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Tweak says, ""The stupid - it burns!""

🌸 Miracle Country Mods 🌸 (miraclemods) wrote in miraclecountry,
@ 2018-08-28 15:02:00

Entry tags:

! event, ; blackout event, ; flood event, ; secrets in the dark event, akiho shinomoto, chise hatori, chloe decker, chloe price, ciel phantomhive, cisco ramon, eliot waugh, harrison 'harry' wells, kady orloff-diaz, keith (voltron), lucifer morningstar, maxine 'max' caulfield, quentin coldwater, sakura kinomoto, sebastian michaelis, takashi 'shiro' shirogane, william 'penny' adiyodi, yuna d. kaito

open 🌸 all week
[It’s been days since there’s been any sign of the creatures that attacked, days since the rain stopped. And you can tell that the water is receding. It drains away until it’s easy enough to come down from the trees. Once you leave the treehouses, they seem to be swallowed up into the forest, as if they were never there at all.

Night falls and it’s almost peaceful, almost a sigh of relief— the end is in sight, isn’t it?

The water drains away and you might even be able to return to your homes— although waterlogged and water-damaged. Once morning comes, it should be fine. You’ll be able to rest. You’ll be able to take care of those still recovering from the attacks.

Except, the sun doesn’t come back again.

At first, perhaps you can tell yourself it’s a long night only because you’re waiting for it to end. Perhaps you wake up in the morning and assume it’s still the middle of the night because of the darkness. But the hours tick away and still the sun does not rise. And slowly, all other sources of light go out. The fire you’ve built to keep warm still burns, but produces no light. Fire magic illuminates for a brief time until it, too, starts to fade. Any new sources of light you try to create, even large ones, glow very faintly, dimly. Like they're struggling to stay there at all. And there’s no moon in the sky. Slowly, even the stars blink away.

You are not completely without light, of course. Miracle Country doesn’t expect you all to stumble into the dark never to be found again.

The light is unpredictable but illuminates the spaces around it. They’re made up of phrases and words— across walls, on the tree trunks, across the ground, anywhere you look. They glow brighter than fire, shining for a while before slowly fading.

They’re confessions. Yours, perhaps, or someone near you. Or maybe not related to you at all—and opportunity for misunderstanding. But they seem to follow you, guide you, goad you or comfort you. Perhaps they’re words you’ve never said aloud before, words you wanted to tell someone, something you’ve been swallowing down and know you have to say it. Perhaps the magic here is trying to help you. Perhaps the magic here is trying to taunt you.

Regardless, the words can’t be made to disappear and they can’t be predicted. But they’re what keep you all from being plunged into the darkness.

Can you find your way home again? The endless darkness will remain for several days, so make the best of this— who knows what might be lurking in the dark?]

🌸

[Secrets in the Dark event starts; go here for a list of secrets (or make up your own as you go, of course) or for any questions/concerns.]

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yieldsfocus
2018-09-03 04:51 am UTC (link)

Keith.

[He says his name quietly, weakly, not quite a protest but something more like an admission, and acknowledgement. He's shivering a little, feeling overwhelmed just from this-- he's never liked to make himself vulnerable, to be weak, even if it's easier with Keith. Still. It's a lot. And the guilt still coils in his chest, despite himself. He hugs Keith back, his touch gentle even as he shifts a little to hold him up, mindful even now of his leg, of not wanting to hurt him.]

[He doesn't know what to say to that, how to protest against it-- knows, of course, that he'll never convince Keith anyway. He clings to him a little, ducks his head and presses his face gently into his hair, trying to steady his breathing.]

[Behind him, the words glow painfully bright and, slowly, new words form just below it, glowing fainter but no less readable. I'm not worth saving and directly below it: I want to believe you even though I know you're wrong.]

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finds
2018-09-03 05:23 am UTC (link)

[He sees those words and it honestly feels like something inside him slips out of place and shatters a little, a shudder down his spine and in his breath - before persistence settles back over him doubly so.]

I'm not wrong. [His tone is softer but no less sure. You can't see what the words say but he's sure what they reflect enough to say it aloud to Shiro directly. Fuck.] I'm not wrong, and even if you'd never had to say it to me like this, I'd still think it every time.

Without you... there'd be nothing, Shiro. [For the universe, for Earth, for -- Keith. He realizes that's the part he feels the most strongly, and it's no surprise really.]

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yieldsfocus
2018-09-03 05:34 am UTC (link)

[It's true that he was thinking it as the words were forming for Keith to read-- and so he shivers again when Keith responds to his thoughts.]

