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Tweak says, "And btw, she sends her love."

michael corner is reluctantly growing up (mlcorner) wrote in pandorarpg,
@ 2011-12-26 22:12:00

Entry tags:

!status: complete, ^date: november 09 2003, character: lavender brown, character: michael corner

Characters: Lavender Brown & Michael Corner
Setting: Lavender's flat, 9 November 2003, 2:31pm
Rating: General Public
Summary: Catching Lavender up on the meeting & getting free baked goods.

Michael wasn't sure if he felt good about the meeting or not. They had discussed plenty of things and learned loads from all different sources, but there had been confrontation and not many had considered some of what he said to be realistic, which he had expected, but being the dutiful not-boyfriend that he was, he had still said it. He wanted to give Lavender a full account of what all had happened, but he had a feeling she wasn't going to like all of it. Hopefully he could put that part off for a while.

Michael knocked on her door rather than trying to enter through the roof, though at least he had been extended an invitation this time. So maybe that meant that he wouldn't be expecting anything to be thrown at him, not that he wouldn't put it past Lavender to turn the tables on him at any moment. He waited for her to open the door, holding a bouquet of lavender coloured flowers he had procured on the way over to Lavender's flat.

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lavishly
2012-01-04 01:35 am UTC (link)

Now she was sort of wishing that they weren't at the kitchen table her betta fish sort of between them. The sofa probably would have been better because just holding hands wasn't enough. "We both know that you don't have to apologize for Justin and that you kind of are stuck in the middle of it, but thank you." Her voice got progressive gentler as she reached the end of the sentence.

She was a swirl of emotions and through them all she wanted to be able to focus on something good. And Michael with the kisses, cake, and most importantly saying he supported her was that thing. Lavender wanted to cling onto him like some barnacle and never let go, even if that was just as scary in a whole different way. At least then the scariness came with a sense of belonging and also that she wasn't entirely losing her mind.

"What about the others? You said, Ernie told Justin not to react that way, how did everyone else take it?" She was sure there were other points to bring up, but at the moment that seemed like the most relevant one. Lavender didn't want to be blindsided by any of her friends attacking her - although she still would, because they were supposed to be her friends.

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mlcorner
2012-01-04 11:53 pm UTC (link)

She was right, of course. He was being a hypocrite now. He had already told Justin that he wasn't going to apologise for Lavender's behaviour yet here he was, apologising away for the way that Justin had been acting. Maybe he truly was in deeper than he'd ever been before. How'd this even happen? He didn't even think it was possible, yet here he was. "I know I don't. I just - I have trouble believing that he would ever act like this and I feel a bit - I don't know - ashamed of him, maybe? Ashamed of his behaviour at least. I've never once heard him talk to a friend in such a way so for him to turn on you like that so easily is just - it's just not right."

Michael watched her closely, eying her face and squeezed her hand before he said, "Honestly, no one else said a whole lot about it. I think because Justin was objecting so loudly for most everyone and Ernie was being so cool-headed and logical about it, no one else seemed to find the need to speak up. That might remain to be seen though, Lav. I can't say that no one else won't say anything to you about it - and it might not be nice either."

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lavishly
2012-01-05 02:04 am UTC (link)

"Great." As if this whole thing wasn't bad enough. She would get to know about that, but hopefully Justin would be the worst of it. Especially if he had been very vocal during the meeting. Unless that swayed other people toward his sort of non-reason and being more reckless than they had to. It wasn't just a Gryffindor trait after all. And she would just have to deal with it as it came.

"Okay, is there anything else I should know about?" Because there had to be something worthwhile from the meeting beside Justin being mean to her. And really, it was just far too frightening to consider that of all of her peers she was the one that knew the most about what was happening. She was Lavender Brown, she wasn't ever supposed to be in that position. She needed other people to tell her way to do and give her those important social cues, she couldn't be the ones setting them.

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mlcorner
2012-01-05 10:23 pm UTC (link)

"Oh yeah, there's plenty. Do you want the important stuff or the not really important but kind of entertaining stuff?" Michael smiled a little, trying to lighten the mood a bit. Yeah, this shite was heavy but it got a bit old always being so bloody serious all the time. And he was Michael Corner, well known for not being quite so serious when he probably should be. It's not like he didn't know how to be, just that he didn't want his life to be remembered as one giant, stiff one-note set of moments.

"Like the part where Ron punched Ernie in the face out of nowhere right in the middle of the meeting. He just stood up, walked over there all nonchalant like nothing was out of the ordinary and suddenly he was punching Ernie in the face. Ernie punched him back in the stomach too! And Ron looked completely shocked like he had no idea what he'd just done and then sort of just walked out of there dazed and Hermione ran after him. Merlin, it was kind of hilarious." Michael was grinning like a loon, even though this was obviously not important in the least bit and Lavender probably didn't care either.

"Yeah I know it's not important, but it was still pretty dramatic to say the least."

