InsaneJournal

FEMBOY SCHOOL, CH. 7 - "EXTRA CREDIT"


For those who have been following this snark through WGW, this encompasses the first "new" portion of it. Brace yourself!

Page 116

Delcat: Shouldn't "extra credit" be at the end of this shitstorm?
Zeiss Manifold: Just as long as the rub-curdled-milk-all-over-yourself assignment isn't part of the main curriculum and is strictly optional, I don't see a problem with it.
Zeiss Manifold: So's the "let stick insects climb on your junk" project, for the record.
Delcat: Those poor stick insects :<
Zeiss Manifold: Nah, they get a resting place and some camoflague out of this, they're all set.
Delcat: Our jizz club has the same rights as any other club!
Zeiss Manifold: BUTTPLUGS NOT BULLETS
Delcat: BULLETS NOT BULLETS
Delcat: I mean...you know, the vibrating ones, as opposed to...the kind that...kill people...and...oh, fuck it
Delcat: JOKE ABORTED NEXT PAGE
Zeiss Manifold:

Delcat: THEN LAUNCH THE SPACE TORPEDOES OR SOMETHING
Zeiss Manifold: FIRE NIPPLES
Delcat: SPUNG

Page 117

Delcat: I tell you, having the Reading Rainbow theme stuck in my head just makes it all worse.
Zeiss Manifold: Okay, *now* we can start feeling sorry for the stick insects.
Delcat: oh man there ain't nothin' sexy about any body part being stuck on an electric range which is all I'm gettin' from this dialogue
Delcat: Stuff your tits in a waffle iron on your own time, girls, we have delicate readers
Delcat: speaking of which I see you're enjoying your rectal prolapse in the last two panels
Delcat: Is there a reason this kid has had a uniball for the entire fucking manga? Has one just not dropped yet or something?
Zeiss Manifold: I know, you'd think the artist would have *some* idea of how boyparts work. His dong is just a joystick blindly stuck into the donut hole that is his junk.
Zeiss Manifold: "Toasting your twat! Cooking your clit!"
Delcat: And it's not like the girlparts are any better. What gender IS the artist?
Delcat: ughhhhh STOP IT *crosses legs*
Zeiss Manifold: Flambe-ing her fallopian tubes? Lacquering her labia?
Delcat: Hors-dourves-ing her ovaries?
Zeiss Manifold: It's a slant alliteration, but I'll allow it.
Delcat: hey man I'm a lover not a baker

Page 118

Delcat: Wasn't this a scene from the end of Society?
Zeiss Manifold: why are they using perfectly good carrots for this anyway
Delcat: Man, that's a terrible idea, it turns your ladybits orange.
Delcat: ...Or So I Heard.
Delcat: They look more like engorged mealworms to me in the inexplicable inside shot. Speaking of which, where the fuck are her organs? Don't tell me they genetically bred out anything that they couldn't get milk out of or sodomize.
Zeiss Manifold: Why *do* they have "milking stations" in the first place again? I'm pretty sure wasps are lactose intolerant.
Delcat: Panel 2: And thus Chris-Chan's duck is born.
Zeiss Manifold: TEE HEE HEE HEE
Zeiss Manifold: ...UM?
Delcat: Tee hee! Oh, tee hee hee!
Zeiss Manifold: TEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE *HEE*

