InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Mmm, that feels great."

solas is a (harellan) wrote in rooms,
@ 2015-02-17 13:23:00

Entry tags:

*journal, plot: valentine's, solas

[locked: faust]
It seems I owe you a great debt, Faust. Ma serannas, da'len.

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	Re: "Faust"/Solas harellan 2015-02-18 01:07 am UTC (link)
	Of course. At your leisure. I doubt I'll ever see it on her, but she was pleased with the gift when she spoke of it. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: "Faust"/Solas roomsdesires 2015-02-18 01:13 am UTC (link)
	Thank you, Coyote. Does she like you too? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: "Faust"/Solas harellan 2015-02-18 01:16 am UTC (link)
	[There's a very long delay in his response as he considers this.] I admit that I'm not certain of her feelings. ~~She~~ ~~Several days ago, we~~ ~~I don't~~ It has been a few days since we last spoke, she and I. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: "Faust"/Solas roomsdesires 2015-02-18 01:19 am UTC (link)
	Solas. [...] I think you're keeping secrets from me. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: "Faust"/Solas harellan 2015-02-18 01:22 am UTC (link)
	You and quite a few other people, undoubtedly. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: "Faust"/Solas roomsdesires 2015-02-18 01:25 am UTC (link)
	But they don't know you like I do. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: "Faust"/Solas harellan 2015-02-18 01:27 am UTC (link)
	True enough. We were intimate and have not spoken since. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: "Faust"/Solas roomsdesires 2015-02-18 01:28 am UTC (link)
	[...] Have you tried to talk to her? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: "Faust"/Solas harellan 2015-02-18 01:30 am UTC (link)
	I did not think it prudent. I ~~may have~~ insulted her in an attempt to guard myself. It was ill-considered. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: "Faust"/Solas roomsdesires 2015-02-18 01:37 am UTC (link)
	[Blink.] ~~Are all men~~ ~~OMG~~ So you were together, and then you insulted her, and you haven't spoken since. There are three words you should start the next conversation with. They're not to be followed by but. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: "Faust"/Solas harellan 2015-02-18 01:41 am UTC (link)
	I addressed her by her title instead of her name. She has never appreciated that, and I used it as a weapon against both of us. [...] For either of us to be distracted by a relationship... It is irrelevant now, I suppose. Only three? "I'm so very sorry, can you find it within you to forgive my idiocy" seems like it would be best. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: "Faust"/Solas roomsdesires 2015-02-18 01:48 am UTC (link)
	The three most important words in that sentence are 'I am sorry'. You're making a lot of excuses, both in why you don't want this, and why you shouldn't say what you need to say to her (and you do need to say it). (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: "Faust"/Solas harellan 2015-02-18 01:56 am UTC (link)
	Do not speak to me of want, Faust. The last time I wanted something, I destroyed an entire people. Don't think I wouldn't do that for her. I would. And that is terrifying. She is both freedom and bondage. Asha las revas. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: "Faust"/Solas roomsdesires 2015-02-18 02:03 am UTC (link)
	[Amused, but not cruelly so.] Oh sweets, most of our conversations have been about want. [A bit more serious.] I can understand the feeling. Do you think you love her? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: "Faust"/Solas harellan 2015-02-18 02:09 am UTC (link)
	Perhaps. I am unsure. Sometimes, looking at her is like seeing my heart beating outside my chest. Other times, she is a raw, exposed nerve that burns with every breath. I remain uncertain if my desire for her is born from proximity and familiarity or something more. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: "Faust"/Solas roomsdesires 2015-02-18 03:24 am UTC (link)
	It's possible. How many other people have you spent time with recently? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: "Faust"/Solas harellan 2015-02-18 03:36 am UTC (link)
	Few. I make little effort to interact with the people in the town near our home. Being alone is easier for me. It is my preference. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: "Faust"/Solas roomsdesires 2015-02-18 03:41 am UTC (link)
	I'm better on my own as well. Maybe you're lonely. [Serious? Maybe.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: "Faust"/Solas harellan 2015-02-18 03:43 am UTC (link)
	Perhaps, but it has always been my nature to be apart from others. I rarely fit with them. In its own way, this misstep with Evelyn simply reinforces that. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: "Faust"/Solas roomsdesires 2015-02-18 03:48 am UTC (link)
	You did it to protect yourself. Love isn't about protecting yourself. It's about opening up. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: "Faust"/Solas harellan 2015-02-18 03:51 am UTC (link)
	What I feel for her is not love. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: "Faust"/Solas roomsdesires 2015-02-18 03:52 am UTC (link)
	How long did it take to admit that you desired her? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: "Faust"/Solas harellan 2015-02-18 03:53 am UTC (link)
	A month, more or less. Why? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: "Faust"/Solas roomsdesires 2015-02-18 03:59 am UTC (link)
	Because you spend a lot of time with denial. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: "Faust"/Solas

harellan
2015-02-18 04:09 am UTC (link)

Wanting her with lust beyond reason is not love. Desiring her in my bed, naked and boneless from hours of sex, is not love. The burning need to have her complete devotion, her unwavering worship, her constant loyalty, is not love. I want her broken to me, Faust. I want her to desire me above all others, so much so that she can't conceive of taking another lover. I want to ruin her with passion, to utterly destroy her. That is not love.