Supernatural Fiction & Art

Dean looked in the review mirror and saw Sam in the backseat. His eyes were open, so he wasn't asleep. Dean pulled into a convenience store. "I need to run in quick and get a couple of things," Dean said as he turned in the front seat to face Sam. "I'm going to lock the doors and I'll be right back out. Will you be okay?"

"I'm just cold, Dean," Sam's voice was soft.

"I'll leave the car and heater running, and lock up with the spare key," Dean told him. "Why didn't you tell me that you were cold before?"

"Dunno," was all Sam mumbled.

Dean turned the heat on high and grabbed the spare key. "I'll be right back." Sam didn't respond, but his eyes were still open. Dean locked the doors and went inside.

He grabbed some soft foods and soups, milk, Tylenol and cocoa mix. Back at the car, he put the groceries in the front seat. He dug another blanket out of the trunk, opened the back door and tucked it around Sam. "Is there anything else you need?"

Sam shook his head just a little.

Back on the road, Dean's mind wasn't on the road. It was on Sam in the backseat. He wanted to just be able to comfort him, but he couldn't that just then. He needed to get him home first. Then, he'd be able to take care of him like he wanted to.

***

It wasn't easy to get Sam into bed. Dean got him a painkiller and noted the time on a sheet of paper. Sam took the pill and let Dean help him lie down. Dean got Sam's shoes off and then grabbed some sweatpants from Sam's clothes in the closet.

Sam was lying on his side with his eyes closed. Dean took off his jacket and got ready for bed. He laid down beside Sam, who had his eyes shut. "Are you still cold, Sammy?"

Sam's eyes opened just a little. "I'm warming up."

"Do you want boxers or sweats to sleep in?"

"Sweats," Sam sighed.

"Okay. Let's get some clean, comfortable clothes on you then," Dean carefully removed Sam's jeans, gagging at what soiled them. He reached for Sam's boxers. Sam mumbled something and tried to move away. Dean rubbed his face and then noticed the sunshine coming in the bedroom windows. Dean pulled the sheet up to Sam's chest. "I forgot about the light," Dean apologized. "You'll feel better with clean clothes on. You can hold the sheet." Dean exchanged the boxers as quickly as he could, having to go by feel since he couldn't see his hands.

Next, Dean pulled the sweatpants on. He looked down at Sam, who was in a t-shirt from the hospital. They gave him one after they cut his other shirt off. Dean took the clothes he'd taken from Sam and threw the disgusting things in the garbage in the kitchen.

Dean checked the door another time to make sure it was locked. He turned their phones off. They needed rest.

Dean shut the blinds in the bedroom and then crawled into bed. He brushed Sam's hair back from his face, noticing how Sam still gripped the sheet. He pulled up the blanket and comforter, making sure that Sam was covered. Then, he pried one of Sam's hands loose from the sheet and put it on his chest, just like he'd done at the hospital.

"Are you in pain, Sammy?"

"Feel floaty," Sam slurred.

"Wake me if you need anything. I'm right here."

"Closer."

Dean scooted closer and Sam moved until his head rested next to Dean. Sam carefully draped his arm over Dean. "Need you right here."

Dean put an arm loosely around Sam. "I need you, too."

They fell asleep, out of pure exhaustion.

***

"No!" Sam's scream ripped from his throat.

Dean was instantly awake and trying to get Sam free from his nightmare. Sam's eyes opened and his eyes locked onto Dean's when he found them. "I was wondering where you were," Sam's voice was quiet. "I was in the dark and all alone."

"I was in the bar, Sammy. I hurried out as soon as I figured out that you weren't there. I rushed out and pounded my way through the guys to get to you."

"I was at the hospital," Sam looked confused. "I don't remember much. Did they . .Were they?"

"Yeah, they checked you over, Sammy. They made sure that you'd be okay to come home."

"Oh, God," tears filled Sam's eyes. "They saw what they did to me? Strangers had their eyes and hands on me under that bright light?" Sam swallowed hard.

"It was just the nurse and doctor, Sam. Nobody else." Dean kept his voice calm. "I stayed there with you the whole time to make sure."

"You saw?" Sam choked out.

"No," Dean looked at him lovingly. "I was holding your hand and whispering to you. I wasn't paying attention to anything else. I just kept the people helping you to a minimum. After all, you're my Sammy. I wanted to protect you as much as I could."

"How could you bring me to there, Dean? Why not just bring me home?"

"I wanted to. I wanted to avoid everything that would happen in the emergency room." Dean had a hard time looking Sam in the eye. "But I didn't know how to help you. This isn't your typical hunting wound. I knew I couldn't help you myself, but I could find others to help you. So that's what I did."

