InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Littering and...?"

NotEverything (noteverything) wrote in qaf_marathons,
@ 2009-07-29 13:07:00

*Marathons Gone Wild, 507*

Again, a HUGE thanks to qafmaniac for this exceptionally beautiful banner and for icons for our Marathons Gone Wild. &hearts

Now that Insane Journal seems to be back to "normal" and I can finally access the site, it's time to dig deep and delve into the disaster that is 507. Actually, I'm not as nervous about it as I was, thanks to some great insight from 505 and 506 from all of you! I think 506 is at the TOP of my most-reviled episodes now and I'm glad to have that one out of the way...

Ready? I am. Let's get things going...

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Re: By all means, keep on dancing...

suze_y
2009-07-29 09:02 pm UTC (link)

OK, the Suzy Sunshine routine is wearing thin - but honestly, if you knew how hard I worked to overcome my initial aversion to this entire season, you'd forgive me for it.

So with this as with other difficult scenes in S5 - and in the Ethan arc, come to think of it - I sort of put part of my mind firmly in the happy future I fully expect for them, and accept all of this as part of their journey there. Painful, yes - but temporary, and work that they both have to do.

I watched this scene recently, then rewound and rewatched several times just because I love looking at Justin in this scene - he's so beautiful here. And strong - I don't feel him being defeated or angry or hurt so much as that he's made a positive decision to look after himself right now, since he seems to be spinning his wheels in his current situation.

Brian looks so shellshocked; both of them look so sad, and yes, it guts me, too. But again, I rejoice in the fact that, finally, here's some progress; it's a decisive change to address a bad situation. Justin leaves, Brian's forced to confront ... himself, I guess.

On a practical note, I do wonder about Justin leaving that night - what, he couldn't stay the night and leave in the morning? Or at least have arranged a place to go to after he'd spoken to Brian? (Maybe he did; I think he'll go to Daphne's.)

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	Re: By all means, keep on dancing... noteverything 2009-07-29 10:15 pm UTC (link)
	OK, the Suzy Sunshine routine is wearing thin It's SO NOt wearing thin. I am really amazed at how you worked through all this and can articulate your feelings so well. I'm really enjoying it. (Reply to this) (Parent)

Re: By all means, keep on dancing...

noteverything
2009-07-30 07:28 pm UTC (link)

But again, I rejoice in the fact that, finally, here's some progress; it's a decisive change to address a bad situation. Justin leaves, Brian's forced to confront ... himself, I guess.

I thought about this a lot last night and I just can't feel that here in this very moment. I just can't stop hoping one of them will say something that clicks and that Justin won't leave. They never do, but I just do not want him to leave so much that I can't stop hoping he won't.

But, by the time we're at the end of the episode and they run into each other on the street, I can do that...I can finally think, "They needed to do it. They need to be apart and Justin needed to leave and it's ok that he did."

Maybe someday I'll feel that way about the loft. Not just yet, though.

Yeah, it's weird that he didn't know where he was going, but surely just about anyone would have been glad to have him that night...it's not as if it's the first time he's done it. Daphne would have been a good choice just until he made arrangements with Michael and Ben, though.

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	Re: By all means, keep on dancing... noteverything 2009-07-30 07:30 pm UTC (link)
	And someday I really hope to stop overusing the word "just." Such a bad habit. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: By all means, keep on dancing... suze_y 2009-07-30 10:41 pm UTC (link)
	Ha - you sound editorly, too. I'm guilty of the same, but I don't monitor myself overly here. My other big bad habit is over use of parentheses (which I often open but fail to close! :) (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: By all means, keep on dancing... ahaw9913 2009-07-31 04:27 am UTC (link)
	(which I often open but fail to close! :) Ha! That is just freaking funny!!!! (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: By all means, keep on dancing... suze_y 2009-07-31 11:08 am UTC (link)
	;D (Reply to this) (Parent)

	Re: By all means, keep on dancing... ahaw9913 2009-07-31 04:16 am UTC (link)
	I overuse just and because all the time, because nothing else works just like them! :D It is heckle the teacher night, right? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: By all means, keep on dancing... suze_y 2009-07-31 11:15 am UTC (link)
	And I like to start sentences with "And" :) (I like to sometimes split infinitives, too.) /end heckling the teacher > (Reply to this) (Parent)

Re: By all means, keep on dancing...

suze_y
2009-07-30 10:38 pm UTC (link)

I just can't stop hoping one of them will say something that clicks and that Justin won't leave.

