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Tweak says, "Boing!"

Savannah Monroe (savannah_monroe) wrote in omega_reality,
@ 2013-03-30 12:27:00

Entry tags:

*complete, 2013 03, character: marty deeks, character: savannah monroe

RP: Savannah and Marty
Who: Savannah and Marty
Where: their room
When: Saturday, March 30, 2013
Summary: Savannah and Marty tried talking again

Saturday was becoming as routine as every other day. Grocery shopping, putting things away, lunch. Being March, there was a little different. After lunch, Savannah had the twins on the bed, playing for a little while she got everything ready to go over Robert's for the games. The dogs weren't too far either. Harley sat by the bed, almost like guarding the twins, and Nova never left Savannah's side.

Savannah was putting toys in a bag, things that wouldn't be necessary enough to go in their bug out bag, but that made her life so much easier when visiting their family. She was almost done when Marty closed the door of their bedroom. She could 'hear' the 'we need to talk' in his expressing. "What's wrong?"

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savannah_monroe
2013-03-31 03:50 am UTC (link)

"I don't know what you're trying to fix, because I don't know what 'this' is, Marty," she answered. "This started with a pretty simple conversation: can I teach sniper classes? It wasn't some trick question, but a simple question to the man in charge, and it spiraled into... I don't even know. Everything I said that night was twisted and turned against me, making me wonder why the heck you're still with me when it didn't sound like you liked anything I said or did."

Savannah sighed. "You're sorry for what, Marty? Forget all the things I think are wrong with... pretty much everything right now. Why are you apologizing? What part didn't you mean? That we should be understanding because their cushy life hasn't prepared them for this? That they were right leaving because they were fighting with their parents? That Jenna was wrong for not trusting him? That I should be nice and understanding, because you like them? Which part didn't you mean? Because it sounded like you meant everything you said."

She shook her head. "I still don't know what's going on with you. You blamed me for not being myself, you told me that I must be not doing well without G and that I might be overreacting because I miss them. Maybe all of that it's true, but I wasn't the one bringing those problems into this house. I was going to see a woman I don't particularly like or trust on a weekly basis, even after I felt she insulted me. I just said that the woman was exhausting and you couldn't let it go. I never even said anything about your team until that night. I'm the one that invited them to dinner even though I didn't like them even before that dinner. I did more than I was supposed to do for you, but it wasn't enough. You still had to push. I don't know why it's so important for you that I'm friends with those people. I don't know why you need to talk to me. I don't know why you can't talk to me even though you need to talk to me. You can't tell me why you trust Douglas so much. You can't tell me pretty much anything. Except I've made it very easy for you. I'm not discussing anything that doesn't deal with work, the house or the kids. You say I'm off the team and I said fine. I'm not arguing with you; I'm not bargaining with you. I'm following orders, even though I'm supposed to see that witch if I ever want to go back to work, because as you told me, I'd never have to see a doctor I don't trust. You do remember that little discussion, right? But did I complain? No, I'm going to see her when I'm ready to be reinstated. So if you want to talk to me, then talk. You don't want to talk, don't talk, but I'm tired of guessing, which is why we're having different conversations. You say things, but the reasoning behind those things make no sense, so I'm left wondering what's the motivation, and you've proven that I know just about everyone on this team better than I know my husband, because I can't get it right. So I've stopped guessing. When you're ready to tell me what's going on, then you can tell me."

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deeks_marty
2013-03-31 05:55 am UTC (link)

Marty let his head fall back and closed his eyes. "That, Savannah. That is what I'm apologizing for, what I've been trying to explain is the last thing I meant by anything I said. It's not that I disapproved of anything you'd done or said or anything. I was trying to understand how you could see them so differently, that was all. I work with Douglas and Thomas every day. I've talked to the doctor on a handful of occasions. And I've never felt any reason to dislike them as strongly as you do. I'm sorry, but I haven't. And I've rarely seen you dislike someone that strongly. I was trying to understand why. That was all.