Page 119

Delcat: ow ow nipple chewing ow ow OW
Zeiss Manifold: HERE COMES THE TITPLANE ZOOM ZOOM
Delcat: What DID he say? I'm guessing something along the lines of OH GOD WHY IS IT WAGGING ALL OVER THE PLACE LIKE THAT THAT HURTS
Zeiss Manifold: His dong doesn't even look attached. It's like someone pegged him with a strap-on and ended up puncturing his plexus.
Delcat: Yeah, if the balls were the same way I'd cry P.L. Nunn. Shame we already used up our store of detachable penis jokes.
Delcat: I dunno, I think being able to jizz like that without any contact whatsoever shows a great amount of self-control, just of a different kind.
Delcat: Or is that just how cocks work?
Delcat: Are you guys, like, walking cannons?
Delcat: Do you see an erect nipple on the street and go off like a Roman candle?
Zeiss Manifold: Yep. And the sun goes out for some reason too.
Zeiss Manifold: "He needs to learn self-control!" You try expelling spoiled milk any other way when you're gagged, lady.
Zeiss Manifold: Again, why does the "hive" need milk when the wasp women can just make their own? Is it available in 12 collectable flavors or something?
Delcat: And with their bullshit science it multiples by a jillion, so...I dunno, maybe they have hungry kittens ladies like kittens
Delcat: HEY ZEISS, SAY "SILK" TEN TIMES
Zeiss Manifold: Silk silk silk silk slik schlick DAMMIT
Delcat: Man, you even cut off the punchline there, good job
Delcat: TRY IT ON ME
Zeiss Manifold: ALRIGHT THEN FINISH YOUR JOKE
Delcat: SILK SILK SILK SILK SILK SILK SILK SILK SILK SILK
Zeiss Manifold: NOW WHAT DO COWS DRINK
Delcat: CUM
Delcat: DARN
Delcat: and for the readers who never went to grade school, the incorrect answer is "milk", the correct answer is "water"
Delcat: we'll be here all week
Zeiss Manifold: STAY TUNED FOR KNOCK-KNOCK JOKES ABOUT URETHRAL SOUNDING

Page 120

Delcat: No really, how did they play this in the original manga? She can't just...grow a cock at random. It's illegal.
Zeiss Manifold: She didn't, she grew a CLITCOCK
Zeiss Manifold: Somewhere, Ono is banging his head against his desk for not thinking of this first.
Delcat: OH, IS IT POWERED BY HER MOOOOOONBLOOD
Delcat: I AM WOMBMOON, HEAR ME SPLORT
Zeiss Manifold: This is going to turn out to be a PSA on the dangers of femboy hazing, right? He looks like his brain is starting to swell from all the milk in the first panel.
Delcat: You ever drink warm milk too fast, man? He is gonna spew like Vesuvius in like fifteen seconds.
Delcat: Which frankly is nothing I ever wanted to see in a hentai. ...again.
Delcat: So...what is she, anyway? Like, a hermaphrodite, or a herm-by-the-hour, or a herm going incocknito? What is the terminology here?
Zeiss Manifold: She's a CLITCOCKTART
Delcat: Ooh, what flavor? Original or Extra-Slutty?
Zeiss Manifold: Extra-SPLORTY
Delcat: anatomy more or less impossible in panel 4, seriously how is her stomach going like that
Zeiss Manifold: They plump when you cook 'em!

Page 121

Zeiss Manifold: THE POWER, THE PLEASURE, THE PERVERSITY!
Zeiss Manifold: SEE THE HENTAI REWRITE THAT SWEPT THE 1942 ACADEMY AWARDS
Delcat: Panel 3 looks like an eyeless man vomiting a dryer hose.
Zeiss Manifold: Well, you did warn him about the milk.
Zeiss Manifold: The first two panels are an elaborate game of "got your nose", I think.
Delcat: also didn't her pussy have hair two pages ago
Delcat: I am so confused
Delcat: and is that a chair or the monolith from 2001
Zeiss Manifold: WHINE
Delcat: I swear it should not be bending like that with nothing touching it, something is seriously wrong with that kid
Delcat: I mean, besides the emotional trauma
Delcat: And I cannot unsee these ladies as having torso-faces with boobs for eyes and a vagina for a bear-nose-and-mouth
Zeiss Manifold: LOOSE DICKS SINK SHIPS