"What did they find?" Sam whispered.

"You've cracked three ribs," Dean started to list the injuries off. "You have some stitches for internal rips. There are other abrasions around the outside and in that area that need ointment a couple times a day. They also sent you home with some great painkillers. Better than anything I could have found in our stash."

"How am I going to do the ointment?" Sam asked. "I can hardly move."

"I'll do it," Dean told him. "It's nothing to me and it's just between us."

"When do we have to do that?"

"Now is probably best since you're awake."

"Why couldn't you have done it when I was asleep?" Sam asked.

"I didn't want you to feel a hand down there and get scared. I didn't want to approach you like they did."

Sam nodded. "You really have to?"

"Unless your ribs don't hurt or you want to get an infection that could mean more doctors."

"Okay," Sam sounded defeated.

Dean felt bad about it but he knew it needed to be done. He wanted to make sure that Sam healed quickly so he would be able to concentrate on his studies when school started up again. He got the ointment and knelt by Sam's bedside. Sam was lying on his side with his back to him.

"Sam," Dean started to pull down Sam's sweats and boxers, "remember the summer we spent at Bobby's?"

"Which one?"

"The one where you thought you were a superhero," Dean laughed a little. "Bobby made you a cape out of a tablecloth and you kept jumping off the porch, trying to learn to fly." Dean put ointment on cuts and abrasions that pained him to see.

"Bobby had enough patience put up with that phase of mine?"

"Put up with? Hell, Bobby enjoyed it. I'm surprised he didn't make himself a cape." Dean had finished the outside area. "I need to do the inside part now, Sam. Just try to relax."

"Tell me more about being a superhero. Did I have a name?"

"I think you kept changing your name because you wanted to have different powers," Dean tried to keep Sam's mind on anything besides what he was doing. Sam hissed. "You're doing great, Sammy," Dean rubbed Sam's hip. "Almost done." A second later, Dean told Sam that he was all done. He put the ointment back and washed his hands before pulling Sam's clothes back up.

Dean climbed back into bed and laid as close to Sam as he could. "That's all there is to it," Dean put his hand on Sam's face. "The next time will be easier. It's only for a couple of days, then we'll be done." Sam looked at him and tried to smile. "It's not time for another painkiller yet. Want me to wake you up when it is?"

"Yeah," Sam replied. "I'm not really tired. It just hurts to move."

Dean nodded. "I wish I would have been there, Sam."

"You couldn't have known that there would be any harm in me just running to the car for something," Sam told him. "You got me out of there. Put down three guys while doing it, too. That's pretty heroic to me."

"I didn't feel very heroic when I was trying to get you off the ground and into the car."

"I love you, Dean. You protected me as best you could. I know that."

"I wish . . . I wish your first time would have been with me," Dean said softly.

"Me, too," Sam whispered.

"I screwed that up," Dean said. "What I should have said was that this whole mess doesn't matter when it comes to you and me. It affects us, but your first time will be with me. Do you understand what I mean?"

"I think so," Sam was quiet. "After all this, you still love me and want me. And, our first times will be with each other."

"You got it, Sam." Dean kissed Sam and then looked in his eyes as if looking for permission.

"Once more," Sam gave him a small smile.

After a few more kisses, Dean moved so that their bodies were nestled together. Despite Sam's claim that he wasn't tired, he fell asleep. Dean watched Sam sleep until his eyelids drooped shut.

Dean phoned Mr. Steven at home early Monday morning. "Hi, Mr. Steven. This is Dean Winchester. Sam was in the emergency room this weekend and I need to stay home with him today. Are we open tomorrow, Christmas Eve?"

"No, Dean, we're closed Christmas Eve and Christmas. Will you be able to return to work after Christmas?"

"Sure I will. If Sam needs help after Christmas, I'll find someone else to help him around. Have a Merry Christmas, Mr. Steven."

"You, too, Dean. I hope Sam is feeling better soon."

"Thank you. Bye."

Dean was thankful that Mr. Steven didn't make him go into the whole domestic partner thing with him. It wasn't that he didn't think Sam was his domestic partner. Sam was just that and so much more to him. Sam was his everything.

***

At some point during the day, Dean helped Sam to the couch so they could watch some television. Dean situated pillows around Dean to make him comfortable. Sam was too tall to lie down flat, but if he curled up with his head on the armrest, he could fit with no room to spare. He needed the distraction.

There wasn't much on television, but it was better than staring at the bedroom walls. As soon as Dean was done cleaning up after lunch in the kitchen, he sat on the floor by Sam. "How are you feeling?" Dean asked as he laid a hand on Sam's face.