[The last part, though-- those words threaten to completely undo him. Something coils up tight in his chest and his breath hitches. He draws away from hugging Keith to look at him, expression fragile and disbelieving.]

Keith-- [You can't think like that, is his first thought-- the thought that Keith could feel that way leaves him feeling completely wrecked. He grips his shoulders tight, as if he's going to protest further-- but he can't quite manage it.]

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finds
2018-09-03 05:55 am UTC (link)

[He's pretty sure he's holding him just as tightly even when Shiro pulls away and their eyes meet, hands on his shoulders so tight that it must hurt. They're both shaken and he knows these intense words can't be much better for them than what's written against the shadows everywhere. Even still, he can't not say it.

Hearing his own name, the way Shiro sounds saying it, and the argument that seems to trail behind it even if he doesn't speak those words... Keith stutters out an equally pained, weak breath. What did you expect? He meets Shiro's eyes stubbornly even though he knows both of their expressions must be wavering and splintered right now.]

Shiro. [Keith said what he said. He's not taking it back.]

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yieldsfocus
2018-09-03 06:03 am UTC (link)

[He feels as if he's been bowled over. He doesn't quite manage to say the words he knows he needs to say. They fumble out of him, quiet and pained.]

Someday, I won't...

[He can't finish the thought, can't actually say it. It occurs to him that he's never actually said it aloud. Someday, he won't be here. There will, eventually, be a time when Keith has to be without him.

He's the one to break eye contact then, clenching his eyes shut and ducking his head. When he breathes, it's a soft, pained breath-- like he's been punched in the gut and he's trying to catch his breath again. He doesn't let go of Keith's shoulders.

The words behind him start to fade once he's ducked his head, quiet and still for a moment. There's a brief moment of darkness. And then the new words form, brightening and brightening until it's almost blinding:

I don't want to die.]

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finds
2018-09-03 06:32 am UTC (link)

[Even just the start of what Shiro begins to say puts his hair on end, Keith's mouth going dry, almost opening to argue back. But then what shakes him into silence, what strikes him the most is the way Shiro looks when he's unable to continue. The way he all but breaks down in Keith's arms and -- they're both still in that momentary darkness, overwhelmed, unmoving.

He hears himself say Shiro's name again much softer, barely there.

Then the lights envelop them again, and Keith sees the next words. His eyes go so wide it's like he's seeing lights beyond those in front of him, both from the brightness of it all and the words themselves. His pupils have gone small and diamond-like from the intensity, and finally he has to shut his eyes too with a shuddering gasp, arms shifting around Shiro and pulling him back into him, this time much more gently, one hand resting on the back of his neck. He can't speak again yet even if he wanted to but he's sure as fuck going to hold you. That's a goddamn good thing, okay?]

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yieldsfocus
2018-09-03 06:37 am UTC (link)

[He takes a shaky, barely there breath and lets Keith pull him in close without protest, just sinking in against him weakly, his entire body shivering as he drops his hands from Keith's shoulders only to wrap them around him, holding him close, ducking down against him to press his face up against his neck. He manages a small, breathless whisper of Keith's name and nothing else.]

[He doesn't cry, because of course he's not going to let himself, but everything about him in this moment looks and feels too fragile-- like it'd only take one more push to knock him over that edge. He pulls some comfort, at least, in the way Keith holds him. He feels safe, despite feeling like he's about to shake apart.]

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finds
2018-09-03 06:51 am UTC (link)

[Keith knows he's pushing that edge too, feels the water in his eyes even though it never spills over, even though his breathing is shaking like he might as well have been sobbing this entire time. It's strange to feel that building upset threatening to spill over and hold it back by the sheer weight of every other instance in the past few years that has tried to throw Keith over that edge and been denied.

So instead, he tries to calm himself, focuses on Shiro, as his hand absently starts shifting along his neck and the end tips of his hair, not daring to say words even as they start to come together again in his mind. So much he wants Shiro to know, and so much that could undo them both.

Behind Keith this time, the lights try it for him: No matter what happens, I need you.]

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yieldsfocus
2018-09-03 06:57 am UTC (link)

[The light is bright enough to draw him away from where he's pressed his face against Keith, blinking his eyes open and kind of... just looking at the words. At first he doesn't quite react, aside from his breathing shifting, almost like he's observing it from an objective standpoint.]

