InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Beware, beware..!"

Vanya Hargreeves is (aloneinacrowd) wrote in somerealityweb,
@ 2019-10-31 12:43:00

Entry tags:

active: clint barton, active: five hargreeves, active: vanya hargreeves, inactive: harry hook, inactive: killian jones, inactive: lincoln campbell

If anyone got caught in that deluge earlier... Sorry. That was me.

[ooc: Vanya had a nightmare last night about killing her ex. People on the first and second floors near her apartment may have noticed some rumbling and shaking, but no major damage. There was also a rain downpour on/around the building as a result of the nightmare. It was short lived, around 10-15 minutes total, at about 7 am.]

[Five]

Sorry again. About last night. Or this morning, whatever. I'm going to try to make sure that doesn't happen again.

[Clint Barton]

Hi. Sorry to bother you, but my brother mentioned that you are in charge of building maintenance. Is this true or should I be bothering someone else?

[Medical professionals]

Hello. I'm Vanya Hargreeves. I'm kind of new.

Is there someone I can talk to about an appointment? I have a medication need I'd like to discuss.

[Jim Kirk]

Hello, my name is Vanya Hargreeves. My brother mentioned that you run a youth center here. I was wondering if I could ask you a few questions.

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	Five \| Vanya jumps 2019-10-31 10:48 pm UTC (link)
	I'm not going to push you, but I am going to say you do need to learn control. I don't know much about your powers, but I know they're a lot. I know they can get out of control. I won't make you, but I'm also not going to lie and say you shouldn't or that you can ignore it. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Five \| Vanya aloneinacrowd 2019-11-01 01:28 am UTC (link)
	Le Harold pushed and he pushed and he pushed and I ignored all the red flags and I ignored Allison when she tried to warn me. I should have listened. To her and to myself, because I knew better. I don't even know where to start. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Five | Vanya

jumps
2019-11-01 02:13 am UTC (link)

I've never trained anyone. I don't know how to do this. There was some man here before who did that kind of stuff, but I don't know how he did it. But I'm willing to help. ~~I think we should all help, but last time I tried to bring it up~~

I'm not entirely sure, either, but what triggers it? That might be the first place to start. What tends to give you access to it, and what it feels like when you're using it.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Five | Vanya

aloneinacrowd
2019-11-01 02:26 am UTC (link)

Something tells me Dad's training methods aren't going to translate well to my situation. We all know what his way of dealing with me was. One of the doctors here has abilities. He says he used to work for some agency that would help people with powers. I'm going to go talk to him and see what he has to say.

It's... It's hard to describe. I don't know exactly what triggers it but when I'm feeling things- strongly, I guess?- It's like all the sound in the world fades away except for one. And I'm this well, all dark and empty. The sound just fills me up until I burst like a balloon. And sometimes I can let it out slowly, let the well empty gradually, but even then I feel like every atom in my body is vibrating.

It's frightening. And amazing. All at the same time.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Five | Vanya

jumps
2019-11-01 03:00 am UTC (link)

I don't really know much about what he did with the others, but what he did to with me wouldn't, no. Definitely not conducive to some kind of sound manipulation slash absorption slash conversion to energy ability.

There was mention of some agency from some world when I got here. People seemed upset about them. I wonder if it's the same. If you want someone with you when you talk to him, let me know.

Emotions. Makes sense. ~~I can't always jump~~ I've no clue if I'm close with my thoughts, but it sounds like you've got to be aware of your emotions, aware of what it feels like when you're accumulating energy, and learn how to disperse that energy safely (and maybe slowly). How, I don't know. But it's only three things.

I can't understand it exactly, but I can understand having a power that's frightening and amazing.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Five | Vanya

aloneinacrowd
2019-11-01 03:23 am UTC (link)

I remember a little bit about training with him, but not much. There were crystal glasses and a tuning fork and... That's it. But even what I remember... It was like filling up a shot glass back then. Now it's like... the ocean.

Put like that and I can understand why Dad thought it was better to drug me and pretend like I was nothing for all those years. I can't forgive him for it, but I can see why.

What's frightening about yours?

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Five | Vanya

jumps
2019-11-01 04:16 am UTC (link)

Maybe it's like a river and a dam. Dam a river, and it holds the water back, but it accumulates. Blow the dam up, and everything rushes out. Eventually, it evens out. Maybe that'll happen for you.