"I wasn't saying you had to like them. Or talk to them. I may think you should give them a chance because I think you'd be surprised to find out they aren't as bad as you think. But, I wasn't trying to tell you that you had to do it. Do I try to be understanding of the different challenges they face as a result of their life? Yes. I try to be understanding of and to understand most people. Do I think leaving was the best thing for them and for everyone involved? Yes, I do. Not because they were fighting with their parents, but because that entire family dynamic would have put us all at risk, especially on that base, and their leaving changed the dynamic. Do I think Jenna was wrong not to trust Douglas? No, because I never said that. I said she was wrong to give up on him after almost no attempt at trying to connect with him and for expecting that he'd trust her after less than two weeks working together. Do I like them? Yes, well enough. But, I didn't say you have to be nice and understanding. Again, I was concerned because you usually are and it seemed strange to me that you weren't. I was just trying to find out what they had done to make you think differently because I couldn't see it."

He was treading on thin ice, he knew. Chances were all his efforts at explaining this time were just likely to result in another round of you don't love me and of course I'm wrong. It seemed to be the general refrain, but he kept trying anyway. "I wasn't blaming you and if it sounded that way, I'm sorry. It wasn't my intent. Yes, I suggested that perhaps your reaction to them was because you miss G. But, it was a question, a suggestion. It was, again, me trying to get to the bottom of why we see things so differently, especially when you started the conversation by saying you liked the doctor and then ten minutes later you hated her as much as them. I was confused and trying to see why, trying to understand, because I can see so many things they have in common with various other people here, people you like. So, it didn't make sense and I was trying to figure out why. I asked questions, I made suggestions. I apparently worded them very badly because nothing of my intentions seems to have come through. But, that's honestly all I was trying to do. There's nothing there to guess, no hidden agenda, no secret purpose. I was trying to understand and, I don't know, my brain and my mouth were on as good of speaking terms as we have been I guess. The words I said didn't translate into what I meant to do. I wasn't trying to attack you or make you change your mind or make you be friends."

Sighing, he shook his head. "There's no motivation to guess, Savannah. I'm not G who hides behind words as easily as other people do walls. I keep trying to tell you my reasoning. And maybe the reasoning makes no sense. But that's all there is to it. There's nothing other than what I said: I was trying to understand. I didn't make that clear enough. I get it. I might have tried too hard because I need some sort of balance in all this. But, the only point to everything I said that first night is just that. I was trying to understand. The rest? I don't know what to tell you. If I knew what was going on in my head, I wouldn't be having this problem, Savannah. I'm messed up and I'm torn because you're the one person I've always been able to talk to and I can't talk about this. I can't...wrap my own head around how not me I feel, let alone explain it, even if it wasn't classified. It's not who I am or who I want to be, who I want you or the kids to know. Can't you understand that at all?"

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savannah_monroe
2013-03-31 02:50 pm UTC (link)

"Okay, let me explain this in very simple terms and maybe we can move past this, because they really don't merit this much attention. Do you remember the Morrows?" she asked, trying another way to explain this. "I didn't like you. You never tried to understand why, you never worried that something was wrong with me because I didn't like them. These people remind me of the Morrows. They talk to you like they know more, cold, calculating, ready to stab you in the back if it benefits them. They have more class and the words they use have a lot more syllables, but the feeling I get from them is the same, like they think they are on top of the world and everyone is beneath them."

Savannah was going to do this once more and maybe they could be done, but she'd have to explain in depth. "Now, let's take them one by one. The dear Doctor is probably the worse of them. She's a doctor, she's supposed to help, but she relishes the idea that she's smarter. A doctor is supposed to make her patients understand. She does none of that. She talks like she's reading out of a textbook. Now, before you tell me that I'm reading too much into this, she straight out told me that she had lower class friends who knew to ask her questions. So yes, I get really insulted when you compare my religion to her science, because no one stops her from talking like a normal person. She gets ridiculed, because people don't like someone who uses science to feel superior. Now, maybe if I hadn't gone home after every visit googling half of the stuff she was saying, I wouldn't have reacted like that at dinner, but even I reach my limit of ignoring people. She's also the reason I argued with G. I was also brought up that if you don't have something nice, you don't say anything. So I like her, because 'like' is innocuous enough that could mean anything and it's certainly more Christian than 'I hate that arrogant, annoying witch', but I like stops being I like when I'm being pushed to accept that she's nice. She's not. Now, let me tell you something else. Her research is going to tell her that I'm not supposed to go back to work for six weeks. We both know that I was ready after a week, and we played around for time with G. I'm not waiting six weeks and I don't trust her enough to tell her. If she doesn't clear me after checking my abs, because of research, then I can bring this up with Vance, because I really really have problems with everything he's been doing since we lost our four leads, and I'll tell him exactly what I think. Or I can tell her, she clears me and then you wipe out her memory. I don't care which one, but I'm not waiting and I'm not telling her." She was not going to let Vance or Maura stop her from finding G and the rest.