"Little better than yesterday," Sam answered. "What do people who stay at home watch all day? There's nothing on."

"There will be even less on Christmas," Dean replied, "unless you want to watch 'It's a Wonderful Life' over and over again."

"Hey, did we miss 'How the Grinch Stole Christmas' this year or hasn't it been on yet?"

"I can't believe you want to watch that, Sam."

"Why?"

"The first time you saw it, the Grinch made you cry and gave you nightmares," Dean laughed. "Dad cussed out Dr. Seuss for at least a week for that one."

"I did not."

"Did too. Ask Dad. We were banned from watching it again until you were ten."

"I wondered why they didn't show it for so long," Sam answered.

"Now you know. I hope we didn't miss 'Frosty the Snowman'," Dean said.

"You hate Christmas cartoons. You told me that Frosty was an abominable snowman and going to eat the kids."

Dean laughed again. "Ha! I forgot all about that. Thanks for reminding me."

"You were awful when we were little."

"It wasn't my fault that you believed me," Dean defended himself. "You were so gullible."

"With what we grew up with, a Frosty who ate kids wasn't too far from the realm of hunting. You were mean."

"I was just bored, Sam. I never took it too far. I knew your limits and didn't want to have Dad yelling at me. I obediently kept the Grinch from you for years."

"Yeah, thanks for that."

***

"It's Christmas Eve, Sam. Do you wish we had a tree?"

"We can pick up a fake one on sale after Christmas along with the decorations. I don't want to deal with a real one, do you?"

"I like the smell of the real ones."

"Then we'll hang up some of those little green tree air fresheners on the fake tree to make it smell real for you. Does that sound good, Dean?"

Dean nodded, "It could work."

Sam groaned when he moved on the couch. "Can I have another painkiller yet?"

Dean checked his watch, "Yeah. You could have had one an hour ago. Guess you still need to take them on schedule and not wait to feel pain first." Dean gave him the pill and some water. Sam laid back down. "Do you really want to fall asleep on the couch?" Dean asked him.

"I guess not," Sam replied. "I need to stop by the bathroom on the way to bed."

"I'll lead you wherever you need to go," Dean helped Sam off the couch and down the hall to the bathroom and then the bedroom. "Still want to sleep in sweats?"

"I'd rather just have a t-shirt and boxers," Sam sighed.

"Can do," Dean was quicker at getting Sam's clothes on and off from practice. Dean got comfortable for bed and laid down beside Sam. "Is the pill helping yet?"

"No," Sam tried not to whine.

Dean smiled as he ran his fingers through Sam's long hair. "The medication will kick in soon, Sammy. I'll set my alarm so that you get your next one on time."

Sam reached out to Dean's bare chest and placed his hand over Dean's heart. "I'd almost forgotten what your skin felt like. I've been lost in my own little world."

"It's the pain pills, Sammy. They've been making you sleepy and a little dopey at time. You're spending your energy healing. That's the most important thing."

Sam looked thoughtful. "I know the physical part will heal. But, how do I fix the hurt that is inside?"

"I wish I had a concrete answer for you. I wish that I could take it away," Dean told him. "I've heard that sometimes talking can help. You can always talk to me. If you'd rather talk to a stranger, I could find you a counselor."

"I don't want anyone else to know, Dean."

"That's okay, too."

"They saw us kiss before going into the bar. That's how they knew they could hurt you through me. Are we always going to have to hide our relationship in public? It's not like we were making out or anything, we just kissed."

"I'm not big on public displays of affection, Sam. It just felt like the natural thing to do at that moment."

"I'm not saying it was wrong, I'm wondering if we're going to be targeted in the future for being different."

"We could be. Then again, we could be targeted because of hunting, too." Dean paused. "Do you want to end our relationship so that you'll feel safer? I wouldn't blame you after what happened." It pained Dean to say it. He wouldn't blame Sam if he wanted to end it. But, after having what he'd had with Sam, losing that might kill him.

"No, Dean. I never meant for you to think that I wanted to end it," Sam had to search for the words. "I'm worried about the future with us being different. I'd be useless the rest of my life without you in it. I love you, Dean. Don't ever think I want you to go."

"Okay, Sammy. Going back to just being brothers would nearly kill me, but I was willing to do it if it would make life easier for you."

"You'd do anything for me, wouldn't you?"

"Yes."

"I'd do anything for you, too, Dean. I want you to be happy."

"I am happy," Dean replied. "I'm with you."

Dean leaned closer and pressed his lips to Sam's. He showered him with kisses and moved his teasing tongue and mouth from Sam's neck to his shirt.

