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Tweak says, "RON WEASLEY!!!!"

Josh Foley (fatedtouch) wrote in tensor,
@ 2011-03-23 02:35:00

Entry tags:

josh_foley, kurt_darkhoelme

Without his instruments to play - not that he would play them if he still could - Josh's therapist had commissioned a painting. It was non-negotiable and was due at the end of the week. Outlets were outlets for a reason, apparently. And if Josh could best communicate only through creative expression, then expression was going to be seen to. Whether or not Josh liked it.

Generally, Josh had music playing in the background when he painted. But music no longer held any allure. So he let his thoughts feed his white noise.

He'd been working for three days. Seeing to his mandatory studio time. The requirement wasn't putting any undue stress on his schedule. So he couldn't try and wiggle out of it. Surprisingly, the painting was coming along solidly. He wasn't losing anything between his breaks of class, meals, practice and sleep. If anything, it seemed to be forming faster.

He pulled the brush against the canvas, blue swirling with the darker shades. Layers of it. One upon another spanning the entire canvas from corner to corner. He wasn't ready to touch the central figure. Wasn't ready to admit it to himself yet. That would be last. He still had time.

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tensor_mods
2011-03-23 07:04 am UTC (link)

They'd told him in the office which studio he could find Josh in, and Kurt nodded and smiled to the few students he passed in the hall on his way to the door. There was no window he could look through to assess Josh's mood or judge if he'd be interrupting him in the middle of anything particularly profound, so Kurt didn't bother to pause, just rapped firmly on the door and waited for an answer.

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	fatedtouch 2011-03-23 07:09 am UTC (link)
	It took Josh a moment to notice, because he had been painting through a particularly upsetting recent memory. "Yeah?" (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	tensor_mods 2011-03-23 07:11 am UTC (link)
	Kurt didn't open the door. The studio was a private space and deserved to be respected as such. "May I come in, Josh?" he called, just loud enough to carry through the door. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

fatedtouch
2011-03-23 07:17 am UTC (link)

Josh looked at the painting, but it was facing the window for the best natural light, and so couldn't be seen from the door. Agent Darkhölme visiting him at odd hours was a regular occurrence. Sometimes it was personal, and sometimes it was for training, but the man always treated him - and others - with respect. Often he wouldn't even interrupt Josh's studio time while he was in the middle of a piece. He looked down at the painting. Music and art however, were two entirely different mediums.

"Yes," he called, carefully setting his brush and pallet down.

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tensor_mods
2011-03-23 07:28 am UTC (link)

Kurt pulled the door open and stepped in, attention going immediately to where Josh stood in front of his canvas...which was conveniently turned away from the door. No easy insights there, then.

"Thank you." He closed the door quietly and smiled at Josh, assessing his appearance and likely state of mind. The boy's gifts were amazing, but he was one of the more emotionally fragile students Kurt had ever dealt with, something the last few weeks were showing to disturbingly good advantage. "How is it coming?" He nodded towards the canvas, but made no move to try and look at it. That would happen with an invitation or not at all.

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	fatedtouch 2011-03-23 07:32 am UTC (link)
	Josh looked at it, and got lost in the image for a moment. He only came back to awareness because his powers would not let him forget he was not alone. "I don't know," he replied honestly. "Can you say 'good' about something that isn't?" (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	tensor_mods 2011-03-23 07:38 am UTC (link)
	"I suppose it depends on if it's expressing what you wish it to?" he suggested. "But art has never been one of my particular talents," he admitted with a shrug. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	fatedtouch 2011-03-23 07:39 am UTC (link)
	"I don't know. It's expressing something." He leaned back against a stool. "That's all my therapist really cares about." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	tensor_mods 2011-03-23 07:45 am UTC (link)
	"And you don't have any thoughts on what you wish it to express, or if it is succeeding in doing so?" Kurt asked curiously. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	fatedtouch 2011-03-23 07:55 am UTC (link)
	Josh had a feeling it was succeeding, though to what end, he couldn't be sure. He shrugged. "My paintings come like my music used to. I don't have any control over what comes out. I just have to make sure I finish." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	tensor_mods 2011-03-23 08:04 am UTC (link)
	The faint smile Kurt had kept in place since he'd come through the door slipped at Josh's words. He knew he hadn't asked for his instruments back, of course, but the use of the past tense was still disturbing to hear. "We'll forget the painting, then, yes?" he suggested gently. "How are you doing?" he asked instead. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	fatedtouch 2011-03-23 08:07 am UTC (link)
	He knew better than to try and dodge the question, so instead he answered it honestly. "I'm surviving." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

tensor_mods
2011-03-23 08:12 am UTC (link)

Kurt sighed and moved closer, collecting a stool from near the wall as he went, then settling himself on it when he was what he felt to be a comfortable distance from Josh.

"Surviving...that's a remarkably disheartening answer, Kleiner." His tail twined absently about his ankles and he fixed Josh with a glowing golden gaze, concern evident in it even so. "How have things changed so much in so short a time?" He knew some of it, of course, from Josh's file and personal observation, but he was hoping he might actually open up and tell him.

