InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "got any cheese?"

The Judges Of Sabra La Tau (sabra_la_iudex) wrote in sabra_la_tau,
@ 2011-03-18 16:31:00

Entry tags:

!days 220-229, !games, akin iyapo shing kaalnikanjlo, amy pond, ashikawa mitsuru, claude c. kenni, danielle 'dani' phantom, edward elric, gokudera hayato, howard link, impmon, jace beleren, kurosaki tasuku, nakayama yayoi, rabi, raenef, rolo lamperouge, shinonome hangetsu, shinonome kon, takizawa yuta, wanijima akito, yoi-te, {charles j. krishund}, {chaz villette}, {doumeki shizuka}, {gaara}, {hoshimura makina}, {howell jenkins}, {kuchiha}, {nicholas d. wolfwood}, {rapunzel}, {ryner lute}, {{{akatsuki chika}}}, {{{date masamune}}}, {{{miranda lotto}}}, {{{zelgadis greywords}}}, ~angel

Who: YOU
Where: ARENA
When: Day 225, morning
What: ~*Game*~

[TODAY on our throne is none other than our buddy Angel, flanked by her usual enormous maze. There are eight entrances to the maze, each blocked from view by fluttering coloured fabric.]

Hey, hey, is it really scary to lose things? That stuff you're holding onto, would you really be worse off if you didn't have it? And, and, that stuff you want to lose? Is that important too?

[Prep | Mingle (4:30PST - 5:30PST) | MAZE (5:30PST - 8:30PST) | Endgame | Memories]

(Read comments) - (Post a new comment)

	Re: [Endgame] crossboundaries 2011-03-19 06:48 am UTC (link)
	If you want to address it, just do it openly. You keep bringing it up but not subtly. Then... [passes a hand over the line, erasing it.] Nothing. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: [Endgame] lone_centurion 2011-03-20 04:43 am UTC (link)
	And if they go somewhere else, after they 'cease to be' in their universe? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: [Endgame] crossboundaries 2011-03-20 05:02 am UTC (link)
	Why would they go somewhere else after that? Not existing means that there'd be nothing to go elsewhere. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: [Endgame]

lone_centurion
2011-03-20 05:26 am UTC (link)

Well, I obviously went somewhere. No idea where, but The Doctor confirmed it. Died and then my body got swallowed up by a crack in the universe. Erased from time and all that stuff.

But when you said we're defined by those around us when we're born...this place isn't even in the same universe we're from. Not possible as I'm pretty sure my universe was stopping to exist, so even an alien world, it wouldn't be this place.

[Looks up from the erased line.] So I'm just wondering if it's possible you're here because you already stopped existing in your universe...and maybe took a chance at a different life.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: [Endgame] crossboundaries 2011-03-20 05:31 am UTC (link)
	If that's the case... then my wish wasn't ever granted. I'd make it clear to the Judges what I really want. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: [Endgame]

lone_centurion
2011-03-20 05:40 am UTC (link)

You really sure it'll be what you want?

Could be you just 'live' without having to 'exist.' It is possible in a way I really can't explain or understand. Maybe it has to be a weird way. Yet I died and then ceased to be, so I really don't know how you get more thorough than that, yet there was still something to be pulled back.

But things are different here than home and I just thought you might have wanted that if you had to go somewhere.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: [Endgame] crossboundaries 2011-03-20 05:56 am UTC (link)
	I don't want to go anywhere. I don't want ... to continue. I want... every... influence I have ever had on the world to be undone. I want... It's not that I want to "stop". I want to have "never started". (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: [Endgame] lone_centurion 2011-03-20 06:03 am UTC (link)
	Because you think your influence was bad, wasn't it? Do you think your influence here was bad? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: [Endgame] crossboundaries 2011-03-20 06:07 am UTC (link)
	Because I think my influence is negative. ...Yes. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: [Endgame] lone_centurion 2011-03-20 06:08 am UTC (link)
	Why? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: [Endgame] crossboundaries 2011-03-20 06:10 am UTC (link)
	It's how I am. Even if we can't see it here, the ripples of my existence ...they do damage. And disgust me. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: [Endgame] lone_centurion 2011-03-20 06:14 am UTC (link)
	... I don't think that's true at all. For Lyvus, it's because all of us exist that we are able to find the strength. Without each other, none of us would be able to be as happy as we can be. And you are a part of that. And any 'negative' things you have to do, everyone here has to do. You're no worse than anyone else in the actions that must be done here. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: [Endgame] crossboundaries 2011-03-20 06:30 am UTC (link)
	Can't they pick what they want to do about it? And I've done things before I've come here. I've killed a lot of people. A lot of people, Brass. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: [Endgame]

lone_centurion
2011-03-20 06:42 am UTC (link)

Considering most of the time it's just the choice of who to kill, it's all bad in the end.