[There's a lot he could say in response but he feels too emotionally exhausted already, too wrung out, too vulnerable. He lifts a hand instead, maybe not fully aware he's doing so, to curl gently into Keith's hair, cradling the back of his head as he straightens a little, pressing his forehead against Keith's temple, mouth close to his ear so he can speak to him low, his voice shaky and quiet, tentative.]

Keith...

[Part of him thinks, no, Keith doesn't need him anymore. Not really. That same part of him that hates the thought of leaving him alone someday but knowing he'll be amazing, no matter what. But the other part of him-- that smaller, quieter part of him that feels a small sliver of hope despite how badly he tries to squash it down... that part of him feels reassured. It's nice to be needed, after all.]

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finds
2018-09-03 07:18 am UTC (link)

[The proximity when he speaks definitely makes Keith shiver, and he opens his again eyes too - it's like seeing stars, blots of light at the edge of his vision, everything a little out of focus and overwhelming. But Shiro is real and right here and what else matters really?]

I'm always... [Oh, his voice sounds wrecked- stopping a moment, trying to make his tone quieter and a little more normal before trying again.] Your life will always be worth living, and worth saving to me. But whatever I want, or feel or need - it should first be worth it to you too.

[He sighs out, slowly, doesn't stop holding him.] It's okay to want to live, Shiro. More than.

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yieldsfocus
2018-09-03 07:27 am UTC (link)

[He can't speak for a moment, too overwhelmed by that declaration. He feels like he's actually forgotten how to breathe, and his hold on Keith's hair tightens, as if afraid he'll pull away or disappear. He closes his eyes for a moment, trying to steady himself-- just focusing on Keith, the feel of his hair in his hand, the sound of his voice, the heat of his body next to him. When he does manage to breathe out a small sigh, it rattles out of him-- quiet and shaky.]

I want... [So much more than that. But that, too, feels like too much to admit. He's already upset him enough as it is.]

I don't... know what I'd do, if you got hurt because you were busy saving me. [If you got hurt, or worse. He'd never be able to forgive himself.]

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finds
2018-09-03 07:49 am UTC (link)

[Oh. It's not actually a surprising thing to hear all things together but Keith stills for a moment, that winded feeling in his chest again. He doesn't say anything right away at that, frowning. It's a concern he ultimately really does understand if only because he knows Shiro, has seen what it was like for him to watch others lose their lives in such efforts.]

I know that. I... [Keith wouldn't even think twice to take the risk anyway, but.] That isn't ever what I'm setting out to do.

Shiro, I've already lost you enough. [Once was too much, much less twice or--] I can't- I won't just do nothing, if it's in my power to make sure you're safe.

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yieldsfocus
2018-09-03 07:59 am UTC (link)

[His breath hitches and he goes very still and very quiet as he listens, as he processes that as he-- feels like something breaks apart inside of him, an impossible ache.]

Oh, Keith...

[He trails off, unable to summon up anything else to say for a moment. He feels winded, like he's been kicked in the chest. He can tell his hands are shaking even as he pulls his fingers gently through his hair, touches the back of his neck for some sort of tether, staying close to him like that. The guilt, of course, is there-- he can't help it. But also something warmer, something gentler-- it almost makes his expression soften as he looks at him.]

... You wouldn't be you, if you weren't doing everything you can. [He knows that much. He loves you for it, even as it breaks his heart.]

[Behind him, words flare up once more, two sentences stacked on top of each other. First, You deserve someone better than me. And second, I want to always stay by your side.]

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finds
2018-09-03 08:06 am UTC (link)

[It really shouldn't make his breath catch to see more phrases around them, but something in Keith's frown deepens at those words. He holds Shiro closer, almost on instinct alone until it settles to something both comforting and protective and... also wanting all at once. He wants that too, so badly. How could Shiro of all people be the one to feel like he doesn't deserve him? It seems all wrong to Keith somehow.]

Shiro...

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yieldsfocus
2018-09-03 08:11 am UTC (link)

[He glances a little over his shoulder this time to see what, exactly, the world is telling Keith about his thoughts. He reads the words slowly before turning back to Keith with a sigh. The hand at the back of his neck shifts, moving to rub slow, gentle circles with his thumb over the back of Keith's neck.]

I... need you, too, you know. More than you'll ever know.

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finds
2018-09-03 08:19 am UTC (link)

I-

[It's a lot to think of how far and how much they've been through to reach this point. To both come face to face with how much they need each other, or at least the starting inkling of it. A torrent of the full extent of that need and want lies in wait over them both.]