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lavishly
2012-01-06 12:01 am UTC (link)

Lavender shook her head. He found it funny, but all of this violence between them was just more a sign that tensions were high. And it was hard to take a break from it, because there was no end in sight. She wanted to share his amusement over the situation, but she just wasn't there.

"Was there anything productive, any breakthroughs about what's happening? What we can do? Should be doing?" She was still marked, so were the others and that meant they were going to die. And while she sort of fluctuating between accepting that outcome for herself, she needed to know that she was going everything she could to make stop it. Michael had promised that much before too, but it still wasn't his life on the line.

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mlcorner
2012-01-06 03:31 am UTC (link)

Michael nodded. "Er, where do I start? Did Luna tell you anything about our memory experiment? We didn't have many breakthroughs, but at least we figured out what can't be done?" he sort of asked instead of said, feeling a bit stupid. Luna had been the one with all the ideas, he had just been along for the ride really, but he tried his best.

"So Luna said that you and she had suspected that the nightmares might actually be prophecies or memories, but most likely memories - someone else's memories stuck in your heads. So first we tried to remove them like you would any other memory, but that proved impossible. Second we pulled out a normal memory and left it alone to see how it reacted to being in the open air - to see if it would try to seek out a vessel if we didn't put it in a container. But it didn't do that either, it just dissipated. Next we wanted to see if we could take one of Luna's memories and put them into my head, but that wouldn't work either." Michael recalled the experiment, remembering how many things they had tried that just resulted in nothing happening.

"So basically we have concluded that your nightmare-memories don't act like normal memories at all. But I'm not convinced that they aren't still memories. It seems like something's made them stick to you lot - and that something attracted them to you in the first place. So far that seems to be magic since it's only been wizards and witches who have been killed, yeah? I mean, we didn't really get any results, I suppose, but I guess there are some conclusions we can draw from the information at least."

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lavishly
2012-01-06 04:13 am UTC (link)

Lavender nodded listening to him explain what he and Luna had been working on. He probably could have lied to her and made up they other ventures, but she just needed to hear that she wasn't the only looking. Especially not when she might be getting written off for a notion.

"That's what I've been thinking about, is there some sort of uniting factor between all of us with the not-nightmares. And really the best I get is maybe we all have some sort of darkness already within us or you know just the possibility for it because I mean that's what these things are - dark." She wouldn't accept that it could just be random. It didn't feel random and it was reassuring that at least she wasn't alone on that front.

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mlcorner
2012-01-08 11:23 pm UTC (link)

Michael abandoned his cake altogether. He didn't really like what she was saying nor did he know where she might be going with it. With a heavy sigh and stood up and tugged on her hand trying to pull her into a standing position as well. "C'mere," he said and he led her over to the sofa where he sat down and pulled her down after him, into the circle of his arms.

"The uniting factor here is that you've all magic, not any sort of darkness inside of you. Yes, they are dark, but that has nothing to do with the lot of you being potentially full of darkness yourselves." Michael shook his head and lifted her chin so she was looking at him. "Don't talk like that, Lav. There's no darkness inside of you, alright?"

He wanted to move on to another topic, but he didn't want to abandon this idea until he knew she'd at least listen to him. There was something unfortunate in the way she said what she did and he hated hearing that sadness but ultimately that finality in her voice.

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lavishly
2012-01-12 04:59 am UTC (link)

She looked at him a moment, sort of taken at how differently he saw her against what she was, against what sort of thoughts went through her head. Lavender had told him once that she used to be a vegetarian, but that wasn't all that had changed. He might not have seen her as dark or that there was darkness inside of her, but she knew better. She dealt with it every day, that little thing sometimes just floating in the background of her awareness and sometimes coming to the front and center. Still she took what comfort he offered her.

"Michael, when I'm not having not-nightmares about Cornish pixies eating me alive, I'm having actual nightmares about Greyback finishing what he started, which sometimes I think might be better because then I would know what I am." Even as she started talking she wasn't sure where this would end or where they would be when she arrived there. "Because when it's not that, I have these thoughts, these urges that aren't right, that aren't me.

"I mean for like at least five days each month I am terrified that I am going to hurt someone and not just a stranger, but someone who actually cares about me." Lavender saw her self as a potentially dangerous person, not in an obvious sort of a way, but deadly for that very reason. It might not have been much of a way to live, but it was what she had.

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mlcorner
2012-01-12 06:43 am UTC (link)

Michael had his suspicions about what she thought of herself but he'd never really heard her say it outright. This was definitely the first time she'd said it so openly and while he hated that she felt such things, he was glad that she was comfortable enough with him that she could share them.

He still had his hand on her chin and the first thing he did was kiss her because it made the most sense to him. He wanted her to see that she was not dangerous, not now - now ever. Eventually he pulled away from her and said, "Lav, I know that being in between a werewolf and a human is something altogether different but that doesn't make being a werewolf or being dead by Greyback's hand better. You don't have to be labeled as something in particular just to be okay, y'know. As far as thoughts and urges go, Lav, that's part of being a wolf. I know it feels different for you but it's just how it is."