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	fatedtouch 2011-03-23 08:18 am UTC (link)
	It was a hell of a lot better than rock fucking bottom, but he wasn't about to tell his Coach that. He pulled himself up unto the stool, bracing his feet on the highest rung. It was a slightly precarious pose, given his current state, but it was preferable. "I honestly don't know," he sighed. "Kevin's here now. I guess I'm just having trouble adjusting." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	tensor_mods 2011-03-23 08:31 am UTC (link)
	That they were 'having trouble adjusting' was perhaps one of the more egregious understatements Kurt had heard in quite some time. "Josh," Kurt leaned forward slightly, voice gentle. "This seems like significantly more than just trouble adjusting." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	fatedtouch 2011-03-23 08:34 am UTC (link)
	"We don't know how to be in each other's lives in person, that's all," he replied defensively. "We'll figure it out." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

tensor_mods
2011-03-23 08:55 am UTC (link)

Kurt considered Josh for a moment before speaking again. He wasn't any kind of therapist and he made no claims to be, but he knew Josh well and he was concerned. And from that vantage point the next question seemed painfully obvious.

"And what of Julian, Kleiner?" he asked, voice steady and still very, very gentle. "You have been very much in each others lives for a very long time and yet...you do not appear to be any longer."

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fatedtouch
2011-03-23 09:15 am UTC (link)

Josh wasn't prepared to field questions about Julian. Ever since Kevin had arrived, all the questions had been about him. How were they adjusting? Did having Kevin in his life ease any of the ache he'd been feeling? Did he think the issue with their powers would reemerge? But beyond that initial incident - in which Julian had both borne witness and been involved - he hadn't been brought up again. Josh's therapist was perhaps too busy focusing on how Kevin's physical return to Josh's life was affecting him to take any significant note over how Julian's absence from it was wrecking havoc.

Kurt's choice of words didn't help either.

He'd probably be embarrassed by it later. Josh never liked to cry in front of people who weren't...well who weren't Julian or Kevin. He was a very private person and all his training had only helped internalize that aspect of him. Fortifying him for the job, keeping him strong in front of the innocents, and cycling back later when he had time to spare. But emotionally exhausted, confused and hurt paired with his low energy levels proved to be no match for the years of careful training he'd taken to so well.

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tensor_mods
2011-03-23 09:25 am UTC (link)

Kurt couldn't quite decide if he'd said exactly the wrong thing or exactly the write one. It had definitely opened the floodgates, but he was most likely not the best qualified person to deal with the outpouring of emotion. He hesitated for a moment, then slid his stool closer and leaned to rest a hand gently on Josh's knee.

"What happened, Kleiner?" He had what he thought was a fairly good guess on the subject, though, and it did not paint Josh's erstwhile boyfriend in a very good light. He liked the boy well enough, when he'd shown up to fencing practice, but the kind of insecurity that would let him hurt someone he supposedly loved so very deeply was not at all an admirable quality.

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	fatedtouch 2011-03-24 01:17 pm UTC (link)
	Josh shook his head, knee drawing away from the touch. He wrapped both arms about his middle and rocked forward until he was on his feet. His skin glowed slightly as he tried to force his body to stop, even as his emotions just poured out unchecked. As he wandered off, Kurt had an unobstructed view of his canvas. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

tensor_mods
2011-03-24 05:27 pm UTC (link)

Kurt glanced at the piece with a grimace. Though he might be neither an artist nor a psychotherapist there was no denying that it was a bleak scene. He shifted his attention back to Josh, though, as the boy moved away, unsteady and still sobbing like his heart was broken. The fact that his powers were apparently spiraling again was just one more indicator of what a wreck he was.

"Josh." Kurt let him have his space, for the moment, and didn't follow him, but his voice was warm and clear and pitched to cut through the sobbing and - hopefully - capture Josh's attention. "What happened with Julian?"

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fatedtouch
2011-03-24 07:05 pm UTC (link)

He leaned into the window frame and closed his eyes. One hand curled about the the corner where it met the wall, the other still solidly against his middle. Brow dropping against the cool glass, he inhaled and pushed with every ounce of willpower he had left. The tears abruptly stopped, trembles and hitched breaths erased - as if they never were. He wiped at his face with his sleeve and turned around, leaning back against the wall.

When he opened his eyes, there was a gold tint fading from the worn blues. "Things changed," he said evenly.

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	tensor_mods 2011-03-24 08:08 pm UTC (link)
	Kurt sighed as he watched the transformation. Josh was, as always, an incredibly poor actor, though, and it was only the signs of distress that his powers could wipe away that disappeared so easily. "I gathered as much, Kleiner, and obviously not for the better." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	fatedtouch 2011-03-24 08:26 pm UTC (link)
	"Things are just...complicated right now." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

tensor_mods
2011-03-24 09:17 pm UTC (link)

Kurt stood up and walked over to the other side of the window from Josh, to a spot where he was close without crowding into his personal space and he could look out the window rather than staring at the boy. He tucked his hands into his pockets and leaned against the window frame.

"Sometimes it can help to talk to someone about it when things get complicated," he suggested quietly. He knew Josh had regular counseling sessions...he also knew that sometimes talking to someone because it was their job to fix you wasn't nearly as helpful as talking to someone who was simply willing to listen.