Then isn't that reason enough? I want it too, Shiro. I want so much for us to stay by each other's sides. [It can't be anyone else but you.]

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	yieldsfocus 2018-09-03 08:26 am UTC (link)
	[He's quiet for a long moment, overwhelmed at Keith's words, the way he says it, the way he looks. Shiro, in turn, looks at Keith with open, undisguised longing again-- couldn't hide it even if he wanted to. But there's that fear, too, despite himself-- a look that's likely very similar to that night of the storm.] Keith... (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

finds
2018-09-03 08:51 am UTC (link)

[He hasn't forgotten that day for a moment, and the look is a reminder again, striking but maybe this time he can't find it in him to scramble away like he did then. He does lower his gaze like it's an apology, "knowing" he shouldn't push it, but he doesn't pull away from him either, curling into Shiro a little. Now isn't the time to make this about his stupid feelings, when Shiro has enough to deal with, but all the same, he just wants to convey to him how much he cares.]

Always wanted to stay in your life. To follow after you and one day walk beside you. That's still true now. It's-- [It doesn't matter how, he tries to tell himself.]

[The words around them all disappear and plunge them into darkness, cutting him off just then. Maybe Keith won't outright say the, but an impossibly bright light that suddenly appears around them both takes matters, and Keith's words, into its own hands:

I want this in whatever way I can have it, if I can stay with him.]

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yieldsfocus
2018-09-03 09:03 am UTC (link)

[Something painful twists up in his chest when Keith looks down, but he says nothing as Keith speaks, hanging on his words-- terrified and hopeful at once. When they're suddenly plunged into darkness, a helpless shiver runs down his spine, his thoughts all jumbled up, his eyes on Keith even in the darkness, not daring to look away.]

[The words, though. When they emerge, bright enough to almost make him flinch, closing his eyes against them, it's enough to steal Shiro's breath away. No, he's-- he's been telling himself, over and over, that he's misinterpreting Keith, that it's-- not the way it seems. But it's difficult to explain away that phrasing. He's silent for a moment, totally still, his thoughts racing-- thinking back on countless conversations, interactions, moments between them in the last months here. Those moments outside this place, too.]

Keith... [He says his name helplessly, quietly. Desperate.] Do you...

[But he can't ask that-- can't force Keith to say something, for starters. Doesn't know if he can handle the answer-- what could be more difficult: that he's right. Or that he's wrong.]

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finds
2018-09-03 09:27 am UTC (link)

[It's like time stops. When they're standing in silence and the cover of darkness, he suddenly realizes or maybe senses before it happens that he's not going to be able to take the way out this time. After all, it dragged something out of Shiro that he never would have admitted to Keith otherwise. So when the words surround then both, when the light returns, Keith looks at it long enough to read his own thoughts looking back at him (wide-eyed, still, surprised at being laid bare this way) and then he closes his eyes. He pulls away, maybe not entirely but enough that there's a bit of a distance when he looks back up at Shiro with pained but honest eyes.

Even if Shiro doesn't finish the question, the only way he could walk away from this now is by outright lying in some way and that's the one thing Keith refuses to do. He faces this head on as anything else, even as his entire body suddenly feels like he's trembling. He wondered all this time how much Shiro had understood before. Maybe in the end... It has to come from Keith himself now.

At first the only thing he gives is a nod, resigned, admitting but then- his voice is soft and rough at once.]

Shiro.

[He feels everything caught in his throat and still. And still.] Shiro, I-

Yes. That's the reason why. That's always been... [Fuck, he never wanted to push this on you and it almost sounds like an apology and something he suddenly desperately needs to convey.] I love you.

[It happens at the same time as the words change again, the last time this will be a secret: I've loved him almost as long as I've known him. I can't tell him.]

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yieldsfocus
2018-09-03 09:42 am UTC (link)

[He thought he was prepared, that he'd braced himself for whatever the answer would be. But he realizes, in the moment after Keith actually says it and the words burst out glowing, too, that he actually expected Keith to tell him he was wrong, that he was mistaken, that there was no way--

Oh, no. He wasn't prepared at all, as likely evidenced by the fact that his eyes go wide and he looks. utterly shell-shocked. He can't even speak, although his mouth opens as if he's going to try.