Michael touched the side of her face softly. "Lavender, you aren't going to hurt anyone. The very fact that you worry so much about it and refuse to come out on those nights and argue with me when I try to get you to do otherwise prove it. And even if you did come out, I don't believe you'd hurt anyone. It's not in you. It's not in here," he pointed to her chest, to the place where her heart resided.

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lavishly
2012-01-12 04:59 pm UTC (link)

She didn't tell people about these sort of things, but she wanted to tell Michael. Maybe to scare him away or maybe just because he deserved to know after how he continued to put up with her. Lavender wasn't sure if he actually knew or not, but considering that he could turn into a wolf, she imagined that he might have something of a better idea than most people. And of course there would always be a small pang of guilt for that, like she was responsible. Although if she was, then there wasn't much she could do to mark him further.

"I never want to hurt anyone," she said softly. Lavender had never wanted to hurt anyone, well, really hurt anyone. It was rooted deeply in who she was, which was probably why that it was difficult - the possibility of something else, even just those urges which he claimed was normal. Nothing about her was normal, not even this weird thing she was entangled in with Michael. However, unless the rest of her life, she didn't exactly mind the abnormality here. With him, there was a comfort there.

"And if I can't be normal, or get to have what I wanted when I was younger, then I'll work to have the knowledge that whatever I might be I will do anything I can to make sure that people aren't seriously hurt because of me."

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mlcorner
2012-01-13 01:28 am UTC (link)

Michael nodded in response to what she said. "I know, love." He just wondered if she really knew that she hadn't ever hurt anyone, least of all him. "And you haven't hurt anyone," he decided to add, just in case.

"Lavender, you aren't doing anything to seriously hurt anyone. Why do you think you would? You take plenty of precautions as it is, there's not much more you could do to make yourself any more safe." He considered something else she had said and added, "What did you mean by not getting to have what you wanted when you were younger?"

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lavishly
2012-01-13 01:58 am UTC (link)

And she would keep taking all of those precautions for the rest of her life to make sure that remained true. Sure, to the average person it might make her a little paranoid or even crazy, but it was about being able to feel safe. And to get the feeling, fleeting as it had been since the not-nightmares started, she had to go to extremes. Lavender leaned into him, finding a comfortable spot.

"It doesn't matter," she shaking her head. And it didn't because there were dreams she had to let die because her reality was different now. "I mean people grow up, what they want changes, for me it wasn't exactly growing up, but things changed and you make do with what you have." She could feel a tightness in her chest as she spoke because it hurt. It always hurt to think about what could have been. Her gaze drifted away from his because this was somehow more personal. It was one thing to say she wanted to eat the people she loved, it was another to confess to the boy you were kissing and in this weird nebulous place with that you had planned seven different weddings. Or that she had always pictured herself with children, one boy and one girl, some day and now she was trying to make it be okay with dreams of a fairy cake business and never actually eating someone.

Lavender might have opened up a little, but she wasn't sure that she was ready, or ever would be ready, to let it all come out. Besides today was supposed to be a break from all that. "Can we just talk about something else? Or even you know not talk." After the words had been said she realized that he might take them differently than she intended, but maybe that was were things landed today and she was going to try to let that be okay.

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mlcorner
2012-01-13 06:58 am UTC (link)

Michael wanted to push her, to get that information but he knew better. He was learned when to push and when to let things go when it came to Lavender Brown and hopefully this was what would save him his sanity in the future. Assuming that he planned to do this for a while, which was not something he generally did - plan these types of things. Thinking like this was making him a bit uncomfortable now. He shifted on the sofa, trying to figure out how that thought had crossed his mind.

He nodded. "Yeah okay," he said, but he didn't have anything else to talk about. Well, there was still some more to say about the DA meeting, but most of what the discussed was general theories. Michael looked over at her, unsure as to what she may have actually meant by that. He never really knew when Lavender was okay with certain things and while he would still kiss her every now and again, he never really tried to just snog her senseless anymore like he used to because he was afraid of being hexed or getting an entire bookcase full of books thrown at him. So even if he leaned down and kissed her again now, he did not plan on making it anything extensive because he worried about how she would react if he did. He knew what happened four years ago and he wasn't going to let it happen again - he wasn't that same stupid bloke anymore.

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lavishly
2012-01-13 02:43 pm UTC (link)

Lavender shifted again, so she was looking at him. She wanted to push back that feeling in her stomach and replace it with something better. Years ago, it would have been easy to do this, fall into some boy and get lost in the kissing. It wasn't exactly easy, but it wasn't entirely forgotten or lost. So, she leaned up to kiss him, doing more than just those simple kisses they had exchanged already, pushing it just a hair more.

She had been good at this once. Sure in just how to move and what to do. There was hesitancy now in those motions, a strange carefulness, but she wanted this. Lavender wanted to be kissing him and that in itself was a dangerous thought. But rather than linger on that and all of the other dangerous things looming around her, she decided to worry about kissing him. It probably wouldn't be anything close to any sort of being snogged senseless, but it was a place to start.

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