Kids can't control their own emotions, much more something as insane as powers. I don't know about the others, and I won't speak for them, but I couldn't control mine when I was a child. Both emotions and powers. Whether or not it makes sense why he did it, it doesn't mean it should have been the end all, be all solution.

~~Getting stuck in the apocalypse isn't scary enough for you?~~

I used to not know where to go or how to get there. If I couldn't see, I didn't know what I was doing. Certain parts of my powers, if I get the calculations wrong, I don't end up where I'm trying to be. When I blink, I've sometimes ~~worried that~~ wondered what happens if I get stuck in stasis, affecting the world around me but never being able to do more than that.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Five \| Vanya aloneinacrowd 2019-11-01 06:52 pm UTC (link)
	I think he felt he had to take an extreme stance with me because my powers can have extreme consequences. That would be terrible, like being a living ghost. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Five | Vanya

jumps
2019-11-01 07:37 pm UTC (link)

I"m not entirely convinced he ever felt anything a day in his life except indigestion. ~~And maybe annoyance and anger at~~ You know how he died? He killed himself as some sick manipulation to get the band back together and made sure Mom couldn't help. He messed with her programming so she couldn't do anything. And Pogo helped. I get why he did it, but I don't know that he felt anything except maybe contempt and condescension. ~~Maybe depression~~

Kinda like Ben. Well, how he was before he got here.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Five \| Vanya aloneinacrowd 2019-11-01 07:42 pm UTC (link)
	Wait. What? I thought he had a heart attack. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Five \| Vanya jumps 2019-11-01 08:05 pm UTC (link)
	If he had a heart attack, it was self-inflicted. Klaus conjured him, and he told Luther and me over breakfast. Well, over awful coffee. Don't let Klaus make you coffee. Pogo confirmed it. Told us he helped Dad, that Dad adjusted Mom's programming so she couldn't help. Pogo seemed remorseful. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Five \| Vanya aloneinacrowd 2019-11-01 08:07 pm UTC (link)
	When was this? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Five \| Vanya jumps 2019-11-01 08:17 pm UTC (link)
	Same day that Allison found you in that cabin. ~~I should have~~ (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Five \| Vanya aloneinacrowd 2019-11-01 08:21 pm UTC (link)
	Oh. Okay. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Five \| Vanya jumps 2019-11-01 08:33 pm UTC (link)
	I shouldn't have told you like that. It was a lot for me to take in, and I shouldn't have done it like that. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Five | Vanya

aloneinacrowd
2019-11-01 10:03 pm UTC (link)

It's not like I pressed the issue the way Luther did. The coroner said heart attack and I just accepted it.

Why would he do that, though? It doesn't make any sense. Dad was a lot of thing, but I don't think he was suicidal.

Is there anything else I should know about? I wasn't exactly spending a ton of time with you all before I ended up here. What else ~~was I excluded from~~ did I miss?

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Five | Vanya

jumps
2019-11-01 10:38 pm UTC (link)

He was smart. It isn't impossible to imagine he knew how to make suicide by heart attack appear to just be a heart attack. And who's going to doubt it?

To get us to come home so we could save the world. What else was the Umbrella Academy supposed to be about? He kept harping on about it. But he never left any information, and Klaus wasn't able to get much from him.

There is. I'm not going to sugar coat it, but I'm not going to spring it on you like I did about the apocalypse and Dad's death. I shouldn't have told you about that like that, and I don't want to fill in some of the gaps like that, either. Do you want to go poking at what you don't know right now? And if you do, do you want me to tell you in person or write it out?

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Five | Vanya

aloneinacrowd
2019-11-01 10:44 pm UTC (link)

Honestly, I don't think I can have that conversation right now. Not after last night. ~~Not without some sort of~~ Maybe not without some sort of medication on hand so what happened last night doesn't happen when we're not in a pillow fort on the floor. If my emotions get out of control and I hurt you... I don't think I could live with myself. I really don't. ~~It's~~ It's hard enough knowing what I did to Allison when I got out of control.

So... let's stick a pin in it. We'll talk about it later.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Five \| Vanya jumps 2019-11-01 11:14 pm UTC (link)
	Later it is. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	Five \| Vanya aloneinacrowd 2019-11-01 11:04 pm UTC (link)
	Ben says he'd like to go with me to talk to Dr. Campbell. I'd like you to come too. If you don't mind. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Five \| Vanya jumps 2019-11-01 11:15 pm UTC (link)
	All right. I don't mind. (Reply to this) (Parent)

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