Page 122

Zeiss Manifold: We now transfer narrating duties to Groundskeeper Willie.
Delcat: Man, Ebenezer and SPLLOOCH isn't nearly as good a webcomic about silly kitties.
Delcat: Yeah, like this kid knows his multiplication tables when you're CONSTANTLY PULLING HIM OUT OF CLASS TO FUCK HIM
Zeiss Manifold: They probably don't even LEARN math, all their classes are about cock rings or shit.
Delcat: Speaking of which, Iiiiiii really don't think cockrings are supposed to be that tight. The idea is to constrict blood flow, not cut it off entirely. At this rate it really WILL turn black and fall off.
Delcat: Where did she even pull that from, her cooch?
Delcat: BAD FEMBOY! NO! BAD, BAD FEMBOY!
Delcat: And then she smacks him on the balls with a rolled-up magazine.
Zeiss Manifold: Generally, this is a fucking bad idea. Tying shit around the dong doesn't magically stop orgasms, it redirects semen into the bladder and other places and causes all sorts of problems. But I don't know, WASP DNA.
Zeiss Manifold: Not to mention rope burns.
Delcat: Also, what good would it actually do to train him not to jizz? Shouldn't they be applying some kind of sex therapy, maybe cognitive behavioral thera--
Delcat: Oh, I get it! They saw "CBT" and thought "cock/ball torture" instead of "cognitive behavioral therapy"!
Delcat: It all makes sense now!
Zeiss Manifold: FEMBOY NEEDS THERAPY
Zeiss Manifold: Purely hyperorgasmic!
Zeiss Manifold: FEMBOY NEEDS THERAPY
Delcat: I'm going to kill you.
Zeiss Manifold: FEMBOY NEEDS THERAPY
Delcat: No, really, Zeiss, I'm going to kill you.
Zeiss Manifold: Cram it Delcat, let's have a spat! Now when I count three-
Zeiss Manifold: F-F-F-F-F-F-F-FEMBOY NEEDS THERAPY
Delcat: *STAB*
Zeiss Manifold: ...I am white as a sheep!
Zeiss Manifold: (And she also packed false cocks)

Page 123

Delcat: "NO SERIOUSLY IT HURTS LIKE TISSUE DEATH"
Delcat: Hey, they found his other ball!
Zeiss Manifold: "You are magic, aren’t you ballsack!”
Zeiss Manifold: *circus music*
Zeiss Manifold: Seriously, it's either Trumpy or some kind of cuttlefish he's got implanted in there.
Delcat: Oooh, this potato has big boobs!
Delcat: Ow that's my cock
Zeiss Manifold: CLOSE YOUR EYES AND THINK OF FEMWEED
Delcat: "Let's recharge him!" What, do guys have battery packs in their asses now?
Delcat: I thought they were in the sack, and that's why you temporarily shut down when we kick you there.
Zeiss Manifold: Hey, cuttlefishes need room.
Zeiss Manifold: It's the big orgy scene! We're using every font in the pack!
Delcat: You mean they have more than Chiller?
Zeiss Manifold: Seriously that first panel is terrifying
Zeiss Manifold: "They've splorted her! And then they're going to splort me! OH MY GAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWD!"
Delcat: ...OH MY GOD.
Delcat: ZEISS.
Delcat: JONI IS THE KID FROM POD PEOPLE.
Delcat: THIS IS WHERE HE ENDED UP.
Zeiss Manifold:

Zeiss Manifold: OH GOD I CAN HEAR HIM HAVING THE SAME VOICE AND EVERYTHING
Delcat: HE WENT OUT ONE DAY TO FIND SPECIMENS AND BECAME THE SPECIMEN HIMSELF