"Dean," Sam breathed.

"Just relax," Dean whispered, "I'm distracting you until the meds start to work."

"I might not need the pills if you keep this up."

"Any time, Sam. If you ever need my attention, tell me. I won't deny you."

Dean woke Sam up by kissing him. "Merry Christmas, Sammy."

Sam's eyes drifted open and he smiled," Merry Christmas, Dean."

"It's almost time for your pill, but I thought I might make us some cocoa. I even have candy canes to stir it with," Dean had a wide grin on his face.

"That sounds good to me. I'm surprised you remembered the cocoa."

"I wouldn't forget. That's like our one Christmas tradition we were able to keep on the road."

"We should call Dad and wish him a merry Christmas," Sam said as he shifted around. "I want to do it while my head is clear, before my next pill."

"Okay, let's get you up and ready for cocoa."

***

Bobby was staring at the lit Christmas tree when John walked into the living room. "Merry Christmas, Bobby," John's voice was scratchy from sleep.

Bobby turned around and smiled at John. "Merry Christmas, Johnny Boy," he embraced the other man and kissed his stubbly cheek. "I'm glad you're here."

"Me, too, Bobby," John placed one of his rough hands on Bobby's face. "We could make a tradition of this, you know."

"I'd like that."

Instead of replying, John slowly pressed his lips to Bobby's and waited for Bobby's response. In all their years of needing each other for comfort and sometimes sheer survival, they had never kissed. John didn't know why exactly. Maybe it was because it was too intimate. John worried for a moment that he'd done the wrong thing, screwed the whole relationship up. Then, Bobby moved his lips to kiss John back. John was so relived that Bobby hadn't taken out the shotgun and threatened to shoot him. Bobby had done that before, but that was over the boys.

John moved closer to Bobby, deepening their kiss. It was clumsy and awkward. Neither man had been with a woman for a long time, so they hadn't been kissing lately, either.

They moved into the bedroom for the sake of their necks. There was just enough height difference so that both of them had to strain to continue kissing.

Lying down beside each other, Bobby cradled John's face, "You surprise me, Johnny Boy. I know we have a strange relationship. We depend on each other and find comfort with the feel of another body next to ours. All we've ever had past that is a few caring touches in passing. I never thought you'd kiss me."

"Why not?"

"Because you mentioned that the one thing you didn't do with the women you had picked up years ago was to kiss them. I figured it was because you still miss Mary so much."

"I still miss her, every day. I feel like any other woman would just be trying to fill her shoes. But you, you take care of me and put me in my place when I need it. You've let me climb into your bed, no matter the time, just so I didn't have to feel all alone. You never ask for more from me or asked me to leave. That's why I kissed you. You mean too much to me not to, and I know how much you care for me and the boys. I just don't understand why it took me so long to see what we had."

"You've been pretty busy chasing that damn demon," Bobby replied. "And, I didn't know what I wanted from us either. I've never cared for a man before."

"I was with a couple men in Vietnam. I guess I cared for them. Tension got so high with the constant threat of enemy attack, and it was one way to release it."

"Did Mary know?" Bobby asked.

"No, she didn't. I loved her with all my heart, but I didn't know if she could handle the fact that I'd been weak while I was away. She'd stayed true to me back here."

"But there wasn't a war going on here, John."

"I didn't want her to see me as strange or soiled. I couldn't have her thinking that the man who cherished her wasn't good enough to be cherished himself."

"You're more than good enough to be cherished," Bobby bushed John's cheek with his thumb. "You're good enough to be loved." That said,, Bobby covered John's mouth with his and started to explore this new twist to their friendship.

***

“Hello,” John flipped his phone open.

“Merry Christmas! Is there snow where you are?”

“I’m at Bobby’s right now, so we have plenty of snow.”

“Man, I miss snow. Glad that you’re at Bobby’s, Dad. We didn’t want you to be alone on Christmas.”

“I didn’t want to leave Bobby alone at Christmas,” John said. “Did you get that gift certificate that I sent?”

“It hasn’t come in the mail yet. It’ll show up,” Sam told him.

“Now that you have a home, do you have a tree?”

“No, but we will next year. We’re going to get a fake one when they’re selling them out after Christmas.”

“I wanna real one!” Dean yelled in the background.

“So you and Dean don’t agree?” John chuckled.

“I told him I could hang some of those green tree air fresheners to make it smell like a real one,” Sam told his Dad while he motioned for Dean to be quiet.

“That might work. They have spray air fresheners and candles that smell like that, too, if you believe the commercials,” John offered. “What are you going to get to put on it?”

