InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "I'm sorry Timeless"

solas is a (harellan) wrote in rooms,
@ 2015-02-17 13:23:00

Entry tags:

*journal, plot: valentine's, solas

[locked: faust]
It seems I owe you a great debt, Faust. Ma serannas, da'len.

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	Re: "Faust"/Solas roomsdesires 2015-02-18 02:03 am UTC (link)
	[Amused, but not cruelly so.] Oh sweets, most of our conversations have been about want. [A bit more serious.] I can understand the feeling. Do you think you love her? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: "Faust"/Solas harellan 2015-02-18 02:09 am UTC (link)
	Perhaps. I am unsure. Sometimes, looking at her is like seeing my heart beating outside my chest. Other times, she is a raw, exposed nerve that burns with every breath. I remain uncertain if my desire for her is born from proximity and familiarity or something more. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: "Faust"/Solas roomsdesires 2015-02-18 03:24 am UTC (link)
	It's possible. How many other people have you spent time with recently? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: "Faust"/Solas harellan 2015-02-18 03:36 am UTC (link)
	Few. I make little effort to interact with the people in the town near our home. Being alone is easier for me. It is my preference. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: "Faust"/Solas roomsdesires 2015-02-18 03:41 am UTC (link)
	I'm better on my own as well. Maybe you're lonely. [Serious? Maybe.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: "Faust"/Solas harellan 2015-02-18 03:43 am UTC (link)
	Perhaps, but it has always been my nature to be apart from others. I rarely fit with them. In its own way, this misstep with Evelyn simply reinforces that. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: "Faust"/Solas roomsdesires 2015-02-18 03:48 am UTC (link)
	You did it to protect yourself. Love isn't about protecting yourself. It's about opening up. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: "Faust"/Solas harellan 2015-02-18 03:51 am UTC (link)
	What I feel for her is not love. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: "Faust"/Solas roomsdesires 2015-02-18 03:52 am UTC (link)
	How long did it take to admit that you desired her? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: "Faust"/Solas harellan 2015-02-18 03:53 am UTC (link)
	A month, more or less. Why? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: "Faust"/Solas roomsdesires 2015-02-18 03:59 am UTC (link)
	Because you spend a lot of time with denial. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: "Faust"/Solas

harellan
2015-02-18 04:09 am UTC (link)

Wanting her with lust beyond reason is not love. Desiring her in my bed, naked and boneless from hours of sex, is not love. The burning need to have her complete devotion, her unwavering worship, her constant loyalty, is not love. I want her broken to me, Faust. I want her to desire me above all others, so much so that she can't conceive of taking another lover. I want to ruin her with passion, to utterly destroy her. That is not love.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: "Faust"/Solas roomsdesires 2015-02-18 04:14 am UTC (link)
	It sounds a lot more like obsession. Sex and love are different, but sometimes they're together and it's fantastic. But why do you want her broken? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: "Faust"/Solas harellan 2015-02-18 04:20 am UTC (link)
	I hate what she is. I fear what she could become. And I was never very good at sharing. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: "Faust"/Solas roomsdesires 2015-02-18 04:41 am UTC (link)
	Which is what? On both counts. Somehow I'm unsurprised. But her being broken like that, it would change who she is. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: "Faust"/Solas harellan 2015-02-18 01:38 pm UTC (link)
	Human. The Inquisitor. My world's Inquisitor was a black stain. You misunderstand. I don't want her mind shattered. I want... I want her to want me and no other. If she is mine, she is mine. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: "Faust"/Solas roomsdesires 2015-02-18 01:51 pm UTC (link)
	What do they do? No, I understand that. But you want her to want you above all things, until she can conceive of no other lover, and ruined for anyone else. She's a creature of free will, not a possession. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: "Faust"/Solas

harellan
2015-02-18 02:11 pm UTC (link)

My Inquisitor? She enjoyed the worship that came with being the Herald. It made her feel important. She abandoned the mages to the brutish thugs of the templar order, allowed a worthless order with no oversight to run rampant through our world. Her ineptitude saw too many killed at Halamshiral and plunged an empire into chaos. What power she sees, she grasps at until it is hers. She is no better than Corypheus.

This is one of the reasons we have not spoken. What I want is unconscionable.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: "Faust"/Solas roomsdesires 2015-02-18 02:17 pm UTC (link)
	So they're both Inquisitor and Herald? Herald for what? You still owe her an apology. And then maybe some distance. Obsession isn't healthy and what you want doesn't honor either of you. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: "Faust"/Solas

harellan
2015-02-18 02:26 pm UTC (link)

The Herald of Andraste, a blessed hero sent to save us all, so named because both women survived being physically in the Fade unscathed. A fair amount of time later, the fledgling resistance to Corypheus became the Inquisition, and the Herald was also named Inquisitor. Evelyn hasn't experienced that yet.

I do. I [...] have considered leaving, but I doubt she would forgive that.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: "Faust"/Solas roomsdesires 2015-02-18 02:30 pm UTC (link)
	Informative. Do people frequently not survive the Fade? Where would you go? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: "Faust"/Solas

harellan
2015-02-18 02:39 pm UTC (link)

The Fade is a place of dreams. It is where humans and elves go when we sleep. To date, it has been entered physically twice: once by the ancient Tevinter Magisters, of which Corypheus is one, and once by the Herald. In my own version of Thedas, the Inquisitor went to the Fade a second time, but I [...] was not there for the experience. [No, he's not bitter about that at all.]

Perhaps to another door, to dream in the ruins of alien places and learn their secrets.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: "Faust"/Solas roomsdesires 2015-02-18 02:41 pm UTC (link)
	And it turned Corypheus mad? But not the same with the Herald? ~~God~~ Be careful. People are wandering into dangerous doors these days. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: "Faust"/Solas

harellan
2015-02-18 02:47 pm UTC (link)

The Magisters traveled to the city at the heart of the Fade, where humans believe their Maker once resided. They corrupted it, went mad, and brought the Blight back with them when they returned to the physical world. The Herald has made no attempts at entering the Black City, and I would advise her to never try.

Your concern is appreciated, but unnecessary. I am more than capable of defending myself.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: "Faust"/Solas roomsdesires 2015-02-18 02:59 pm UTC (link)
	Understandable. Of that I have no doubt, but it's what you would survive as. And there are others where only darkness exists and no magic. No mutations, nothing. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)