Page 124

Delcat: Pleasure poem? Well, I'll give it a shot...
Delcat: Roses are red
And so is your hole
Look out baby,
Here comes my pole
Zeiss Manifold: WITH A PLEASURE POEM WE PINCH THE NIPPLE HERE
Zeiss Manifold: STEADY AS SHE GOES WE'RE SPLUTTING OVER TROUT
Zeiss Manifold: MASTURBATING FEMBOYS AT THE SPEED OF LIGHT
Zeiss Manifold: ALL I WANT TO FEEL NOW IS THE MILK IN MY EYES
Zeiss Manifold: SACK OF DILDOS IN MY POCKET
Delcat: MY MOMMY'S READY TO HO
Zeiss Manifold: IDIOT REWRITE NOW
Zeiss Manifold: HIDEOUS REWRITE NOW
Delcat: mrmrrma write nmm
Delcat: nrrmma hmm
Delcat: BEES ON FEMWEED
Zeiss Manifold: SPLORTING RUBBER COCKS
Delcat: Was I a little slow on the last verse, guys?
Zeiss Manifold: IT STINKS

Page 125

Delcat: fucking hell, this is supposed to be sexy? The kid is clearly BSOD'ing in abject terror for his naughty bits.
Delcat: IF COCKS ARE BLEEDING, YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG
Zeiss Manifold: You know, why do these people even bother with sex if they have "pleasure juice"?
Delcat: Little boy bitch, come blow your load
The dick's in the pussy, the tongue in the choad
Delcat: Where is the boy who gets fucked in the ass?
Under the dungeon, high on fem grass
Delcat: Who will wake him?
Oh no, not you
For if the FBI finds out
They'll surely sue
Delcat: *bows*
Zeiss Manifold: Thank you for that, Del.
Delcat: Well, you may be the undisputed king of filk, but I did take a semester's worth of naughty nursery tunes.
Delcat: Two units, M/W.
Zeiss Manifold: ..."Wormed into me"?
Delcat: yeah I was trying to ignore that thanks so much for making that impossible
Delcat: I told you those vibes looked like mealworms. Maybe they're those parasite fetishists from /d/.
Zeiss Manifold: we can't ignore it she's goddamn SHOUTING it
Zeiss Manifold: we're in capslock_fem all of a sudden
Delcat: "I used his head like a saddle galloping to paradise" is officially my new favorite horrible sex metaphor.
Zeiss Manifold: Like, a saddle not attached to anything, just galloping along the prarie by its lonesome?
Delcat: wait the rope is gone in two panels here
Delcat: Is it too much to ask for to have continuity in this shit?
Delcat: ...OH MY GOD I FINALLY PARSED WHAT THE SECOND-TO-LAST PANEL IS THAT'S HORRIBLE MY DICK HURTS AND I DON'T EVEN HAVE ONE
Delcat: NO WONDER HIS EYES ARE MELTING IN AGONY
Zeiss Manifold: pardon me for a second
Zeiss Manifold:

Zeiss Manifold: okay good i needed that
Delcat: Zeiss suck those brain-chunks back in I AM NOT DOING THIS ALONE
Delcat: You okay, man? Your eyes are blinking independently of each other.
Zeiss Manifold: Sorry, I just can't look at that without thinking BAY-BEE SNA~KES LATE AT NIGHT IS WHEN THEY COME OUT
Delcat: WE CAN DO THIS MAN WE CAN DO THIS TOGETHER BUT YOU GOTTA HANG ON
Zeiss Manifold: THEY LIVE IN A HOLE HOLE A HOLE HOLE HOLE (TINY HOLE)
Zeiss Manifold: THAT IS USUALLY EMPTY
Zeiss Manifold: (USUALLY EMPTY tiny too)

