InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "The British are coming!"

Josh Foley (fatedtouch) wrote in tensor,
@ 2011-03-23 02:35:00

Entry tags:

josh_foley, kurt_darkhoelme

Without his instruments to play - not that he would play them if he still could - Josh's therapist had commissioned a painting. It was non-negotiable and was due at the end of the week. Outlets were outlets for a reason, apparently. And if Josh could best communicate only through creative expression, then expression was going to be seen to. Whether or not Josh liked it.

Generally, Josh had music playing in the background when he painted. But music no longer held any allure. So he let his thoughts feed his white noise.

He'd been working for three days. Seeing to his mandatory studio time. The requirement wasn't putting any undue stress on his schedule. So he couldn't try and wiggle out of it. Surprisingly, the painting was coming along solidly. He wasn't losing anything between his breaks of class, meals, practice and sleep. If anything, it seemed to be forming faster.

He pulled the brush against the canvas, blue swirling with the darker shades. Layers of it. One upon another spanning the entire canvas from corner to corner. He wasn't ready to touch the central figure. Wasn't ready to admit it to himself yet. That would be last. He still had time.

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	tensor_mods 2011-03-23 07:38 am UTC (link)
	"I suppose it depends on if it's expressing what you wish it to?" he suggested. "But art has never been one of my particular talents," he admitted with a shrug. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	fatedtouch 2011-03-23 07:39 am UTC (link)
	"I don't know. It's expressing something." He leaned back against a stool. "That's all my therapist really cares about." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	tensor_mods 2011-03-23 07:45 am UTC (link)
	"And you don't have any thoughts on what you wish it to express, or if it is succeeding in doing so?" Kurt asked curiously. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	fatedtouch 2011-03-23 07:55 am UTC (link)
	Josh had a feeling it was succeeding, though to what end, he couldn't be sure. He shrugged. "My paintings come like my music used to. I don't have any control over what comes out. I just have to make sure I finish." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	tensor_mods 2011-03-23 08:04 am UTC (link)
	The faint smile Kurt had kept in place since he'd come through the door slipped at Josh's words. He knew he hadn't asked for his instruments back, of course, but the use of the past tense was still disturbing to hear. "We'll forget the painting, then, yes?" he suggested gently. "How are you doing?" he asked instead. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	fatedtouch 2011-03-23 08:07 am UTC (link)
	He knew better than to try and dodge the question, so instead he answered it honestly. "I'm surviving." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

tensor_mods
2011-03-23 08:12 am UTC (link)

Kurt sighed and moved closer, collecting a stool from near the wall as he went, then settling himself on it when he was what he felt to be a comfortable distance from Josh.

"Surviving...that's a remarkably disheartening answer, Kleiner." His tail twined absently about his ankles and he fixed Josh with a glowing golden gaze, concern evident in it even so. "How have things changed so much in so short a time?" He knew some of it, of course, from Josh's file and personal observation, but he was hoping he might actually open up and tell him.

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	fatedtouch 2011-03-23 08:18 am UTC (link)
	It was a hell of a lot better than rock fucking bottom, but he wasn't about to tell his Coach that. He pulled himself up unto the stool, bracing his feet on the highest rung. It was a slightly precarious pose, given his current state, but it was preferable. "I honestly don't know," he sighed. "Kevin's here now. I guess I'm just having trouble adjusting." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	tensor_mods 2011-03-23 08:31 am UTC (link)
	That they were 'having trouble adjusting' was perhaps one of the more egregious understatements Kurt had heard in quite some time. "Josh," Kurt leaned forward slightly, voice gentle. "This seems like significantly more than just trouble adjusting." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	fatedtouch 2011-03-23 08:34 am UTC (link)
	"We don't know how to be in each other's lives in person, that's all," he replied defensively. "We'll figure it out." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

tensor_mods
2011-03-23 08:55 am UTC (link)

Kurt considered Josh for a moment before speaking again. He wasn't any kind of therapist and he made no claims to be, but he knew Josh well and he was concerned. And from that vantage point the next question seemed painfully obvious.

"And what of Julian, Kleiner?" he asked, voice steady and still very, very gentle. "You have been very much in each others lives for a very long time and yet...you do not appear to be any longer."

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fatedtouch
2011-03-23 09:15 am UTC (link)

Josh wasn't prepared to field questions about Julian. Ever since Kevin had arrived, all the questions had been about him. How were they adjusting? Did having Kevin in his life ease any of the ache he'd been feeling? Did he think the issue with their powers would reemerge? But beyond that initial incident - in which Julian had both borne witness and been involved - he hadn't been brought up again. Josh's therapist was perhaps too busy focusing on how Kevin's physical return to Josh's life was affecting him to take any significant note over how Julian's absence from it was wrecking havoc.

Kurt's choice of words didn't help either.

He'd probably be embarrassed by it later. Josh never liked to cry in front of people who weren't...well who weren't Julian or Kevin. He was a very private person and all his training had only helped internalize that aspect of him. Fortifying him for the job, keeping him strong in front of the innocents, and cycling back later when he had time to spare. But emotionally exhausted, confused and hurt paired with his low energy levels proved to be no match for the years of careful training he'd taken to so well.

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tensor_mods
2011-03-23 09:25 am UTC (link)

Kurt couldn't quite decide if he'd said exactly the wrong thing or exactly the write one. It had definitely opened the floodgates, but he was most likely not the best qualified person to deal with the outpouring of emotion. He hesitated for a moment, then slid his stool closer and leaned to rest a hand gently on Josh's knee.