“Just some bulbs and lights, I think. We’ll pick those up on sale, too.”

“No tinsel?”

“No. Why?”

“You loved to make a mess of it when you were a kid. It would stick to those pajamas with feet and I’d swear you’d rolled in the stuff. It trailed behind you wherever you went.”

“Don’t let ‘em buy anything but lights for the tree!” Bobby yelled in the background. “I have enough ornaments for at least four trees. They can have some of mine ‘cause I hate to throw them away.”

“Did you hear Bobby?” John asked.

“Yep, I just crossed ornaments off our list,” Sam laughed. “How did he get so many ornaments?”

“I don’t know. I’ll have to ask him later.”

“Well, Dad, Dean wants to talk to you. We’ll call you again soon.”

“You do that, Sam,” John was happy that his boys were calling more often and he was answering his phone.

“Merry Christmas!” Dean was already to argue his points for having a real tree.

“You don’t want a real tree, Dean. They are too much work.”

“Dad-”

“There is no good argument that is going to convince me,” John said. “I’ve taken care of too many of them because your mom loved them. They were really just a big pain. Get an angel to put on top, though. Mom always liked that.”

“I suppose I can let Sam have his way.”

“You are grown ups, Dean. I’m not going to referee your disagreements anymore.”

“Hey, we had cocoa this morning with candy canes. Did Sam tell you that?”

“No, he didn’t. Our one Christmas tradition and I forgot it. Maybe Bobby has some cocoa. I’ll have to see.”

“Hey, can I talk to Bobby? He was helping me with some documents to get legit.”

“Sure. Merry Christmas, Dean. Here’s Bobby.”

“Hey, Dean, merry Christmas!” Bobby’s jolly voice was just as Dean remembered around the holidays.

“Merry Christmas, Bobby. Is Dad eating you out of house and home?"

"No, he's not like having the two of you during your teenage years," Bobby had to laugh. "Every time I looked in the cupboards, they were empty. And I knew damn well I'd just been to the grocery store."

"Yeah, I remember," Dean said. He paused for a moment. "Did you ever get those documents done for me?"

"I mailed them out with the gift certificate from your dad. They should be there anytime."

"Thanks, Bobby. I really appreciate it."

"I know you do. So, when will you be coming out to visit me?"

"I don't know. I figure we'll do some hunting this summer and stop by when we're in the area?"

"Sounds good to me. Did you guys do that salt and burn?"

"Yeah. We did it last weekend, no problem."

"Good. I'll let your dad know. Tell Sam 'hi' from me, okay?"

"Sure, Bobby. Bye."

Dean closed the phone as asked Sam, "So are you ready for your pain pill now, Cocoa Boy?"

Sam just nodded from his spot on the couch. Dean brought him a pill and some water. "Do you want to rest here or go back to the bedroom?"

"I'll stay here. We can watch the 24-hour marathon of 'It's a Wonderful Life' and make fun of it together."

"Awesome! Should I make some popcorn?"

"If you want. I'd like more cocoa, though," Sam smiled sweetly at Dean.

Dean rolled his eyes but got Sam his cocoa anyway. He came back with two big bowls of popcorn. If Sam didn't want his, Dean would eat that, too.

They ended up watching the dang movie two and a half times. They had to stop because Sam got to laughing to hard that his ribs hurt, even with the pain pill. Some people would have been appalled at how they ripped apart one of America's Classics. Their dad would have been proud.

"Sammy," Dean's voice was soft in the darkness of their room. "I need to go back to work tomorrow. Do you think Drew could come stay with you, or did he leave for break?"

"His folks live nearby," Sam replied. "I could call his cell phone and see. But what do I tell him?"

"You hurt your ribs," Dean said. "That's all he needs to know."

"He'll wonder how I hurt my ribs, Dean."

"Tell him I hustled some guys at pool, you came over because you saw I was in over my head, and someone threw a table a you. That could break your ribs."

"And you come out of it without a single scratch?"

"Yeah, because I am Dean. I am Batman."

"That might fool one of your friends, Dean. Drew is one of my friends, he's smart."

"Just tell him what I said and refuse to elaborate. You're also a very good liar, Sam."

"I can lie to strangers on a hunt, Dean. I don't lie to my friends."

"Do you want to tell him the truth? I mean, you can. It's not like it's your fault."

"He doesn't need to know that," Sam replied. "How are we even supposed to have him over? He'll know that we're a couple when he sees that there is only one bedroom."

"Can you be here by yourself tomorrow, Sam? Can you get up to get your pain pills and move around the apartment okay?"

"Maybe."

