InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "That's how it goes. Maybe."

meticulous_soul (meticulous_soul) wrote in mirage_rpg,
@ 2009-02-08 19:40:00

Current music:	Casey Chambers- "Rattlin' Bones"
Entry tags:	complete, day 31, l lawliet, laura moon

I Left My Home, I Left My Love, I Left My Faith Back There.
[Who]: L and Laura
[When]: Day 31, Afternoon
[What]: L isn't bored, but wants to hang out with Laura anyway. She's that cool~
[Rating]: PG for now, for likely deep thoughts.
[Status]: Technically open, though they'll likely be forced!polite to anyone else who shows up, lol

It puzzled L, that Laura might possibly believe that he wouldn't want to spend time with her unless he had absolutely nothing else to do. She certainly wasn't easy on herself, when it came to the appeal she held for others. He could understand, when he thought about it as others might... but it was a forced way of thinking, for the secretive detective. He was the type of man who named spiders but left others hanging without even an approved fake moniker for himself. Except for Laura, of course. Laura was different. She knew to call him by his professional codename. It was closer than he allowed most people to get. And, yes, he considered Laura a "person."

The commons area was a well-furnishes, quiet room with a fireplace, though with agreeable weather like they had been having, it was not in use. Perching on an armchair, L organized his thoughts (as was his custom before a planned conversation), craning his neck and watching for Laura.

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spitandviolets
2009-02-17 09:30 pm UTC (link)

Laura was in her dark place, a place much darker than that which many considered theirs. Her darkness was the pitch black of the underworld, a realm that she would probably never see again. Her eyes looked through the world, saw its pitch black underbelly, the place that remained once the sun had swallowed everything. That, she assumed, would be her own death. The coin, after all, couldn't survive the apocalypse, nor could gods. His voice reached her like an echo. She had completely shut down and was brooding. Her mind was a whirling vortex of confusion. She was not human. She could not feel anything anymore. Logic, fact, truth, these were the things in which the dead were interested. Yet here she was, her core a swirl of emotion that she was wholly unable to control. It was frustrating, it was baffling, it was disturbing. Why? Why did she care so much? Why had she sworn an oath to a human being? She'd only given promises like that to Shadow, and they hadn't truly been verbal. She didn't feel, yet she felt this with every fiber of her being.

Looking up at him very slowly through the curtain of her dark, chestnut colored hair, Laura gripped at the arms of her chair. Her eyes stared at him, locked on him. He was afraid of her. She had seen him flinch. Yes, good then. Let him fear her. It was normal. It was human. She was anti-life, undeath, a state which negated life and light completely. She was a destructive force, an unstoppable one woman army.

"Yes," was her reply, and it came out quietly though dull and flat. That voice. She hated that voice. There was so much inside of her, yet he would never know a shadow of it.

She was wholly unable to look at him, thoroughly ashamed for herself. What was she doing? What was she thinking? She wasn't, maybe that was the problem. If she wasn't thinking, then, what was she doing? Feeling? It seemed, though, that it was only intense emotions that got through. Anger was one. Anger was the big one. Emptiness, the sense of the void, was also there. What, then, was this? How did she feel about him? Protective wasn't a strong emotion. It wasn't even an emotion that most humans bothered with. She could not experience the whole range of human emotion. Her hands nervously slid up and down her arms, rubbing some warmth into them, though she knew it wouldn't work. Friction wasn't human flesh.

"Chocolate with chocolate," she echoed, nodding slowly. Push it down, she thought, push it away. Not now. You have plans now. He's your friend now. There's no danger now. He's not likely to ever need your protection. Something in the back of her mind, though, echoed, playing devil's advocate. But what when he does? it said. What will you do when he needs your protection? Will you stalk him? Follow him? Breathe down his neck? Live in his room? You are dead, but you are not invisible. No matter how many shadows you hide in, you will be too far away. Just like your husband, he will die. A small smile spread across her face. It did not look even half hearted like her usual ones. The dead really didn't have time for lying. "I'm excited to make that cake," she said. "It will be fun and challenging for me. Far more fun than group activities."

So Laura had a purpose. Her existence once again had reason. As she had been to Shadow, no, even more, she was to be bodyguard. She was to be both protector and companion. Still, that purpose did not bring clarity.

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meticulous_soul
2009-02-20 01:47 pm UTC (link)

The oath was as strange to L as it was to Laura. As she had never sworn an oath to someone this way, he had never been the subject of such an oath, and it was not something he had any sort of experience with. The closest, perhaps, had been Watari's protection... but there had been ulterior motives there, and a reason for the old man to guard him. L was a national treasure because of his brain, and it made sense that someone would look after him and prioritize his safety in that way. But why Laura? Why was she sincerely giving him a promise that implied that he meant something to her past what his mind could do?