...I accepted a long time ago that anyone on Lyvus has killed at least some people. It seems to be a thing. Massacres, even.

It's not right to kill people, but there are times where it seems the reasonable thing to do or it's unavoidable. If I just focused on the fact people killed, and let that decide what I felt about them, I couldn't care about anyone on the team. Or even myself, I basically killed my wife.

But the fact you hate that you did...that's the part I care about. That's the part that's the real you, the part that makes the real impact on the people who care about you.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: [Endgame] crossboundaries 2011-03-20 06:54 am UTC (link)
	I meant, how they react. What they do... with themselves. [sighs, curling up and hiding his face against his knees] Miharu... (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: [Endgame]

lone_centurion
2011-03-20 07:00 am UTC (link)

That too. And people can differ how they do, but most try to avoid making it worse.

...people have to do bad things at times. Circumstances, chance, fate, laws of probability, whatever you want to call it, it happens. And considering people here are for a wish they want so desperately to go through all this, it just seems more likely everyone had got at least one horrible thing they've gone through or done.

Like you said, people have to choose what they do after bad games.

And it's the same people have to choose what to do when they realize they've done something bad or when someone they care about has done something bad. Are the actions they've taken important or is the person that they are, the mix of all those good and bad parts to make them who they are the important thing?

Everything I've seen from you is a person that people can care about. Lyvus sees it and from what little I've heard, I think Miharu did too.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: [Endgame]

crossboundaries
2011-03-20 07:08 am UTC (link)

We all choose to come here, we choose to kill, so we can receive a wish. None of us are good. But you can choose to go on after this is done. And I can choose not to. That's fair.

I loved Miharu. Miharu loved me. But he knows that what we want aren't the same. Miharu's... the only person... who has really supported me. Without making me a tool. A tool to use. Or a tool for self-satisfaction.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: [Endgame]

lone_centurion
2011-03-20 07:19 am UTC (link)

On many levels, yeah, that's true. We're all bad people, but does that mean we're evil? That's part I don't believe.

...

It's impossible for me to support the desire to cease existing. Now...more than ever. [A sad look is on his face.] To see your whole universe suddenly not even recognize you, to have realized that anything that was even the least bit important was suddenly...not yours in the least. The only thing worse was when I thought I ended her existence. If I hadn't been expecting it to come, it would have torn me apart.

Be there, try to make you happy, there's very little I wouldn't do for you or anyone on Lyvus. Because Lyvus and everyone on it is capable of making me hesitate on choosing between it and Amy. The universe, it could go, as long as she was alive. But if it was her or Lyvus, I could never say...

But that's also because I love Lyvus. It doesn't matter what any of you do because I can see there is more to all of you than the bad things you've done. It's that love that would let me do what I have to to protect and help Lyvus.

But with that love, that means I selfishly want to keep those memories. That I never want to hurt or forget Lyvus.

So I'm kind of glad, in a way, I ceased to exist because even if you do make that wish, I think it'll let me remember you. Because even if it'll hurt to think you're gone, I want to be able to remember someone who was important to me.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: [Endgame] crossboundaries 2011-03-20 07:23 am UTC (link)
	If you love me, why are you determined to stop my wish? If it's everything I've done all these painful things for? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: [Endgame] lone_centurion 2011-03-20 07:25 am UTC (link)
	Because I know what it's like to not exist. And it's not something I would wish on even the Judges or the Nestene, let alone you. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: [Endgame] crossboundaries 2011-03-20 07:26 am UTC (link)
	You're so sure your non-existence is the same as what I'm envisioning. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: [Endgame] lone_centurion 2011-03-20 07:29 am UTC (link)
	.... [Siiiighs.] Night... What you want, I doubt the Judges can do. Because if death and the thing that was destroying all of time and everything ever in my universe couldn't do it properly...how can beings that can't save their own World do it? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: [Endgame] crossboundaries 2011-03-20 07:31 am UTC (link)
	Then why am I here? [there are tears] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: [Endgame] lone_centurion 2011-03-20 07:37 am UTC (link)
	[Reaches out and touches his shoulders.] I can't say for sure. But...maybe it's something for Miharu? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: [Endgame]

crossboundaries
2011-03-20 07:39 am UTC (link)

[shrinks inward, away from his touch]

No... no, I'm not so selfless. To make choices like that for Miharu. I'm not so selfless. I tortured a man to death in front of him. I'm not so selfless. I have to believe. I have to believe someone can do something for me. I have to believe or why am I still here? Is my only fate to die? To leave pain behind me? I don't want that. I just want erasure. I just want erasure.