"I'll come home over my lunch and check on you. I can come home if there's an emergency. For heaven's sake, Sam, if you're lying on the floor and can't get up, call me. Keep your cell phone in your pocket." Dean was stressing about leaving Sam. "I just need to keep this job, Sam. Otherwise, I wouldn't leave you here."

"I could call Drew if I ran into trouble. I know he'd come. As far as the sleeping situation, I think I'll have to tell him sooner or later. He wants to have a Card Night again with the guys."

"You had a card night?" Dean seemed surprised.

"Yeah."

"You suck at poker."

"I know. They let me bet with M&M's."

"So would I be able to get on this Card Night, too?"

"You're missing the point here Dean. One, all the guys would know we were together. Two, I'm not letting you hustle my friends."

"Okay," Dean tried to summarize what they had come up with. "I'll go to work and come home for lunch. You'll call Drew if you need something, call me if you have an emergency, and it's up to you what you tell Drew about your injuries or us. Just let me know what you tell him."

"That sounds about right."

"So are you comfortable over there, all by yourself?" Sam could hear Dean's smirk.

"I'd rather have some company," Sam replied.

Dean moved over and took Sam in his arms as best he could. Sam laid his head on Dean's shoulder, and Dean rubbed his neck down to where the bandage started for his ribs. Sam fell asleep there, but Dean was awake for awhile longer. He thought about the feel of Sam's cheek on his shoulder, now nice it was to be able to touch more of Sam since he quit insisting on wearing a shirt to bed, and now Sam trusted him with his life. After the violence, Sam could have gone the other way. He could have closed Dean off completely, and Dean would have understood why. With any typical relationship, Sam's rape could end it. Luckily, they had the years that Sam had relied on Dean to be his provider and protector. Trusting Dean was ingrained in who Sam was.

Dean was lucky, very lucky, that Sam didn't blame him or shut him out. Dean wasn't under the impression that this was going to be an easy thing to get through. He knew that once the pain pills were gone and Sam's mind was clear, the emotional pain would hit. He had to be prepared to give Sam whatever he asked of Dean. He needed to follow Sam's lead about what would help him best. Normally, Dean didn't do emotions. Yet, he had a feeling that they were going to be a big part of his life for the next months, if not longer.

***

Dean got ready for work and then went to wake up Sam. He knelt down by the bed, “Hey, Sammy,” he brushed back some of Sam’s hair. “I’ve got to leave for work.”

“’Kay,” he mumbled while he opened his eyes. “I love you.”

Dean smiled. “I love you, too. I set the alarm for your next pain pill. It’s up to you if you want to see if you can go without.”

“I’ll think about it,” Sam said. “See you at lunch?”

“It’s a date,” he gave Sam kiss as Sam’s eyes floated shut again. He made sure Sam was covered up before he stood, watched Sam sleep for a moment, and then had to hurry for work.

***

Dean’s mind wasn’t on his work. Mr. Steven called him into the office.

“Dean, are you feeing okay?” Mr. Steven looked concerned and Dean didn’t know what to say.

“I’m fine. Why do you ask?” Dean was hoping this wasn’t how his job was going to end.

“I’m not trying to get into your personal business,” Mr. Steven said. “The emergency room called today just to confirm some insurance information. I recognized the name of the town from the news where they had a clip about a hate crime over the weekend Sam was hurt.” Mr. Steven was clearly uncomfortable.

Dean just looked at him, not knowing what he should say, if anything.

“They left out the details in the report but I got the gist of it. Do you need to be home with him? Was it Sam?”

Dean didn’t know if Mr. Steven could ask any of those question legally. Still, he answered him, “It was Sam. He could use me at home right now but I told him I’d come home over lunch to check on him.”

“Is Sam going to be okay?”

“He has cracked ribs and stitches on the inside,” Dean didn’t know if he should be telling Mr. Steven, but Mr. Steven seemed so sincere. “Those things will heal. As to his state of mind, time will tell.”

Mr. Steven nodded. “Sam attends Stanford, right?”

“Yeah.”

“So he’ll be at home by himself until then?”

Dean nodded.

“Go home, Dean,” Mr. Steven sighed. “What happened to Sam is the worst thing I can imagine. This conversation never happened, as far as anyone else is concerned. I’ll give you days off with pay until Sam’s back in school. Help him so he can do well in school. I trust that if Sam is doing better than expected, you’ll return part-time on your own before Sam’s break is over.”

Dean wasn’t sure what to say. “Thank you,” Dean stepped forward and put out his hand.

Mr. Steven shook it and said, “You’re a great worker. Right now you just need to work at home.”

