it is.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: Second filter

whatthebucky
2018-09-24 03:19 pm UTC (link)

Slip more, I'm hoping to take one hour breaks from watching your back at some point.

[ STEVE ]
I think he'll understand at some point, if he doesn't already. I get that. But a lot of this has to do with me and what I'm feeling and that's guilt. I kill him, Steve. Him and Maria. I remember it. How do you apologize for that? How do you make it right?

What if the programming is still in me somewhere? Despite what Shuri and Betsy did to remove it? What if it comes back?

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Second filter

antifa
2018-09-24 03:46 pm UTC (link)

Dare to dream, I guess.

[BUCKY]

You don't. It's a heck of a situation, Buck, and I'm not sure there's ever a way for a man to make right with finding out about his death. But you're as much a victim in this as he is. A reasonable person won't blame the gun, they'll blame the one who fired it. And that's HYDRA.

Howard will get there too.

As to the programming, I can't say I know entirely how it works, but you've been years, here, Hawaii, back home without an incident. And Betsy can probe a heck of a lot deeper as a telepath than whatever HYDRA could, don't you think? You could maybe get another opinion if it will help your piece of mind, but I believe that's out of your system by now.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

STEVE/BUCKY.

whatthebucky
2018-09-24 04:28 pm UTC (link)

I already know your stance on all of this, but you know I don't completely agree with that, right? It was still my hands. I could have fought the brainwashing harder. I could have broken free earlier.

I did revert, one time, back in Hawaii. It was right after the first time I got a memory dump with the Winter Soldier memories. I got through it, but I never got deprogrammed. Betsy did that here. Then with the last update, I got memories from the time with Thanos and the snap. Shuri's deprogramming was in there too, but there's a large, irrational part of me that's still afraid that something might crop.

Natasha has the kill switch, if it does and I can't be stopped. Betsy put it in, but Nat's the only one who knows the words. It helps, knowing someone that won't hesitate to use them if needed has them, but it doesn't stop the nightmares. And with Howard showing up, I guess it's just a reminder of it all and I'm not handling it very well.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	STEVE/BUCKY. antifa 2018-09-24 05:37 pm UTC (link)
	And I could have fought the ice. You did the best you could against a hell of high odds. I know you don't completely see it that way. But I also think you're kind of a knucklehead sometimes. Maybe have Shuri look at it again here? I'll keep you in the loop on what Howard's telegraphing about you if it helps. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: STEVE/BUCKY. whatthebucky 2018-09-25 02:44 pm UTC (link)
	I'm just really tired and don't want to argue with you about this so, I'm going to focus on calling you dumb. And at least my beard doesn't look as ridiculous as yours. I might. She's one of the only people I trust with this. Yeah, it'll help. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	STEVE/BUCKY. antifa 2018-09-25 02:51 pm UTC (link)
	My beard is awesome. And you know how I feel. You know the other Bucky actually came over to drink the other day with Howard and I. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: STEVE/BUCKY. whatthebucky 2018-09-25 03:57 pm UTC (link)
	I didn't say it wasn't awesome. Just said it was ridiculous too. And I do and I know you're stubborn and won't change your mind about that, so there's no point in arguing over it. We'll actually look our age by the time before either one of us gives in. Huh. (Reply to this) (Parent)