InsaneJournal

By Dose - for snow's birthday
Title: By Dose
Author: shoeboxes4all
Pairing: Severus/Harry
Rating: PG
Word Count: 643 give or take
Warnings: Blood and snot?
Summary: In which Severus gets cross and shouts a bit. No news there then.
A/N: A bit of silliness for snow. Happy birthday, lovely. I nicked LD7's prompts - tea cosy, ball of yarn, kitten. Unbetad - all mistakes are my own. These characters are not mine, they were created by someone else. I just give them stuff to do in their spare time. No antimacassars were harmed in the making of this story.



"A-a-a-tchoooo! Podder!"

"Severus?"

"Where id it?"

"What?"

"It...aaaatchooo..you dow bery well whad I am dalking aboud."

Severus blew his nose noisily, as only he could.

"De cad, de cad. You dow I am anergic do cads."

"I'm sure I don't know what you are talking about. There are no cad...cats here. Honestly Severus, do you really think that I'd bring one into the house knowing how ill they make you?"

At that moment Miss Posey Tippytoes chose her moment to make an appearance.

"Mreow?"

"Aha, der id is. I dew it. How cood you?"

Harry snatched the kitten up as Severus, eyes streaming, nose dripping, swooped to throw it out.

"Don't you dare! I couldn't just leave her rootling in a dumpster for scraps. You would have done the same."

"Oh do I woodn't. I may hab pud de wretched thin out of ids misery. I may hab made id indo a tea cosy. I mosd certainly wood nod have broud an unhygienic creadure thad licks ids own arse indo our home. Get rid of id, Harry."

"Please, Severus." Harry was whining in a most unattractive fashion. "Look at her little pink nose and white whiskers. She's so cute and so young. I can't just throw her out on the street again. Can't you make a potion for your allergy?"

Harry's universal translator began to kick in.

"Had you paid any sort of attention to your classes, Harry, you would know that there is no wizarding cure for this affliction. I'm a bloody potions master! Don't you think I'd have done something about it by now IF I COULD?"

"Alright, alright, keep your hair on. What about antihistamines then?"

"I refer you to my previous statement. Those muggle drugs have no effect on wizard physiology."

The kitten waggled its cute white allergenic whiskers at Severus and snuggled down into Harry's arms, looking smug as only a cat can.

"A-A-ATCHOO!" The force of the sneeze caused Severus stagger, propelling him towards a ball of yarn on the floor. Tripping on said ball he crashed to the floor, managing to smash his face on his belovedly hard-and-uncomfortable-according-to-Harry armchair on the way down.

He lay on the floor, groaning quietly.

"Oh gods, are you alright?"

"Do i loob alri'? By dose id broken."

"Severus?"

"By. Dose. Id. Broken."

Harry helped him up onto the sofa where his nose dripped blood and snot all over his mother's antique antimacassar.

"I'll get some tissues."

"Sobetibes Podder I wonder if you a'tually are a wizard. USE YOUR WAND MAN!"

"Oh, right, yeah." Harry pointed his wand at the dripping nose. "Episkey!" Severus winced as the bone and gristle knitted itself back together.

---

Several boxes of tissues later (for the cat-related snot), Miss Posey Tippytoes is safely housed in the kitchen with a saucer of milk and a nice warm blanket. Our intrepid heroes are ensconced on the comfy sofa. Poor beleaguered Severus is propped up on several cushions, milking the situation for all it is worth. Poor put-upon Harry is pouring a nice cup of tea. Black with one sugar, just the way Severus likes it.

"I'm sorry. I'll find a new home for her. Maybe Hermione needs a friend for Crookshanks."

Severus sighs, despite everything he cannot stay cross with the boy for long. "Harry, I am well aware that you how much you gave up when we took up together. Your hopes and dreams of a family for me, for us. Not really a fair swap in my opinion." He held up a hand. "Now, don't interrupt me when I'm being nice. Merlin knows it doesn't happen often. If you want to keep the wretched feline we'll manage. Somehow."

"Really?"

"Really. But, mark my words, you WILL pay for this."

Harry grins ruefully, waggling his eyebrows at his lover. "I was sort of counting on it..."

fin