Dean nodded and walked out.

***

Dean unlocked the door and called to Sam in case he was awake. He found Sam lying in bed, shaking.

“Sammy?” Dean’s voice was loud in the quiet room.

Sam opened his eyes. “Dean?”

“What’s wrong?”

“I don’t know,” Sam’s eyes were full of confusion as he looked at Dean.

Dean got down onto the bed. “Are you cold? Are you hurt?”

“I just remembered. All I did was remember.”

Dean put an arm around Sam. “Tell me what you remember.”

“Why? It won’t change anything and I don’t want you to know.”

“I told you about my baby, Sam. It was a secret that had been festering and haunting me. Once I just said the words, I felt some relief. If you don’t want to talk to me, tell me who you’ll talk to and I’ll get you to them.”

“No. I’d only talk to you.” Sam was still shaking. “Can you grab me some sweats and a t-shirt?”

Dean grabbed the items and came back over to Sam. “Are you cold, Sam?”

Sam just looked at him.

Dean repeated himself. “Are you cold, Sam? Or do you just want a barrier between us?”

"I want a barrier between me and the world," Sam admitted.

“I’ll grab another blanket in case you are cold,” Dean’s voice was gentler. “You’ve done so good with not pushing me away. I don’t want you to start now.”

“Just hold me,” Sam’s sounded so small. “I’ll tell you what I remember, just not now.”

Dean grabbed the extra blanket and stripped down to his boxers like he usually slept. He moved over so he could hold Sam, who was still shaking. “You’re safe now.” Dean whispered. “I’m here.”

Once Sam stopped shaking, he asked Dean why he was still there. Didn't he have to get back to work?

"I didn't want to tell you this right now," Dean tried to think of the best way to say it. "My boss, Mr. Steven, knew that you had been into the emergency room over the weekend. Well, the emergency room happened to call him today just to get some insurance information because I don't think I filled it all out when we were there. He recognized the name of he town from a clip he'd seen on the news about a hate crime happening there over the past weekend. He put two and two together and figured it out."

"Your boss knows?" Sam started to pull away from Dean.

"It isn't like you think," Dean claimed even though he knew it was. "He asked me if you were going to be okay. I told him that the physical injuries would heal but as for the emotional, it could take awhile. He gave me time off with pay until you go back to class. He didn't think you should be alone. He wanted you to get in as good of shape as you could be before starting next semester. He seems to be a great guy. He's not going to tell anyone what he figured out, and I have time to spend with you without having to worry about money or losing my job."

"Why would he be so nice?" Sam and Dean weren't raised to believe in the goodness of people. They had learned to distrust everyone.

"I guess the news clip didn't get very specific but it sounded like it was the worst he could imagine going through. Giving me time off to be with you is his way of helping make it better."

Sam settled down in Dean's arms again. "I didn't want anyone to know."

"I know, Sammy," Dean kissed his hair. "I know you didn't."

Sam started shaking his head and tossing in his sleep. Dean put a hand on Sam's face, "Wake up, Sam. It's just a dream." It didn't help Sam at all. Dean grabbed Sam's shoulders and shook him gently. Sam's eyes flew open and he almost threw a punch at Dean before his eyes had the chance to focus. "It's me, Sammy. You're okay. It's just me."

Sam's eyes processed moving from his nightmare to the security of his bedroom. Dean stared into his eyes and waited for that look of familiarity that proved Sam knew where he was. "Are you with me, Sammy?" Sam just nodded as the tears started to flow. Dean pulled him closer as he tried to comfort him, whispering to him in a calming voice. In reality, there was nothing he could do to take the pictures out of Sam's mind or memory.

After Sam was settled down, his even breathing brushing across Dean's neck, Dean asked softly, "What were you dreaming about?"

"Nothing good."

"I gathered that."

Sam shifted in Dean's arms to a more comfortable position. "I just heard their voices again. I never did see them, you know." Sam paused and Dean just waited for Sam to continue, allowing him to open up at his own speed. "I was trying to decide what the odds were of being able to talk them down or if I could fight them off. I felt like I failed. After all of Dad's combat training, I couldn't defend myself against humans, much less anything supernatural."

"You were outnumbered."

"You managed to make your way through them. My mind was elsewhere and that gave them the drop on me. Dad taught us better than that."

"Sammy, that was for when we were hunting. We weren't hunting when we were relaxing at the bar. You didn't need to be so sharp. It's not your fault that you were outnumbered. None of it is your fault," Dean ran his fingers through Sam's hair.

"I just have this icky feeling when I remember their hands on me. It's something I can't wash off. How do I get rid of that, Dean? How can I make this feeling go away?"