He realizes, too, a moment later that he's shaking, trembling just like Keith. He doesn't know what to do, his entire brain short-circuited the moment Keith stepped away from him. Even as he processes the words, his brain tries to justify it, tries to explain the reasons why he's misunderstanding-- he doesn't mean it like that, perhaps, or--

But the words stop any train of thought. As long as I've known him. That pushes up against-- everything he knows. His breath comes rattling out of him, shaky and exposed. He reaches out, almost blindly, to grasp Keith's shoulders-- to keep him there, as if terrified that he'll pull away completely, disappear into the surrounding dark. Even like that, his hands are shaking.]

You-- [when he finds his voice again, it's something quiet, threadbare, overwhelmed. It takes him a moment to find the words-- and when he does, they aren't what he means to say, but it comes out breathless, a disbelieving question:] You love me?

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finds
2018-09-03 09:55 am UTC (link)

[He can probably feel how much Keith is trembling just from the touch on his shoulder, not shifting his eyes away even though he looks like he'll completely lose his nerve and break away at any moment. As it is, his mouth is dry again, uncertain but - it's there, and he can't, won't take it back. He nods again, and even though everything about his demeanor and even his tone of voice should be wavering or unsure... when he speaks it again, there's the pure unfiltered truth of it to carry the words and really drive it home.]

... Yes.

I'm in love with you. [He didn't bother to read when the words last changed, so this just kind of unintentionally solidifies it:] I have been, for... a long time.

I'm sorry.

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yieldsfocus
2018-09-03 10:11 am UTC (link)

[His hands, trembling, tighten their hold at that, and then he just goes still, utterly silent, still wide-eyed as he looks at him, as he reorders everything he's been telling himself. Oh. Oh.

Something settles over him, in waves-- first, a shiver runs down his spine, a terrified certainty that he still, somehow, has to be mistaken. But that's soon overpowered, overwhelmingly overpowered, by a quiet feeling of joy. That small little flicker of hope in his chest sparks and warms him all over. Oh.]

Sorry? [The word makes no sense.] Keith, no. No, don't be--

[Keith's secret still shines but more start building, all around Shiro, all at once. They arrive in a flurry, almost stumbling into each other and making it impossible to read--

I'm terrified you love me back. I'm still scared of losing everything. I’m not worth saving. I'm not worth it. I don't deserve you. You deserve someone better. I'm afraid of being alone. So often I don't feel like myself--

I'm a monster.

I'm broken.

I'm broken.

I'm broken.

I'm broken.

No, no, he did it all wrong. He did it all wrong, the first thing he should have said, the first damn thing he should have said-- He hardly notices the secrets swirling around him, too busy looking at Keith, terrified for a moment and then... and then just feeling a reassuring calm. Oh. Keith loves him, too. Suddenly, nothing else matters-- and the secrets around him dim as quickly as they emerged.]

I love you, too.

[And all those sentences, then, fall away, or seem to converge into one phrase. Like with Keith, a secret that will never be a secret again: I have never loved anyone the way I love you.]

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finds
2018-09-03 10:30 am UTC (link)

[Whatever he was about to say to Shiro, probably some insistence that he doesn't have to comfort him, not about this, that he just wants-- well, it doesn't matter because the fresh whirl of words everywhere catch him so off guard when it happens that he can't say anything. It goes so fast he doesn't know where to begin to process them right away, some of the words bringing a fresh wave of confusion, but also pain to think Shiro could feel like he's -

Broken? That one stands out the most, so vividly that the concern is clear in Keith's eyes, starting to step back towards Shiro even as Shiro himself seems to ignore it all. And again, before Keith can even ask or say anything or try to do something at all... That's when he hears what Shiro actually says and suddenly he just stops completely. All the attention he was paying to the words everywhere seems to serve him into settling over that final phrase in absolute shock.

His eyes are still wide, only for a completely different reason now. It's clear to see where Keith's lips part to ask "what?" but the sound doesn't quite come out, can't somehow, stuck just staring up at Shiro, his turn for utter disbelief.]

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yieldsfocus
2018-09-03 10:38 am UTC (link)

[Saying it out loud-- a weight lifts off his chest. He's never actually said it aloud before, not even to himself, no matter how deeply he felt it, how much he knew it was the truth.]

[He lifts his hands from Keith's shoulders, but only so he can cup his face-- his touch tentative, unsure, as if afraid that Keith will pull away, that even now he'll somehow be mistaken. He's nodding to Keith's unspoken question, wanting to soothe away the shock on his face.]

You-- [can it really be so surprising, he wonders. He thought he was obvious, painfully obvious.] I love you, Keith. So much. How could I not?