Aww *hugs*

I'm pretty sure Justin was half-hoping much the same thing, which is why he didn't leave that night before Brian came home - before at least giving Brian a chance to come out of whatever hidey hole he's retreated into lately and come back to be with him. But Brian's not quite ready yet. For an otherwise brilliant man, he's sometimes surprisingly slow on the uptake, no? But we know he catches up eventually. He just needs time to process things. And then more time to act on them. *pets and adores Brian*

It's definitely one of the most painful scenes ever, and Brian and Justin are both so sad and beautiful and I ache for them both. But I cling to that notion that it's a necessary passage and they'll both come out of it stronger and better for it. If I didn't focus on that I'd have to go back to weeping and rocking in my dark S5 corner :)

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Re: By all means, keep on dancing...

ahaw9913
2009-07-31 04:25 am UTC (link)

It's definitely one of the most painful scenes ever

Odd, but I don't find it nearly as sad as ANY scene in 506. Yes, I hate that Justin leaves. Yes, I think it breaks Brian's heart that Justin's bags are already packed! Yes, I think that Justin was waiting to hear ANY thing that would give him a reason to stay. But, I think it would be a mistake for Justin to stay. If he did, things would only get worst, because there is still no reason for Brian to compromising and Justin still is not ready to put up with him not compromising. So, if Justin stayed and it got worst, maybe it would get so bad it would be irrepairable. That I could not handle!

Awww, you brought little S5 out to play, here let me hang a pork chop around his neck, so the dog will play with him!

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Re: By all means, keep on dancing...

suze_y
2009-07-31 12:19 pm UTC (link)

Odd, but I don't find it nearly as sad as ANY scene in 506.

Honestly, I haven't had time this week to watch the episodes carefully - I'm relying mostly on memory (I watched this arc a couple of weeks ago) and a bunch of stuff I wrote at the time, so I should go back to the original source and see how it feels to actually see them again. (Coping Mechanism #411 - retreat into the thinky part and override the crying part :)) I think I tend to see the events of 506 and 507 as if they're part of a single epi - from Justin looking rather grim and long-suffering as he pages through the catalog at Woody's, to trying to engage Brian in conversation at the loft, while Brian pointedly refuses to be engaged, and then his decision to leave. And all the while, Brian's own crisis is deepening.

It all makes me sad, but some parts seem easier to disengage from emotionally to an extent because I find their interactions really fascinating to watch. There's so much going on, so much at cross-purposes - anger, frustration, disappointment, all for different reasons. When Brian looks in the mirror at the end of 506, his eyes are so despairing - almost like he could cry. Why? Is he sad because he can't participate in this converation right now? Because he can't be here for Justin? Because he fears he's losing his self? Losing his friends? Losing Justin? He's so in crisis and just can't cope with it all - and as others have pointed out, right now he's left to cope (or not cope) alone, because his usual supports are unavailable. I seem to be able to make my brain spin around all that and not get pulled into the angst as much as I do in 507. There, Brian just looks so lost and confused and I want to hold him and tell him it'll be ok.

I agree - it wouldn't have got better had Justin stayed; they'd have destroyed each other and that would be truly tragic.

LOL - yeah, poor little S5. He's grown on me :D

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Re: By all means, keep on dancing...

ahaw9913
2009-07-31 04:14 am UTC (link)

I just can't stop hoping one of them will say something that clicks and that Justin won't leave. They never do, but I just do not want him to leave so much that I can't stop hoping he won't.

Do you ever read What If's. I have sometimes found comfort in those. Is there even one that addresses this scene? I wonder.

Cause although apparently I have mind-control vibes, Justin always leaves and Brian never buys those fucking roses!

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	Re: By all means, keep on dancing... suze_y 2009-07-31 12:23 pm UTC (link)
	Cause although apparently I have mind-control vibes, Justin always leaves and Brian never buys those fucking roses! LMAO! Work on that, won't you? Maybe next time ... :D (Reply to this) (Parent)

	Re: By all means, keep on dancing... ahaw9913 2009-07-31 04:10 am UTC (link)
	It makes me all teary that even though Justin is leaving him, he wants to know that he has some place safe to go, and he wants to know where that is so he knows Justin is okay! See, that's the Brian I LOVE so much! (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: By all means, keep on dancing...

suze_y
2009-07-31 04:42 pm UTC (link)

Yeah. But his asking and caring doesn't surprise me at all - he hasn't stopped loving and caring about Justin or anything - he's just too caught up in his own drama to show it. I sometimes wonder if Justin, wise young man that he is, nevertheless really can't comprehend Brian's fears and whatever else he's tackling right now. He doesn't have Brian on a pedestal anymore, but ... maybe in his mind Brian's still not someone he thinks could ever have the kinds of self-doubts and anxieties he's dealing with now, so he can't begin to sympathize or empathize with this ... Just another random wondering. (QAF is great for making me wonder :))

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