"I don't know," Dean felt helpless. "Maybe by remembering that you did not cause it and that they can't touch you now. It was awful and it'll leave scars, but I am the only one who will be touching you from now on."

"I know it will only be you, Dean." Sam's voice got softer, "Do you still want me after this?"

"Nothing anyone else could do would make me love you or want you less. That' s something that will never change. You don't ever have to worry about that."

"Okay," Sam snuggled closer to Dean. "I'm so tired. I feel a little better that we talked."

"I'm glad you do," Dean kissed Sam's forehead. "I'll always be here to listen. And to love you."

"I love you, too, Dean."

Dean drifted back to sleep as Sam relaxed in his arms once again. He was relieved that Sam could talk to him about the assault, even just a little bit. It hurt him to hear some of it, but he had to hear Sam out to understand. And Sam had to tell him in order to heal.

***

The next days consisted of trying to remember to eat. Most of the time was spent sleeping, battling nightmares and Sam sharing pieces of what had happened. Sam remembered feeling pain. Then, he asked if there was any damage to the Impala.

"I don't know. I haven't really checked. Why?"

"It would be a shame if they screwed up her paint job," Sam answered.

"You are so much more important than the car, Sammy. I know I call her my baby, but you are the one that I love."

Sam gave him a weak smile. Dean pushed Sam's hair out of his face and kissed him gently. When he pulled away, he searched Sam's face for any signs of fear and didn't find any. He cradled Sam's head and kissed him more openly. Sam responded by putting an arm around him and kissing him back. Nothing was rushed or needy. It was just simple loving touches and kisses, bonding them and helping the healing process.

***

Dean and Sam went out in public over Christmas break and Sam was okay with the crowds. They purchased an artificial tree and lights. Sam knew he was getting ornaments from Bobby, but he had to buy one that said, "Our First Christmas Together". Dean smiled when he saw Sam put that in the cart. Dean found an angel for the top of the tree and told Sam how it was something their mom loved about Christmas.

At the second hand store, they found themselves a kitchen table and chairs, a wooden chest for the living room, a dresser, and a chair for Sam's study. At Target, they purchased a desk-sized table, bookcase, and nightstand. During the end of the year sales, they were able to get a bed frame and box spring.

Back at home, Dean was determined to put the table, bookcase and nightstand together without the assistance of the instructions. Sam had other plans, and he supervised with the instructions in hand. Dean could have been irritated with Sam giving him directions, but he was just so happy to see Sam acting like himself.

Their home was falling into place. They had the most belongings that they'd ever had. They had their kitchen set in their kitchen and they had picked up some kettles, utensils, plates, and glasses. They were getting tired of eating off of paper plates with plastic forks.

The trunk in the living room was able to be a coffee table.

The table, chair and bookcase gave Sam a private environment to study in. Sam was happily organizing his school supplies while Dean watched him from the doorway. Sam was in his element. He really did enjoy his education.

The dresser held all of their clothes and still had extra drawers. The nightstand held their alarm clock//radio. The bed frame and box spring were their biggest investment. It was so much more comfortable than just the mattress on the floor.

The new items also provided new places to hide their weapons. They were stashed in the coffee table and under the bed. Dean took the knife he usually slept with under his pillow and put it in the nightstand. It was a big move for Dean to sleep without feeling the handle of his knife for security.

Dean had hidden all of the weapons after Jessica had died. Sam seemed to have accepted Jessica's death, and he wasn't having the same reaction after the assault. Sam was working through it and didn't seem depressed, so Dean put the weapons in their new hiding spots. They'd grown up around weapons, they were just like pictures on the wall to Sam and Dean.

Sam came into the bedroom as Dean was slipping the last few guns underneath. "Have you cleaned out the trunk of the Impala?" Sam asked.

"No, I just kept the essentials in there," Dean stood up as he finished. "These are all the extras. I'll still need to remember to clean and maintain the weapons in the trunk."

"We'll have to write in on the calendar," Sam said, "or I won't remember. Have you tried out the bed yet?"

Dean scoffed, "Do you think I would try out our bed without you?"

Sam smiled and flopped himself down on the bed, bouncing a little. Dean dropped on the bed and started to laugh, "I feel like we should jump on it or something. It's like being a little kid."

"I think we might break the bed if we jumped on it," Sam laughed.

Dean moved a little closer. "How about we try out our kissing skills at this new elevation?" he smirked.

Sam's eyes looked at him warmly. Then, he rolled on his side and stroked Dean's cheek. Dean smiled at him, letting Sam take the lead. Dean enjoyed where Sam was taking him.