Page 126

Zeiss Manifold: WE'VE SECRETLY REPLACED THEIR DIALOGUE WITH A BAD ARTHUR C. CLARKE NOVEL, LET'S SEE IF ANYONE NOTICES
Delcat: Uh okay yeah, I'll admit that maybe sometimes cock bleeding MAY be okay if you're careful in BDSM, but BROKEN RIBS ARE THE SIGN YOU'RE REALLY DOING IT WRONG
Delcat: seriously how is this a sexy story, this would scare the shit out of me if someone who had me tied up related it
Zeiss Manifold: Second panel: ballsack in the void
Delcat: Milk, milk, lemonade, around the corner fudge is made. Stick your finger in the hole and THIS MANGA FUCKING SUCKS WHY ISN'T IT OVER YET GOD
Delcat: but seriously that's what it looks like
Delcat: That is a woman expecting a Tootsie Roll, and a woman about to be disappointed.
Delcat: As a side note, what the hell is with the scat jump rope rhymes, I never got that as a kid.
Zeiss Manifold: Getcha prostate samples, free to try, $5 for a pound.
Zeiss Manifold: I have written RESEARCH PAPERS less heavily footnoted than this good god
Zeiss Manifold: THERE IS A TIME FOR WORLDBUILDING AND THIS IS NOT IT
Delcat: Hey, imagine if they were hilarious footnotes, like in Discworld! Would that make this better?
Delcat: ...no?
Zeiss Manifold: DON'T BRING THE LUGGAGE INTO THIS IT WAS NOT MEANT TO BE A LUBE RESERVOIR

Page 127

Delcat: I dunno, they're REALLY gonna need someone to do laundry soon.
Delcat: DROOL! SLOBBER! GRUNT! You know, for all the Saint Bernard fetishists out there.
Zeiss Manifold: TROLLOP
Zeiss Manifold: yes he is certainly a clara bow on the wanton slattern-o-meter
Delcat: Are dicks supposed to bend at a ninety-degree angle?
Delcat: And where does that ball keep disappearing to and reappearing from?
Zeiss Manifold: They'll bring in one of those newfangled Ford-assembled "dill-does" and give him a cherry phosphate enema next, I'll bet.
Zeiss Manifold: And what is the deal with the last panel, why is everyone just lying waists through the floSPLOOSH SPLOOSH SPLOOSH SPLOOSH SPLOOSH SPLOOSH SPLOOSH
Delcat: I hope they have a femin hired to occasionally come in and just throw a bucket of water over them, this is slimier than a Nickolodeon game show.
Delcat: Zeiss? Are you okay? Oh God, please tell me these SFX aren't contagiSPLOOSH SPLOOSH SPLOOSH SPLOOSH SPLOOSH SPLOOSH SPLOOSH SPLOOSH SPLOOSH SPLOOSH
Zeiss Manifold: SPLOOSH SPLOOSH SPLOOSH SPLOOSH SPLOOSH !
Delcat: SPLOOSH SPLOOSH SPLOOSH SPLOOSH SPLORT?
Zeiss Manifold:
CLITCOCK

(SHIFT CHANGE)

Page 128

Zeiss Manifold: I would like to introduce the theme song for this portion, incidentally.
Zeiss Manifold: *SLUB*
Delcat: Oh God, this part. HEY KIDS, HOW FAR CAN YOU STRETCH A EUPHEMISM BEFORE IT LOSES ALL MUSCLE CONTROL?
Zeiss Manifold: It's been a while since we took a shot at the last bit of the book, and I was fretting over whether my snark mojo still work. Then I saw that malignant sausage-thing at the bottom, and knew then that we would be all right.
Delcat: You know what really gets me off? Little Orphan Annie eyes. Yeah, I love that soulless little bitch. And her little dog, too.
InkWeaver: Isn't a sloop a kind of boat?
InkWeaver: What is it doing in this comic?
InkWeaver: CAN THEY LEAVE NOTHING SACRED? NOT EVEN NAUTICAL ELEMENTS?
Delcat: Don't say "boat", the last thing we need is Ono in here.
Zeiss Manifold: Oh, they're going to come on the Sloop John B, alright.
Zeiss Manifold: And they'll take and they'll eat up all of our porn.
Delcat: Can anyone make any sense of the bottom panel? I'm seeing him wrapped around his body at least 270 degrees so as to better stare at his own rectum being violated.
Delcat: I think the most care the mangaka has taken in this entire befucked thing is on those fishnets.
InkWeaver: Look, sometimes the horror is so great, he has to defy physics.
InkWeaver: Zeiss, when the fuck will this end? they've fucked him like twenty trillion times.
Zeiss Manifold: Oh, he's still a virgin in *some* places.