"What happened, Kleiner?" He had what he thought was a fairly good guess on the subject, though, and it did not paint Josh's erstwhile boyfriend in a very good light. He liked the boy well enough, when he'd shown up to fencing practice, but the kind of insecurity that would let him hurt someone he supposedly loved so very deeply was not at all an admirable quality.

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	fatedtouch 2011-03-24 01:17 pm UTC (link)
	Josh shook his head, knee drawing away from the touch. He wrapped both arms about his middle and rocked forward until he was on his feet. His skin glowed slightly as he tried to force his body to stop, even as his emotions just poured out unchecked. As he wandered off, Kurt had an unobstructed view of his canvas. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

tensor_mods
2011-03-24 05:27 pm UTC (link)

Kurt glanced at the piece with a grimace. Though he might be neither an artist nor a psychotherapist there was no denying that it was a bleak scene. He shifted his attention back to Josh, though, as the boy moved away, unsteady and still sobbing like his heart was broken. The fact that his powers were apparently spiraling again was just one more indicator of what a wreck he was.

"Josh." Kurt let him have his space, for the moment, and didn't follow him, but his voice was warm and clear and pitched to cut through the sobbing and - hopefully - capture Josh's attention. "What happened with Julian?"

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fatedtouch
2011-03-24 07:05 pm UTC (link)

He leaned into the window frame and closed his eyes. One hand curled about the the corner where it met the wall, the other still solidly against his middle. Brow dropping against the cool glass, he inhaled and pushed with every ounce of willpower he had left. The tears abruptly stopped, trembles and hitched breaths erased - as if they never were. He wiped at his face with his sleeve and turned around, leaning back against the wall.

When he opened his eyes, there was a gold tint fading from the worn blues. "Things changed," he said evenly.

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	tensor_mods 2011-03-24 08:08 pm UTC (link)
	Kurt sighed as he watched the transformation. Josh was, as always, an incredibly poor actor, though, and it was only the signs of distress that his powers could wipe away that disappeared so easily. "I gathered as much, Kleiner, and obviously not for the better." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	fatedtouch 2011-03-24 08:26 pm UTC (link)
	"Things are just...complicated right now." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

tensor_mods
2011-03-24 09:17 pm UTC (link)

Kurt stood up and walked over to the other side of the window from Josh, to a spot where he was close without crowding into his personal space and he could look out the window rather than staring at the boy. He tucked his hands into his pockets and leaned against the window frame.

"Sometimes it can help to talk to someone about it when things get complicated," he suggested quietly. He knew Josh had regular counseling sessions...he also knew that sometimes talking to someone because it was their job to fix you wasn't nearly as helpful as talking to someone who was simply willing to listen.

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fatedtouch
2011-03-24 10:37 pm UTC (link)

Josh fixed his eyes on his painting. With them looking in opposite directions it was a little easier. Talking to Agent Darkhölme always was. Besides being his fencing coach, the man had taught him to fight, escorted him to and from off campus training and ran interference when Josh's grades left him facing some serious consequences. Agent Darkhölme was easy to speak to, very easy to connect with and he treated everyone with respect even if they were snotty kids who didn't deserve it. And after he'd thoroughly snapped them into place they fell in line and grew to share the same sort of open non-judgmental concern he shared with all his kids. He was the kind of instructor people thanked in acceptance speeches for all sorts of prestigious accomplishments. The gentle but unyielding force that kept them on the right path, even when they tried their hardest to stray off it.

Josh had gotten lost three Grimm's fairy tales and two dark forests ago. Luckily Agent Darkhölme was also fluent in German.

"Did you always love your wife?"

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tensor_mods
2011-03-24 11:34 pm UTC (link)

"I suppose you could say that I have after a fashion,"he answered softly, lips twitching into a faint smile. "I've been teased mercilessly for years because I declared my intention to marry her someday when I was...I believe eleven. I didn't really know her well enough then for it to have been anything I would truly call love. It took significant growing up and a great deal of time spent together to fall in love with the person she is, rather than the image I had of her as a child."

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	fatedtouch 2011-03-24 11:53 pm UTC (link)
	"Was it hard to see her with someone else?" Given their age difference, it was highly likely the principal had been dating other people prior to Agent Darkhölme. Her children who were not his aside. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	tensor_mods 2011-03-25 12:37 am UTC (link)
	"It...was not the most pleasant of experiences, no," he conceded, turning to look at Josh's profile as he wondered exactly where he was going with his line of questioning. "But we were not together at the time, and she had every right to be with whomever she chose." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	fatedtouch 2011-03-25 12:48 am UTC (link)
	"How long did you know her before you first told her you loved her?" he asked, looking to him. It was a very personal question, and he was going to own up to it. Especially as he knew Agent Darkhölme would only placate his questioning so far before he turned the conversation back around. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

tensor_mods
2011-03-25 12:55 am UTC (link)

Kurt snorted quietly, lips quirked in a wry smile. "I don't know that I can give you the kind of answer you're looking for, Josh, given I've known her in one capacity or another my entire life." Fortunately never as a baby-sitter, as that would have been entirely too...creepy, he supposed.

"Though we had been dating perhaps...a year," he added, cocking his head and turning a little more directly towards Josh before asking mildly, "is there someplace in particular you're heading with this line of questioning?"

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