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savannah_monroe
2013-03-31 02:50 pm UTC (link)

"Let's move onto the twins. They are much less annoying, because I don't deal with them enough, but the few times that I've spoken with them, they have been condescending and superior. They made it clear that I'm not up to their standards, but you know what they don't understand? They aren't up to my standards, and whatever reason they had to leave, I don't have time for understanding. We don't have time for understanding. And I don't trust them not to stab all of us in the back if they think it benefits them. They really remind me of Clay that way and by 'they' I mean the entire family. I might like Elaine and Bud, but I have no illusion that they are any better than their kids." Margaret was different, but Savannah knew that she'd side with her family, just like she was supposed to and Savannah wouldn't expect any differently. "So I'm not nice, just like I wasn't nice with the Morrows, because they don't want to be part of the team, and if they don't want to, then they aren't part of my team and I have to give them zero chances. In fact, considering that we need to go after G and the rest, I'd prefer it if they left. We might lose Travis, but we also get rid of six people who are dead weight and whom I don't trust, because, Marty, I'm nice, but I'm not nice when someone comes between me and the good of my family. I killed innocent people for that reason. If I'm made peace with that, I'm pretty okay with wishing them gone, if it means a better team that has a better chance to find G. Actually no, that's not even true. I don't mind people who are incompetent if they try to be part of the group; they don't, and if they aren't part of the team, then they are just as much part of the problem as those soldiers. And don't tell me we- I don't say these things, because the Morrows, Abby, Eliot, there are plenty of times when I or others have said the same thing."

She stopped and looked at her husband. "Does that explain why I don't like them? I hope it does, because if I still don't know what the rest means. Are you upset because of the job? I mean I'm sure you have made mistakes, but then so did G and Derek, and as you said, they had each other and Peter. It took them months to get their act together and there was three of them and a federal structure. No matter what you've done it can't be that bad. You're upset about Vance? I can understand that considering all the screwed up things he's done, and maybe you can learn to tell him 'no' once in a while. Will it work? I don't know. I'm pretty sure if it worked all the times, we'd never have gone to Disney, but opposing him once in a while might make you feel better with your conscience, because if he makes a decision and people get hurt, you will still feel responsible if you don't raise objections." Savannah got off the bed and kneeled in front of him. "I'm guessing here, Marty, because I can't imagine you having done anything that would make me not like the person you are. I might get angry, but I've always known that you're a good person. Except for shopping trips and retrievals, you've gone to one mission. What can you have done?" She knew that she wasn't going to get an answer and sighed. "Look, put it this way. You're the one who told me that killing innocent people at the base was justified. If killing men whose only crime was to follow orders was right, then nothing you've done can be as bad."

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deeks_marty
2013-03-31 04:02 pm UTC (link)

Marty wanted to bang his head against the wall. He was tired of constantly going over the arguments for or against liking them, when that was no longer the point. "I wasn't asking you to explain now. But, this is part of the problem I've been having. I try to explain my intent and you continue the original argument, when that doesn't matter to me. You don't like them, fine. As long as it doesn't affect work in the field, you don't have to do anything. What I care about is whether you finally get that I wasn't trying to say you were wrong, I wasn't trying to twist your words to use against you, I wasn't trying to push you into anything, and I don't have a thing for the damned doctor. That is the problem, not whether or not you like them. Okay? Can we put that to rest and agree to disagree so we can focus on the bigger problem?"

Sighing, he shook his head and reached up to brush her cheek with his knuckles. "I love you, Savannah. I love your sweetness and that core of steel underneath and the innocence you've managed to hold onto despite the things you've seen and done. I don't want you to be able to imagine what I could have done. I don't want you to know what worse I could have done. It's not...it's not about Vance and if it was about him doing something that could get someone hurt, then you know I'd speak up -- at least I hope you do. I'm not sure what it says that you think I'm just a doormat to him, never giving an opinion."

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