It was one of the most purely human things L had ever seen, and despite Laura's nature and insistence to the contrary, he recognized it and resolved to treat it reverently. "Thank you," he responded, a soft response to her dull "yes." The Golem returned and began to sweep up the scattered shards of broken glass, placing another (plastic) cup of water in front of Laura seamlessly.

Aware that Laura was now avoiding his eyes, for a change, L wondered if it was possible that he had done something wrong. He was relieved when she brought up their baking plans again; she seemed to cheer up with that topic, though L couldn't be quite sure. He was terrible at understanding the subtleties of emotion, and Laura was better than most at bewildering him. "It will be fun," he agreed readily, holding a bit of apple delicately. "We can help each other, yes? I'll take care of the oven and the cutting, if there is anything like that to be done, so that you do not cause unrepairable damage." In L's mind, it made perfect sense; if he was cut or burned, he'd feel it, of course, but that was a defense as well, wasn't it? And even if he wasn't able to draw back in time, he would heal. Laura wouldn't.

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spitandviolets
2009-02-21 11:41 am UTC (link)

If L wanted, or came across, the simple answer, it was that Laura cared about him. It was that easy. She had no vested interest in what he did, and his mind humbled her and impressed her, but there wasn't much that it could do for her. He should be using the power of his thoughts to help his fellow living people. There was nothing that she really needed help with. She didn't know that he was intelligent enough to be considered a national treasure, and she didn't know that people wanted to use him. How could they? He was too kind, too gentle, for someone to do something that cruel. So, yes, he meant something past his mind, far past his mind, to Laura. He was her charge, her lamb, her flock, and it was her job to keep the wolves away. She would give her life for it.

"You don't need to thank me for something that I gladly and freely give. It's not a gift or anything, and I'm sure that it's highly possible that you'll get sick of me hovering over you. Still, just let me know when that day comes, and I will continue to fulfill my promise. Until that day when I can no longer move, for one reason or another, I will be guarding you. Fortunately, I think my job is a lot easier here than it is on Earth."

The plastic cup was almost an insult, but she had experienced too much to get angry. The rage inside of her, that someone could want to hurt him of all people, was still burning like a coal in the pit of her stomach. She sipped at the water, delicately holding the glass this time. The Golem had subconsciously scolded her like a naughty child by denying her a glass. It felt like the times when Shadow had told her to stop drinking at a party, or when Robbie told her to stop drinking once Shadow had gone to jail.

Resting her chin in her palm, she smiled lopsidedly at him, giving a little shrug. "Help each other, huh? Well, I can get behind that, even though I wanted to be the hero of the day and wow you with my cake. It will probably turn out better since you have taste buds. I'll even let you lick the spoon. But irreparable damage isn't that bad. What's a missing finger or two? I'd have another eight. Hopefully it wouldn't be the thumb, though. That would be inconvenient. I could always just stitch it back on. It'll be better if we can work together, though." Huh. He really had a unique way of eating, didn't he? Everything looked like it was made of glass or spun sugar the way he held it. "It will make the work go faster, and the faster we bake the cake, the sooner you get to eat it."

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meticulous_soul
2009-02-21 05:26 pm UTC (link)

"I'm used to being watched," L said, tugging a strand of his hair. "It does not bother me. On the contrary, it makes me feel safer." he shivered slightly. His memories of childhood were so fractured, and disjointed, and sketchy... but he seemed to recall that bad things could happen to people when they were alone, especially to children... and he was so like a child, even now. "But... no one has ever given me a promise like that before. I wish I knew how to appreciate it fully," he said wistfully. Didn't it bother Laura, that she was devoting most of her time to his well being? How was it possible that she was doing something so altruistic for him without any expectation of something in return? It wasn't consistent with humanity's tendencies... and so that was point one for Laura's theory of inhumanity.

"The hero of the day?" L asked, biting his lip to keep from smiling too much. The image was humorous... something like Laura with a broadsword and shield, some sort of undead warrior valkyrie, holding aloft a cake. He chose not to critically correct her exaggeration, since he did want cake and didn't mind considering it a little more heroic than it actually was to bake one. "Faster, yes... but I would still rather that there was no irrepairable damage," he insisted. "A missing finger would be terrible... take it from a violinist. There is nothing worse, than the prospect of a missing finger. It is almost worse than a missing arm."

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spitandviolets
2009-02-22 03:53 pm UTC (link)

"Used to being watched?" Laura liked to echo things that she didn't exactly understand. "I cannot imagine such a thing. No one watched or looked after me for very much of my life. I was always a fiercely independent creature, or I pretended to be. Perhaps that still remains in me. Perhaps that is the drive that makes me keep going." Though I am impossibly codependent at this point. I need others to give my existence meaning. Laura would have gladly traded her memories for his fragmented ones. Childhood wasn't her favorite thing to think about. She preferred to think of herself like Aphrodite sprouting fully grown from the sea foam. Then again, there was no sea in Indiana, so that would prove a little difficult. "As long as it makes you feel safe, though, and not boxed in, you can count on me to keep an eye on you."