Page 129

Zeiss Manifold: COPULATION CENTRAL (COPULATION CENTRAL)
InkWeaver: ....that
InkWeaver: is a countdown.
InkWeaver: Are they launching chimpanzees into people's assholes now, Zeiss? Delcat?
InkWeaver: Bueller?
Delcat: The sad, sad truth
Zeiss Manifold: You've got it all wrong, the issue here ain't monkey. The issue here is pussy.
Zeiss Manifold: And...*slithering*.
Delcat: That's a really shitty cockring. Isn't it supposed to be at the base of the cock? Bitches can't do ANYTHING right.
InkWeaver: Bet he gets ropeburn.
Zeiss Manifold: Except for shaving kanji into his pubes.
Delcat: And what the fuck is even happening? He must have put on a condom with a gumball in it, because that is not any female genitalia in THIS universe.
Zeiss Manifold: It has a "primary umblical", too, so the implication is that she has more than one.
InkWeaver: Everything in this manga looks so round and odd
InkWeaver: Their vaginas, their asses, the dicks. They're all oddly spherical.
Delcat: Yeah, you know what? I hadn't noticed that, but you're right. He seriously cannot draw a straight line.
Zeiss Manifold: Maybe spheres are the only things the artist learned to shade.

Page 130

Zeiss Manifold: Nah, I'd say Joni here can only shoot her to a soundstage in Arizona. But that works out.
Delcat: You know Leonardo DaVinci could freehand a perfect ass?
Delcat: It's just one of those things, just one of those nngular flings. A splort to the moon on gossamer wings.
InkWeaver: Too bad they're not all squares.
InkWeaver: Hey.
InkWeaver: Hey Zeiss.
InkWeaver: Hey.
InkWeaver: Hey Delcat.
InkWeaver: Heyyyyyy.
InkWeaver: *snicker snerk snort* They're uh
InkWeaver: They're
Delcat: Yes, Inky?
Delcat: What are they doing, Inky?
Zeiss Manifold: What now, girl
InkWeaver: They're taking her to Ariake
InkWeaver: teehee
Zeiss Manifold: ARIAKE IS NOT ON THE MOON
Zeiss Manifold: WE'VE BEEN OVER THIS
Delcat: ...son of a bitch, Inky, why you gotta hurt me inside
Delcat: NO TOILETS HERE
Delcat: ONLY...only...
Delcat: ...guys
Delcat: I just looked at the page proper and realized they are sticking out of a brick wall
Delcat: THEY ARE FUCKING SPIDERMANNING THIS SHIT
Delcat: I kind of want to make a Spongmonkeys ref here, but that feels awfully 2004.
Zeiss Manifold: oh and guys
Zeiss Manifold: guy
Zeiss Manifold: guys
Zeiss Manifold: inky and del
Zeiss Manifold: guyyyyys
Delcat: *sigh* Yes, dear heart, what preys on your mind?
Zeiss Manifold: THEY'RE FEMBOYS ON THE MOON, THEY SING A FEMBOY TUNE
InkWeaver: ....WHY DO YOU DO THESE THINGS
Delcat: WE LIKE OUR MOM
'CAUSE SHE IS CLOOOOSE TO US
(GENETICALLY SPEAKING OF COURSE)
Delcat: Joni's eyes are a portal to existential terror, what else is new
Zeiss Manifold: I saw it written and I saw it retort, Pink Moon is on it's splort
Zeiss Manifold: ...did I just make a Nick Drake dick pussy joke WHAT IS THIS DOING TO ME
InkWeaver: Man I wish I knew wtf you guys were talking about because all I can think of is SLITHER
Delcat: And if the band you're in starts fucking different poon
We'll see you on the dark side of the moon
Aaaaah-aaahhhh...
Delcat: okay guys this could go on a while, maybe we should move on
Zeiss Manifold: yeah i think we should
Zeiss Manifold: NEXT CHAPTER