It hadn't occurred to her to ask for something in return for all of the time devoted to him. She was content to just not be alone. She was cold, yes, but at least she wasn't cold and alone. She was not sleeping in forests and avoiding the light that human beings gave off, trying her best not to frighten them. He enabled her to be seen, to be somebody. That was enough. It was the least selfless thing she could do, as she felt that she no longer had a sense of self.

Head canting slightly, she shrugged. "Well, the fact that you appreciate it at all is enough. Don't worry about being adequate. Don't worry about anything. How about we forget I made it, if it's a problem, and we just pretend that we're normal? That way you won't think about me watching you when you sleep or standing on your balcony when we're not together." She smirked. Hopefully he'd find it a joke, but she was serious. Every moment that she wasn't with him, she would probably be in some shadow near him. Who knew when danger could strike?

"I'll leave it to the violinist," Laura mused, sliding her hand through her hair. "I don't have any musical talent aside from karaoke, and I think I'm probably not even good at that anymore. I haven't used my vocal chords in that way in a while, so they probably don't stretch that much. I've agreed to let you do the cutting, though you have to promise me that you'll be careful. I don't want you doing damage to yourself on my account. I can take a licking. Your body isn't so great at sucking damage. I'm thinking that we could decorate the top of the cake with some sliced strawberries. Strawberries and chocolate usually taste pretty good together, if I remember correctly. Unless you'd prefer cherries?" Cooking seemed so mundane, so ordinary, that she almost forgot that she was dead for a moment. It was something she genuinely liked. Maybe she'd take it up in the wee hours of the morning. Greeting L with sweet treats for breakfast would be the least that she could do if she was going to be watching him at all times. He wouldn't even have to see her; she could hit and run, leaving it sitting outside of his door on a tray. That sounded like a plan.

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meticulous_soul
2009-02-24 07:50 pm UTC (link)

"No... never 'boxed in,'" L said, as if the concept was foreign to him. "I can't imagine not being watched, even if I feel like I am in an aquarium sometimes. I suppose that it is good to know... that if a fish is chased or starts to turn over so its back is to the stones, someone will see it."

L, being of a staggeringly literal mindset, did take Laura's comment seriously, but didn't seem fazed by it. It was an extension of being watched, which he was used to... though he did wonder a bit about the "standing on the balcony" bit. He was impressed by her dedication, anyway. "We don't need to forget anything," he said, mimicking the head-canting, since he rather liked the gesture. It seemed to say, "I am trying to see things from your perspective. I am open-minded, tell me more," and he often wanted Laura to know that he was thinking that without going through the trouble of voicing it out loud. "We can pretend we're normal, though," he said meaningfully. It was appealing to him, that particular concept. He, like Laura, had spent a lot of time in the dark lately.

He watched curiously as she touched her hair, not copying the motion, but definitely fighting the urge to. "I can't sing... maybe you still can," he suggested. "You should try, maybe... and yes, I will be careful, of course. I'm clumsy, but I know enough not to cut myself." he perked up noticeably when Laura mentioned the options for decorating the cake. "I like cherries, best... they are my favorite thing to eat, even though it is hard to choose. But I like many things," he added reassuringly. "I am not terribly picky, when it comes to this type of food. I like sweet things." he licked his fingertip, since a bit of whipped cream had been messier than he'd calculated.

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spitandviolets
2009-03-01 04:11 pm UTC (link)

"Normal. That would be good. I'm not sure I'd know how to start being normal, though. It's been so long. I mean, what is normal, anyway? It's defined by other people who aren't normal, really. They're just as strange as the rest of us in their own ways. I will do my best, however. I won't make any references to being dead or anything for as long as possible." She chuckled softly, winking at him. This would be a fun challenge. L made her feel more normal, more alive, so it wouldn't be that hard. Just be friends. That was the beauty of it.

"I'm supposed to be protecting you and making sure you don't get hurt. In the interest of that mission, I think it better that I not sing in your presence. Maybe in the privacy of my own room, when nobody's listening, but not in front of you. That would be painful and embarrassing for me. But I am convinced that you could sing if you tried. It's not very hard. It's talking in rhythm. Maybe we'll go someday. You can bring some people you'd like to see make fools of themselves. It'll be a grand time."

Cherries? He liked cherries best. She filed that away in her mental bank. It would be useful in the future when she wanted to surprise him. "We can do cherries," she agreed. "They'll look nice on chocolate frosting, I think. And they'll add a bit of extra flavor." He also wasn't picky. That was useful. It helped to pay attention to him. He was hard to read, so she had to pick up clues where she could.

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